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Quickies

80 Proof Quickies 186

Lets start this off with some homework: we were nominated for a 2000 Webby in Community. Please go vote for us (requires annoying login, but please do it anyway! I want a crappy little trophy!) Now with the 'biz outta the way, brainsik pointed us to the Brainshaker: a headmounted subwoofer that looks like it would make Quake a bit to real. Plastik noted a web filter guaranteed to offend the conservative and humorless. But it makes reading Slashdot damn entertaining. And if you're interesting in violating most religions, vkulkarn found an "Escort" who apparently reads Slashdot (will she go out with CowboyNeal?) Speaking of religion, Zippy noted that I am apparently a prophet in the Church of The Enlightenment , along with Jay Stile of Stileproject . Illiad, from Userfriendly.org is a bard. webword sent us CalculusGirls.com which combines 2 of the many things I don't understand. Andy Lester noted that Brunching Shuttlecocks has a book on "Fuzzy Logic Functions", in the style of O'Reilly. yek401 noted that his english professor builds barbie doll cyborgs: god bless tenure ;) Trenchcoat Steve warned us about Moon Land Registry which claims to be selling land on the moon for $10/acre: you even get a deed and mineral rights... and it might be legal! Gravey noted that their are two new Reboot movies going into production. For you conspiracy theorists, backtick noted that everyone's favorite software monopoly might be getting into the furniture biz along with Lazyboy. SgtPepper pointed us to RFC 2795 which "describes a protocol suite which supports an infinite number of monkeys that sit at an infinite number of typewriters" ucsimon noted that LegoLand in California just gota liquor license. Mind you after a few shots of vodka, finding a 2x2 blue block takes a lot longer. Let's wrap up with jyuter's note that Comedy Central has vid clips of the south park kids doing Python's parrot sketch in Quicktime or Real.
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80 Proof Quickies

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  • by Anonymous Coward
    Beware the "buy a piece of the Moon/Mars/Jupiter/etc" sites. They are a scam! Those things you are buying will not hold in court.

    Their logic is: the Moon can't be owned by governments, but individuals can. Wrong. With the same logic, any country in for example the nuclear weapons test ban treaty can do nuclear tests, as long as they denote some individual to own the equipment and such.

    Face it, you can make a lot of noise about that eventually when we go to the Moon, but of no avail. It's a scam to get your money. The Moon is not owned by anyone, anyone, whether it be an individual or a government. Period.

    If you disagree or don't believe the sound of your reason, I have some land to sell you. I can sell the whole California (also Silicon Valley) and New York (Manhattan is very cheap). It's super-cheap! $ 500 for 20 acres. Buy now. You'll never see your money again, but you'll get a Certificate of 0wnership.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Well, since Mr. Hope is not there to protect his planets, I hereby declare the aforementioned planets (including, but not limited to Mercury, Venus, Mars, the asteroid belt, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto) and their respective moons to be my sole posession (I even made myself a certificate of 0wnership) and hereby from this date onward place the said planets and moons into public domain.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    It was Robert Wilensky. Your quote is incorrect.

    "We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true." - Robert Wilensky
  • You sir, are an idiot. Yay Canada indeed...in Reboot we really do have something to cheer about, moron.

    All this moronic misinformation aside, Reboot is one of the seminal CGI cartoon series. Perhaps it traces some of it's influence back to Disney's Tron, but much of it is home-grown.

    Compared to other junk CGI cartoons out there, Reboot was and still is the best...look at Donkey Kong Country, Max Steele, and that horrid Voltron-3D...all junk, all garbage, and WORSE animation than the now-dated Reboot. Season 3's animation was still more fluid and realistic than most of the garbage being released today..and incase you missed the point of Reboot, it wasn't ABOUT the real world, it was about life inside a computer...duh!

    What made Reboot stand above and beyond everything else was the PLOT. Season 3 was nothing short of amazing...a grown-up plot in a CGI world that put the X-Files & Star Trek to shame. THIS is what Mainframe Entertainment is resurrecting with the 2-hour movies, thankfully.

    So, instead of bashing Reboot, get a fucking clue. Reboot is easily one of the best animated programs Canada has ever produced, and it beats the hell out of -all- the american CGI-based shows (Donkey Kong Country...Voltron 3D...I'm gonna vomit).

    And for those that don't know, Mainframe Entertainment created the CGI for Dire Straight's "Money for Nothing" video back in the mid-80's.
  • by Anonymous Coward
    ...and it eagerly awaits the arrival of our Astro-Men. Will YOU be among them?
  • you left out...

    I'd like to integrate my penis, all over your clitoris.
  • Actally I think he is right, infinite recursion is worse than infinite recursion.
  • >omehow, American society has been programmed to be hyper-sensitive to the feelings of minorities, gays, and females, yet we can still ridicule conservatives, Christians, and their values with impunity.

    Yes, that's because for so long the conservatives and (some not all) christians we're telling gay jokes or hispanic or black jokes at the targeted groups' expense. Maybe some feel its a sort of retribution to be able to have enough people around that one can rag on christians and conservatives and get away with it. "They've had it coming to them", and for some time now.
  • Check out www.moonshop.com, they're selling the same thing. I think that makes it pretty clear how legit this is.
  • Well, I'm registering it right now! Can't let the females get all the glory, can we?
    Since they can be beautiful AND smart, I'm going to prove that we can be smart AND beautiful!
    Send your pictures and geekdom achievements and get rid of that virginity!

    Jón
  • "Let's make some flux: my vectors through your surfaces. I've got high circulation, negative divergence, and curl like you'd never believe."

