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Brunching Shuttlecocks' Findings on Microsoft Case 83

Quite a number of people recently, includingWrexSoul wrote to say "Are you tired of waiting for the judge's findings-of-law in the Microsoft case? There's a Mad Libs-like toy on Brunching Shuttlecocks where you can have some automatically generated for you by a pack of disgruntled Keebler Elves. " Boy, I sure am *verb* about *subject*
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Brunching Shuttlecocks' Findings on Microsoft Case

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  • Well it was funny for the first 5 ad-lib response posts. *Yawns and wonders if tomorrow there will be 600 posts of peoples' adlib responses and wonders if anyone will read them*

    (-5 Commentary from bitter y2k programmer)
  • Here are some suggested improvements to your code posting which you may or may not wish to consider:
    • You're using global variables.
    • You forgot to use strict.
    • You used the evil cgi-lib.pl library instead of the standard CGI.pm module.
    • You assume that that library will be in whatever directory you're currently executing in rather than in the standard site_lib @INC path.
    • You used symbolic references and exposed your internal namespace to external mucking with.
    • You forgot to employ the -w flag or the use warnings compiler pragma.
    • You forgot to use the -T flag for taint checking.
    • You have either a bug in the template path handling, or else a horrible security hole just waiting to happen. What about someone specifying /etc/passwd as their file?
    • Your indentation is hosed. Run code you want to post to Slashdot through this program [slashdot.org] before posting. It is a work-around for the illegality of a <PRE> tag.
    • Finally, why is this a CGI script instead of a regular tool?
  • here's a link to my madlib.. [brunching.com] text below

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's hos have conveyed to every bitch with the potential to slut around in the cunt industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, microlegend, Compaq, performance technologies, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense cocks to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's slimy products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such asses and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and mouths that exhibit the potential to suck Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly eat consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not chew with Microsoft's pubic hair.

  • Here is mine! :)

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's emacs have conveyed to every vi with the potential to grep in the pine industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Red Hat, Compaq, Slashdot, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense *NIXs to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's gnu products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such linux and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and less that exhibit the potential to sed Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly awk consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not perl with Microsoft's tail.

  • Syntax errors in program code are easily caught by the compiler and are therefore of scant consequence. Errors in the underlying logic are far more insidious, and therefore far more dangerous.

    So, too, in prose. A simple typo is no big deal. But incorrect reasoning is something to be always wary of.

  • Very much so :-)

    "Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's Boys have conveyed to every Weapon with the potential to Shoot in the Saskatchewan industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Dell, Compaq, Compaq, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense Girls to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's Super products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such Dogs and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and Hermaphrodites that exhibit the potential to Fuck Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly benefit Pigs never occur for the sole reason that they do not Fly with Microsoft's Dave."
    ---
  • Very much so:


    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's shoes have conveyed to every hair with the potential to smite in the crap industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Microsoft, Compaq, Oracle, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense socks to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's gay products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such knives and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and guns that exhibit the potential to shoot Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly benefit porn never occur for the sole reason that they do not strike with Microsoft's belly.
  • wow... that's so cool... programming lesson from Tom Christiansen... slashdot rules.
  • Yes, but in this case it was a grammar (I guess that would be logic in programming terms) error. awk s/foo/bar/g is not a typo and doesn't make sense.

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's helicopters have conveyed to every goose with the potential to kill in the truck industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Pampers, Compaq, Coca-Cola, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense hand-grenades to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's crazy products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such skateboarders and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and snowmobiles that exhibit the potential to chase Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly benefit dogs never occur for the sole reason that they do not fly with Microsoft's house.
  • Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's thieves have conveyed to every goiter with the potential to combust in the cup industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Caldera, Compaq, Advanced Micro Devices, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense mice to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's flatulent products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such cars and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and dictionaries that exhibit the potential to plunder Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly benefit ledgers never occur for the sole reason that they do not sit with Microsoft's fan.

    Pretty much sums it up, too.

