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Journal janeowit's Journal: Tell Kevin Trudeau he made my list of things to do today 20

Journal by janeowit

One of my little quirks is that I love watching infomercials. One summer I watched that Nads hair removal one at least 16 times (she invented it because her daughter was really, really hairy!). When I used to get satellite, there was this hilarious channel called the Gem Shopping Network. It was like public access meets home shopping meets bad taste meets dead air. The highlight was the revolving table of ugly jewelry, and people called in asking to see a specific piece, and then the hosts would take it over and describe it as a person would struggle to keep up with the description on the home-shopping sidebar with all the relevant details. Most of the time it was auction style, but no one ever bidded so he would have to the "go as low I possibly can without losing money" like 3 times before some crazy viewer would buy it. The host usually has a lovely sidekick whose only job is to model rings and tell him how crazy he is to charge that little.

So I've been a little upset that Natural Cures "They" Don't Want You to Know About has been on the bestseller list for 37 weeks. I've seen that infomercial, and was unimpressed. Not only am I a firm believer in un-natural cures, but it really bothers me when people pretending to be experts advise you to "throw away your prescriptions!".

One night after work I discovered I had locked my keys in the car and I was waiting for Some Woman to come rescue me with an extra set I waited in the Barnes and Noble. After browsing a bit, and not wanting to actually devote myself to an "actual" book, that might actually require concentration, and then further purchasing, I picked it up, read a bit... and yup.. took notes.

So for all those people who were even slightly interested in what kind of crap this guy put in his book. Here are the highlights, or lowlights as it were. When taken, these notes on scraps of paper were direct quotes of some kind, but over the months my memories have butchered them, so I consider the following his original ideas, in my own words, quotation marks are added separate my commentary from his words.

Let's start out with information about healthy people, probably added to prove the fact that no one is healthy. "Healthy people have little to no body odor, no bad breath, no foul odor... their urine and stool don't smell, no rashes or dandruff, and always sleep soundly." He also tells the reader that the secret to being a healthy person is in this book, so we too can be free of B.O.

People are sick because of 4 reasons, "1. The body is toxic. 2. People are nutritionally deficient. 3. People are exposed to electromagnetic chaos. 4. Because of tapped mental and emotional stress." Toxins enter the body, among other ways, "through the ears". His proof? "The US military uses sound for physiological and psychological torture." Yup, that counts as proof in his book.

He also diverges into several chapters about how corrupt the government is, for anyone who has seen the infomercial, he willing offers up the fact that the evil FDA often sues him for making false claims about his natural cures. He also informs the reader that there is "a law that allows the government to walk up to you on the street and take away any money you have in your pocket". That is a direct quote. The government is anthropomorphized into a walking pickpocket. More proof that the government is corrupt: "Bush and company paid people to promote certain laws on TV, and the government really can stop illegal immigration, but they just don't want to". Argue all you want to about the facts behind those statements, but they just didn't seem to belong in this book.

Now onto the juicy part, what you need to do to cure all sicknesses.
"1. Do not eat any food produced or sold by a publicly traded company or is sold under a brand name.
2. All tap water is poisonous. Don't drink it, or shower with it.
3. Microwaving causes food to be energetically toxic, thus poisonous. Never eat microwaved food.
4. Only use toothpaste without Fluoride.
5. Do not use non-stick cookware.
6. If you can't eat it- don't put it on your skin.
7. Do not use sun block, sun block causes cancer. Proof: there is no skin cancer in Africa.
8. Don't use anti-perspirant or deodorant, it causes cancer (also follows the if you can't eat it, don't put it on your skin rule)
9. Don't use air freshener
10. Eliminate fluorescent lights, they add to electromagnetic chaos.
11. Make your own beer and wine.
12. Use a trampoline for 10 minutes a day.
13. Keep your body's pH below 7 to kill cancer.
14. Get 15 colonics in 30 days.
15. Use a product created by Darrell Stoddard."

Due to ongoing lawsuits against Darrell Stoddard, Trudeau is not allowed to mention the name of the product, or even what it is, but readers are told to google his name. This mystery product seems to be some kind of pain relieving electrical tape.

In summary, colonics are the solution to every health problem in the world, headaches, arthritis, depression, high blood pressure, high cholesterol to name a few.
That's all I have. I am guessing he won't have to commit credit card fraud anymore. It just makes me sad that so many people have bought this book.

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Tell Kevin Trudeau he made my list of things to do today More

Tell Kevin Trudeau he made my list of things to do today

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  • The carcinogenic solvent is used in the production of teflon. The final teflon product is in no way "toxic."

    May favorite part is the "energetic toxins." I picture little energeons parading into your ears and ripping up neurons and placing used chewing gum in synapses.
    • So, I should put peanut butter and olive oil on my skin? Maybe with a chaser of steak and grated carrot? Lay out in the sun 'til I burn because there's no such thing as skin cancer unless I use sunscreen, right? But I should make sure my colon's clean. Eeew.

      Doesn't EVERYTHING have a brand name these days, other than fruit and veggies? Even flour has a brand name. It comes from SOMEWHERE.