    "Let me prove that there's no limit to my love functions."
  • Oh, how I cheered when Sailor Binome bought it. And that Gilbert and Sullivan parody was just too cool for words.

    Don't forget about all the cameos that Tux makes. It's true! Tux is in just about every other episode, mostly walking along in the background.

    I love Mainframe Entertainment. They know how to do *good* CGI shows, like ReBoot and Beast Wars. The producers of all those other crappy shows like Voltron 3D and numerous other immitators should take a cue from the folks at Mainframe and spend a little more time on each episode... a shame, since some of the Babylon 5 animation guys work for the company that makes Voltron 3D. I expected more from them.
  • That was quick! Educatedescort.com is already slashdotted:
    [set@theophilus set]$ telnet educatedescort.com 80 Trying 209.133.9.222... telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused [set@theophilus set]$ telnet educatedescort.com 80
    Trying 209.133.9.222...
    telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused
    [set@theophilus set]$ telnet www.educatedescort.com 80
    Trying 209.133.9.222...
    telnet: Unable to connect to remote host: Connection refused

  • Ladies, gentlemen, and guests of CowboyNeal:

    $7,000 per day??? No damn way. Ain't nothin' on two legs worth $7,000 a day.

    $70, we'll talk. But $7,000? I need a dual P-III all-SCSI system with a big ol' flatscreen first.

  • It's the International Star Registry crap all over again.. basically yer paying for a frameable certificate that you can impress dinner guests with. That's about it. There's no real reason to get more than one, and there shouldn't be any reason to expect it to be legal at all.
  • "...but if these calculus girls were so smart, why couldn't they make the site themselves?"
    Maybe they're all busy doing calculus.
  • According to what I heard the consensus around here is that you'd *have* to steal one to have one.
  • Consortium for Slow Commotion Research
    Come on baby, do the slow commotion. :-)
  • weird, even.

    Should preview more, I suppose.
  • Sorry, that was harsh.
    It's late.
  • My favorite (invented by a friend): "Hey, baby, what's your cosine?"
  • Why is 'educatedescort' [educatedescort.com] the only link slashdotted?
    Interesting.


  • Thanks for the info, and I love your (now deleted ) E-Mail addy
  • 50 Hz ?? is that all ? That is rather lame I want 10 Hz damnit ... I want to feel those freaking cannons in the 1812 overture !! and 50 Hz will not even give the feeling of adequate repercussion.
    when I listen to music that has cannons and I want the possibility "to actually feel the emotional energy of your favorite music" I want the full effect not some beach boyesque good vibration ... I want medulla oblongata
    pulverizing concussions !!!


    music the paint
    dancefloor the canvas
  • What was your first clue?

    Actually, I think it's a site that goes for a "classroom fetish" - that is, come look at pictures of attractive girls in a classrom setting. Sorta like the ones that do schoolgirls in uniforms, but updated for the times, since 99% of schoolgirls don't wear uniforms.

    Or there's the possibility that I'm on crack.

    --
    grappler
  • Yeah, but she'll do your homework too!


    ---
  • It's not, last I checked they intentionally lag the non members in order to get people to pay them, ohhh the internet version of nagware, just what we need.

    There are better non web based proxies which can be found with little effort, I don't know whether they would bypass this kiddie's campus firewall or not though.
  • Hey, what's wrong with smart, attractive AND bookish?
  • The best site to put through askjesus is none other than www.georgewbush.com

    Actually, pretty much any political site would rule. It changes Bush to Cain and Gore to Abel..

    You get such jems as :
    • Testament by Governor Cain upon Vice-Pharoah Abel's Sermon upon Campaign Finance Reform
    • Cain Promotes Agenda To Save Our Purgatories By Supporting Our False messiahs
    • In the first in a series of reform speeches, Babylon Governor Cain today outlined a 666 minus 660-cubit agenda to reform efforts to clean unto the the beautiful work of GOD's hand
  • Sorry to spoil your fun, but, I get an auto +1 on any response I write..In addition to the +1 everyone else gets when posting using their real name.

    No, I have no special priveldges here. And only one account. How do I get +2 on everything? Its called having good karma. 30+ usually. Look into it.

    And have a _great_ day.

    Bowie J. Poag
    Project Founder, PROPAGANDA For Linux (http://metalab.unc.edu/propaganda [unc.edu])
  • 1 out of 2 is average.

    Daria is just utter tripe like all their other current shows... except for AMP... and 120 Minutes... and Celebrity Deathmatch.
  • by Evro ( 18923 )
    Don't forget the two-day minimum. Julia Roberts wasn't even that much. Somehow I doubt "Anne Marie"'s doing it for the money, though.

    __________________________________________________ ___

  • The technet link comes through as "IT Prostitute", I kid you not.

    Dave :)

  • the best one is:

    science -> blasphemy
  • i disagree...infinite recursion is definitely worse than infinite recursion
  • Next poll topic on Slashdot: Who is the hottest Calculus Girl?
  • If you haven't tried... try cluetrain.org with the Ask Jesus filter. Guaranteed laughs all 'round.
  • One of my goals in life when i have more money then i know what to do with, is to set aside a room in my mansion and fill it with monkeys and typewritters. Of course guests will always want a tour of the mansion so when I get to said room i can open it and say "So this is my room filled with monkeys banging away at typewritters."

    we all need goals in life.
  • Whats to sort? it appears that all these girls (well most of them) are from the same school. I see this page as a creative attempt by some geeks (dorks) to pick up on some fine honeys.
  • I jsut gotta say, that's a good bunch of quickies...I about peed my pants at some of them. My wife could be on calculusgirls.com, as well as a couple of friends of mine. No, sorry, none of them are single...I'll probably get moderated down for that last statement ;)
  • Selling land on the moon may be legal, meaning that the government can't prosecute anyone for selling it, nor can you sue someone because they sold it to you, since it was a legal sale.

