Medium Rare Quickies 178
Let's start this off with some Microsoft parodies:
Polo pointed us to a version of office2000 that many Slashdotters might prefer to the Microsoft version.
Lexie (ask out CowboyNeal!) sent us a Microsoft Monopoly
that you probably won't see in stores.
G. Crisp sent us a Lego Penguin: proof that someone has both too much spare time, and too many legos.
An anonymous reader noted that you can get
AccuWeather®5-Day
Forecast for AREA 51. Forecast calls for black helecopters and Gillian Anderson.
witten sent us a random Jon Katz story generator called (not surprisingly)
Katzdot.
While we're on the subject of Slashdot, it's worth nothing that
ThinkGeek is now carrying new Slashdot T-Shirts. Of course personally I'd prefer the 'Kernel Panic' shot glasses, but then again, I've had a pretty long week.
dayeight sent us something that is pretty indescribible. It involves video games, but presumably it also involved some sort of illegal substances too. I think its a metaphor for something.
How about a few 'True Stories' to brighten up your day (no I'm not talking about zany Talking Heads movies). First
zentropy sent us what seems to be a true story about why sports and Taco Bell just don't mix.
An anonymous reader showed us a woman who is trying to get workers comp from her employer since she got
carpal tunnel... her job involves phones, but it wasn't dialing them that caused the *ahem* injury.
/. tees (Score:3)
Now, maybe it's just me, but if it doesn't COME with a back, then I'd like the option to be able to purchase one seperately, or at least bundled.
Sheesh, as bad as I felt when I bought my HP DeskJet and it didn't come with a printer cable, I'm glad I saw this one early. Or I'd be REALLY pissed.
Oh gawd, oh gawd, ouch (Score:1)
I was going to make a very snide remark about why does this story constitute news for nerds. But, then I thought about it and realized that I guess CmdrTaco thought that it was something that we could relate to.:-) I also why this was posted up Quickies?
Is that hair gel?
Nothing beats... (Score:2)
The Techno-Hellmouth Effect: First Blood
I made my whole office look at me when I laughed...
Re: Pronunciation of Linux (Score:1)
About the pronunciation, Linus has the definitive word [linux.org] on that, I'm sure.
Unrelated, I, too, have from time to time a mild form of RSI, which I always attributed to my work, combined with hobbying at home behind my own computer. Now I'm getting afraid, that would it come to real harm, I'll have to answer slightly embarrassing questions about my imaginary love-life. Pictures in my mind: "And, sir, how often would you say you resort to take matters in your own hand, eh?" and then getting my claim revoked. That does not bear thinking about.
Mazur
--
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages. -- Terry Pratchett in "Wyrd Sisters".
Re:Lego/Legos... (Score:2)
Strangely, this was the linguistic difference that I found most disturbing whilest living in America, although the crisps/chips/fries and tram/trolley/shopping-cart contortions were more confusing.
Re:at ThinkGeek.Com (on their mugs pages) (Score:1)
MARS pa. (Score:1)
Katzdot (Score:2)
--
grappler
Kernel-Panic shot glass? (Score:1)
Re:Another personal injury story. (Score:1)
LEGO Penguin (Score:1)
Lego my penguin!
sorta like Coppermine (Score:2)
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
Re:Y1K (Score:2)
You may think that it is much to early to think about it. It is impossible that 20th century programs would be used in the year 10000, right? Just like programs from the 70's would not be used in the year 2000...
Now do you see what I mean? We have to learn from our bidigit mistakes and make sure that 8000 years from now it will not happen again.
Re:dayeight (Score:1)
Katzdot.. (Score:1)
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
The Hellmouth: Roadmap to Success
Feature: The Internet
Why Do Troubled Teens Learn?
and my personal favorite
It's Time For TV
Maybe Katz could use these for inspiration.
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
Should Hackers Kill?
Can Anonymous Cowards Learn?
Online Microsoft Salvation: The WB
--GAck
Re:Y1K (Score:1)
Re:dayeight (Score:1)
-mike kania
Urban Legend? (Score:1)
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
you're not the only one... (Score:1)
http://billy.j.mabray/
Anybody get that lego penguin? (Score:1)
Zen
Re:Urban Legend? (Score:1)
TF
Some Katzdot gems... (Score:1)
High Schools: An Idea Whose Time Has Come
Can Post-Columbine TV Stop The Virtual 21st Century?
