ComputerWorld's Help Form Elicits Some Laughs

PetManimal writes "Like many websites, Computerworld has a 'help' Web form for users to submit website-related questions. The page asks people not to ask about general Web problems, or other issues not related to Computerworld, but that hasn't stopped a regular stream of funny submissions, ranging from a question about using a computer to watch soap operas, to questions about troubleshooting printer problems."

Not funny.

[CosmeticLobotamy]

Did those make anyone else really sad? I was feeling pretty good a minute ago, but now I think I'm going to go lay down for a while.

reminds me of....

[William Robinson]

Definition of programming.

Programming is race between Programmers, to produce idiot proof apps, and God, to create better idiots.

So far God is winning.

Its more like it makes me feel like...

[tubapro12]

...wasting good time just to go pk stupid people.

Re:Not funny.

[JanneM]

The baseball player is quite sad.

Why sad? Sounds like he's mentally a perfect fit for pro sports already.

My experience

[Anonymous Coward]

I have my email address on my web site as well as a FAQ for a certain model of cell phone. I get all sorts of drivel as email.

Just yesterday I got someone asking about functionality for a different model. The message stream looked something like this:

Him: How do I foo with model 5000?
Me: I don't know. I only have a 200.
Him: So how do I do it with the 5000?
Me: Quote first email. Point out again that I don't know as I only have a 200.
Him: I have a 5000.

At that point I gave up.

This is supposed to be funny?

[MMaestro]

my question is to help me out getting to the cbs soap operas as the guiding light as the world turns ok since its computer thing looks like that i could go at start of these two soap operas and watch them when they first started on cbs tv i mean watch them over from the very start.

Wtf? On /. a post like this wouldn't even be worth a -1 Offtopic mod point.

Anyone who has ever worked in customer support/public relations has heard far, far more humorous (and serious) help requests. (Remember the story about a grandma who baked her Mac laptop a while back?) Some of these jokes are extremely old as well.

some prob in my PC, send yuor man to check it out, i unable to use internet.

How original. The late-90's just called, they want their joke back.

Even funnier computer stories

[QuantumFTL]

I have thoroughly enjoyed the aptly titled Computer Stupidities [rinkworks.com]. To be fair, may people really have no reason to know better, but there's a few entries in there that show that all too many people are willing to throw logic out the window, or are gullible beyond belief.

Re:Its more like it makes me feel like...

[Harmonious Botch]

Ok, ok! We're sorry. We wouldn't have said all those mean things if we had known. We had no idea that you wrote one of the questions.

True story....

[transporter_ii]

One time I went into a computer store with my brother. I was checking out a computer, and the screen was laid out in a manner that made it look like a touch screen monitor. Stupid me, I was sitting their tapping the screen trying to make it load an app. After a brief moment, I'm thinking that this touch screen is broken, and then it hit me that it wasn't a touch screen at all. At this point, I'm looking around, praying that nobody saw me sitting there poking the screen like a freaking idiot.

Another true story. A person I work with is a degreed mechanical engineer, and in school he had to help design a rocket. We were trying to do something and he was wondering aloud why he couldn't get a screw to start with a cordless drill. I was looking at the situation from the opposite side at the moment, but I could see that the drill was in reverse, and I was thinking to myself, "well, I might not be a rocket scientist, but I know why that freaking screw isn't starting."

Transporter_ii

AOL front line on the late nite wierdo shift

[buddahfool]

me: Thanks for calling AOL, how may I help you?
guy: I want to start an online business.
me: Try keyword Busines, just type...
guy: Actually first I wanted to check out other businesses first.
me: O-Kay...
guy: The most successful online business are porn aren't they...
me: ...um, yeah.
guy: Soo.. I was wondering if you could help me find some...

Re:Its more like it makes me feel like...

[jlarocco]

What makes you think you're any better than these people? How about you go and perform brain surgery or rebuild a plane if you're so smart. Not everyone can know everything and while some of these maybe really stupid to us, to others they seem legit.

Well for one, I'm not a fucking moron. From an email in the article:

please check this websit out for me this guy email that I have won 263,some owe dollars allI need to do is pick a courier and pay $500.00 for the winnings thanks for your help marva please write me right back before I pay this guy one penny this may be for real so I really need to know ASAP

That's barely even English. I'm surprised that dumbass can even breath. My 6 year old neice writes better than that. That guy shouldn't be allowed to operate a fork, much less a computer.

And you know what the difference between brain surgery and using a computer is? Billions of fucking idiots think they're fully qualified to use a computer. They should consider themselves lucky they're only being mocked, cause it should be illegal to be that stupid.

Also check the access.log

[dargaud]

As well as some, but not too many, stupid questions I get through my website (most people are just impolite), I sometimes grep the access.log file for "$how|$why|$when|$where" and get surprisingly funny results. I haven't done this in a while, but some of the best older results are here [gdargaud.net].

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[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Not funny.

[Helpadingoatemybaby]

My favorite gag website for the new user is BlankSheetofPaper.com [blanksheetofpaper.com] -- it's a utility for printing blank sheets of paper from the printer in case you need a blank sheet (apparently the "input tray" is too confusing) -- as it states in the testimonials:

"I had a big meeting, but had no blank paper to write on! It was an emergency! After a quick Google, I found your site and sure enough after reading the FAQ's and online manual, boom, there was a blank sheet of paper for me to use from the printer! Thanks blanksheetof paper.com!" -- Earl, from Dallas

It also states "Extend the Life of your Print Cartridge! Print Blank Sheets!"

New users' heads always explode when they see this one.