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Editorial

Journal jawtheshark's Journal: The invisible man explained. 86

Journal by jawtheshark
Introduction
First of all, I might want to note that it is not the first time I have disappeared like that. Proof for this is in this journal entry. This usually happens when I'm depressed, and can't cope with all the happy fluffy talk from all the people around me. And you guys, are way to happy-fluffy for me lately. Oh, and, no, I don't just do this offline, I actually "disappear" in real life too. Ask anyone who knows me IRL. Going back into my cave, and smoke and drink heavily is what I do.
Also, you have to realize that I have a lot of work lately. It was utterly impossible to go online during the day at work. The pressure still is insane, by the way.

Preparation
Timing is important in disappearing. The moment was perfect. (See above stated reasons) First of all, as some people noted I was at my 2600 post, which was the only clue I left that my absence was not accidental. Actually, I made it so damned obvious because I mentioned in my last post. Moreover, the date of the post is important. Note that it was on a friday-night. Why, is this important? Simple: to give conspiracy theorists something to feed on. Everyone knows that traffic accidents involving alcohol and high speed usually happen on weekends. It is important to keep up a certain amount of doubt.
After this post, I had to become careful. First thing I did, was set the "Post Anonymous" checkbox in my preferences. This was to avoid that I'd post something by being impulsive. Finally, I did the same to Corporate Troll. While I did not post with that account in a long time, I knew people would be watching it. Activity there would have betrayed me in no time.
For more security, I launched ICQ early in the morning here (that is when most of you guys sleep), in order to set myself default to "invisible" and remove any potential slashdotters form the visible list. Only for security, because over the time I was absent, I launched ICQ for a grand total of three times.
The only means of communication left to any of you was email. Something that is really easy to ignore. For added realism I could have taken down jawtheshark.com. This, however is not possible, for I rely on my server for work related emails. Apart from that, I am notorious for not replying to emails, if my time doesn't allow it.

Expectations
Actually, I did not expect anyone to note that I left. Why? Simple: it is not uncommon for me not posting any journal entries for well over a month. Also, I doubt that I'd spot anyone of you disappearing. If you're realistic, you will see that most people are not that regular posters (although there are some notorious exceptions). Also I am not very often on ICQ since the breakup with spirit00. I also do not email any of you on a regular basis. Nobody, should have noted my absence.
If anyone would spot my disappearing, there were three possible theories:

  • Alcohol and/or speed induced car-crash.
  • Leaving slashdot for good.
  • Leaving slashdot temporary, for whatever reason.

Execution
Slashdot is addictive. You all know that. So, I stayed around reading your journals and monitoring promising entries. That's all I did, except posting the occasional AC entry. From a psychological perspective of not posting to slashdot, you have to know that it is really hard. You are somehow used to writing down your thoughts and vent anything that happens in your life. Personally it happens that when I'm somewhere (like driving to work in the car or the bus), I'm writing a journal entry in my head. Some of them get posted later, but this time, whatever I thought up, I just did it in my head and didn't write it down.
The hardest part for me was not being able to post in the front page news. I don't do it regularly, but sometimes you just see something that is so blatantly false that you have to correct someone. AC posting doesn't cut it on the front page.
I was originally going to stay away till exactly one month after the last posting (which would have been 15 september), but spirit00 foiled my plan. She was the unknown variable that I didn't count in my absence. How could I have known that she would suddenly decide to re-appear? Also, she was a real danger into blowing my cover. Anybody could have asked her in her journal where I was, and she would surely have replied. This is the one and only reason, I had to blow my own cover.

Results
What about the results? Well, apparently it takes exactly 12 days to raise people's suspicion: I appeared as a side note in someones journal. The person which noted the absence was rather unexpected. The discussion below, included the possible expected reactions. The 2600th post hint was noticed, but not the friday night hint. A new one popped up, noticing that I could be on vacation. Interesting thought... While I do have bunch of vacation (still 13.5 legal days left), I have absolutely no time to take it. :-( However you guys couldn't know that.
The next day, I got another appearance in another journal entry as a side note. This one did not spawn any discussion related to me. From then on, there were no more journal sightings nor did I see any comments related to my absence. (This might of course, be incorrect, because it is nearly impossible to monitor all journal entries, considering you guys regularly spawn over a dozen journal entries a day).

On the IM front, I can only say that I received exactly one offline message. This is most probably due to AOL deleting offline after a certain period.

