I Believe You Have My Stapler

yack0 writes "After three years of demand and countless calls, emails and letters, you can finally buy a Red Swingline Stapler. Hooray! As noted in this wall street journal article and confirmed by this page at the Swingline Stapler web site you can now pick up a Red Swingline stapler for merely twice the price of a plain black stapler. However, a colleague of mine says that the online order form is reading around $16 for his right now. Now all the cubicle dwelling prairie dogs can get one step closer to burning down the building." The red stapler has become some sort of cult icon at this point.

DOD version...

[paiute]

is black and shows up on radar smaller than a pelican. Only $56,000 each.

My cube-mate had a case of Office Space

[Anonymous Coward]

Yesterday he had 4 bosses/managers/etc come tell him the exact same thing --- that he didn't correctly stow away his oscilloscope in the proper location; but he didn't cause he wasn't finished working with it yet! Truly an Office Space moment.

Ahhh office space, will you ever learn?

[Timmeh]

Slydell: So we just went a ahead and fixed the glitch.
Lumbergh: Great.
Portwood: So um, Milton has been let go?
Slydell: Well just a second there, professor. We uh, we fixed the *glitch*. So he won't be receiving a paycheck anymore, so it will just work itself out naturally.
Porter: We always like to avoid confrontation, whenever possible. Problem solved from your end.

excuse me...

[edrugtrader]

i was told i could first post between the hours of 7 and 8 pm... sharon posts while she files, so i don't see any reason why... i'll burn down the building.

You leave me no choice

[wcspxyx]

I'll just post a link on /. and burn down your web server....

Ahhh Office Space

[Paul E. Loeb]

I believe my favorite line would have to be:

PC Load Letter! What the fuck does that mean!!

I put. . .

[bplipschitz]

strychnine in the guacamole.

--bpl

If you never saw the movie...

[Bogatyr]

follow the IMDB link to learn about Office Space [imdb.com].

PETER GIBBONS
'So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's me on the worst day of my life..'.

All around the country...

[GriffX]

Office managers are putting on their O-face. You know: Oh! Oh!

Red stapler

[Anonymous Coward]

Imagine a beowulf cluster of these!

(This post is certified by me, Anonymous Coward, and is guaranteed to be a 100% authentic beowulf troll post. The reader is hereby advised that imaginization of a beowulf cluster, in whole or in part, or in any combination, of the items in the story to which this post pertains, is fully sanctioned and endorsed by me, Anonymous Coward.)

Office Space creates Anarchy

[stewartj]

I work at motorola. Motorola is undoubtedly a huge source of inspiration for things like Office Space, and *especially* Dilbert. During out "Employee Well-Being" week they showed Office Space in one of the break rooms. It created anarchy when people saw the reality of their office lives!

Re:Office Space creates Anarchy

[Peyna]

You would be surprised how much the movie Office Space applies to non cubical jobs as well. While working a factory I experienced many similar things to the movie. Such as, if I messed up, I had 5 people telling me about it and reminding me about it. And there was a lady one line over that would talk on her phone and had the most annoying laugh in the world (and this was a pretty loud factory too!). There's more than that, but it was pretty amazing how it paralleled to even a factor job.

**£££'s in eyes moment**

[The_Guv'na]

...merely twice the price of a plain black stapler...

/me runs off to buy black staplers and red paint.

Whoop-dee-shit.

[Mulletproof]

Yeah, and my new Martha Stewart Signature Mug has a big cult following too, but somehow i doubt such a worthy item will see the light of slashdot day.

Staplers, people. It's a frickin' story on a STAPLER. I don't care how interesting the design is or how much of a cult following it has. IT'S A STAPLER!!! Oh, that's right... It has wireless LAN access and a 30 Terabyte disk, right? Imagine a beowolf cluster of these!!!

Flame it, troll it, overrate it or mark it redundant, but damn, what a waste of news space.

Re:Office Space creates Anarchy

[scott1853]

I worked at a Xerox factory after high school. I only had one boss tell me I wasn't doing something right. The next day though, there were posters ALL over the clean room with clipart people showing the right and wrong ways of doing it. Talk about overkill.

5W1NG71N3 IZ 4 5UXX0RZ!!

[Quarters]

Bostich makes the l33t paper fastening devices.

Swingline /.'ed

[idonotexist]

Great, I can't log onto the server to read/view information concerning the red stapler. You know what this means? Swingline concludes it has discovered the killer stapler > Swingline restates their expectations for earnings > Analysts upgrade Swingline stock > Swingline stock doubles > Swingline earnings do not meet expectations > Analysts downgrade Swingline stock > Swingline stock tumbles > Multiple class action suits are filed against Swingline > Swingline auditor accused of fraud though it went "over and above the, just sort of the normal by-the-books audit arrangement" [cnn.com] ;) > Swingline enters bankruptcy > no more staplers.

