Here's a little piece I wrote back in 2000...
An Excerpt from NBC's Olympic coverage
BC: Hi! I'm Bob Costas, and welcome to NBC's incredibly wonderful coverage of the Olympics(tm). In fact, our coverage is so wonderful that we want you to enjoy the anticipation so much, that we wait till tomorrow! Now let's go to the events.
Cut to the 10000 meter run
Announcer1: Look! There's an American running in this race. He hasn't got a snowball's chance in hell of winning, but we're going to keep the camera trained on him, because we know you don't care about who wins if it's some foreigner.
Announcer2: That's right! Hey, look, the American guy just got lapped by some foreign dude. They should change the rules so that the Americans always come in first.
Cut to 20 minutes of commercials for Nike, IBM, and Coca-Cola
BC: Hi! I'm back. And weren't those commercials thrilling? Oh yes, here are the results of the 10,000 meter race. It was actually held yesterday, but we know you didn't want to know about them today. Some foreign guys won, so you don't care. But now we'll cut to a clip from four days ago at the pool, because we know you love to watch Americans accept their gold medals!
Cut to a clip of some US swimmer accepting their gold medal with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background.
BC: Doesn't that just bring a tear to your eye? He managed to win a gold meal, even after he suffered a hangnail last year that almost ended his career. And we'll be showing you that clip every day!
Looks off camera for a minute...
What? Oh, I'm sorry. It appears that that athlete has been banned from the Games, and had her medal stripped because she said that she believes that Nike(tm) uses sweatshop labor. Darn. Now we'll have to find another heartwarming clip of an American accepting a medal. Meanwhile, it's off to the fencing competition.
Cut to yet another 20 minutes of commercials.
BC (showing bruises on his face): Sorry, I lost my head there for a minute. Management has "reminded" me that Americans don't care about fencing coverage, so we'll go to something else. Here's Rhythmic Gymnastic coverage...
Cut to the Rhythmic Gymnastic coverage...
Announcer1: Hi. We're just down to the part where some pre-teen girl runs around the floor holding a huge ball, and we pretend it's a sport. We know you love this coverage.
Announcer2: Oh! She dropped the ball! Darn it, and she was an American, too! Now we'll probably have to broadcast some pictures of a foreigner. They should change the rules!
Cut to 20 more minutes of commercials.
BC: Well, that wraps it up for our Olympic coverage for tonight. After your local news, we'll rerun this entire show, instead of showing other sports that WE know you don't want to watch.
Cut to 20 more minutes of commercials
Closing Credits. Includes the line: This is the property of NBC and the IOC. If you even talk to your friends about who won before we broadcast it, we'll sue your asses off!