where are you going to get another 5000 people to track for a lifetime study of a once in a lifetime event?
Probably the same place the first study found its 5,000 people. The population is not shrinking that fast! However, why do you have to replicate the first study? Perhaps you can test a hypothesis from the first study using a smaller, targetted study or by specific analysis of previous studies? That's my point: exact replication does not teach us anything new, you learn a lot more from testing the claims of previous papers using better data or different approaches.
or where very specialized equipment that costs a small fortune to produce (like the stuff at CERN) are at play.
As a particle physicist who worked at CERN for many years you are completely wrong when you think that we do not reproduce and build on previous experiments. New accelerators generally have at least two major experiments on them, the LHC has ATLAS and CMS, which are completely independent of each other and have radically different detector designs in order for them to be able to confirm discoveries although the agreement is usually that when one experiment wishes to publish a major discovery the other experiment has a ~1 week period to indicate that they are ready to publish too: this is to prevent a mad rush to publish leading to shoddy work, simply to be first. For the Higgs AT:AS triggered the period and CMS, whose analysis was almost ready too, got ready fast and the discovery was jointly shared between the two experiments with two consistent and independent measurements.
However, the LHC did more than that because when you first turn on a new accelerator the first thing you do is establish the physics that we already know is there. This is what I meant by building on prior results. After the Tevatron found the top quark it would have been a waste of effort and money to build a second Tevatron to confirm that (although again there were two experiments DZero and CDF that both saw it). However, with even more energy the LHC can produce even more top quarks than the Tevatron and we both confirmed the Tevatron results and then improved on them. So we _do_ replicate previous studies, even in particle physics where accelerators are expensive, but we do not _just_ replicate: we also significantly improve on prior work.
Why do you insist that nothing is wrong, or that dedicated replication teams are so unglamorous
Exact replication is not "unglamorous" it is a wasted opportunity to improve on the result. If you are not going to add anything new to the sum of human knowledge then yes, your study is objectively much less valuable than a study which does improve our knowledge. It is also much easier to do. We should strive to do better than those who went before us, not to just do the same as they did!
the data suggests that fraud is INCREASING, and catching it is falling behind, which would indicate a failure in methodology...
Yes, fraud is increasing but it is connected to particular fields, generally medicine which is very importantly NOT science and where the differences make it much more susceptible to fraud because, while science's aim is understanding, medicine's aim is to cure people. This means that medicine is happy with correlation: give a person X and it cures them of Y is great medicine, whereas science's goal is causation: why/how does giving someone X cure them of Y? It's a subtle but critical difference between the fields which makes science much less susceptible to fraud.
Even ignoring the fact that, so far at least, the evidence that fraud is increasing is primarily confined to medicine rather than science, the fact that it is increasing is NOT evidence that science's methodology is flawed. It is simply evidence that there are more people willing to commit fraud out there and the fact that we are catching more is potentially evidence that our methodology is actually working - although not conclusive evidence because we do not know how many we miss e.g. because the results are irrelevant and so never used and hence tested by anyone.
Many of the cases, as the article you linked states, are associated with new open access journals that do not have proper peer review or academic standards in place, even for the ones that are not just out and out scams motivated by the shift to publisher-pays that lets scam journals earn money. Again, this is not due to scientific methodology failing but due to governments pushing an open access publishing model which, while it does have benefits, as we are finding out now also has some significant downsides. Specifically the high cost to publish in reputable open access journals is driving some researchers in poorer countries to turn to these cheaper, predatory journals that have little to no peer review.
None of these are problems that replication studies will in any way shape or form help with.