  • ... or at least I tried to put words that a non-spanish speaker would understand :)

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's tacos have conveyed to every enchilada with the potential to mambo in the guacamole industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Taco Bell, Compaq, Univision, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense fajitas to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's macho products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such burritos and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and gringos that exhibit the potential to "vive la vida loca" Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly macarena consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not tango with Microsoft's tequila.
  • Just write a template file, decide on left and right delimiters, and then call the script from a form like this:


    script.pl?template=TEMPLATE_FILE_PATH&delim_l=*& delim_r=*&noun1=NOUN1&adj1=ADJ1&...





    #!/usr/bin/perl

    require './cgi-lib.pl';

    &ReadParse \(%f = ());
    for (keys %f) {
    $$_ = $f{$_};
    }

    while (<$template>) {
    s{ $delim_l ([\d | \w] +) $delim_r }{ $$1 }egix;
    print;
    }

    exit;
  • Actually it would be "I sure and *adverb* about *subject*" Since the first blank is describing how he IS and last time I check to be was a verb.
    No, that's not correct; to be is a copulative verb, also known as a linking verb. Therefore, its predicate complement is not an adverb, but either a noun (or pronoun) or an adjective. Think of a copulative verb as though it were an equals sign. Another similar verb is to become. One cannot *become happily , although one can become happy , and one can become a new person .

    You can read more about this in the Elements of Language Manual [sgc.edu].

  • Calm down, Tom... this was a five-minute hack, and more importantly, intended only as an example: the idea was that anyone who actually bothered to base an actual foo-generator on this script would know his way around Perl, and would do all these things himself. Yes, I know I should use my(), strict, -w, -T, do the right thing with the require(), fix security holes, et cetera ad nauseam. I do all these things when I go write a /real/ script, one that I actually intend to use (more than once, that is). I'm not a complete idiot, I'm not a clueless newbie. I'm sorry if my code wasn't a paradigm of Perl programming, and I'm sorry if any newbies out there thought code like this was considered production-quality. I bow down to thee, O Almighty Tom.

    "Finally, why is this a CGI script instead of a regular tool?" Because it was posted in reply to a story about... a CGI script. Of course, making it into a general-purpose script is trivial.

    See ya, Tom!
  • my company's corporate mission statement.
  • A bit of advice: "Remind people who make a big deal about proper grammar and punctuation that, while e e cummings is famous, they're not."
  • I wasn't trying to flame. If I were, I'm sure you would have realized it viscerally. :-) As I said, it was a take it or leave it kind of thing.

    Oh, and NO GROVELLING! :-)

  • No shit. As I said, it's a verb. O.K., more precisely, it's a verb phrase in the present progressive tense, containing two auxiliary verbs, as you point out--but a verb phrase is still a verb. So Hemos can be *verb* about *subject* (well, O.K., gramatically he can be *verb* only about object*, but I'm pretty sure he meant "subject" in the sense of "topic" in this case).

    So there. :P

    Vovida, OS VoIP
    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • yes and all those programs used in the 1970s were not meant to last all the way into 2000 and hence are the main Y2K culprits. Program properly because you never know who is gonna do what with your program ;)
  • This is a specious and misleading argument.

    e. e. cummings did not blithely violate the rules of English prose--he carefully and lovingly transcended the conventional forms of poetry as they existed in his day.

    Read some of his early work (or even something like "all in green went my love riding" that, apart from the capitalisation, is more or less standard English) to get a sense of what I mean.

    Think of Jackson Pollock, Piet Mondrian, Picasso, and others: their early work shows an astonishing command of the medium, and they worked very hard to get to the places they ended up. Don't delude yourself into thinking you could have been as famous as Pollock if you'd suddenly appeared out of nowhere in 1950 and dumped paint from buckets onto whatever flat surface you saw.

    spawn_of_yog_sothoth
  • by Anonymous Coward
    How about "I sure am *adjective* about *subject*"?
  • This is entirely too much fun!

    "Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's Ass Holes have conveyed to every Jerk with the potential to Fornicate in the Moose industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, MicroSucks, Compaq, Compaq, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense Weasles to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's Hairy products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such Boneheads and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and Necrophiles that exhibit the potential to contemplate Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly speculate consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not defrag with Microsoft's bicycle."
    --
    Una piccola canzone, un piccolo ballo, poco seltzer giù i vostri pantaloni.

