* carnet

* List of vaccinations (check to see what I'm missing) - appt. 6/1

* Start selling everything on eBay - gornzilla

* Learn to change tubes/tires on old Italian motorcycles

* water purification device? Maybe wait until Japan to find one.

* Download & fiddle with movable type. no, find some other movable type device

* flash card to cd w/o computer. man, what a pain in the ass to find.

* buy used Aerostitch suit

* helmet with a flip-top face

Well, I've seen Trekkies 2. It's nice seeing myself on 12 feet tall on a giant screen. By "nice" I mean horrifying. I always thought I sounded more like Mr. T and not Mike Tyson, but I was horribly wrong about that.

I'm trying to hunt down a good cheap textile motorcycle jacket and pants. I don't want to try the rtw tour in leathers. I don't want to get sued by Mad Max for copyright infringement. Got any?

I also need an MSR wisperlight international stove and a good 2 person tent. Oh and a good set of tire spoons.

Marshmallow Peeps - Peep Off VIII - 2004

http://peeps.nokilli.com/

The Official Dennis Gross Memorial Sacramento Peep Off!

I'm not Just Born, I'm the 2nd Coming. This years Peep Off is held, like usual, on the 1st Saturday after Easter. Saturday, April 17th. I say I'll start it at 2pm (but it'll probably start at 3pm). I'll at least have the BBQ going at 2pm. And sadly, once again, it'll be at my place in lovely midtown Sacramento (basically 19th & Capitol). Call any time day or night: 916/447-4528. Oh, and though I love giving interviews, I won't be interviewed by any Sacramento area media chumps. I don't want the Peep Off to get so huge I need permits.

Holy Christ on a crutch, this is the 8th Peep Off in a row. I'm not sure if I'll be in the USA next year though, so someone might have to cover for me. I'd like it to be held in the Sacramento Grid, but if I'm not around, how can I be picky?

This year, I'll be making some wasabi ice cream and there will be chocolate peep fondue. Some guy from New York said he's flying out to do a documentary. Don't forget to bring a diorama! Costumes are nice, too! Oh, and I'm getting hitched to Donna so I'll have medical insurance for when I try to ride round the world on a motorcycle later this year. If I get croaked, the insurance will pay off her house, so she should be wishing for my death.

Please send this around to people who might be interested.

Thanks,

--Archbishop Dave Smith

Well alrighty then, April is the busy month at the monkey lab so that shouldn't be fun. At least I'll get a monthly check that's good for $250 an hour. That's the standard US wages for hosing monkey shit you know.

and zombie monkeys...

A couple months ago, the night dj on KDVS (www.kdvs.org) was playing movie soundtracks. Around 3am she played "the Hunt" from Planet of the Apes. It's the part when the apes are chasing Bright Eyes through the corn. Although in that part I suppose Heston's name would still be Taylor. I turned up the truck radio really loud hoping the outside monkeys would take the hint and uprise. That didn't work, so I called her to complain. She played part of the theme from Escape from the Planet of the Apes, but the monkeys didn't do anything for that one. I think there's defective monkeys there.

Last night, I kept screaming at the monkeys "Tetsuo!!!", which, as everyone knows, is an Akira reference. Still nothing, although I hope Akira makes his presence known and Kaneda will try to stop Tetsuo's manic rise to power (again). I'm sure Tetsuo is secretly kept at the secret monkey compound in a secret chamber. Probably in the buzzing brain room.

It's like my secret peek at PETA (or MST3K) because there's a bunch of depressed monkeys with giant implants glued into their brains through their skulls to measure brain waves. I wear a tinfoil hat when I go into that room. Something about the air pressure in that room makes the door buzz, so you walk in that hallway and you hear "Bzzzz" and the monkeys try their secret monkey voodoo mumbo-jumbo to bend spoons and predict the future (George Clooney marries Rosemary Clooney). I haven't seen Kaneda since I've been working there (only since April 2003) probably because he's secretive.

Actually, I know there are defective monkeys there, because they never laugh at my Superman/Christopher Reeve jokes. I know that if they just thought the jokes were insensitive, they'd just complain (which actually means "throw poo at me"). And so far, after 9 1/2 months, no monkey poo has been thrown on me. Although a monkey peed on me, but that was because I insulted his mother.