Can Students Learn?
OK, enough... now go read it yourself.
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:1)
Re: are you nuts? (Score:1)
RSI Injury (Score:2)
Re:Hmm... (Score:1)
Drop the Chalupa! (Score:1)
South Park: Model for Reality [nt] (Score:1)
at ThinkGeek.Com (on their mugs pages) (Score:1)
Potentially Dangerous T-Shirts Available! (Score:2)
The Black, X-Large, high quality T-shirts with 'Potentially Dangerous' on the front and 'Mostly Harmless' on the back in white letters are now available. E-mail sleffer@home.com to order one, they will cost 15$ and they won't be ordered until I have either 50 orders or it is dec 20th, so the more people want one the faster we'll all get them. It should take about 4 weeks after the orders come in for everyone to get their shirt. Make sure you include mailing information with your order, all shirts will be shipped COD.
Kintanon
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:2)
Hah! I mock you! I live about an hour away from them, I could visit the compound any time, if I could only FIND it....
Kintanon
(That is assuming the live where I think they do, ie the Baltimore-Washington area)
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:2)
Hackers - Experience It!
Kintanon
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:1)
Keep the cool designs coming.
Tux: I wanna (Score:1)
poor ad banner logic (Score:1)
wonder who's head is going to be rolling on the floor for that one?
kitchen
Re:Another personal injury story. (Score:1)
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:1)
I should be employed to find odd quickies.... (Score:1)
--Dayeight
--Waiting to get moderated into oblivion.
Office 2000 (Score:1)
PS: Bill Gates seems to be $10G compliant
PPS: A similar problem is the B100B problem. Right now McDonalds has "Over 99 Billion Served". What would happen when they reach 100 Billion? Their signs just can't handle it! They'll go out of business!
Re:Kernel-Panic shot glass? (Score:1)
Dead TV (Score:3)
Pablo Nevares, "the freshmaker".
Re:Carpal Tunnel....I believe her (Score:1)
for a living who says that repetetive stress
disorders are a real fear. This story doesn't
strike me as *completely* ridiculous.
What I don't understand is why this woman never
learned to fake orgasm. What are mother's
teaching young women these days, anyway?
Of course, there's no reason to assume that
the facts have been reported anywhere near
accurately. We're talking ABC news here.
Re:90's patriarchy to the extreme (Score:2)
You're just facilitating the return of the anti-christ when you suggest that we actually give those in cahoots with the devil a chance to make the Y2K problem worse.
Sheesh! It's rough defending our nation's borders against the spawn of hell with just a shotgun and a chainsaw.
Re:Katzdot (Score:2)
You mean that was real?
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
The Geek Hellmouth? Don't believe it
Re:Steve Forbes Quickie (Score:1)
Definitely a different Unix.
---
pb Reply or e-mail rather than vaguely moderate [152.7.41.11].
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:2)
Re: How he got his Jimmerjammer crushed (Score:1)
From my experience, when the toilet paper is out, and I want to look around, I do one of two things:
1. I turn my head, then my torso - but not my ass - around to see behind me.
2. Otherwise, I would stand slightly up, to turn a bit more, if needed.
The last bit I would have to question is this:
Sit on a toilet and make sure your johnson is limp. Let it dangle into the toilet, if you want. Now turn your whole body to the side (just like the man said he did). Does it come close to the side of the bowl (and hence, lid)?
Now, perhaps this man was very well endowed, or maybe he was slightly hard, but I wonder how it could slide under the lid (and I wonder why, if he does this, does he not feel the cold plastic first and move it - the last part of my body I want to touch a public toilet bowl is my dick!)? Somehow, while I believe based on available info that this man got injured, I think that:
a. Something really wacked out was going on in that stall or,
b. He injured himself in another way (wife goes down on him and bends it wrong?)...
This whole thing is just too wierd...
Re:Urban Legend? (Score:1)
Re:Typewriter not Y2K... (Score:1)
Re:Carpal Tunnel....I believe her (Score:1)
Err...mothers are teaching their daughters how to fake orgasms, now? I've got to get in on this...
Re:Carpal Tunnel....I believe her (Score:2)
Phone sex operators don't really get naked
and masturbate on the phone. And they're not
cute chicks either.
