IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion

IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion 219

Posted by ScuttleMonkey on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:43PM from the here-comes-the-licensing-shift dept.

gerald626 writes "IBM announced today that they have formed an agreement to purchase ISS for 1.3 billion dollars." From the article: " The all-cash transaction of about $28 per share is meant to bolster IBM's ability to deliver security services to corporations, the company said. ISS builds network protection products and services, including intrusion detection and monitoring tools. IBM said it intends to use ISS's expertise and software to provide more robust security-related services to its corporate customers."

IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion

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Why would IBM... (Score:5, Funny)

by Billosaur ( 927319 ) * writes: <<wgrother> <at> <optonline.net>> on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:44PM (#15963477) Journal

...want a space station? To spy on Redmond?

Star Trek & IBM (Score:5, Funny)

by AKAImBatman ( 238306 ) * writes: <akaimbatman@gmaYEATSil.com minus poet> on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:45PM (#15963484) Homepage Journal

IBM announced today that they have formed an agreement to purchase ISS for 1.3 billion dollars.

IBM: This ISS, could it carry my wisdom beyond the Internet?

Sybok: It could. Yes.

IBM: Then I shall make use of this... ISS.

Sybok: It will be your chariot!

(Kirk politely raises his hand.)

Kirk: Excuse me.

IBM: It will carry my power to every corner of creation...

Kirk: Excuse me! I'd just like to ask a question!

(McCoy looks at Kirk like he just farted in church.)

Kirk: Excuse me, but What does IBM need with a space station?

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:1, Funny)

by ackthpt ( 218170 ) * writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:48PM (#15963528) Homepage Journal

...want a space station? To spy on Redmond?

I laughed. I cried. I read TFA.

You guys are so goofy! (Score:5, Funny)

by RobertB-DC ( 622190 ) * writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:50PM (#15963549) Homepage Journal

Geez, everyone's telling the same lame "ISS" = "International Space Station" joke.

It's just a typo! Haven't you figured that out yet? IBM simply bought IIS from Microsoft. I wonder if they'll make IIS run on Linux?

Re:I can see it now. (Score:5, Funny)

by Snarfangel ( 203258 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:55PM (#15963609) Homepage

There are going to be millions of mod point used on -1 Redundant.

That's only because there isn't a -1 Obvious.

Now, back to my job at NASA [sawingassociation.com].

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

by Intron ( 870560 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:57PM (#15963635)

Yes. NASA gets $1.3B up front, but wait til they start getting the IBM service bills. Travel time alone ...

Re:Why would IBM... simple (Score:5, Funny)

by Lumpy ( 12016 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:58PM (#15963645) Homepage

IBM's decision to buy the ISS was a fantastic decision. They can now freely ignore the Sarbanes Oxlley laws as well as Monopoly and other laws in every country as the IBM headquarters will not be located in outer space making them immune to earth laws.

Great move on the executives part!

You mean it's not the REAL space station? (Score:2, Funny)

by scottennis ( 225462 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @12:59PM (#15963652) Homepage

Bad, wicked, naughty Zoot. She's been setting alight to our beacon, which, I just remembered, is space station shaped.

It's not the first time this has happened.

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:2, Funny)

by Lectrik ( 180902 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:02PM (#15963689)

...want a space station? To spy on Redmond?
at least I wasn't the only one thinking that

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

by SnowZero ( 92219 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:06PM (#15963730)

Maybe in this case it would be wise to spell out the acronym,

International Business Machines

There, does that help?

Re:Star Trek & IBM (Score:4, Funny)

by rts008 ( 812749 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:07PM (#15963735) Journal

Awckk!
I just spewed coffee all over my monitor, you insensetive clod!

LOL! Very good post- funny, and gets back ontopic, yet is directly replying to offtopic posts. Well done, since I don't have mod points to give you now.

I also thought of the space station reading the summary, but then RTFA- no, no space station was harmed (or even used) in creating this article.

The article might have been more interesting if it was about IBM buying the space station- especially if they included Russia's response!

Re:Star Trek & IBM (Score:3, Funny)

by monoqlith ( 610041 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:10PM (#15963757)

Kirk: Excuse me, but What does IBM need with a space station?