      [eye-rolling gestures]
      • I was thinking of growing some wheat in a pot on my windowsill and then grinding it up with rocks. It should only take me a couple of years to make a pound of flour. But at least I won't have The Toxins.
        • Yep. Anything that says "Toxins are responsible for everything" just pegs my quack-o-meter. Yes, toxins are bad. Hence the name. But our toxin-reducing systems (liver, kidneys, intestines) work to keep us from toxic build-up. Eat fewer bad things, and your body doesn't have to work as hard -- and we've seen what reducing the exposure to bacteria has done to our immune systems, right? They don't overreact when faced with stuff that used to give people a sniffle for a couple of days or anything.

          [more eye-roll

        • It's much more entertaining to grow pot in your wheat.

        • When I was a child in the 1970s and the hippie movement met Charismatic Catholics met my First Eucharist Class, we planted a small (5x5) field of wheat, which we ground with rocks to make a coarse flour, which we then mixed with water and baked. It ended up a very tasty, if a bit thick, unleavened wheat bread- which we got to use for our First Eucharist. Took about 3 months total, at the right time of the year....
      • I was thinking about that as I got ready this morning. I couldn't shower in tap water because of teh TOXINS, but I can't buy any brand name bottled water, so I guess I was supposed to use the dirty snow.

        As for my cover-up, I bet it wouldn't kill me if I ate it. Does that mean I get to wear it? Technically you can eat a lot of things, but that doesn't mean they were meant to be eaten. I bet he wants us to make our own make-up out of pudding or something.

        I think olive oil is a good suggestion as a replacement
        • true, true. you'd have to press your own olives.

          so, grow your own olives, press them, and then put it on your skin.

          i wonder how you're supposed to get a colonic every other day if you're busily trying to avoid everything manufactured... wouldn't a COMPANY own a patent on a MANUFACTURED colonic solution?
    • My mom is on an anti-teflon and anti-aluminum-can trip at the moment (and dont' even get her started when it comes to cooking with aluminum cookware). I have to admit stories like this [ewg.org] freak me out (been meaning to journal it but have been too lazy).


      Oh and this book sounds great, it was in the humor section right? :-)

    • But didn't you know? If you put little birdies in a HOT HOT oven with teflon, they're killed by the fumes coming off the teflon!
  • I think the Seventh Day Adventists should sue him for copyright infringement. I worked for Wellsource for two years. Dr. Hall reminded me of a cross between Bill Gates and Dr. Kellogg. This is EXACTLY the sort of advice the Seventh Day Adventist Church teaches- and the computerized "Wellness Assessment" software of Wellsource attempts to enforce (well, ok, Wellsource's software is a heck of a lot more detailed- or at least was before they outsourced some development to India and reprogrammed the entire t

    • So, Saturday night, I had two beers. Before that I had 1 glass of wine two weeks before. Before that new years, 2 glasses of wine. So, this week, and new years, I was an alcoholic, but next week, I might not be anymore?

      • The question was "on average" and gave you 4 choices (it's a fill-in-the-bubble-honesty-counts test). Only the first option,
        There were other little gotchas based on SDA beliefs- more than one meal of read meat a week would put you at risk for high cholesterol and also recommend an iron content blood test, that sort of thing. When I left, there were about 20 SDA employees, and 20 non-SDA employees; and a real holy war was shaping up over company wide events with food, because the non-SDA employees had dis

  • "They" (Score:2)

    by ryanr ( 30917 ) *
    I'm the one who doesn't want you to know these things. Well, me and a few friends.

    We're a little disappointed that you have gone against our wishes.

    And FYI, there are cases where law enforcement has seized cash, because, you know.. if you had that much cash, you must have been intending to do a drug deal.
  • I'm ashamed to say that my father bought this book. All I could do was roll my eyes and sigh when he wasn't looking. It's no use trying to argue with science, that would be like trying to argue with Winnie-the-Pooh that he's only a stuffed bear or that Pinocchio will never be a real boy.

    The only bit of comfort I can take is that he's never followed through with any of the crap that's been sold to him. So it's unlikely that he'll go freak-tastic with this and throw out all the pop or hot dogs or whatever.
    • Wow. You know someone who bought the book.

      Alot of people bought the book. Millions of copies have sold, so statistically I bet we all know one person who owns a copy.

      But five minutes with this book shows that there are no natural cures for anything in this book. Just random tasks that might not make you unhealhier. The title (and the infomercial) makes it sound like you are going to get information like "Vitamin E decreases LDL cholesterol" or "Dandelion root lowers blood pressure" (thanks Palmie!), but

      • Actually I'm not as ashamed because I found out that it's a different book, but I can't completely retract my statement because it is similar. This [calcompnutrition.com] is the book I was thinking of. It's only slightly better. Then he has yet another natural cures book that actually does talk about the benefits of vitamins and other organic materials, but still the book tries to make you think that manufactured medicines are useless if you just take a few hundred vitamins.
  • Speaking of authors we have spent more time on than is, probably advisable, I started it up with the 'Three Kingdoms' again. I didn't really plan on it, but I had the Mayo yesterday and needed a book for that. I am trying to keep my palate clean for Malazan 6, so I didn't want to start anything brand new. I grabbed The Three Kingdoms, thinking to skim through it, maybe put some order to the notes I had taken the first time through. By now I am about 1/6 of the way through it.

    Anyway this was the point

    • Someday I am going to actually read that. It's on my list of things to do before I die. I hate to be like the girl you met once and told me about and talk about how great the "Three Kingdoms" is, even though all my information comes from you and video games.

      Who's arrival is so important that someone serves their family as dinner? Or did I make that part up?

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