Re:I hate to tilt at windmills, but

[Peyna]

Seemed the other way around to me. 15 minutes of that boy meets girl crap, except it was better, because his pickup line was "do you like kung fu?".

Obligatory Onion Reference

[tunabomber]

I remember read an issue of the Onion, circa 1999, which had a news headline:

New Stapler Makes All Other Staplers Look Like Worthless Shit

There was no article, just a headline and a picture of a generic, black stapler.

Re:Swingline /.'ed

[YahoKa]

I'm sure the sysadmin is hittinh his head agains the wall. Millions waiting to buy the stapler, and the site gets /.ed. sad story :(

Re:Office Space creates Anarchy

[delcielo]

You know, the only reason I don't watch that movie very often is that it's TOO realistic. Watching that movie is like going to work.

Re:Ahhh Office Space

[praxim]

Though it's not nearly as nerdy, I've always liked Samir's "I don't want to go to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison! I don't want to go to any prison!" It's been the source of many a stupid inside joke.

Umkayy?

[di0s]

Hell, Lumbergh fucked her...

Re:Ahhh Office Space

[SkulkCU]

Nag.. eh... Nag... uh...
Not gonna work here anymore, anyway.

Re:Ahhh Office Space

[Bouncings]

From Swingline.com:

500 Internal Server Error

/b2c/:

null
java.lang.NullPointerException
at jrun__util__Errorpage2ejsp13._jspService(jrun__uti l__Errorpage2ejsp13.java:268)
at allaire.jrun.jsp.HttpJSPServlet.service(HttpJSPSer vlet.java:40)
at allaire.jrun.servlet.JRunSE.service(JRunSE.java:10 24)

(it goes on like this)

In summary: INTERNAL SERVER ERROR, WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN!?

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Peter -- Check Out Channel 9

[TheRhino]

Hey, Peter, forget this article, check out what's on Channel 9!

One of my favorite films of all time

[psypete]

and definetly one of the funniest. The more i watch it the less funny it is, but it still holds a place near to my heart. Even today, the Swingline symbolizes the oppression and greed large entities can have upon smaller ones. Then again, it could also symbolize how simple pleasures can keep us from burning down large office buildings. And also that you'll be treated like shit wherever you are. Even in mexico with lots of money.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:Cultural Icon

[eviltwinimposter]

The Onion:

Apple Employee Fired For Thinking Different CUPERTINO, CA--
Brent Barlow, 27, a software analyst and beta-tester at Apple Computer headquarters in Cupertino, was fired Monday for "thinking a little too different." Full Text [theonion.com]

Re:I, I, I, I....

[tangledweb]

How about a bit of common sense?

Ask yourself this, how many squirrel weddings have you been invited to?

How likely is it that the squirrels in the movie were married?

Except no Jennifer Anniston sitting on my face.

[Anonymous Coward]

Woe is me.

Re:DOD version...

[Bios_Hakr]

Did you ever stop to wonder if a pelican (I think it's a sparrow in actuality) traveling at 700 miles/hour would tip off a radar operator? I'm no military genius, but I think small, 700mph birds are a sign that something is afoot.

Re:Cultural Icon

[IxnayOnTheIxnay]

Errr, so the pre-WWII workplace insisted on multicolored objects?

Seeing as color wasn't invented until the late 1930's, how could it?

Re:Cultural Icon

[ZaMoose]

Here's the funny thing about Livingston's Band of Brothers performance. I heard an interview with him on a Philly radio station and he commented that after the first few episodes of BoB aired, his agent started getting calls from scouts asking "Wow, Rob was great in Band of Brothers. But can he do comedies?"

Heh.

I guess the server...

[A_Non_Moose]

"Has a case of the 'Mondays'"... .....

Has anyone ever said to you "Looks like someone has a case of the 'Mondays'"?

Naw. No. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked.
.

Re:Mining the Moon for Helium-3

[pogen]

Suicide is purely an act of cowardice and selfishness. Anyone who commits it deserves to be forgotten.

Posting as an AC for obvious reasons.

The obvious reasons being, ironically enough, cowardice and selfishness.

mmmm...yeeeeeaaah..

[c1pher]

so if you could just move that article to the end of the posts, that'd be greeeeeaat, ok. Thanks a bunch /.

Re:DOD version...

[sugrshack]

that depends.... is it an african pelican or a european pelican?

Another favorite line

[Paul E. Loeb]

It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care..