Emails were notably absent. The first email (dated 27/08/2003) was a rather sly attempt to see if I was alive. Instead of just asking "where are you", the person decided to do a reply on my last journal entry. The person did however the mistake to make the email only informative and stopping with "Just FYI". Emails like that do not require a reply, so I could easily ignore it.
The second email appeared last saturday (06/09/2003), which plainly asked where I was. While harder to ignore, I still did. My excuse is that the subject didn't match the content. Also note that both emails came from people that had emailed me at some point in time before. No one used the email address published in my slashdot user information.

As for chatting/emailing between yourselves, I am of course unable to make any conclusions on those events. I have to take your word for it.

One odd thing is that some people added me to their friend list. That was very unexpected. Why exactly this happened is beyond me. I did not post or write anything interesting, so why would anyone add an obviously inactive account? I do not know, nor will I ever know.

Conclusions
Are there any to be made? Not really, since I aborted the experiment before the deadline. What you can say is that absence usually will be not more than a blurb in the slashdot jabbering. Attempts to contact me were relatively poor. Why do I think this? Well, first of all there is one person in the crowd here that *would* most certainly know if anything happened to me. Who this is you can try to find out yourself, and no it was not spirit00, as I didn't count her in as a risk. If anything ever really happened to me, I am sure you would know in no time.
Furthermore it's rather easy to take up contact with anybody in my family. I won't tell you exactly how, but everyone here is very wired. My mom would be the exception, but that is fixed with a cron job that notifies my dad that she has email so that he can tell her when to check her email. (Grrr, I just noticed that my dad beat my google rating to second place! Damnit! I need to fix that!)

Also note that potential death or other hospitalization would probably result in jawtheshark.com going down in no time. DSL bills need to be paid you know, and usually, upon death all your ongoing contracts are blocked. jawtheshark.com was only offline yesterday, because my parents had DSL problems and I swapped my modem with theirs in order to see if it was their modem that was broken. (I dislike the term modem for the DSL device, but I lack a better name. Router perhaps?)

What it demonstrates to all of us, is that online relations are very volatile. We are all just mere shadows to each other. Whatever happens to any of us, you will never know for sure. Thus is the way of the internet, and that should be the lesson to all of you. It might range from loss of connection due to policy changes at work and not being able to pay a private connection, to the other extreme, being death.

The other lesson you should remember from this experiment, is that I'm not a nice guy for I played with your minds. The lesson is: don't trust a shark.... ever....

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The invisible man explained. More

The invisible man explained.

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  • Well, I thought you'd taken a hiatus or quit. Mainly from what you posted [slashdot.org] in Andr0meda's Journal when he left. Cause for speculation? Not really. Your domain stayed up, and I don't feel comfortable emailing you.

    Perhaps you're looking for an excuse to see something that isn't there?
    • I thought you'd taken a hiatus or quit.

      Essentially that is what I did, except I lurked. And you are right, Andr0meda was my main point of inspiration, even though he had the decency to say that he left.

      Perhaps you're looking for an excuse to see something that isn't there?

      I don't know what you mean by that... But hey, anyone can have his opinion.

      • I meant precisely what others have written.

        Jaw, depression is a cycle. The more you feed it, the harder it is to escape.

        Keep reminding me of when I was contracting for a big company during a merger/acquisition(biggest chemical merger in history), and they were downsizing and removing redundant jobs.

        This sign was up all over:
        "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."
        • Jaw, depression is a cycle. The more you feed it, the harder it is to escape

          Then there is no escape possible at all.

          • Jaw, seriously, I have no idea what to type to you. You seem to want to distance yourself from everyone here, because it's easier then people you "really" know. Well, you're not going to succeed so long as you're posting. You seem to want to see only when other people experience joy... to find excuses to feel bad. Believe me, my life is not a picnic. This is the self-fufilling downward cycle of depression. Do you really like feeling this way? I doubt it. Can you or anyone here really do anything abo
            • Oh, and JawtheShark, if you don't think we're real...

              Ripper is Hardcore.
            • So, JtS, what do you want us to do?

              I have no answer to this question.

              Perhaps it is time for me to really leave, and say farewell to all of you. Perhaps it is time to let you all go, and let you live your (potentially happy) lives.

              I am at this point in life where you realise that all you have done is wrong, and that the future has no more hopes.

  • Vacation I could have handle. Actively ignoring us to mess with our minds? Come on, now...

    is that I'm not a nice guy for I played with your minds.

    You said it, not me. I'm glad you're back though. Don't do it again, regardless of how you think we think about you.

