Marriages Spawned From Online Dating As Satisfying As From Traditional Dating 313
sciencehabit writes "Millions of people first met their spouses through online dating. But how have those marriages fared compared with those of people who met in more traditional venues such as bars or parties? Pretty well, according to a new study. A survey of nearly 20,000 Americans reveals that marriages between people who met online are at least as stable and satisfying as those who first met in the real world—possibly more so."
Why should it be any different? (Score:3, Interesting)
I mean, if anything it should be better, it's much easier to vet and eliminate chicks online. If they send a message 'how r u 2day??' you know to move on. I met my wife online and have been married for 3 years.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
My Wife and I got married on OKcupid. I have to say that it worked out okay, despite the difficulty of long distance for a year, travelling across the country every 2 months.
However I think that online provides a different veil from what you get IRL, Because your able to filter out what you want to say to a person, though its easier to narrow down interests.
On one side I married a beautiful geek woman who is motivated to change the world, on the other side I didn't know about the extent of the despression / suicidal thoughts from abuse and neglect.
YMMV
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
I "dated" a woman online, and found out about her depression and suicidal thoughts after a couple of weeks, so I wouldn't assume that online is always a better way to hide stuff. In some cases the distance gives you an objectivity missing from real life. It all depends.
Re:Communication is the key (Score:4, Interesting)
Wow, a woman 19 years older. That's unusual. Even more so that it lasted.
"Now if only there were a way to meet and talk and talk and talk with a person face-to-face, in-real-life, instead of *having* to go to a movie and then make out in the car."
Ha ha. The reality is, in real life there will be an expectation of some kind of physical contact rather soonish (unless you are in Iran or something), and that can tend to muddle things. In your case, you got to know her through NOT dating, so you got to know her a bit prior to any such expectations.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
I can agree to that.
I met my missus online while farting around online. We spent the first few hours together in a chat at an online forum, tossing sarcasm at a TV documentary on love while it was being broadcast. Found out she lived across town... long story short, we wound up married a little over a year later.
It is amazing how you can not only assess her intelligence, but it's easier to be yourself when you're not distracted by deep green eyes and a gravity-defying bustline.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
All joking aside, I should add a PS: It's been 7 years since we met.
It's like any other marriage, really... you still have to work at it. You still have to wake up next to her. You still have to debate, argue, compromise, and most importantly? In spite of my peking on a laptop and her messing about on an iPad 3 feet away, you still have to get along in real life.
Online is just one of many ways to meet someone initially... it still takes a shitload of work to make it work.
IMHO? I spite of the rather adventurous life we've led together since (both for good and ill), it's still worth it. :)
Agreed - my story (Score:4, Interesting)
Dang it - I wasn't logged on last time and my post ended in Anonymous Coward limbo...
My girlfriend and I met through a dating service when I was living in Russia. We've lived happily for two years, have a child, and I wouldn't change anything in how we met, or the wonderful times we've spent all over the world since (we've lived in Russia, the Ukraine, Mexico, Switzerland and San Francisco since). The best part about the on-line dating aspect was that we could spend lots and lots of time discussing various topics of interest to both of us, comparing our values, and otherwise communicating in a cool way that would've taken a lot longer in-person.
Another great aspect of on-line dating is that you aren't limited to one person at a time. You can screen (and be screened) much faster, and you can then cherry pick with whom you'll invest time for the in-person dates and so on.
Disclaimer: at the time I was the VP of technology for Badoo, so I was in a position to use the service as much as I could or wanted. I didn't have to pay for the additional services (e.g. gifts, Super Powers, etc.) so it was easy for us to spend as much time on the service as we wished. My opinions on the subject are biased because of this -- but I'd still recommend anyone looking for a mate to try the on-line dating service that better works for their tastes.
Cheers!
E
Marriage Satisfaction Correlation To Meeting Means (Score:4, Interesting)
My ultra-orthodox Jewish grandparents lived in a society where fixed marriage was pretty much the norm, and that's what they did as well. Anecdotaly, it never seemed to me like that generation had worse marriage. More rigorous methods are unavailable: there probably aren't reliable questionaires in fixed-marriage societies, and other posters have pointed out that divorce rates can be misleading. I wonder if the key to a happy marriage is just managing your expectations.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
Your story rings similar to mine. We haven't gotten married yet (known her for several years and been together for almost as long) and I didn't meet her on a dating website but a regular forum that I co-ran. Same kind of girl as mine. The whole depression angle seems to be a common one when you get into relationships online.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
Can someone please mod parent all the way up?
There's no silver bullet to make relationships work. Online can be an excellent way to meet the right person, but every relationship takes work, commitment and compromise.
Worked well for me (Score:4, Interesting)
Anicdotal yes, but.... I met my late wife back in 1996 in IRC (a gaming channel ha, imagine). She moved from LA to live with me in Michigan (again, imagine ha!) We were married in 1997 & were happy for 14 years until cancer took her from me. One thing about online chat was how much we ummm... chatted. The crazies & the bullshitters were picked out rather quickly, they couldn't keep the crazy/bullshit straight.
Again, when I felt I was ready, using an online dating service I've met an absolutely wonderful woman. We have so much in common it's scary. I don't think it is as good of a vetting system as IRC was though. I got lucky.
My opinion is online is actually better than the old ways.
Study sponsored by eHarmony!!! (Score:1, Interesting)
The study was sponsored by eHarmony. Isn't that sort of important? Shouldn't the summary tell you that materially important information so you don't waste time with this article? That's like a military-industrial complex former government official working at a consulting agency telling us China is hacking us. What else would you expect? Next up: Vatican sponsored survey reveals the Pope is Catholic!
Actually from my experience... Better... (Score:4, Interesting)
First wife was traditional, ended in a horrible train wreck as she was insane.
Current Wife met via the internet and 11 years later we are still the best of friends and still madly in love with each other.
From my experience, Meeting a mate IRL is a recipe for failure, you get infatuated with their looks and not their mind first.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:5, Interesting)
That's one thing about NOT getting married younger, once you get past a certain age, what's left out there is largely damaged goods, lots of crazy chicks out there. Not all, but a LOT of them. After a few years, you start catching the good ones coming out of bad marriages, many of those are damaged too, BUT, if you find one coming of marriage that didn't go off the deep end, you have a pretty good, strong minded woman which is kinda nice.
Trouble is with the latter one, you have to possibly put up with kids....ugh. However, meet them a few years after that, often the kids will be old enough to be out of, or just about out of the house, then, you don't really have that much interaction with them, or dependence issues.
But yeah, you gotta watch out, lots of crazies out there...crazies are often fun in the sack, but be careful not to get too close or attached to them, they can really spin your world badly.
Re:Why should it be any different? (Score:4, Interesting)
Physical attraction isn't going anywhere, but it's rarely been the sole basis of a relationship. During many of those thousands of years, economic security was a far more important pillar. Sometimes marriages were arranged. Sometimes it was simply a matter of whoever was available in the village. It's only recently that people have gotten really picky with unrealistic romantic expectations. Online dating makes it easier for picky people to find someone suitable.