  • by Anonymous Coward
    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's grits have conveyed to every underwear with the potential to pour in the pants industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, andover.net, Compaq, Red Hat, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense trolls to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's hot products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such geeks and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and girls that exhibit the potential to petrify Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly squirt consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not strip with Microsoft's Natelie Portman.
  • I have only this [uiuc.edu] to say about Hemos and his lousy Slashdot [uiuc.edu] story.

    Regards, Ralph.

  • A few parsing problems, but funny nonetheless...

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's hippies have conveyed to every car with the potential to fuck in the dog industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Dell, Compaq, McDonald's, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense asteroids to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's throbbing products.
    Microsoft's past success in hurting such socks and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and fax machines that exhibit the potential to hurl Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly emote consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not dangle with Microsoft's alludium q36 explosive space modulator.
  • It seems we all like to put Microsoft as one of those companies.

    God how many of these are we going to see??? Ok, I'm a hypocrite, so here's mine.

    "Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's losers have conveyed to every Anonymous Coward with the
    potential to smack in the Internet industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Slashdot, Compaq, Microsoft, and
    others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense bunnies to harm any firm
    that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's geeky products.
    Microsoft's past success in hurting such Trolls and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and nerds that
    exhibit the potential to slash dot effect Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly crash
    consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not reboot with Microsoft's First Post.
    "

    Steven Rostedt
  • Kinda reminds me of a program a friend of mine wrote back in the early 80's to generate his D&D dungeons.

    Nothing quite so funny as watching players to trying to find rhyme or reason in the dungeon layout/content.

    Keeping his secret was well worth the entertainment.
  • by EricWright ( 16803 ) on Monday December 20, 1999 @02:39AM (#1459925) Journal
    (This is only slightly offtopic...)

    Another of their random-(foo) generators is the Alanis Morrisette song generator... you supply a noun that is something you hate, six related plural nouns, your favorite color and poet, and the name of a former SO... this one is dedicated to all the /. readers out there (btw, this was my only attempt at this):

    "I Think"

    I Think AOLamers are really a huge problem
    I Think jerks are too much on my mind
    I Think spammers have got a lot to do with why the world sucks
    But what can you do?

    Like a green rain, beating down on me
    Like a Robert Frost line, which won't let go of my brain
    Like Mary's ass, it is in my head
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM

    I Think trolls are gonna drive us all crazy
    And slashdot readers make me feel like a child
    I Think hackers will eventually be the downfall of civilization
    But what can you do? I said what can you do?

    Like a green rain, beating down on me
    Like a Robert Frost line, which won't let go of my brain
    Like Mary's ass, it is in my head
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM

    Like a green rain, beating down on me
    Like Mary's smile, cruel and cold
    Like Robert Frost's ass, it is in my head
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM
    Blame it on SPAM

    Probably copyright of the brunching shuttlecock guys, but you never know!

    Eric
  • For those who don't want to go through the whole thing, here's a nonsense words version [brunching.com]
    --
  • Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's cows have conveyed to every bull with the potential to eat in the mouse industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, microsoft, Compaq, netcrash, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense cows to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could
    intensify competition against one of
    Microsoft's new products. Microsoft's past
    success in hurting such beans and stifling
    innovation deters investment in technologies
    and bulls that exhibit the potential to buy
    Microsoft. The ultimate result is that
    some innovations that would truly sell
    consumers never occur for the sole reason
    that they do not kill with Microsoft's software.
  • Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's companies have conveyed to every geeks with the potential to smacked in the it professionals industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Novell, Compaq, Red Hat, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense nerds to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's intense products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such hackers and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and coders that exhibit the potential to thwack Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly blast consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not screw with Microsoft's people

  • "Boy, I sure am *verb* about *subject*"

    As in, "Boy, I sure am 'jump' about 'Hemos'"?
    Perhaps you mean "Boy, I sure am *adjective* about *object*"

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • ..can be found here [nationalgamereview.com] at National Game Review's site [www.nationalgamereview].
  • Very true. Now just change *subject* to *object* (since it is the object of the preposition 'about') and we've got something!
  • SHUTTLECOCK?!!?!? SHUTTLE---COCK?!??!?!?!!??

    ROFL! Mwahahahahah!!!



