Talk about your bad luck...

Remember a few years ago, there was a woman who was hit on the head by a lamppost that fell after being struck by a Macy's Parade balloon?

Turns out, that was her apartment that Cory Lidle crashed into.

A couple is golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband says, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows; it'll cost us a fortune to fix."

Although I suppose a flying lawnmower wouldn't actually get the grass cut too quickly...

Thing Two turns five today. He's completely into Cars right now, so we're helping to boost Disney's stock price and having a completely Cars-themed party.

I decided to try my hand at baking a "fun" cake for him. I'm no Ace of Cakes, but it didn't turn out half bad.

1. Alton Brown grinds his own peppercorns. With his teeth.

2. Alton Brown's chili cheese fries are healthier than raw carrots. Even after he adds the bacon and lard.

3. Alton Brown brushes his teeth with wasabi and gargles with pickle brine. But still his breath smells like lemon merengue.

4. Alton Brown can boil a three-minute egg in thirty-seven seconds.

Dear Mrs. Samples:

Over the past six months, your husband, Royse Samples has been causing quite a commotion in our Lawton store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

After a couple odd crashes, I finally decided to reinstall MacOS X 10.4 on my Powerbook, which is actually the first time I've done a full reinstall since I got it over two years ago.

So I've got this loaf of bread that proclaims itself to be "great for sandwiches!"

It has an odd number of slices...

Police in the Israeli port city of Haifa were searching for a man suspected of breaking into a number of businesses in the downtown area. The suspect, named Joseph, is believed to have occasionally worked as a farmer in the area. He has been seen playing the flute on city street corners, and is the son of a German father and a former nun from Spain.

In other words: He's a Haifa-lootin', flutin' Teuton, son of a nun from Barcelona, part-time plowboy Joe.

Human Space Invaders

A man was on holiday in Kenya. While he was walking through the bush, he came across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed so the man approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot. There was a large thorn deeply embedded in the bottom of the foot.

Whose grounds these are I think I knew.
His pot is in the maker, true;
He will not see me pouring here
To watch my mug fill up with brew.

My little cup must think it's queer
To drink without some sugar near
Instead of cream and Coffee Mate
The darkest coffee of the year.

I give my caffeine drink a taste
My sleepiness to be erased.
The only other sound's the hiss
Of easy drips and steam displaced.