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Journal Marxist Hacker 42's Journal: M, MH & I - an explaination for my behavior, not an excuse 18

Journal by Marxist Hacker 42
The history behind my Asperger's Diagnosis:

It turns out my social skills in person are far in advance of what I display online- in fact, that's one of my coping mechanisms, I take out the (closest to NT emotions) frustration/anger on line, enabling me to display none of it in public. My two biggest autistic behaviors are frustration/anger and the migraines- the more I supressed the first, the worse the 2nd became. Between age 8 and age 28, I controled these with various forms of perscription opate derivitives, mainly codine. At age 28, I was up to 4 tylenol-3 a day, with no other pain relievers working, on an average of 6 days a week.

A GP finally noticed, and sent me to a neurologist for the pain. The neurologist gave me an MRI, which indicated abnormal brain development and suggested several possible treatments, to be tried on a trial and error basis. They all consisted of an emergency pill and a nightly psychotropic. The fourth combination finally affected the migraine- Imitrex and a mild anti-depressant whose generic name is Amitriptyline. THIS indicated a neurotransmitter imbalance in the PDD-NOS range. Which got me sent to a Psychiatrist. Based on written HFA tests and my Meyers-Briggs Personality Profile (a very strong INFP, which surprised everybody in my family who knew about Meyers-Briggs and placed me as an INTJ due to my apparent lack of certain emotions), I got classified as an Asperger's Syndrome Autistic at age 30 (note, NOT self-diagnosed, though after the diagnosis I went online and learned as much as I could about myself.I could have been self-diagnosed, I have 10/10 marker behaviors, but it never occured to me that I could have a problem. Self-diagnosed, I always just assumed I had the Addams Family syndrome- I was normal, it was the rest of the world that was wierd. Since the diagnosis for Asperger's though, I have realized that is a Neurotypical illness only- you have to be VERY sane to assume the rest of the world is insane).

While I am brain damaged beyond repair- I have coping mechanisms that help me deal with the world, and as a software engineer I'm pretty well set unless the world decides they no longer need software engineers (as happened between 2001 and 2006).

HOWEVER, my diagnosis was useful, in part- it suggested two non-drug therapies I can use when the drugs don't work (between one and three times a month I retreat to a dark room with an ice pack, or to a sensdep chamber, since it has become clear that I have almost a LFA reaction to stimuli- I certainly don't blame LFA autistics for screaming all the time, they're in worse physical pain than you or I could imagine at the slightest sound or light).

AND it made my family get my nephew tested- his MRI didn't show the brain damage yet, but his hair test indicated 15x the normal level of mercury in his body by age 6. He's now 7, will be done with the chelation therapy by 9, and may well be "normal" (whatever that means for a boy with no friends who avoids human contact currently) after that, having avoided the brain damage I've had.

I don't KNOW if mine was related to the same cause, and given Isaac's strict diet, I'm afraid to find out (the heavy metal tests only became standard in the last couple of years, AFTER my diagnosis). But one thing for sure is my brain development is done. I have to live with the effects. Isaac is still young- he could completely recover, despite the fact he's shown autistic-like symptoms since age 3. I'm now 36- I've lived with this for 6 years, and I'm very tired of it. If I could just get rid of my 3 worst symptoms (the migraines, the anger, and the dysgraphia) I might be able to one day even feel that mythical (to me) "happy". But I've got work arounds for all three (sensdep chamber, online flame wars, and typing instead of writing) so it largely does not affect my life much. I'm currently off amitriptyline (the nightly pill) in the winter at least (when days are short, sensory stimuli goes down), but will likely have to start taking it again soon. It also didn't help that for 5 of the last 6 years, I've had a severe LACK of health insurance- I've been trading computer maintenance for perscriptions, and Imitrex is $142 for 9 doses without health insurance.

Now I'm working, and have health insurance *and* a pension system I actually believe in: backed by taxes and required by law. I'm in a good place right now- why should I endanger that by taking the hair test?
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M, MH & I - an explaination for my behavior, not an excuse More

M, MH & I - an explaination for my behavior, not an excuse

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  • I got classified as an Asperger's Syndrome Autistic at age 30 (note, NOT self-diagnosed...)

    A very important note. I suspect that many of us (myself included) would be tempted to say that we have Asperger's syndrome after reading up on it on-line. Of course, I've never been diagnosed, so I can't rule it out, but I know enough about the nature of these things to find it unlikely. (As you probably know, there's a tendency for people to say, that sounds like what I have, whenever they read about certain psyc

    • A very important note. I suspect that many of us (myself included) would be tempted to say that we have Asperger's syndrome after reading up on it on-line. Of course, I've never been diagnosed, so I can't rule it out, but I know enough about the nature of these things to find it unlikely. (As you probably know, there's a tendency for people to say, that sounds like what I have, whenever they read about certain psychological conditions.)

