Microsoft Says Vista Most Secure OS Ever 440
darryl24 writes "Microsoft senior vice president Bob Muglia opened up TechEd 2006 in Boston Sunday evening by proclaiming that Windows Vista was the most secure operating system in the industry. But a bold statement can only go so far, and much of this week's conference has been spent reinforcing that point. Microsoft also acknowledges that nothing is infallible when it comes to computer security. In turn, the company has employed black hat hackers for what is called a penetration, or pen, test team."
MS Airforce Attacks OpenBSD Leader, Servers (Score:5, Funny)
CALGARY (ADP) - In a stunning development in the open source movement, the OpenBSD project, led by developer Theo de Raadt, was bombed and strafed by a hitherto-unknown air force belonging to private software corporation Microsoft (NYSE:MSFT).
de Raadt's home, and the University of Alberta data center holding the OpenBSD CVS servers, were attacked nearly simultaneously. Though the attack only lasted fifteen minutes, it left hundreds of innocent Windows users injured.
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has sent a "sharply worded" protest to the United States government.
Shortly after the attack, Microsoft has released a publicity photo of Bill Gates, standing on the deck of the USS Abraham Lincoln, underneath a banner saying simply, "Mission Accomplished."
Free Software Foundation founder Richard Stallman could not be reached for comment. Sources close to Stallman said he was "somewhere underneath Cheyenne Mountain, importing the OpenBSD source tree into the Hurd."
Re:Microsoft + Stupid Claims = ... (Score:4, Funny)
Of course it's the most secure OS ever. No one can compromise an OS that hasn't even been released yet.
Well, I suppose in the end, it *is* secure... (Score:5, Funny)
"You've just inserted an insecure piece of removable media. Are you sure you want to proceed?"
*clicks yes*
*launches Internet Exploiter*
"You are attempting to connect to the internet. The internet is a very insecure place. Are you sure you want to do?"
*clicks "Yes"*
"Are you really sure? I mean, there are viruses out there on the internet. Do you know what a virus is? I mean, this stuff can really mess your computer up! Are you absolutely sure you want to connect to the internet?"
*clicks "Yes"*
"Oooooh, sorry - you don't have sufficient privileges to connect to the internet. Contact your Administrator or type your Administrator password now."
*types password*
*connects to internet*
"You are attempting to send an IP packet over an unsecured interface. This is how viruses get on your computer. Are you sure want to send this packet?"
*sighs* *clicks "Yes"*
*beep beep beep* "USER ALERT: Your computer has received an unsecured packet from the internet! This packet could be part of a virus! Are you certain you want to allow this packet into the application for processing?"
*clicks "Yes."
"You are attempting to send an IP packet over an unsecured interface. This is how viruses get on your computer. Are you sure want to send this packet?"
*sighs* *clicks "Yes"*
*beep beep beep* "USER ALERT: Your computer has received an unsecured packet from the internet! This packet could be part of a virus! Are you certain you want to allow this packet into the application for processing?"
*kicks computer*
*installs Linux/BSD or buys Mac*
VERY secure, indeed.
Hold The Font Page! (Score:5, Funny)
Similar Headlines (Score:5, Funny)
* White Star Lines Pronounces Titanic "Unsinkable"
* Hindenburg Safest Way To Fly
* Ford Pinto Named Safest Car For 1973
Re:Black hat? (Score:3, Funny)
Now that the blackhats have had a look at the source code, we had better pony up the money to buy that service or else....
Which just goes to prove... (Score:3, Funny)
The University of Alberta is in Edmonton.
Re:Black hat? (Score:3, Funny)
Sure, white hat hackers do it for glory and money. Black hat hackers do it for money and glory.
Oh balls!
Re:can't break what you can't see!! (Score:4, Funny)
Open BSD users everywhere... (Score:2, Funny)
I declare the Vega class starship the fastest ever (Score:5, Funny)
And it's not shipping yet either.
Re:Open BSD users everywhere... (Score:5, Funny)
My OS is just as Secure ... (Score:3, Funny)
... and you will be able to run it in five minutes.
Five minutes pass.
GOTO LINE 1.
And... (Score:2, Funny)
Carrot Top is funny,
Cigerettes don't cause cancer,
Irac had weapons of mass destruction,
George Bush is listening to your phone calls to make you safe.
No NT 4 and Windows2k are the most secure OS's (Score:3, Funny)
So until holes appear in either platform I think we can trust Microsoft when they say something is secure. After all I never heard of a single security hole in WindowsXP or IIS or any server product from MS. Have you?
In Similar News... (Score:5, Funny)
3D Realms gave a presentation of the all the features that will help Duke keep the number one spot in the market. It also outlined the TV channel, movies series and theme park spun from the elements of the game.
Check it out! [wikipedia.org]
Re:Hold The Font Page! (Score:2, Funny)
"We hope it's more secure than XP, but we'll just have to wait and see."?
Microsoft + Stupid Claims = ... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Well, I suppose in the end, it *is* secure... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:This doesn't work. (Score:4, Funny)
Combined.
Re:The Slashdot Criteria (Score:5, Funny)
Or, as in this case, any story with a headline that will start an instant flame war.
Hey, it works for Dvorak. Why shouldn't it work for Slashdot? ;-)
Re:Microsoft + Stupid Claims = ... (Score:5, Funny)
1. They made PR claims about
2. Based on 1. only Windows exist.
3. MS was bitching about computer without OS, meaning Linux and others in their eyes are not OS
4. Based on 4. Windows is the only OS
5. So this will be most secure Windows ever.
6. In MS eyes 2. and 4. equals to most secure OS ever.
is this legal? (Score:1, Funny)
in my country this is called prostitution and is not legal
Re:In other news... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Well, I suppose in the end, it *is* secure... (Score:3, Funny)
Yeah - I was going to go boot it up and copy the actual text in the ultra-annoying, constant stream of "As a user, you're too stupid to understand security. We need to ask you every question in existance about every OS function to ensure to completely understand the risks... and to point out exactly how secure of an OS you're really using."-popup boxes. But, I decided it wasn't worth all that effort, when the hyperbole was funnier and effective.
But, you are entirely correct - there is more than a small grain of truth in this joke!
Re:Acronyms (Score:1, Funny)
So instead of reading/writing 2^20 bytes per second it is 1^20 bytes now *ducks*
That's because it nags you (Score:2, Funny)
"This is a fictional example of where things are going"
User: click to open word
Vista: are you sure you want to do that
user: click yes
Vista: are you absolutely sure you want to open this program
user: click yes mumble mumble
Vista: Warning this program has the capability of running macro viruses
user: click ok, like I didn't know that
Vista: do you want to see this warning again
user: click no
Vista: Are you sure
user: click yes, ggrrrr
Vista: Word opens
Vista: There is a new security update for this software would you like to install it now
user: what the, Click no
Vista: are you sure this is very unsafe!
user: oh for the love of Pete where's my pen and paper!!
Microsoft: Yet another user saved from themselves!
Re:Microsoft + Stupid Claims = ... (Score:2, Funny)
It's True! (Score:5, Funny)
Tip: You must update to latest cvs of rdesktop, something about key size.
Re:Well, I suppose in the end, it *is* secure... (Score:2, Funny)
Looks like you were actually playing DOS 6.22.
Re:Acronyms (Score:4, Funny)
In the case of MS-DOS, both.
Re:Microsoft + Stupid Claims = ... (Score:1, Funny)
Aaaaaah, recursive definition!!!!
Re:Windows IS Secure! (Score:2, Funny)
You probably will be fired shortly after.