Massive Layoffs At AOL 565
JLavezzo writes "Several news sites are reporting that the United States' largest ISP has laid off 750 employees. My sources at AOL put the actual number at approximately 950 regular employees and 300 contractors from various departments including new technology and marketing. The contractors aren't mentioned by the news outlets. Severance packages are known to include up to four months pay and keeping laid off employees on the AOL payroll through February (to retain health insurance). With most of the layoffs coming from the Northern Virginia offices, what are their hopes for finding new jobs?"
"Massive"? Kids these days. (Score:5, Funny)
Bah, you kids. Back in my day (2000), we didn't feel right about going to lunch unless we'd shitcanned at least 1000 people by then. And two months on the payroll plus four months of severence? Bah! Back in my day you were lucky if you didn't have any personal possessions in the building when it was locked and the contents auctioned off on behalf of angry creditors.
We *knew* how to make employees feel worthless. Layoffs via SMS! Contracted goons standing in the office in case they went postal! Taking away their razor scooters!
Now get off my lawn, you damn kids.
Obligatory Slogan Reference (Score:5, Funny)
750 is massive? (Score:3, Funny)
Besides, hasn't anybody of worth left already?
The layoff letter: (Score:-1, Funny)
boo (Score:5, Funny)
New AOL Message (Score:4, Funny)
Breaking News.... (Score:5, Funny)
New commercials? (Score:3, Funny)
But with AOL on their resume.... (Score:5, Funny)
Manager: "So do you have any customer service experience?"
AOL Scab: "Well, I worked tech support at AOL for 2 years."
Manager: "We only hire people who will fuck up small stuff. We can't handle AOL sized crap here"
As an interesting side note.. (Score:5, Funny)
Speaking of "welcome to 2000" (Score:5, Funny)
See, that's why I've been honing my aggresive driving, sword-fighting and other misc. pizza-delivery skills: Jobs that can be done overseas will be done overseas.
In related news (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Obligatory Slogan Reference (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Massive"? Kids these days. (Score:5, Funny)
So you worked for Acclaim, I gather?
Re:750 is massive? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Getting New Jobs (Score:1, Funny)
Severance? (Score:2, Funny)
Woo hoo!
Re:Ok (Score:3, Funny)
Have you been watching Fox News again?
Project for the New American Century (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Chances for Jobs (Score:5, Funny)
Intriguing.
here's a suggestion for them.. (Score:3, Funny)
what are their hopes for finding new jobs?
I recommend they print up millions of copies of their resumes and mail them out to everyone in the United States. If they play their cards right, they should be able to get computer manufacturers to place an icon for their resume on the desktop of every computer sold. They should also cut deals with publishers to include their resumes bundled with mainstream consumer magazines. They should print their resumes on non-biodegradable media so that someone will start a website called "NoMoreAOLResumes".
Appropriate plug [nomoreaolcds.com] for above reference.
Re:"Massive"? Kids these days. (Score:1, Funny)
New Commercial (Score:2, Funny)
Burger King Manager: Which ones?
Burger King Grunt: [pointing out window] All of them!
Drug tests! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:FC link (Score:3, Funny)
The poster was very kind to refer to it as FC...
Re:Ok (Score:3, Funny)
(Sarcasm)
But it was America's duty to do their share after 9/11 and shop! To not consume was to be un-american!
What we have is short-sightedness.
Has to be said... (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Tech jobs in Northern Virginia ?? (Score:2, Funny)
What's that in the Imperial System again? I always screw up these conversions
...divide by 1.6 then carry the one...