Breaking news: Amelia Earhart has been discovered alive and well on a Pacific island. Doctors in the TIGHAR-sponsored search party say the avatrix is doing well. However, due to her advanced years and resultant dementia, Earhart is unable to identify herself. Ric Gillespie, executive director of TIGHAR, denies that the woman is in fact Mary Montgomery, 74, of New Springs, Idaho, who was reported missing last week after failing to turn up for dinner on board the prestigious cruise ship Pacific Star. Speaking to reporters, Gillespie said "clearly Amelia managed to rig up the components of her radio set into a receiver and heard the story about the missing woman, and due to her advanced cognitive decline, began to associate herself with the news that she heard. Unfortunately, she appears to have lost this radio between hearing the news and our arrival."