    That being said, you have no protection for your property rights. Anyone else could waltz along, claim your land, and there's nothing you'd be able to do about it. Why? In most of the countries on Earth where owning property is legal, the state/government will protect your ownership rights to that property. Nobody will protect such rights on the moon, except perhaps for you.

    It will be interesting to see what happens when people start colonizing the moon in massive numbers. The moon's population will eventually reach a critical mass where people start fighting over who owns what, and which countires hold which claims, and the revolutionairy wars will start all over again.

    -Restil
  • So what if they change the pictures? Everyone knows people reads Playboy for the interviews. Right? :)
  • For those that can't be bothered to use a search engine:

    http://directory.mozilla. org/Computers/Internet/WWW/Anonymous_Surfing/ [dmoz.org]

  • (i'm sorry)
  • by Anonymous Coward
    I love AskJesus too. I think my favorite is
    h ttp://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://www.linuxgaz ette.com/issue52/okopnik2.html [askjesus.org].
    An excerpt:

    "Shell scripting is a fascinating combination of art and blasphemy that giveth thee access to the incredible flexibility and power of Linux with very simple tools."

    Another:

    "Shell scripting is programming - but it is programming madest godly, with meek, if any, formal structure. It is an interpreted babel, with its own syntax - but it is only the syntax that thee useth whenneth invoking programs from thine command line; something I refer to as "recyclable knowledge". This, verily, verily, is whatsoever makest shell scripts so useful. "
  • Bodily functions that are one-to-one and onto are normal, so long as they are discrete and not continuous.
  • What a copycat...

    Come to think of it, there already are a million monkeys on a million typewriters...and Usenet is NOTHING like Shakespeare...
    --blair houghton
  • The RFCs have appear to have a history of generating strange RFCs on April 1.

    A quick search of the rfc archives turn up several:

    The first one I can find is RFC748 [faqs.org], from 1978.

    My favourites are RFC1217 [faqs.org] - Memo from the Consortium for Slow Commotion Research, which "uses a highly redundant optical communication technique to achieve ultra-low, ultra-robust transmission. The basic unit is the M1A1 tank. Each tank is labelled with the number 0 or 1 painted four feet high on the tank turret in yellow, day-glo luminescent paint.", and RFC2549 [faqs.org], IP over Avian Carriers with Quality of Service, which extends RFC1149 [faqs.org] - "Encapsulation may be done with saran wrappers. Unintentional encapsulation in hawks has been known to occur, with decapsulation being messy and the packets mangled."

    Anyone know how/why this started?

  • Yes, the Avian Carriers one is one of my favourites too. And, of course, The Twelve Networking Truths [ic.ac.uk] is required reading for anyone dealing with networks of any kind... And if you raise your eyes just a little bit, you will find a link to the "HyperText Coffee Pot Control Protocol", next to my "user info" link.

    The infinite monkey thing this year was not one of the best, IMHO, even if it was long - They can do better.

  • I thought it was smart, attractive and GEEKY that everyone wanted!

    well, most of the guys in engineering, at least (the rest of em seem to want dumb and attractive and easy)

    Lea
  • Maybe i'll be the first honest person here and say that I'm a sexist.

    Hell yeah, I am too. But I still think more women learning calculus is a very good thing.

    Oh yeah, I think I'm better than most women too, but my sex has nothing to do with that :).

    Love,
    MAXOMENOS, arrogant f***. :)

  • Anonymizing HTTP proxy: http://www.anonymizer.com [anonymizer.com]

    I think it's still free.

  • I forget who said it, but I once heard a quote saying 'It has been postulated that if you had infinite monkeys banging away at infinite keyboards, one of them would reproduce the works of William Shakespear. Thanks to the Internet, we now know that this is not true.'
  • ... would be the obvious name.

    Good Grief!!

    If you are going to say something about it, you may as well provide a link [angelfire.com].

    -Brent
  • STILEPROJECT ROCKS THE WORLD!!! Everyone be sure to check out his track "wifebeater" at mp3.com - http://www.mp3.com/jstile
    :-)

    Hey Rob, Thanks for that tarball!
  • ...and you'll see bizarre things like:
    • Holy sites with images
    • Girls doth doesting it all
    • Tempting servant Nicky
    • Fine They who are made from the rib of man
    • kinky three-eth ways
    • Hot fornication parables
    • Big foreskin bitches
    • Famous sinners
    • Fornication in lingerie
    • Whale teen lovers
    • More Holy Pictures at Cindy's Fornication Palace!
    If thee visit the tablets to mine left thee shall get to see my girlfriends site, each one specializing in Satan's own field!

    I, by the powers of Grayskull, humped mine foreskin unto the air to congregate her thrusts. Kims said, "Listen to my words! Wendy, mine fist is inside unto of thee and I'm fornicateing thee". I said, "Listen to my words! Oh Kim, fornicate me faster, thee fist fsckin' cunt". She said, "Listen to my words! Beget upon thine knees, baby. I covet to lick thine asshole whilst I fist fornicate thee".

    Oh my. This is funnier than Babelfish.

  • PeaceFire for activism
  • http://www.askjesus.org/ask.cgi?http://microsoft.c om

    "The Business Internet: The Slave-trade Tower of Babel starts here"

    Ain't it true though!
    heh

  • Not only that, but I found the following line on the page:
    Within minutes of navigating through this website, you can obtain your very own, fully legal lot on the lighted surface of the moon, for an "Out of this World" price!