    Oh geez they'll NEVER take this seriously!!!
  • Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's weasels have conveyed to every seam with the potential to recognize in the armoir industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Hughbert's Hosiery, Compaq, Tractors R Us, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense diseases to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's bloated products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such bunions and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and traffic cones that exhibit the potential to slam Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly benefit internal organs never occur for the sole reason that they do not repress with Microsoft's fantastic bottom.
  • Gee I didn't know how abhorent you find python. BTW I followed you link and had no problems running either version of formatter, and yes perl was almost exactly 10 times faster.

    Since I know about as much perl as I do python, I feel qualified to say that I find python easier to read. I'm sorry but I don't find that regexp are really that quick and easy to read.
  • Quite right, but he can still be *verb* about *subject*. For example, he could be "laughing about this."

    Vovida, OS VoIP
    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • Do we want more Microsoft Law Suit stories?

    o No!
    o No! No! No!
    o Pants!

  • I thought this was pretty good.

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's boxes have conveyed to every radio with the potential to disembowl in the sportscar industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Amazon.com Inc., Compaq, Time Magazine Inc., and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense mice to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's lucid products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such knaves and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and wives that exhibit the potential to disguise Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly run consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not punch with Microsoft's stapler.

  • Allright, so why did that first one get moderated up, yet this one down?

    Is it just because it was posted by an AC?

    - Dr. E. -
  • since everyone else is posting their favorites, I guess I will too....

    "Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's Gods have conveyed to every House with the potential to fuck in the chocolate industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Warner Brothers, Compaq, Wal-Mart, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense cabinets to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's useless products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such windows and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and chairs that exhibit the potential to whip Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly run consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not bite with Microsoft's sign. "

    -----
  • Hemos - it's *adjective* about *noun*, a verb is a going word. :-)
    Right - pedantry over with. :-)
    I just got (with only minor tweaking from my first attempt):

    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's rabbits have conveyed to every rabbit with the potential to eat in the small tank industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, 3Com, Compaq, WalMart, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense guns to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's wonky products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such potatoes and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and marshmallows that exhibit the potential to run Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly gender-bend consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not wibble with Microsoft's hamper.

    God I am feeling weird today.
  • The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly confuse consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not sleep with Microsoft's God.
  • Yeah, that Stephen King... a real pauper... Ditto George Lucas, "doing language" never made him a red cent.

    (That's sarcasm, for those of you who don't "do language.")

  • | Don't mean to be a nit-pick, but it's probably
    | "Boy, I sure am *adverb* about *object*"

    Huh...like,

    "Boy, I sure am 'slowly' about 'books'"

    or

    "Boy, I sure am 'quietly' about 'trees'"

    ?

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • Yeah, if he made a grammar/syntax error in PERL code, everybody would be all over him.

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • by Alex Belits ( 437 ) on Monday December 20, 1999 @03:56AM (#1459962) Homepage
    Most harmful of all is the message that Microsoft's hax0rz have conveyed to every hax0r with the potential to 0wn in the skr1ptz industry. Through its conduct toward Netscape, Naked and Petrified Guy, Compaq, Anonymous Coward, and others, Microsoft has demonstrated that it will use its prodigious market power and immense 31337 to harm any firm that insists on pursuing initiatives that could intensify competition against one of Microsoft's lame products. Microsoft's past success in hurting such kiddiez and stifling innovation deters investment in technologies and sitez that exhibit the potential to r00t Microsoft. The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly suck consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not rule with Microsoft's lamer.
  • Hmmmm. Since I have the Shuttlecocks slashbox running, this story was in essence referenced twice on the Slashdot front page; that's got to count for something!

    Seriously though, this one was cute, but far from the best. Hell, they've even done better Microsoft jokes. I'd include the links, but work, firewall, lalala . . . you know the deal. If you get bored, dig through the archives, a full 70-80% of the stuff is fantastic, and the weekly ratings are halarious.
  • by Murmer ( 96505 )

    "The ultimate result is that some innovations that would truly suck consumers never occur for the sole reason that they do not spank with Microsoft's mouse."
    Urgh.

    --

  • Sure it was mildly amusing, but isn't this more fit for a quickie instead of a story all it's own. And speaking of the quickies, it's been quite a while since we've seen one.

Heuristics are bug ridden by definition. If they didn't have bugs, then they'd be algorithms.

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