Copies of the penguin pics (Score:2)
What about Y5B? (Score:4)
sega dreamcast (Score:1)
(blinks a couple times).. whoa.
Wow, my new favourite Katz article (Score:2)
That just made me laugh out loud.
I still don't know why...
KatzD0t (Score:1)
Is The Internet About To Transform The Internet War?
The Net Demands The Digital Website
I love it. This is very Onion-worthy
Others who might deserve workers' comp... (Score:2)
My own favorites: (Score:2)
Cinema: A Whole New Chapter In The Revolutionary World
Letters From Virtual Impeachment
The Web: A Whole New Chapter In Online Buffy
Giving Thanks For Virtual Cinema
The Power Of The Techno Stock Market And Interactive Dying Babies
Murder: A Whole New Chapter In Hidden Being Different
Is The Stock Market About To Transform Slashdot?
Can Hidden Anonymous Cowards Stop Post-Columbine Minimum Wage?
The scary part is, this _reeks_ of Markov Chaining. I suspect these are made up of actual genuine interactive dying baby Katz headlines, shredded and rearranged.
One envisions doing this to the whole Katz on Slashdot collection, thus getting not only terrific headlines, but entire articles. For anybody interested in doing this, Katz is a _very_ good subject for travesty as he is disjointed and covers the same subjects over and over. To markov chain this stuff it's best to work at the word level- pairs of words end up chaining very abstractedly, and word triples can sometimes spit out overlarge chunks of unaltered text (though I suspect with Katz the triples would work perfectly).
Here's a sample of this sort of travesty: Speak Roughly To Your Evidence [airwindows.com], an edited Alice In Wonderland travesty.
Lego Penguin Mirror (Score:2)
I've just grabbed the images, and not any of the text or anything, but have at it.
tiny little gameboys? (Score:1)
Re:Some Katzdot gems... (Score:1)
Open Source High Schools and Violence: An Idea Whose Time Has Come
Flamers Salvation: E-Business
That site is so excellent.
Innocent? (Score:2)
Wait. I have a question. This football player guy who got stuck in the Taco Bell window... He pleaded innocent, verdad?.
How the HELL can he have the cajones to plead innocent? HE WAS IN THE WINDOW! "It wuddint me! I sweah!" Oh man. I can just see some pencil-neck lawyer "well yer honor, my client was actually impersonated by a crazed fan who just happens to have the exact same proportions. Notice that my client passed the lie detector test, and DNA results were inconclusive. The employees were hiding in the back the entire time, and never got a clear view of him."
Someone with more dedication than me and less of a life please tell me this doesn't fly. Please. My faith in the system is rattled enough as it is.
Oy chalupa.
- Rev.Re:Katzdot.. (Score:1)
Re:/. tees (Score:1)
Note that it isn't such a big issue: backs are standard issue equipment with humans. So I assume that you have one, unless, of course, you've thrown it out?
Whacka, whacka, whacka...
Re:Slashdot Shirts (Score:1)
-Chris
Yay Hopkins!
Re: How he got his Jimmerjammer crushed (Score:2)
Less structurally sound versions are those where the little feet on the underside of the seat (the ones that raise the seat 0.25" or so off the surface of the porcelain, useful for being able to easily raise the seat amongst other features) are replaced with much taller versions -- those with a knowledge of physics will recognize that this isn't nearly as structurally sound as the solid described above, and lateral force (such as leaning sideways searching for toilet paper) would have a much better chance of breaking the feet off, with the attendant potential for injury.
Re:Y1K (Score:1)
My code is YAK compliant, is yours.
Re:My own favorites: (Score:1)
Videogames' spelling (Score:1)
Duvel in the glass? (Score:1)
Typewriter not Y2K... (Score:2)
Lego mascot: Just like the real thing! (Score:2)
Vovida, OS VoIP
Beer recipe: free! #Source
Cold pints: $2 #Product
Galien, MI???? (Score:2)
rant mode off.
--bc
-----------------------------------------
the amazing bc
latin/funk flugelhorn & trumpet
webnaut, music junkie, sysadmin from hell
Where'd they go? (Score:1)
Re:Office 2000 (Score:1)
Office-Etcher 2000 (Score:1)
"If all the world's a stage, then who is the audience?"
