The Geek Compound Prepares for Y2k

So with the end of the world less than 48 hours a way, it seemed necessary that CowboyNeal, Hemos, the Pope, and myself all pile into CowboyNeal's gigantic truck thing and trek over to the local mega grocery store to prepare for the upcoming apocolypse. Click the link below to read exciting excerpts from our shopping list... if enough of you do so, then we can officially declare our purchases as tax deductable! Now we'll just cross our fingers and hope that whatever regime seizes control of michigan on Jan. 2 honors deductions from the previous government.

CmdrTaco & The Pope's shopping cart

First off I needed self defense. Since it was snowing, I decided that a large snow shovel would nicely fill the 2 roles: Convenient weapon to be used against intruders aiming to steal my waffles, and after the dust settles, I can also use it to prevent the pizza man from slipping on the ice on my porch and suing me (Or worse, dropping my pizza into the snow!)

Now that I can defend myself, its time to feed myself. I made a fatal assumption: Almost all of my food purchases were microwavable. I purchased a gigantic "Feeds 8" box of lasagna. Since I don't each much, I figure it can last me a month or more. Especially because I'll probably have to it it frozen. Nothing fills you up like an ounce or two of frozen lasagna. My other major food purchase was a box of 60 microwavable waffles, a jello dessert treat, and ingrediants to make tacos on 2 seperate occasions.

Since I'm not relying on my microwave to work, I purchased a bottle of Irish Whiskey and a bottle of Vodka. The Pope opted the yuppie route and selected a bottle of Bombay Saphire gin, vermouth, and olives. The world may be ending, but he'll be having a 9 martini end of days.

For entertainment, I selected 'Hercules', the classic disney film of only a few years ago featuring Susan Egan on vocals, and the amazing Andreas Deja animating a hero instead of the mega villian for once. Again, I realize this is short sighted since my DVD player will require electricity, so as a backup plan, I purchased the most recent issue of the National Enquirer so that after the fall of civilization I could thrill to the stunning tales of George W Bush's Jr's torrid affair, as well as Shania Twain returning to her hubby following... a torrid affair.

Hemos' Shopping Cart

I suspect that Meijer's, a friendly local mega-grocery-hardware-pharmacist-greenhouse-furniture-photo-store was not quite anticipating the sheer flood of people coming in for the "The Apocalypse". However, through sheer perseverance, I was able to secure the most hallowed of all shopping treasures:

6 Gallons Distilled Water. And Whiskey.

That's right - not only will I be able to keep myself drinking clean water, and brushing my teeth regularly (With my new tube of toothpaste, Item #4125056208) as well as flossing (Item #381370099183) but I'll have also have the gift of alcohol. With my natural and well known affinity to Bushmills, I'm already planning how I'll turn the Geek Compound into the Midwest's most powerful distillery. I've drawn up plans on how to convert my former burned out home into a giant high class distillery. From there, we'll extend our control of surrounding area, and parley it into control of the Greater Great Lakes area.

Yes, the power of whiskey.

While those plans are working out though, unlike Rob, I've actually purchased canned goods that I can eat. Yes, stretching from tuna fish to chicken in a can, I'll be sitting and riding on the high hog post World Wide collapse. Assuming my can opener is Y2k compliant.

I also purchased quite a number of vitamins. To understand this point, you should understand that I take about five pills per day - ginseng, selenium, a multivitamin, and a B complex. Wanting to maintain my health and girlish figure for the next thousand years, I've procured the above vitamins - in bulk. Yes, if it weren't for that damn half-life problem I'd be popping vitamins and experiencing natural organic growth for the next thousand years.

sigh But the best purchase of all is the one I couldn't put on there. I've got myself a 50 gallon drum of nanites, which I'll be using to recreate the world as I see fit. I'm thinking Teletubbies.

CowboyNeal's Shopping Cart

My list is short. I've been in survival situations before (I'm referring to family get-togethers here) so I know how to make the most of a situation and be resourceful.

First up, plenty of beer. I figured I was gonna need it to celebrate the new year anyway, and if something should go awry, it'll help dull the pain in my final hours, not to mention that a broken beer bottle makes an excellent weapon for hand-to-hand combat. My choice in brew (for the inquisitive) was Bass Pale Ale.

A snow shovel. Since I moved, I've been without s snow shovel, which has been a bit of a pain since Michigan is an area that seems to attract quite a bit of snow. If the apocalypse should happen to miss me, I still think there will be snow to shovel in the next millenium. Also, it makes a wonderful weapon for self-defense, but with a much longer range than the beer bottles. (CT:The epic battles between CowboyNeal and CmdrTaco will do for shovel combat what The Highlander did for swords. Check your listings for pay per view showtimes).

Candles. And not just any candles, I got religous candles. Each one has a prayer unique to that candle. I"m not even Catholic, but I figure I may need light when the power goes out, and why not have God's help on my side? If I am gonna survive, why not do it piously? I'm already thanking God that they were priced to move.

