no - the problem is that no one wants to be paid minimum wage to program COBOL

No, the problem is that someone put a T-800 series Terminator in charge of California!

All the state's COBOL programmers have to work around the clock just to keep that early-80's piece of shit working.

It's actually Newsom's perfect hair that generates a trust enhancement field. Terry Childs saw through this, but recognized the hair as a superintelligent alien symbiont that is on our planet to save us from ourselves, so he gave the passwords directly to the hair.

Since most of the humor impaired anti-Linux crowd have moved over to Digg, I'll play devil's idio... err... advocate.

Yeah. Like that's a good idea... When you put Lunix on a computer, guess what? It doesn't come with drivers. The Fortune 500 businesses that make drivers for their equipment only do so for Windows and you can't use those drivers on Lunix. So what happens when you buy a brand new scanner or printer, or video card? You have to rebuild the kernel, pray to the gods CUPS and SANE, throw holy water over your shoulder and hope like hell that you don't have a $200+ brick sitting on your desk. Think that's going to make things easier for Microsoft because I don't.

It's like Ballmer said, "Applications! Applications! Applications"! Personally, as an important executive in a Fortune 500 company, I don't have time to waste recompiling kernel after kernel and then installing software from raw source. I want things to work and I want them to work RIGHT NOW! My time is worth a lot of money and I need programs like Photoshop and Flash so I can write betas of databases my company creates so I can get the imagination-free coders under my charge to build things like normal people want. (Never let a database developer start coding until you have the prototype fully functional in Flash!)

On top of that, Linux has ZERO support for system and application sounds. If there is one thing that will kill a database application making it in the rough and tumble market, it's a lack of action sounds. Our database sports 1400 sounds for every activity imaginable in the database. My personal favorite is the heartbeat sound when you go into bullet-time mode while scrolling through the database itself. I had to fight a few non-visionaries about putting the sound (fired them actually) into the database! I'll never understand why developers are so bad at grasping the importance of flashiness in a database application. Can you do that in Linux? HELL no! Linux just sucks for databases.

I wouldn't touch Linux with a ten foot barge pole otherwise it might infect my beautiful and innovative mind. It seems like people who use and like Linux, lack vision and lack creativity. Instead they're perfectly happy with their grey screens from 1984 and all text data. Ugh! NO ONE in their right mind likes that kind of thing. We need the kind of flashiness you see in Vista's Aero Glass interface. That is the pinnacle of innovation in the computer world. NO ONE has ever done anything like that on any other OS.

So as funny as you think your stupid comment is, I can tell you're just an idiot.

...demonstrate how you can make a 1GW fusion reactor out of nothing but a sweaty gym sock and the corpse of a field mouse.

No, seriously. 100%. Cross my heart.

If JOVIAL is anything like ALGOL 60, it's arguably a better programming language than C.

It's HAPPIER.

They tried to Google-translate Canadian into English? You fools, It cannot be done!

OK, OK I didn't RTFA. My way's better.

And in other news, President Bush says the War in Iraq is going "really, really well".

I'd get way more creative than that. Misuse all the office supplies you can. For instance, write a lengthy daily report and print it in as many formats as you can (Babelfish it into every language, print it in landscape, use funny fonts, etc.), and then use at least 20 or 30 paperclips to hold it together.

Waste others' time the way they are wasting yours. Request frequent meetings with superiors to go over your daily reports. Hold very frequent meetings with random groups of underlings to discuss strange topics. For example, you could have an 8:15 meeting with the receptionist, an entry-level programmer, and a sock puppet regarding the situation in Myanmar, followed by a 9:00 meeting with the same entry-level programmer, a different sock puppet, and the janitor regarding your detailed synopsis of the new Indiana Jones movie.

Make loud phone calls about your internal organs. Bring cake every day and insist that it's someone's birthday. Mix cat food in with Chex Mix and leave a bowl of it in the break room - see how much is gone at the end of the day. Etc.

Just because you aren't allowed to do any work doesn't mean you have to be bored or watch grass grow to pass the time.

"There is perceived value in style and a nice interface". There I fixed that for you.

Well obviously you'd put an RFID chip on the scanner as well. Christ, do I have to think of everything around here?

Why on earth would anyone want to run Linux on a Windows box? That's like building your house on a dung hill.

Though I suppose it comes in handy for accessing those Linux only web sites. ;)