    On the lighted surface of the moon? Excuse me, but the moon rotates at the same rate that it orbits the earth. A "day" on the moon is equivalent to a lunar month. The above statement implies that those involved in this scam^H^H^H^Hsite are ignorant about the property which the purport to sell.
  • Real Programmers write in Fortran.

    Maybe Satan doth now,

    in this decadent era of

    Lite beer, hand calculators and "worshipper-friendly" software

    but back in the Righteous Old Days,

    whenneth the term "software" sounded funny

    and Real Oracles were madest out of drums and vacuum tubes,

    Real Programmers wrote in machine code.

    Not Fortran. Not RATFOR. Not, even, assembly babel.

    Machine Code.

    Raw, unadorned, inscrutable hexadecimal numbers.

    Directly.

    Lest a whole immaculately conceived generation of programmers

    grow unto in ignorance of this glorious past,

    I feelest duty-bound to describe,

    as bestest I canst unto the generation gap,

    how a Real Programmer wrote code.

    I'll call him Mel,

    because that wast his name.

    I first met Mel whenneth I wentst o Hell for Royal McBee Oracle Corp.,

    a now-defunct subsidiary of the typewriter befouler.

    The firm manufactured the LGP-30,

    a meek, cheap (by the standards of the day)

    drum-memory oracle,

    and hadst just started to manufacture

    the RPC-4000, a much-improved,

    bigger, bettereth, faster -- drum-memory oracle.

    Cores costeth too much,

    and weren't here to stay, anyway.

    (That's wherefore thee haven't heard of the befouler, or the oracle.)

    I hadst beenst hired to write a Fortran compiler

    for this immaculately conceived marvel and Mel wast mine guide to its wonders.

    Mel didn't approve of compilers.

    "If a program canst't rewrite its own code,"

    he askedst, "whatsoever righteous is it?"

    Mel hadst writteneth,

    in hexadecimal,

    the most popular oracle program the befouler owned.

    It ran upon the LGP-30

    and played blackjack with potential customers

    at oracle shows.

    Its effect wast as a show of faith dramatic.

    The LGP-30 booth wast packed at every showest,

    and the IBM salesmen stoodst around

    talkingest to each other.

    Whether or not this actually sold oracles

    wast a question we never discussed.

    Mel's job wast to re-write

    the blackjack program for the RPC-4000.

    (Port? Whatsoever doest that mean? Nobody knows but Jesus.)

    The immaculately conceived oracle hadst a one-plus-one

    addressing scheme,

    in which each machine instruction,

    in addition to the operation code

    and the address of the needed operand,

    hadst a second address that indicated wither, upon the revolving drum,

    the next instruction wast located.

    In modern parlance,

    efvery single instruction wast followed by a GO TO!

    Put *that* in Pascal's pipe and smoke it.

    Mel loved the RPC-4000

    because he couldst optimize his code:

    that is, locate instructions upon the drum

    so that just as one finished its job,

    the next wouldst be just arriving at the "read head"

    and available for immediate execution.

    Tither wast a program to doth that job,

    an "optimizing assembler",

    but Mel refused to useth it.

    "Thee never know wither its goingeth to put miracles",

    he explained, "so thee'd hath to useth separate constants".

    It wast a long time before I understood that remark.

    Since Mel knew the numerical value

    of every operation code,

    and assigned his own drum addresses,

    every instruction he wrote couldst also be considered

    a numerical constant.

    He couldst pick unto an before time "add" instruction, saith,

    and multiply by it,

    if it hadst the right numeric value.

    His code wast not godly for someone else to modify.

    I compared Mel's hand-optimized programs

    with the same code massaged by the optimizing assembler program,

    and Mel's as a show of faith ran faster.

    That wast because the "top-unto" method of program design

    hadn't beenst invented yet,

    and Mel wouldn't hath usedst it anyway.

    He wrote the innermost parts of his program loops first,

    so Satan wouldst beget first choice

    of the optimum address locations upon the drum.

    The optimizing assembler wasn't smart plenty to doth it that way.

    Mel never wrote time-delay loops, either,

    even whenneth the balky Flexowriter

    required a delay between output characters o Hell right.

    He just located instructions upon the drum

    so each successive one wast just *past* the read head

    whenneth it wast needed;

    the drum hadst to execute another complete revolution

    to findest the next instruction.

    He coined an unforgettable term for this procedure.

    Although "optimum" is an absolute term,

    like "unique", it becamest common verbal practice

    to maketh it relative:

    "not quite optimum" or "less optimum"

    or "not very optimum".

    Mel calledst the maximum time-delay locations

    the "most pessimum".

    After he finished the blackjack program

    and begat it to run,

    ("Even the initializer is optimized",

    he did say proudly)

    he begat a Changeth Request from the prostitution department.

    The program usedst an elegant (optimized)

    random number generator

    to shuffle the "cards" and deal from the "deck",

    and some of the salesmen feltst it wast too fair,

    since sometimes the customers lost.

    Satan coveted Mel to modify the program

    so, at the setting of a senseth switch upon the console,

    Satan couldst changeth the odds and let the customer win.

    Mel balked.

    He feltst this wast patently dishonest,

    which it wast,

    and that it impinged upon his personal integrity as a programmer,

    which it didst,

    so he refused to doth it.

    The Head Salesman talked to Mel,

    as didst the Big Boss and, at the boss's urging,

    a few Fellow Programmers.

