Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: When you don't sleep 7
kitten is beside me on the couch.
Sleeping.
Sometimes it seems like everyone sleeps except me. I'm sad and kinda lonely tonight, the melancholy of being the only one awake. It was a long day and i'm tired, but my body clock just won't do it. So here i am. I don't want to start TV, TV keeps me awake. So does warcraft. Or just about anything else.
Some people, their sleep cycle is a deep pit, just waiting for them to stop long enough, and in they go. I am related to someone who quite literally sleeps through an alarm clock for three hours.
Me, mine is barely a shallow impression in the gravel of the track, and if i'm going a little in any direction, i roll right out the other side, and here i am. Awake, in a city of sleepers.
Sometimes it's fun. I sit awake, watch the movies play against the insides of my eyelids. Other nights, it's just me and the unprocessed dark, sitting up together.
Tonight, i don't have anything deep to say, no childhood story to tell, no magic to spin out of the shadows. I sit with a cat who snuggles up and falls asleep, and we're just hanging out together in the living room.
Blinder doesn't sit up with me. It wouldn't do him any good to try. He gets to sleep later than i do in the morning, too, and i'm passionately envious of it. He sleeps probably eight hours a week more than i do. He tries to let me sleep in on the weekend, but that just screws up my sleep cycle more.
I envy the sound sleepers of the world.
I dream when i sleep, though, and they envy that.
I dream whole stories, whole worlds. I dream bright and clear, when i sleep.
Feh. I think i'd trade it.
You have something that people would trade for. Everyone does. And everyone has something that no one else could bear to carry. It's strange how that works.
Like i said, nothing pithy or perfect tonight, no poems, no lullabies for the rest of the world. I'm just a tired, cranky drago, hanging out in a living room that i accept now we will never paint, with te dark outside and the wish to be asleep.
I wish we'd painted. I don't like the walls.
Funny, the things you realise at night.
I have to get up in about six hours, so a full night's rest is out again. I have meds, but i hate to take them, and besides, we're incapable of winding things up early enough for me to take them with enough time to sleep afterwards. We are terrible at this grownup stuff, but that's another rant for another time.
I'm lonely, i'm tired, and when you sleep the world sleeps with you. Every waking man is a listless walker on an empty street, idly watching the lamps burn down.
I get depressed when i'm up late at night. Sleep debt does that to me, i get cranky and unhappy, and frustrated because all i want is to just get a normal night's sleep, not wake up every hour and a half.
On the other hand, at least there's a kitten, and she's just opened her eyes to remind me that kittens don't care if you're depressed, they are just as furry and just as cute as ever.
Then she fell back asleep. I guess i'll go wander the apartment a bit and then try to do the same.
Sleep well, world. May your rest be strong and your nightmares weak, by day or by night, whenever they find you.
When I don't sleep... (Score:2)
... I start falling apart. I can't think, I interpret everything more negatively (sounds like depression), even my stomach feels off. As little as 15 minutes of snoozing can make the whole world right again.
I also have difficulty getting to sleep when convenient (and sometimes I find it almost impossible to avoid when inconvenient). If I wind up with a boss who doesn't understand this, he isn't my boss for long.
(I almost quit three weeks ago. That's how bad it gets.)
Sleep (Score:1)
The last time I fell off was a month ago, when I was up all night because of a bad cold, and I'm just now starting to get my balance back.
Sometimes I fall off for no apparent reason.
And to keep my balance, I have to get up early-early-early, even
I hear you. (Score:2)
I can hardly drag my butt out of bed most mornings, but regardless how much or how little sleep I get, my brain just picks itself up at about 10pm and won't shut down on me, even when I need to get to bed.
As much fun as it is to sleep, if they ever came out with a pill that 100% replaced sleep with no side effects, I'd probably take it. I get 70, maybe 80 years if I'm really lucky (nearly half gone already!) to do the things I need and want to do and I have to spend a third of that basically dead anyway.
to sleep perchance to dream (Score:1)
Loved this. It is so true.
I am an incredibly light sleeper. Sometimes I think I don't actually sleep at all... but instead enter into some kind of meditative state where the dreams are as clear as you describe. Lucid.
Heat (Score:1)
Sleep is elusive (Score:1)
I'm struggling with sleep right now. I'm doing ok more recently, sleeping 3, sometimes 4 hours at a time as opposed to 1 hour at a time. I've had a couple nights where I sleep all 8, but for the most part, I'm waking up at 2-3am, and at 5:30 or so.
Sleep is so nice, though. So necessary. I'm still yawning this morning.
When I sleep (Score:1)
The dreams I remember are wierd; they make sense to *me* (even after I wake), but I think that's par for the course. Most are forgotten after a couple days, mostly because I will not write them down. (I have this huge fear of leaving a "paper trail", as many of you might imagine.)
I'm a night owl. That means that I don't usually feel tired until well after others are asleep. It also means that I don't get a lot of sleep, since the kids