I've been playing Resident Evil Veronica X so instead of driving around the monkey compound listening to punk rock and washing monkey shit out of cages, I'll start freaking out about zombie monkeys coming to eat me.

Ah, a +5 funny for saying I have a 5 year old. Now, to go kidnap me a 5 year old so I don't disappoint anyone on slashdot...

Saturday, Nov. 1st at the Distillery (on L between 22nd & 21st). I think it's 5 bucks. Come up the guy in the green lizard suit and say you read about this on slashdot and he'll buy you a drink.

It's with The Trouble Makers and The Pumpkinseeds. The Pumpkinseeds play 80s metal with spandex and long hair wigs. They're pretty funny even if you didn't go through a metal phase (like me).

Well alrighty then, I'll try to talk like a human being. That's since the complaints about my last comment. No, I'm just kidding. No one on slashdot cares about 1980s Sacramento level punk rock. No wait (pun)k rock. Okay, go with that one, willya?

Here's the article about our show filmed for Trekkies 2.

The comments in the Warp 11 board were pretty good after the shows. The manager was pissed that we had more pictures on the Trekkies site. Dang, it's a Star Trek band. Who the hell cares about stuff like that? It's just a joke.

I don't know if anyone reads this, but here's some show info.

No Kill I, No Kill I: The Next Generation, No Kill I: Deep Space 9, Stovokor (Klingon metal band from Portland) and Klingon Karaoke are playing on July 26th at Capitol Garage in Sacramento. We're being filmed for Trekkies 2. You should show up. Or swing by the house before the show for beer.

So an old Ducati racer/restorer looked at the pictures and said "those aren't Ducati jelly mold tanks, they're from a European Benelli Riverside". Ah great.

I asked the guy I bought the bike from at Avalanche Global Inc (http://avalancheglobalinc.com/) for a refund and he told me to piss up a rope. If you were thinking about getting a minibike or a scooter from them, watch out.

In person they were Ducati tanks, but now in email they're Benelli tanks.

So I picked up an old Duc. I paid way too much for it. Actually it's a fair price, but I shouldn't have bought it. It's got 2 jelly mold tanks which is what got me into this whole thing to begin with. If you don't know what I'm talking about google up "ducati elite".

So now I'll build an Elite replica which is what I wanted and why this whole thing was started. It's a 250, and also came with clip-ons. It's got forks from a newer Japanese bike though, which look nice and will handle better than old Eyetalian forks, but I'll get rid of them for original type stuff.

And I got a job working with monkeys, so that's always good. Everyone loves a monkey job.

Here's my rough plan: I pick up the bike in Sydney, Australia in Sept. of 2004 and make it to New Zealand. Then back to Australia, because I want to circle the continent, and ride to the center to Ayers Rock.

Then it's the New Guinea, the Philipines, Kuala Lampur, Cambodia, Vietnam, and Japan.

And somehow to China, Burma, Bangledesh, India, and Pakistan. From there, I'll probably have to take another ship to UAE, Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Syria, Turkey and then go through most of Europe.

Then back down to Africa. Probably Italy to Tunisia. Algeria, Lybia, Egypt, Sudan. I'm not sure what's going on on that coast, but somehow I'll go south. I'd like to go to Madagascar, and then back over to Africa and work my way down to South Africa. Then it's back up through the other coast until I take a ship to Brazil.

Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Bolivia, Peru, Columbia, Panama, Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Belize, then Mexico.

And then back to the US where I'll check slashdot and catch up on my goatse.cx, in Soviet Union, and PROFIT! jokes.

Alrighty then, I'm going to buy another small Ducatic single so I'll learn how to work on them before I go. I've found a cheap one in Colorado for $100, so I guess I'll be renting a truck sometime soon.

Howdy,

I'm going to ride around the world on a small motorcycle. Probably leaving Sept. 2004. I'm going to bring a laptop (powerbook g3) and a digital camera. Does anyone have any suggestions for me? How about a floor I can sleep on?

I'll be keeping a log (with pictures!) on my site.