      That's for sure. But almost all of us that I've met online with a pro

      • I'm assuming that most of those children have LFA symptomology rather than HFA symptomology- HFA kids might come there for a treatment, but are hardly likely to be inpatients.

        Yes, the vast majority of the kids are LFA. A few of the kids are at least borderline (perhaps HFA), but might have more profound social disorders.

        • Yes, the vast majority of the kids are LFA. A few of the kids are at least borderline (perhaps HFA), but might have more profound social disorders.

          The real problem with HFA kids is that the difference may be so slight, that they never get the help they need. I was 30 before I was diagnosed- there's a heck of a lot of pain, anger and frustration in my background, both emotional and physical, that went untreated for so many years. My very first failing grades in school, in the 2nd grade, were for handwrit

          • As a society, many of us go by the ideal that we should take responsibility for our own actions. However, most people are willing to waive that ideal for people with severe disabilities. The problem is two-fold: (1) what makes something a severe disability (as opposed to just a very bad set of choices), and (2) why draw the line at severe anyway?

            This argument is largely philosophical, as I know no practical solution. However, consider the common question of whether someone will plead insanity in a murder

            • As a society, many of us go by the ideal that we should take responsibility for our own actions. However, most people are willing to waive that ideal for people with severe disabilities. The problem is two-fold: (1) what makes something a severe disability (as opposed to just a very bad set of choices), and (2) why draw the line at severe anyway?

              Exactly. In fact, I very strongly suspect that many school shootings come from undiagnosed PPD/NOS situations.

              This argument is largely philosophical, as I kn
            • I obviously dropped a closing tag someplace:

              As a society, many of us go by the ideal that we should take responsibility for our own actions. However, most people are willing to waive that ideal for people with severe disabilities. The problem is two-fold: (1) what makes something a severe disability (as opposed to just a very bad set of choices), and (2) why draw the line at severe anyway?

              Exactly. In fact, I very strongly suspect that many school shootings come from undiagnosed PPD/NOS situations.

  • I also have been diagnosed with Asperger.
    What medicines have you been prescribed/taken?
    Maybe I can suggest some to my doctor.
    • What medicines have you been prescribed/taken?

      It's been six years since the experimental phase. I'm currently on Amitriptyline, 25 mg nightly, and Imitrex, 50mg within that 10 minute sick feeling before a migraine. In addtion to that, I've created a fake (but real enough for my purposes) sensory deprivation chamber in my bathtub, and when I can stand the light/sound again, an ice pack over the eyes works as well.
  • How has the kid got so much mercury in him?
    • How has the kid got so much mercury in him?

      That was the $2000 question. After all, he was born long after they stoped using mercury in Children's medicines. However, he has had a lot of cavities in his life (amalgam fillings), there is a pond with fish next to his house (the EPA told us this month that every fish they tested in the Pacific Northwest has a measurable mercury content) that the family uses for food, and most of all, he had a surgery when he was young that required antibiotics (the theory b
      • Amalgam fillings shouldn't give you that much mercury. Can you test the pond for mercury levels -perhaps the fish just aren't safe to eat (are they still eating it?). Is the pond full of run off from agricultural land? The 'good bacteria' thing seems odd - was it a doctor who told you this?
        • Amalgam fillings shouldn't give you that much mercury.

          Depends on how often you brush your teeth or eat. I saw a dental school demonstration once where they put an amalgam filling under a blacklight to make the mercury vapor visible- and then brushed it lightly with an ordinary toothbrush. Looked something like a small puff of smoke coming off. NOT enough to harm a healthy person- but somebody who is suffering from a genetic or abnormal intestine condition will just build it up instead of sublimating it
  • But if you're crazy* because of Hg exposure, does that make you MarxistHatter42? Because habberdashers went mad because of the mercury compounds used to treat felt.

    *Not meant to be derogatory
    • Not at all- In fact I've thought about using that as an online account someplace in the last couple of years. As soon as I heard about the mercury, I too made the connection to 18th century hatters, who would use tanin and mercury as a preservative in animal-skin hats of various types.
      • I wonder how many other people immediately associate mercury with hat-making. It's the first thing I think of.
        This is my list of word association for Mercury.
        Hat-Makers
        Aluminum
        Fulminate
        Alchemy
        Gold Mines
        The element Hg
        Thermometers
        Thermostat switches
        Messenger-God
        Silver Dimes
        Cinnabar
        the Planet
        That fountain in Spain(?) that uses mercury instead of water
        The movie Blown Away with Tommy Lee Jones
        Space Missions
        Tuna
        Terminator 2

  • I remember I saw this title in Sam's journals, I thought he was writing about 'Me, Marxist Hacker & I'. You adopted his topics as your own, now I can read it perfectly as Me, Marxist Hacker &I

    Me, Marxist Hacker & I are three attributes that consist of trinity. I assume you are playing the role of God behind the three masks you wear.

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