    (Hmm, will you take orders from a Californian? I think not)
  • You knew just as well as all of us do that an experiment like this can be used to prove just about any thesis. You can use it to whine "Woe is me, they wouldn't care if I died" and, conversely, since some people did contact you, you can take solace in that you were missed. The experiment is flawed to start with since you will never really know whether I (or anyone) talked on IM about your absence or not. You are no farther ahead or any steps back from where you were to start with. Do you really feel this ha
    • I tend to agree.

      The only reason I had mentioned you was because your last few posts had been a mind fuck of woe is me stuff. I got a bit concerned, but hey, whatcha gonna do, ya know?

      I figured you were off doing your own thing. And you were.

      Feel any better?
      • My mind is still fucked up, don't worry... I have no intention to change that part. I'm also still depressed and couldn't care less.

        I figured you were off doing your own thing. And you were.

        I always do, that shouldn't be new at all.

    • I did not expect to prove anything. I did not whine in this journal entry at all. I actually stayed factual.

      Regardless: social experiments rarely prove anything because there are too many variables. It's like in economics: you can try to be scientific, but essentially you will fail to put up a consistent theory. This is why both sociology and economics are not in the "science" faculty of any University.

      Did it have a point? Yes, I had my fun... And now you finally know that I'm in reality an asshol

      • And now you finally know that I'm in reality an asshole.

        I think you're in denial here, trying to make yourself look like a jerk so that no-one will want to be around you. 2 things -

        You're a nice guy. You've got your opinions, but we all know you're a nice guy. You can't hide it, and we're all jerks sometimes, so we can handle it from others.

        Not all relationships will end up badly, like your last one with spirit. Just cause that one was bad doesn't mean that you should push everyone away. (And I doubt m

      • this really just seems like trolling to me.

        this is how i read what you're writing about this experiment, here and other places. if people didn't wonder right away, that proves they didn't care. if they did try to contact, they didn't try hard enough. since nothing was really wrong and this was an experiment, everyone should agree with you that you're a jerk.

        it also seems to me like an excuse for you to project your feelings about yourself onto others. ha! we don't buy it so easily as you do.

        and for t
    • I think I see the point. He's hoping we'll all get pissed because he "messed with our minds" and de-friend him. And then he won't have to listen to our "happy fluffy talk" anymore.

      Sorry, JtS, but friends don't abandon friends when they need them, and you need us now more than you ever have, whether you admit it or not.

  • The first email (dated 27/08/2003) was a rather sly attempt to see if I was alive. Instead of just asking "where are you", the person decided to do a reply on my last journal entry.

    It wasn't an attempt to check if you're alive at all.. it was sincere - I saw something on the net and it reminded me a part of your journal entry (I'd have given you a link, but you don't have Hebrew-speaking relatives so it won't help much)

    The person did however the mistake to make the email only informative and stopping w
    • No one used the email address published in my slashdot user information.

      Wrong!

      Date: Wed, 27 Aug 2003 05:22:39 -0500 (CDT)
      From: Nave's real name <censored@censored.com>
      To: slashdot@jawtheshark.com
      Subject: censored
      • You are right. I didn't see it. Apparently my webmail doesn't show the correct To field. That email address just is an alias for my real email address. The Apple Mail app shows indeed that you posted to slashdot@jawtheshark.com, I just checked.

        My mistake.

    • Okay... You wouldn't have liked the reply in the first place. I am sort of the black sheep of the company in the first place. They cope with me swearing and insulting clients, they cope with me arriving late at work, and I have insulted their equipent more than once in front of clients.

      But you know what? I am *asked* to work on important projects. Project Managers know how I am: I am blunt and say exactly what I think (which is really good to evaluate risks in a project), but my work is correct and a

      • I do like this reply. It's pretty cool to be able to insult clients and equipment without getting fired - like in a movie comedy (the first half of Office Space [criticism [slashdot.org]] comes in mind).
  • My vote on your demise was:

    Alcohol and/or speed induced car-crash.

    Your self-destructedness makes this an 'all signs point to yes' result.

    And there is a solution to depression: chemistry. Vitamin P, Celexa, etc. It's unlikely that you are one of the people who can't be helped by one/some of these drugs. Yes, there are side effects. That's why there are about a billion of them (probably more in the EU). Two drugs that should be chemically identical can have radically different effects on the same person
    • Getting the medication right can be a really painful process. I went through this with my wife, but it has been more than worth it. When you finally meet the person you love again, it's indescribable.
      • Getting the medication right can be a really painful process.