Batteries. My usefulness for a generator could come and go, but I figure batteries will stay in style well into the next millenium. I got enough to power my flashlights and some for my discman as well. Regardless of what happens, I'm sure they'll see some use.

I didn't concern myself with food or water so much, because I figured I could just melt some of the endless supply of snow outside for water, my parent's house is just a short drive away where my father will no doubt be out killing for food first chance he gets.

Y2K Survival

All I need for Y2K is an AK47 and plenty of ammo. Anything else I need....I'll just take.
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As someone said...

"As you know, some people are stocking up on food and water to prepare for the upcoming collapse of civilization. I'm not. I'm stocking up on guns and ammunition so I can *take* the food and water from all those people who didn't figure out what collapse of civilization means!"

Cheers,
Ben

On a serious note...

I've got a family of five to take care of, so I'm not taking chances. The store was out of water last night (one full isle was empty!), but this morning I snagged 50 gallons (red cross says 1-3 gallons/day/person, so that should last 10-20 days)

If nothing happens, consider donating your stockpile to your local charity. There are plenty of people that need the food, and that's what I'll be doing after a few days.

Is your tap still running?

Fill yer own damn bottles! It's that easy!

Re:As someone said...

I know what the collapse of civilization means.

My list includes a bastard sword, chain mail, soft leather boots, a number of belt pouches, my trusty travelling spellbook, and fifty feet of rope. As long as I don't bump into El Ravager or Teflon Billy, I should be just fine!

While you puny mortals use your thrice-cursed 'technology', I will be racking up easy experience points taking out dead-eyed suburbanites as I become the Elvish fighter-mage I was always destined to be.

Tell Bill [theonion.com] that in the coming Age of Sorcery that there can be only one!

Time to be compliant

I'm inspired. I'm not expert about Y2K issues, but I'm afraid my refrigerator is not yet compliant. One trip to the liquor store down the street should fix that. Maybe put one of these X10 sensors in there and a perl script to log a pretty graph through a www interface if I need to check the temperature of the vital beverages. It never hurts to be fully prepared for events that only happen once in a 1000 years.

Religious Candles

I bought a bunch of Passover candles last spring, as they're certainly Y2K compliant (I just hope they're Y5.760K compliant!).

I also bought an Air Zone Micro Rapid Fire EZ Squeeze 4 Shooter on sale, and am filing down the barrels to increase the missile speed (some of which barely clear the barrels). Any Y2K invaders better be ready to face a ruthless barrage of foam darts! And I have a bunch of snow shovels for hand to hand combat, as well as a non working 20 meg 5 1/4 inch hard drive to cudgel with.

I still have to get 3 1/2 pounds of honey, 2 1/2 pounds of light malt, 1 pound of corn sugar, lager yeast and lots of Cascade hops, I want to get a batch of Papazian's famous Rocky Raccoon honey lager fermenting before the big day.

In the event we have to evacuate, I bought a sled and affixed a rope to it a few days ago, so I can cross country ski away while pulling my daughter and computers.

George

Uses for computers after the apocalypse

• Monitors can be turned into handy solar ovens. Carefully remove the front glass plate, being careful not to destroy the rest of the glass inside. Line with tinfoil and place in front of the fire. Instant oven.
• Cat5 can be used for tripwires to discourage those pesky looters, or in longer lengths to build a cable bridge across those deep mountain gorges.
• Stacked computer cases can be used to create walls and barricades. By plugging the ventilation holes the dead air space can be put to good use as insulation. A few large office buildings should contain enough to build a comfortable dwelling.
• Computer power cords can make excellent weapons by using the three-prong end as a mace or whip. Especially useful are power strips with a convenient handle and cord attached. Mice also fall into this category.
• CDs can make mirrors, frisbee of death, or can be broken in half and used as a slashing tool. Whole they will also function as primitive shovels. Breakage will not be too big of a problem, especially with the vast stockpiles of AOL and other ISP CDs.
• Floppy disks can be ripped apart and the inside cloth covering can be used for fire starting material. Making "disk bombs" will also effectively start fires. Save the tiny springs inside, you never know when they will be useful in bandit-discouraging traps.

Re:Y2K Survival

And the AK47 will come in handy once I go crazy from seeing the word "Y2K" so often...

Planning ahead

Lucky for me, I (like many /. readers, I suspect) live in a time zone that provides plenty of time to prepare.

I get up for work every morning at almost exactly midnight, Aukland time, so if New Zealand society collapses, I plan to skip work and go back to bed for a few hours, so that I am well rested for all the rioting and looting. I'm not generally inclined to riot and loot, but as has been mentioned before, Winnipeg is awfully cold in the Winter so we will have to riot and burn things to keep warm. (I am again fortunate, because I have almost 5 years of accumulated University notes to use for fuel)

As for food, I'm a vegetarian, so I have to be a little more picky in my food choices (I can't eat my neighbours, at least not many of them). I'm hoping that the canned peas and carrots will be left for last at the grocery store.