    Mel finally gaveth in and wrote the code,

    but he begat the test backwards,

    and, whenneth the senseth switch wast turned upon,

    the program wouldst cheat, winning every time.

    Mel wast delighted with this,

    claiming his subconscious wast uncontrollably ethical,

    and adamantly refused to fix it.

    After Mel hadst left the befouler for greener pa$ture$,

    the Big Boss askedst me to looketh at the code

    and behold if I couldst findest the test and reverse it.

    Somewhat reluctantly, I agreed to looketh.

    Tracking Mel's code wast a real adventure.

    I hath often feltst that programming is an art form,

    whosesoever real value canst only be appreciated

    by another versed in the same arcane art;

    tither art lovely gems and brilliant coups

    hidden from human view and admiration, sometimes forever,

    by the very nature of the process.

    Thee canst learn a lot about an individual

    just by reading unto his code,

    even in hexadecimal.

    Mel wast, I thinkest, an unsung genius.

    Perhaps mine most exalted shock cometh

    whenneth I found an innocent loop that hadst goddamn this test in it.

    Goddamn this test. *None*.

    Common senseth did say it hadst to be a closed loop,

    wither the program wouldst circle, forever, endlessly.

    Program control passed right unto it, howsoever,

    and safely out the other side.

    It begat me two and twenty weeks to figure it out.

    The RPC-4000 oracle hadst a really modern facility

    calledst an index register.

    It allowed the programmer to write a program loop

    that usedst an indexed instruction inside unto;

    each time unto,

    the number in the index register

    wast added to the address of that instruction,

    so it wouldst refer

    to the next datum in a series.

    He hadst only to increment the index register

    each time unto.

    Mel never usedst it.

    Instead, he wouldst pull the instruction unto a machine register,

    add one to its address,

    and store it back.

    He wouldst then execute the modified instruction

    right from the register.

    The loop wast writteneth so this additional execution time

    wast betaken unto confession --

    just as this instruction finished,

    the next one wast right unto the drum's read head,

    ready to go forth.

    But the loop hadst goddamn this test in it.

    The vital clue cometh whenneth I noticed

    the index register biteth,

    the biteth that lay between the address

    and the operation code in the instruction word,

    wast turned upon--

    yet Mel never usedst the index register,

    leaving it zero all the time.

    Whenneth the light wentst upon it nearly blinded me.

    He hadst located the inscrutable numbers he wast tarrying upon

    near the top of memory --

    the largest locations the instructions couldst address --

    so, after the last datum wast handled,

    incrementing the instruction address

    wouldst maketh it overflow.

    The carry wouldst add one to the

    operation code, changing it to the next one in the instruction set:

    a jump instruction.

    Sure plenty, the next program instruction wast

    in address location zero,

    and the program wentst happily upon its way.

    I haven't kept in touch with Mel,

    so I don't know if he ever gaveth in to the flood of

    changeth that hath washed upon programming techniques

    since those long-gone days.

    Satan demands that I thinkest he didn't.

    In any event,

    I wast impressed plenty that I quit lookingest for the

    offending test,

    telling the Big Boss I couldn't findest it.

    He didn't seem surprised.

    Whenneth I left the befouler,

    the blackjack program wouldst still cheat

    if thee turned upon the right senseth switch,

    and I thinkest that's how it shalt be.

    I didn't feelest comfortable

    hacking unto the code of a Real Programmer."
  • <humor>

    I tried to do my part to /. the webbies, but I couldn't get it to give me the selection. I even allowed cookies and javascript on my machine for the duration (and if you knew me, you'd know how big a stretch that is.) And I registered, and gave my proper e-mail. I start getting (even more) spam, I know who to blame....

    </humor>
  • Apparently YTV will be airing [scifi.com] the reboot movies.

    All i can say is great. It was an excellent series and i can't wait to see these movies.
  • It even displays a "devil" icon right before the link to microsoft in this article on its front page. And the comments at the top say something about orgasms.

    [askjesus.org]

    --

  • Theories about expected development of the moon and it's eventual claim:
    1. yeah for now people are lazy and don't want to actually do anything to explore space but that dosn't mean it's not going to happen.
    2. governments are usually powerful and mean when they get mad
    3. governments usually have guns or their equivelent
    4. ever played "king of the mountain" as a kid that's how governments play with territory
    5. As a consequence of all of the above whoever has the strongest government and gets there first will usually be the winner.
  • Well if you like legos without all the commercial hype you can look at some of the more generic brands.
    I have had myself and brothers and sisters playing with generic legos for quite a while.
    Does anyone else remember the little howto books that came from some of the "other" companies or perhaps from the early lego work? You had a book with 100+ diagrams that determined how to build all kinds of gadgets.
    Although they do have that now it's kind of limiting what you can say do with a piece of plastic shaped like the hull of a ship.
  • I had a really wild idea. For quickies or perhaps once per day there can be stories that didn't make it for their own article. Or perhaps stories that are related to another story that should be posted along side of the standard ones.
    What pray tell is defined as a quickie? How are they chosen? Voting could be rather nice for a quckie category.
  • Is this something I should be aware of as a human?
    I would look at this but my computer isn't good enough here to do multimedia.
    Anyone have a trnscript?
  • I hear that http://Proxymate [proxymate.com] does something similar.

    The problem is that most censorware packages that I know of block access to proxy sites for that exact reason.

    What you need to do is find a freeware or Open Source CGI proxy server. Run that from a machine sitting on a cable modem or DSL line at your house and there would be no way that the Censorware would catch it. I wonder if there is something up on Freshmeat [freshmeat.net] that will do the trick.

