IT and Divorce?

frank_tudor asks: "I am graduate student and work as a web developer. I am also getting a divorce and I have a son caught in the middle. I believe my profession had a part in it. For my graduate thesis I am writing a paper about Dads who work in the computer industry, divorce and custody. I think our industry causes a high rate of divorce but I need some help from the Slashdot community. My questions are: How many of you computer Dads have also gone through divorce and have retained either half or full custody of your children? Do you think your job had something to do with it? What were some of your hardest challenges and are your kids happy?"

I'm about to start the road to divorce

[also-rr]

The first step? My wedding next year.

I Can Relate to You

[eldavojohn]

It was a couple patches ago when my wife filed for divorce. I'll never forget the day because that night, my epic tier two helm piece dropped and I won it for only 150 DKP. I don't think I'll ever understand why she did it. I was by her side the entire time she was being charged with child abuse. I know she never abused our son because I was in the other room on TeamSpeak when the alleged beating occurred and I didn't hear any screams except those of my guildmates dying from Nefarion. I know I should have attended the custody hearings for our son but the only night of the week I don't raid on is Tuesdays and the judge refused to move the dates. Call me crazy, but I never saw it coming.

Yep, the only reason she left me is because I'm in the IT field. I make a lot more cash on average & my job as software developer is one of the most highly sought after in the nation. Computers are becoming more and more prolific in everyday life so I maintain a solid job. But from what I've told you, it's pretty obvious that being in the IT field is what separated me and my wife. Looking back, I miss the times she brought me a beer as I was stacking sunders.

Sorry to make light of your situation, Frank, but honestly I think that a lot of IT people know how easy it is to find pr0n online. I've heard this is a growing concern [divorcewizards.com]. Honestly, the perks of an IT job would probably be desirable for the wife, I think it's just the fact that the person is more clued in to how to use computers for pleasure and addiction. IT filed offers more money and doesn't ravage your body (at least not like construction or farm work does). Whether it be Warcraft or pr0n, these addictions pay a toll on a happy marriage. If you find a correlation, it's probably in those topics, not just IT.

About the questions with kids, I don't have any but I would think that it would be very simple to get them involved with a computer project and spend plenty of weekend time with them. Then again, that's just what I would dream of happening ... it would probably fail miserably with "I don't want to be a nerd like you, dad!"

IT causes divorce

[Anonymous Coward]

Like spoons made Rosie fat.

Huh?

[gstoddart]

Married? Kids? I'm still running girlfriend 5.0 since I'd heard the upgrades to wife 1.0 came with so many problems I'd stick with what already works for me. :-P

Re:I'm about to start the road to divorce

[Gnight]

Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.

A more likely reason for divorce

[aaronwormus]

Getting your advice from slashdot.

yes, but..

[Steve_Jobs_HNIC]

His job smacked his wife around. Now seriously, who's gonna stay in a relationship like that? I mean come on...

His job was also very lazy, never did anything around the house. And it would never listen! If you're going to be in a relationship with a man, women, and a job, everyone needs respect each other and their personal space. But job just didn't know when to back off either... it would keep pressing and pressing... jesus, I'm in the bathroom. Just leave me alone!

Re:Primary Cause

[Durrok]

You had a wife that reads /. and you let her get away? FOOL!

Re:yes, but..

[operagost]

I hate when Job leaves the toilet seat up!!!

IT Types have the wrong approach

[thewils]

They tell the woman that they love 'em, and figure that the woman should understand that the value of love for that woman should be 'true' from now until they tell her that it is now 'false'.

Unfortunately, the woman needs to have the value of love set every time she boots in the morning, and occasionally during the day also.

Playing Call of Duty 8 hours a night for a month straight doesn't help either.

Informative

[p0]

Only on Slashdot will a comment as the parent gets modded +Informative...

Re:Oh please

[Peter Trepan]

Sex, marriage, etc, the whole point of it all is reproduction of the species, aka children.

I'm sure your wife's genes would agree. But as for your wife, well, you were probably right to post this anonymously.

Re:Oh grow up.

[Morphine007]

If your income is so important that you sacrifice your relationship, you don't deserve neither.
I work in IT, I have been doing it for 10 years now. TEN FUCKING YEARS.

Christ almighty I hope you're not a coder...

Re:Your career doesn't define your divorce.

[EtherMonkey]

Here are some traits I observed which one side, the other, or both had in those cases: personality conflicts, lack of communication skills, unwillingness to communicate, unwillingness to listen, self-absorption leading to the exclusion of the other, disjoint financial strategies, unfair domestic workload balance, ho-hum disregard for the children.

I think it summarizes down to this: incompatibility between system components, which sort of makes marriage a lot like a PC running Windows: unstable, prone to crashes and violations, demanding of frequent repair and outright reloads.