Dana

End of the world stuff...

Okay, bought two weeks of food and water and juice and etc. Went by the local cheap department store sporting goods racks looking at the shotguns.

Mmmmm. Shotguns.

Area effect to make up for lack of gun skills (at least compared to everybody else that plays ^%$*$# Unreal Tournament Deathmatch. @^##@^&$$!!!)

But, alas, it was not to be. My lovely wife reminded me that paranoid, short-tempered people shouldn't be allowed access to firearms. Can't imagine how paranoia and short temper came up, unless it was that little "And when I'm finished blowing the heads off the aliens that are using Y2K to take over, I can put them on Tiki Torches in our front yard!!" comment.

That was my mistake. She hates Tiki Torches.

So, all I have to face the New Year is a razor-sharp Highlander katana replica. There can be only one, and with all the firearms out there, it probably won't be me...

Re:As someone said...

Your plan is a little short sighted. You see, I stocked up on guns and ammo, but I also have an underground bunker. I figure I can take the first 30 or so intruders with the blasts from my shotgun, but after the mob climbs over the pile of dead corpses I'll be forced to change out of my army fatigues and into my civilian clothes, and then shout "lets take his food" in an attempt to blend in with the mob. I'll quickly pull one of the corpses over and dress him/her up in the army fatigues, and then claim that he was the shooter. I'll become a hero among the mob, and will assume the position as absolute leader. I'll direct my group to the local armory to overrun the government task forces and take control of their guns and tanks. With my newly armed troops, I will then take control of the region, and later the world.

Y2K slapped me in the face -- early!

This morning I woke up to the rancid smell of perishing perishables. Little inspection proved the hypothesis -- my refridgerator had decided it was best to store my food at room temperature. This was curious, but I *really* started to get irritated when my microwave didn't work either. At this point my primary suspect was an unpaid electricity bill, but the fully-functioning TV, Hi-Fi set and general lighting made that unlikely.

I spent most of the morning trashing my food and wondering what was going on.

Moral of the story: the fuse box is a great starting point in any Y2K -related practical jokes you are planning.

Advice from my Boss

My current employer provides various wan networking support around the world so for 48 hours our company is going to be 95% staffed during that time. After our last (thank you lord) Y2k meeting the following bits of advice was issued from my employer via memo:

For the 5% who will not working over the event (Y2k) please if you drink, have a designated driver.

For those of you working over the event please use the designated drivers we will have here on site, we'll be drawing straws to see who they are tomorrow. (This one is actually true.)

For those of you brining weapons to work for the event, those with the better weapons get the better parking spots.

If things go for the worse during the event and the catered food is not enough, those with the least seniority will be killed and eaten first.

Y2K == Oregon Trail

I'm treating Y2K like that old Apple ][ game "The Oregon Trail".

As I'm sure many of you have noticed, the best way to play Oregon Trail was to forgo things like food at the start of the game, stocking up on ammo instead. Then, you cut a swath through the wildlife on the way out to Oregon to feed yourself.

I figure any Y2K crisis is pretty much the same thing. Food, spare parts, even Hemos' whiskey are all available to the person with enough ammunition to spare. So, when my apartment has turned onto the Flaming Ciditel of Death and *I* control the greater Great Lakes region (having crushed the pathetic and drunken /. resistance), remember that you heard it here first.

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My List (If I had time)

a. Toilet Paper. A good case of Scott Tissue will do.
b. Ramen and Soup.
C. Vitamins
d. Warm Clothes.
e. blunt heavy object. I'll work my way up to firearms. I figure the first few will be dumb...
f. Diapers. I have two kids.
g. big flashlight and batteries. spare blunt object.

*just kidding*

Re:Uses for computers after the apocalypse

• Keyboards make excellent Bracers of Defense. Strap one to each forearm and you can ward of blows all day long, with the spring-loaded keys cushioning each impact.
  
• Old 5 1/4 inch hard drives are very effective mace heads. Nothing like 5 pounds of metal and casing to diable an attacker.
  
• Old subnotebooks ( I'm thinking Compaq Aero's (the 486 kind) or my Thinkpad 500) make excellent articulating armor for your knees and elbows.
  

George

Re:Nice, but nothing's going to happen

Of course something will happen,
the world is doomed!

In fact, I can prove it:
As someone pointed out,
'42' in binary is 101010
January 1, 2001 is 01/01/01, or 010101.
Now, 42 is the meaning of life, the universe,
and everything.
010101 is the inverse of 101010,
so January 1, 2001 is the inverse of life.
And what is the inverse of life?
Death, obviously.
Therefore, January 1, 2001 is the end of all life.

You were warned. Y2K is a fools' delusion.
Scully was right. I'll be in my bunker.

Crisis - great for the economy

d'ja notice that about every 'y2k plan' involves "going out and buying stuff" - no matter what happens, grocers and retails are cleaning up this season.

Cha-ching, cha-ching, cha-ching!

Boojum
Backing up stuff like there's no tomorrow.