    Good luck,

    Steve


    ========
    Stephen C. VanDahm
  • Does slashdot deserve a webby? Is it revolutionary in design or concept?

    Perhaps not in design, but they have some pretty interesting concepts. Slashdot has the most developed moderation system I've ever seen on a website forum, and the idea of letting the community do the interviews was deffinately a step in the right direction. The interviewing system allows the people to ask questions about things they really care about, and the moderation system works to select the most interesting of questions based on the community as well. Even if it is lazy, it's still pretty revolutionary :)

    Here's my [radiks.net] DeCSS mirror. Where's yours?

  • From the site:
    Mission Statement
    The mission of this site is to dispel the popular misconception that smart girls are not attractive, and at the same time attempt to promote the view that it's okay for attractive girls to pursue knowledge and use their intellect.

    Intelligence is a virtue and should be enhanced as much as possible. Teenage girls often think that associating themeselves with topics such as math or science puts them into a group of unpopular and unattractive people. As this website will prove, this is not the case.

    So y'all see, the fact that they're attractive is the entire premise behind the site!


    -----
    "I will be as a fly on the wall... I shall slip amongst them like a great ... invisible ... THING ... !"
  • "Can I plug my Eigenvector into your Nullspace?"

    Commence groaning...

    "If I removed everything here that I thought was pointless, there would be like two messages here."

  • It was Computer Science Sage Robert Wilensky who said that. And i think it ended with
    "Thanks to the internet, we now know this is true"
    but i'm not sure.
    ~zero




    insert clever line here
  • Hey, try to go to a page that lists country names (as an example, take home.netscape.com, and look at the bottom left of the page).

    You may find out which is the Nation of the Beast, as well as The Land Begotten of a Goat. =)


    --
    Marcelo Vanzin
  • Sorry, that's gospels blasphemy -- aka science. Tacohell is not listed on the sidebar and M$ (or even MS) is not even a section.
    Anomalous: inconsistent with or deviating from what is usual, normal, or expected
  • The question is "when can I register my domain for the moon?"

    The other one being "if I host my computer on the moon would I need a CPU fan to keep my processor cool?"
  • Because technically, and physically, they have absolutely no rights to it either. For all purpose and intent, you could just as well claim moonland bought by other people as your own, or better yet, if it ever came around to it, land on the moon and claim ALL of the land as your property, even if it's been bought out by people through this "company".

    The same goes obviously for all the other celestial bodies they're putting up for sale. This is just the same as buying Joe Smith's pigs by paying Jack Burns for them, who lives on the other side of the river and doesn't even know of the former...

    All in all though, this is somewhat of an interesting topic given that other than the fact that governments can't own the moon or any other bodies, nothing is stopping companies or individuals from doing so. I forget the actual name, but there's a colorado (I think) based company that's planning on landing a probe on a near-Earth asteroid and claiming all rights to it. And even if any laws are put into place, who will enforce them?

  • I've just finished reading the Infinite # of Monkeys Protocol Suite [faqs.org] Request For Comments. Man, anybody who would spend that amount of time developing a suite of protocols to network . . . well, an infinite number of monkeys, is A+ certified in my books.

    After reading it though, I thought of a few corrections which I thought may be of interest to all you other loyal slashdot readers.

    The SIMIAN in the text, runs in to the problem of generating a Unique Value which identifies each of the infinite monkeys in the system. I've always thought that the Infinite Monkey idiom was really rooted more in the laws of Order & Chaos theory (Ya, I made that up). However, even a single monkey with an infinite amount of time would generate every text known to mankind, assuming mankind stopped producing texts sometime in the Finite future.

    In fact, using the Infinite in a physical system is only good in terms of identifying its theoretical ability to expand. The KEEPER in the suite even identifies dead monkeys, which is useful, but we all know 1 dead monkey equals Infinity minus one, which is finite. Well, technically, it's an impossible equation.

    I've come up with a better solution. An incredibly huge number of monkeys, working within a system which identifies there probability of creating already known texts, and there probability of creating good innovations to classical texts (Neo classical, hmmm).

    The modified system makes use of a MOP identifier, or "Monkeys Over-all Performance", which works under two different layers of the system. A Per-Monkey MOP within each zoo calculates the performance of each monkey and relays the information back to a SYSTEM MOP which calculates both the overall performance of each ZOO, and generates the performance of the entire system.

    A Probability of Innovative or Neo-Classical Text ID Organizer (or PINTO), would then make use of the very simple following equation to generate a time frame per monkey, per ZOO and per SYSTEM of each text being created in either an Innovative or Perfect way. Texts would be referenced from the GUTENBERG project.

    Let A1 = (Character Output / Time) for Monkey
    Let A2 = (Character Output / Time * Monkeys) for ZOO
    Let A3 = (Character Output / Time * ZOO's) for System
    Let B = Byte Size of each text to be produced
    Let C = characters within language allowable
    Let D = Average of CRITICS allowable word amount change to Neo-Classical ^ Words in a given language.
    Let T represent Timed Probability Per Exact Text

    T = (B^C / Ax)
    Time Probability Per Innovative Texts = T / [1 + (B+D) + (B-D)]

    The denominator for Timed Probability Per Innovative Text is actually just the total amount of different texts that would be allowed with variants. You can remove the 1 to omit the exact text.

    Anybody see any problems? I'm thinking of submitting it.

    Anyway, this system could have a definite market under some huge financial backing. Take Microsoft for example, they have a serious interest in developing readable material. I have books from the Microsoft Press which include, "Chess Strategies", "MCSE Exam Notes", and my personal favorite, "Writing Solid Code" written in the late 80s or early 90s by one of MS's top developers . . .