No, no. You have it all wrong. The question Kirk asked was:

Kirk: Excuse me.....but what.... does....IBMneed....with...aspacestation?

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

by infolib ( 618234 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:17PM (#15963810)

No, they want the cleaning company. [issworld.com] (2005 revenue $8e9)

Now it's your turn... (Score:2, Funny)

by Talennor ( 612270 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:22PM (#15963835) Journal

This is funny, because as someone who has worked for ISS (Internet Security Systems) and frequently reads Slashdot, I've found several articles confusing when people write about /the/ ISS (Space Station) and I think, "Wait, what the hell are we doing?" So I welcome you all to my world of ambiguousness, which won't exist much longer now that it's been bought...

Back in the day... (Score:5, Funny)

by OriginalArlen ( 726444 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:27PM (#15963879)

when I first started working in infosec (5, 6 years ago) I spent a lot of time downloading and playing with the free trials for various vuln scanners - ISS, Retina, LANGuard and so on. I mentioned this to someone with more security experience who replied "ISS? It's Still Shit, right?"

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

by antek9 ( 305362 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @01:51PM (#15964064)

RTFA, as in: Rolling on The Floor in Agony?

The real question is ... (Score:2, Funny)

by kinglink ( 195330 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @02:04PM (#15964164)

when is IBM putting a giant friking laser on the Space station?

Obligatory (Score:3, Funny)

by geobeck ( 924637 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @02:43PM (#15964461) Homepage

We should eliminate acronyms altogether. They get in the way of comprehension.

"Since the VP is such a VIP, maybe we should keep the PC on the QT. Otherwise he could go MIA, and we'd all end up on KP."

Sounds perfectly nonobfuscationalized to me.

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @02:53PM (#15964539)

....soon to be "Interstellar Business Machines"!

Re:Finally! A commercial reason for space habitats (Score:4, Funny)

by arthurpaliden ( 939626 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @03:18PM (#15964737)

It the start of the "B" Ark. Every one know where their towel is.

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:3, Funny)

by CAIMLAS ( 41445 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @05:03PM (#15965474)

To complicate matters, I get ISS and IIS confused; I have to think which acronym is the station, and which one is the shitty web server.

So, basically, I thought, "What...? How would IBM Purchasing Microsoft's web server improve security for anyone?! Unless they're going to burry it deep."

Re:Obligatory (Score:3, Funny)

by geobeck ( 924637 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @05:08PM (#15965527) Homepage

The phrase may be nonobfuscated, however your new-fangled word isn't ;-)

Yeah, but the real word didn't seem... well, cromulent enough.

I guess I could have gone for nonantidisobfuscationalizapated.

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:3, Funny)

by nurb432 ( 527695 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @05:28PM (#15965695) Homepage Journal

Nah, they will paint it blue and white .. Billboard in space.

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

by Richy_T ( 111409 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @05:48PM (#15965845) Homepage

Too long. I suggest you abbreviate to TBYATFAYSU

Rich

Re:Star Trek & IBM -- What are you talking abo (Score:5, Funny)

by Ster ( 556540 ) writes: on Wednesday August 23, 2006 @06:22PM (#15966045)

That sounds like it might have been between ST: IV and ST: VI, but we all know that there was no movie in between ST: IV and ST: VI .

...

It didn't happen, okay!

-Ster

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IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion 219

IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion More Login

IBM to Buy ISS for $1.3 Billion

Why would IBM... (Score:5, Funny)

Star Trek & IBM (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:1, Funny)

You guys are so goofy! (Score:5, Funny)

Re:I can see it now. (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... simple (Score:5, Funny)

You mean it's not the REAL space station? (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:2, Funny)

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Star Trek & IBM (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Star Trek & IBM (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

Now it's your turn... (Score:2, Funny)

Back in the day... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

The real question is ... (Score:2, Funny)

Obligatory (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Nice headline (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Finally! A commercial reason for space habitats (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Obligatory (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Why would IBM... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Star Trek & IBM -- What are you talking abo (Score:5, Funny)

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