Noooooooo! (Score:2)
Vovida, OS VoIP
Beer recipe: free! #Source
Cold pints: $2 #Product
Re: How he got his Jimmerjammer crushed (Score:3)
Would you crush your tinky winky for 2.2 mill Canadian? I doubt it.
Modifying JonKatz's Source (Score:2)
All it takes is changing some directory names in index.cgi and dada, and it works.
If you don't want the whole web page, but just want a random headline on stdout:
Edit katz.pb and replace the huge line beginning with decorated_headline: with
decorated_headline: headline;
Then run it with 'dada katz.pb' instead of 'index.cgi'.
Think of the possibilities! JonKatz in shell scripts! JonKatz instead of fortune! JonKatz in xscreensaver/hacks/noseguy!
Actually, now that I think about it, that's scary.
--
How do you know that her managers are male? (Score:2)
But whether she earned her $400 a week doing phone sex, data entry, as an entry level techie grunt, as a hair dresser or as a freakin' superhero, if she was sincerly injured on the job then the worker's comp insurance should cover her expenses. Or are only classy, intelectuals entitled to protection under the labor laws?
Note that I admit that I don't have any way of knowing whether her injuries are real, that's for the insurance company to debate. I still don't believe that they really mastrubate on the phone!
Y1K (Score:2)
Steve Forbes Quickie (Score:3)
Leenix or Lihnux, sure. But Loonux?
Score 1; Troll (Score:2)
Maybe it's my dim-witted brain, but I freaked out hardcore to find that a tongue in cheek jest had been moderated down to troll.
Re:Katzdot..(orThe World Demands Interactive Kids) (Score:2)
The World Demands Interactive Kids
The Movie Line Demands The Music Industry
Spiritual Sexbots, The Post-Columbine Website and Pain
and my favorite....
Can Interactive Dying Babies Stop The Spiritual Movie Line?
Re:What about Y5B? (Score:3)
up 185271828182 days, 07:42 min
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:2)
The Recording Industry: The Mvoie
The Post-Columbine Movie Line Syndrome: Time To Face The Music
The End Of Geek Students and Lo-Tech Cyber-Terrorism (good. I've been having problems cracking into computers using two sticks and a rock)
And of course...
Can Dying Babies Kill?
RSI (Score:3)
Another personal injury story. (Score:4)
I'm surprised nobody submitted the one where a man is suing Starbucks because the toilet in their restroom crushed his penis [yahoo.com].
Hey, that doesn't sound like such a bad deal to me. Get your 1.5 million bucks, then go on a vaction to Australia. While you're their, stop by the local cosmetic surgeon and pay a small fee to have your penis reconstructed [interneticons.com.au]. Afterwards, you're good as new, and you have an extra million bucks in the bank account.
--
Re:Katzdot.. (Score:2)
Enough said.
Carpal Tunnel....I believe her (Score:3)
Interactive Buffy (Score:2)
Interactive Buffy and The Open Source WB: The Morning After
Jon - Please, please, please write this!
Re:Y1DK (Score:2)
Re:LEGO Penguin - $300-500 (Score:2)
I'm wondering if I can figure out the design from the pics. My artistic talents don't run to doing it from scratch. I'm sure I can find some children who wouldn't mind an big box of red and blue bricks for Christmas. (Or can someone build a BSD deamon?)
Of course the true geek approach is to grab the 3-d model from Tux:AQFH and pixelise it.
Re:Another personal injury story. (Score:2)
Are you serious?
How the hell do you do something like that? I don't think that my penis is worth $1.5 million. No amount of money could make up for the loss of "activity" that would result from a crushed penis (not that I would know, I'm a virgin). Personally, I think it's the guy's fault for not exercising care to keep his penis out of danger while he was dropping his little friends off at the pool.
Could I sue if a McDonald's milkshake between my legs freezes my testes and penis and causes discomfort? Hey, it worked for hot coffee; perhaps it could work for cold beverages as well!
There certainly are some *weird* people in this world...
awkwardone
Re:Y1K (Score:2)
Wait until Y10K... eight thousand years from now. Unless something is done to avert a disaster, just about ALL of the world's computers (except maybe Macs) will shit the bed on January 1, 10000.
Disaster is always imminent... it just tends not to manifest itself.
awkwardone