        You're right, I underplayed that aspect of it. But it seems that you know from experience that ignoring it or self-medicating can be at least as painful.
        • Ignoring it or self-medicating is more painful. Watching someone you care about destroy their life is not a nice experience. My wife is in good shape now, but I know another person who has been sliding downhill for ten years. Part of the problem is that his friends (and his now ex-wife) discouraged him from getting the help he needed.

          To anyone else who might be reading this: Depression is a treatable illness. There is nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatrist. You would take insulin for diabetes, o
    • Sorry, but I don't believe in happy pills. I found it rather strange that you think that in the EU we have more "happy pills". Up until now, only Americans have suggested to go and take medication or/and seek a shrink.
      I can assure you that this is not the European way. Things like this are traditionally seen here as something that will go over. How long it will take doesn't matter, even if it never goes over.

      Also, alcohol is not self medication. I'm just an alcoholic. That's all.

      • No, what I implied is that given the fact that the EU okays pharmaceuticals with far less testing, there is likely to be more available.

        • Is that so? You have any articles proving that? I remember that when Viagra came out in the US, it took a heck of a long time before it got approved in european countries. However, my memory may be flawed.
          • Nothing comes to me easily, but in 1996, we studied some business cases involving bringing drugs to market in the US. It took, on average, about twice as long for the FDA to approve drugs as did various bodies in the EU. Now, it's possible that certain classes of drugs (anti-depressants) are less marketable in the EU, so the pharmaceutical companies don't even bother trying to get them approved.

  • One day the sun will shine a bit more brightly, or the clarity of a piece of code will strike you, or perhaps a picture will catch your eye, or a cloud will swirl like God himself is playing in the skies, and something will change.

    The real question is: (and I suppose you or possibly FortKnox could answer it)

    Will you be in the next photo contest?
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
    • So, as his friend, is it better to talk to him? Or to be stand-offish. Since you just never know.
      • Comment removed based on user account deletion

        • You can't expect things to just be done with and move on. Especially when it concerns relationships. These things need to sink in, and it can take a long time, just like SamTheButhcer has allready pointed out. Even when you *think* you can cope or *are* coping, you find yourself struck by feelings and memories that you never saw coming.

          Those who know what total love can be probably know what I'm talking about.

          Jorg is just one of my best friends, and frankly I think that friendship surpasses what someon
          • Thanks for the defense, you just know me way longer than everyone else here which sets you in a big advantage.

            Glad to have you back Jorgy, and thanks for the card :) Lovely sight! ( though I would expect it to be more blonde ;) )

            As long as I travel and as long as I have your address, there will be postcards arriving. Oh, and plenty of blonde babes up there, the rumours are true...


            • _Maybe_ I have a headstart in that dept. by knowing you earlier, _maybe_ I know myself enough so I can try to understand who you are, but what I'm sure of is that I don't know nearly half of who you really *really* are :)

              I didn't want to sound presumtuous, or pretend I know better.. I'm just saying I think there is more that meets the eye..

              Like with blondes, for example..

              eh..

              forget it..

      • Treat them like normal. If they have mood swings, tell them you don't appreciate it. If they are always joyful to the point of self-destruction, enjoy the ride. If they are a bummer to be around, ignore them. Someone who is depressed, and won't own up to it (which includes both recognition of the problem as well as seeking of treatment) Well, if they ignore it, why can't you? They'll get help when, if they want it. Some depressed people wind up with their big toe on the trigger of a shotgun (friend of mine
    • He's obviously clinically depressed.

      Can I get sick leave for that? Now, that would be cool.

      • Yes, you can - I just did 6 months.

        Wasn't much fun, and possibly wasn't the best solution to things, since I ended up just moping around at home, instead of getting my ass out of bed and into work, but you can get sick leave.
  • It sounds to me that you are trying to make us angry @ you, just so that you could justify your bad situation.

    You're being completely irrational. I don't understand how every1 can be so supportive of you. Don't get me wrong. I want to help you too, but you seem to be so mean right now. I have worried. Now, I'm relieved. I was glad to hear from you. Then you seemed to rebuke us, almost. I find that so offensive. But then again, I tend to have pretty thin skin.

    If you want a bit of space, then I'll give a b
    • I don't understand how every1 can be so supportive of you.

      Neither can I, but I really stepped on some toes considering the amount of Anonymous Coward posts.

      I find that so offensive. But then again, I tend to have pretty thin skin.

      You don't have a thin skin, I think that is a completely normal reaction.

  • though rather than what is normally assumed, I just figured you had a new slashdot name (unlikely) or that you were dead. I figured that the dead was unlikely though, since your post number was such.

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