The obvious solution, that I'm surprised that no other ./'er has suggested, is to replace your Microsoft marriage with either OS/X or Linux. As a divorced IT professional with full custody of the kids, I fully plan to switch to Linux-based relationship OS before considering any future long-term relationship. :P

Re:Oh please

[Shoeler]

You sir are an idiot. First off, stop trying to answer for those of us who ARE married with kid(s) - you can't relate. Don't try. Second, one good marriage doesn't mean a damn thing. If he's been in IT for 40 years, he got in and may have the kush job at IBM with the awesome retirement, etc. I've been in IT for 12 years, married for almost 6. It almost ruined my marriage because of the IT bomb post-20001 / post-9/11. I took a job where I hated the job and the boss hated me because I knew more then him.

And whoever said it otherwise - the wife always comes first. Kids are perfect 2nd - and they will want to be lower then the dog by the time they're teenagers.

Re:A few points

[arth1]

In what industry isn't there a high rate of divorce?

Priests. Probably prostitutes too. But I repeat myself.

Re:my divorce-

[Anonymous Coward]

I work as an IT person (net admin, specifically) and I went through a divorce with 2 kids.

You shouldn't have been married to kids in the first place.

Re:Huh?

[eln]

Sure, but the problem is eventually Girlfriend 5.0's constant nagging to be upgraded gets on your nerves and you end up having to buy the upgrade or uninstall the software.

Re:You need to work it out...

[Percent Man]

These days, people divorce because they argue too much. Or because "the spice" is gone.

But "the spice" must flow! The entire galactic economy could collapse, nevermind a single marriage!

Re:Oh please

[Anonymous Coward]

What is with our society and the need to point the finger somewhere else?

So, it's Society's fault that we point the finger at someone else?

Re:Your career doesn't define your divorce.

[booch]

As a divorced IT professional with full custody of the kids, I fully plan to switch to Linux-based relationship OS before considering any future long-term relationship. :P

I agree. An Open Marriage would be great. Granted, it's a lot different than a Closed Marriage, and many people will have some difficulty adapting.

Re:Huh?

[paranode]

Sure, but the problem is eventually Girlfriend 5.0's constant nagging to be upgraded gets on your nerves and you end up having to buy the upgrade or uninstall the software.

Exactly, and the ultimate problem is that eventually your hardware is incompatible or too old to run the latest version of Girlfriend. Then the prospects of upgrading to Wife obviously become bleak. Now you should be warned that if your system is not running any version of Girlfriend then you may get infected by Hookers and Blow, Alcoholism, or gratuitous overlapping installs of Porn Library.

Re:Oh please

[Anonymous Coward]

Fuck you.

Sincerely,
your son

Re:Oh please

[yaphadam097]

Wife: honey, did you remember to take the trash out?

Husband: what is the Bugzilla number? Did you assign it to me?

Re:There is a moral to this tale...

[freeze128]

Have you figured out the moral yet?

Yeah. The moral is that you can pick up chicks who are in town on business, even if they are in a relationship, if their SO is in the IT field.

Re:Oh please

[E++99]

Don't 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce?

Yeah, and the other half end in death. Pretty grim institution. ;-)

Re:There is a moral to this tale...

[crabpeople]

"Have you figured out the moral yet?"

Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks?

Just goes to show

[snuf23]

we have 9 people in our IT unit and only one divorce (and I think it was HER career that caused the problem there, not his)

Never marry a stripper.

Re:Just goes to show

[ksheff]

I know a guy that did. He regrets it and passes along the same advice.

Re:Flip

[MPHellwig]

Dominance, hah! Today I showed my dominance clearly, I said to her:"Now you sit down and listen! I'm the man in my house! If I want to do my dishes in my own house I'm going to do them and I'm going to do them right now! And you're not going to stop me! Heck, perhaps I'll clean the windows too!" Now that showed her! The only thing she could do is put on her lovely smile and said: "Yes dear". It clearly felt as a victory, although somehow I mistrusted her willingness to comply on my demands...

Re:Oh please

[damiena]

Why won't you put the toilet seat down after you're done using it?

NOTABUG WONTFIX
CLOSED

Re:Oh please

[lloyd_powell]

100% of deaths begin with getting married? Guess I'll choose singledom and immortality.

Re:Oh please

[rizole]

It's worse than that. All divorce is caused by marriage.

Re:And i hate this -

[sweede]

Why don't you get some sense, take a load off, join with women and piss while sitting down?

What would that do? it's not like men are stupid enough to sit on the john without looking to see that the seat is down..

I mean, really, do you walk backwards, ass first into the bathroom and try to find the toliet blindfolded or something?

Is it really that difficult to LOOK where you are going to sit, before sitting down?

I don't think you should be complaining to your man about "omg you left the seat up", but be looking in the mirror every day and say to yourself "I am not a retard, God gave me eyes and I am not blind"

btw,
But it's hardly more difficult than pointing it upwards and arcing your stream in an attempt to keep your urethra open.

Funniest thing ever written, if your guy does this, kick him in the balls.

Real men lean over the toliet and point it down.