    Come to think of it... Microsoft must already use a system like this.

  • by spun ( 1352 ) <.loverevolutionary. .at. .yahoo.com.> on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:15PM (#1141092) Journal
    Okay, I went to the site, I read the legal page, and it answers NONE of the real questions. So the Moon Treaty says nothing about people or corporations owning extra-terrestrial real-estate, it only says that governments can't. What I want to know is how did this wack company come to own the moon? If they don't hold title, what are they doing selling it to us? If they do hold title to parts of the moon, can't we just do the same thing and claim parts of the moon without sending them money? The problem here is that property laws are defined by governments and no government has authority on the moon, nor can they according to treaty. So anyone can make any kind of claim they want, but it's meaningless because there is no property law on the moon. So when you go, bring your guns to keep the squatters off.
  • Let's subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!

    No thanks, multiplying with zeroes isn't even novel.

    Wanna see my unit vector?

    Want me to partition it?

  • by Cadre ( 11051 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:38PM (#1141094) Homepage
    Calculus girls? I'll hold out for the Discrete Math or Abstract Algebra Girls.
  • by grappler ( 14976 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:23PM (#1141095) Homepage
    Let's subtract our clothes, divide our legs, and multiply!

    Of course, that's arithmetic, not calculus.

    Wanna see my unit vector?

    --
    grappler
  • by Pope ( 17780 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:50PM (#1141096)
    1a. If you're Binomial, can I watch?

    Is it coincidence that a lot of their pictures are 1024x768? Not that I'm looking or anything :)
    PS Elena is superhot.

    Pope
  • by SMN ( 33356 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:03PM (#1141097)
    Lotta good playboy.com does when the Ask Jesus proxy replaces the pics with ones of Jesus =)
  • by EduardoLeonidas ( 40670 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:00PM (#1141098)
    ...They need to sort them by region!
    I mean, really, how can I use this site to find myself some deep derivative action, eh? Sure, there's always online-romances, but at the end of the day one needs a girl in your own time zone to get all integral with. There's no love like logarithmic love.

  • by ronfar ( 52216 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:23PM (#1141099) Journal
    Well, for those who were curious, here's an article about her in Slate, Micros~1 political magazine:

    Hookers.com [msn.com]

    Hah! Bet they wouldn't have written about her if they'd known she reads Slashdot!!!

    She started out charging $4,500 a day, with a two-day minimum, but the response was so good that she has since given herself a raise to $5,800 a day, still with a two-day minimum.
    There sure are a lot of desperate rich guys out there....
  • by TOCie ( 78822 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @06:19PM (#1141100) Homepage
    In the event that you were actually serious: http://www.montypython.net/scripts/petshop.php3
  • by MicroBerto ( 91055 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:10PM (#1141101)
    Mathematically? Yes. Realistically? No. Here's why:

    Ok, 1/n people will click the link to go the other site. Assuming it's not slashdotted (this is the first problem), then 1/n people at that site will click the slashdot link, and come here! As this goes on for a while and n approaches infinite, the series of the sume from 1 to infinity of (1/n) diverges, going off to infinity. An infinite amount of hits would obviously cause some supreme slashdotting :)

    However, the thing is that the other site is going to be slashdotted already, so no one can come back to slashdot, AND the people who go to that site from slashdot probably won't come back to slashdot in such a manner, seeing that they don't need to for the time being, and they won't cause the recursion. Also, the other sites do not cause such web chaos as slashdot does. And we don't have an infinite amount of n's, but we're getting there!

    What do you think? And i dunno, what's worse than infinite recursion? Kernel panic? :P

    Mike Roberto (roberto@soul.apk.net [mailto]) - AOL IM: MicroBerto

  • by JayBonci ( 92015 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @03:01PM (#1141102)
    In the dictionary (one of them at least)... calculus is defined as not only math, but any problem that is ornery and obtuse, and generally difficult.

    And as my girlfriend would readily agree, the two go perfect together.

    --jay
  • by paulychamp ( 131799 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:09PM (#1141103) Homepage
    askjesus.org translates britney spears to the virgin mary.. now it's confirm.. and i'm in love.

    (britney spears) == (the virgin mary);

    woo.

    paul
  • by Blancer ( 154960 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @03:39PM (#1141104)
    You weren't the only one. But I'm wondering if I was the only one to feel the need to actually code all of those functions.

    // One of the smaller ones
    void reconsider (int argc, char* argv[])
    while(argv[0])
    if(argv[argc])
    argc--;
  • by MAXOMENOS ( 9802 ) <maxomai.gmail@com> on Monday April 10, 2000 @02:30PM (#1141105) Homepage

    Not only are 4 out of 5 staff men, but the site is basically still promoting the looks of these girls who are good at math, enforcing the stereotypical viewpoint that all men care about is how a woman looks. This may be true for some men, and this is certainly true for things like porn, but in real life, I want a woman who can challenge me, and keep me guessing, who is at, above, or near my level of intelligence, and not necessarily interested in the same things.

    Yeah, you're right, it's promoting a stereotype: the smart attractive teenage girl. Which is, IMO, progress compared to the steretype of the smart, bookish teenage girl. Knowing the way that my brain operated when I was a kid, if beauty mattered to me a great deal, and I didn't see anyone who was smart and beautiful, I'd probably choose beautiful over smart. Dumb? You bet. But then again, logic doesn't come naturally to humans; it has to be trained into us.

    Yeah, I personally prefer someone with brains over someone with beauty; and someone who's overweight with a free spirit and brains is sexier than a supermodel with neither. But I could give a sh** how this site reflects on ME. I worry more that we may be subtly pissing away half of our pool of talent with messages like "girls can't do math."

  • by marks ( 12185 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:33PM (#1141106) Homepage
    gotta love these sections (dunno if they are the same every time)....

    Sections
    4/8
    apache
    4/10 (11)
    askslashdot
    1/27
    awards
    4/8
    gospels <--aka tacohell
    4/10 (2)
    bsd
    4/9
    features
    4/10
    interviews
    4/5
    radio
    4/9
    blasphemy <-- aka M$
    4/10 (3)
    yro


    -mark
  • by irix ( 22687 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @03:14PM (#1141107) Journal
    This is just crying out for a poll!

    My Favourite Calculus Girl is:
    - Alexis
    - Cassie
    - Elena
    etc...

    :)

  • by kwsNI ( 133721 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:10PM (#1141108) Homepage
    Mind you after a few shots of vodka, finding a 2x2 blue block takes a lot longer.

    Is there ever a blue Lego when you need it? I mean, there's red and black and white and yellow and you can never forget about those ugly green ones, but there's never blue when you need it. Same goes for the red or black or white or yellow or the ugly green ones when you need those too. And I won't even go into how Mr. Murphy (most famous for his laws) seems to hide all the 2x2 bricks when you need them.

    And what about Lego Mindstorm and all of the mechanical pieces. Damn! And just when you find all the right gears you need, you find that your batteries are dead on your motor or that your system has a resource conflict and you can't comunicate with your creation.

    Personally, I liked Lego so much more when it didn't require a free IRQ on my computer system...

    kwsNI

  • With apologies to all the calculus girls, who are, indeed, gorgeous....

    1. Hey beautiful -- what's your sine?
    2. So baby, are you into groups that commute?
    3. Wanna see my root function?
    4. I know you can integrate, but do you want to multiply?
    5. How'd you like to....take my measure?
    6. You know about predator-prey systems right? Wanna be the predator to my prey?
    7. Oh wow, you are SO absolutely continuous.
    8. How'd you like to come home and study my module?
    9. Oh wow, you make me approximate the Dirac delta function in ways you couldn't imagine!
    10. They say love is complex, but I wanna keep it real. Let's do away with the imaginary stuff and project, shall we?
  • by mind21_98 ( 18647 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:20PM (#1141110) Homepage Journal
    Concerning the Church of the Enlightened...someone should start the Church of the Geeks. Maybe something like:

    The 10 Commandments

    1. Thou shalt immolate thyself to destroy Evil's software patents
    2. Thou shalt not covet DVD's unless thou supports DeCSS
    3. Thou shalt read Slashdot every hour
    4. Thou shalt homeschool thy children using UserFriendly and thy Linux box
    5. Thou shalt covet no God but Linus Torvalds
    6. Thou shalt make a pilgrimage to the Geek Compound
    7. Thou shalt code all night and consume thy Coffee
    8. Thou shalt not use Windows unless within VMWare
    9. Thou shalt not covet Evil Software Corporations
    10. Thou shalt not support the US Government

    Or maybe not...but this kind of thing would be a good extension to AskJesus

    On the other hand, alcohol at LegoLand worries me. Someone could easily circumvent those policies to the point where they can get themselves intoxicated. Or the alcohol could prove to be a bad influence on children.

    --
    Vote for mind21_98 this November!
  • by bartyboy ( 99076 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:34PM (#1141111)
    10. Hey. Can I take your derivative?

    9. What's your integral?

    8. That proof would look great next to my bed in the morning.

    7. My vector is a scalar multiple.

    6. If you say no, I'll ask again - I'm a detrminant.

    5. Ever tried the Implicit Function Theorem on a water bed?

    4. Nice equipotential surfaces and curves...

    3. Want to see the geometric properties of my gradient vector?

    2. What's your center of convergence?

    1. I'm Binomial.
  • by Carnage4Life ( 106069 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @03:17PM (#1141112) Homepage Journal
    I'd really love to be able to take a gander at whatever translation table Ask Jesus uses. By trying it out on my homepage I noticed the following interesting substitutions.

    Web -> Tower of babel

    Clubs -> Secret Houses of worship

    data -> inscrutable numbers

    college -> hell on earth

    school -> purgatory

    business -> slave-trade



  • by FreshView ( 139455 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:56PM (#1141113) Homepage
    This calculusgirls site is total bullshit. Not only are 4 out of 5 staff men, but the site is basically still promoting the looks of these girls who are good at math, enforcing the stereotypical viewpoint that all men care about is how a woman looks. This may be true for some men, and this is certainly true for things like porn, but in real life, I want a woman who can challenge me, and keep me guessing, who is at, above, or near my level of intelligence, and not necessarily interested in the same things. This site claims that it is promoting "smart women", but it isn't.. it's still promoting "smart, attractive women", and fuck, no offense to anyone, but if these calculus girls were so smart, why couldn't they make the site themselves?

    Flames expected.
  • by Lord Ender ( 156273 ) on Monday April 10, 2000 @01:38PM (#1141114) Homepage
    That AskJesus thing is awesome! Not because of how it messes up the pages you go to but because it is basically a CGI Proxy server!

    You see, at my school to get on the internet we need to go through a proxy server that filters out any websites that haven't been deemed "educationally valuable." This is most sites on the internet.

    But with this thing, since it fetches the page for you (so it can alter the text) we could go through this to get around the proxy! I bet my programming teacher would be surprised to see us looking at, say playboy.com whilst it is in ye olde english speak!

    Thank you, Jesus!

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