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Sally Struthers Asks You to Save the Dot-Coms 106

warland writes "Right now, all over the world, dot-coms are suffering. All that is needed is someone who will look into the eyes of a needy dot-com and say, "Yes, I will help." Someone like you."
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Sally Struthers Asks You to Save the Dot-Coms

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  • Who are these "We" people you speak of? If you want story moderation privleges, go to Kuro5hin [kuro5hin.org] and stop whining on here. It's always been about stuff that interests Taco, Hemos, &co (not getting into andover.net stuff here), and that's how it is.

    Personally, I like the posted site better than the Artisan one, but sometimes I'll also shake my head and wonder what the slashdot authors were thinking... but then I move on.
  • ... what happened to all the finery Sally was wearing on one of her last campaigns (save the children). No doubt she donated them to some needy, down-and-out dot-commer that could make better use of such nice boots and trenchcoats than she could in those poor third-world countries. She should serve as a model to us all. *grin*
  • And then they came for the people with no sense of humor.

    Oh, wait, that's you? :)

    Lighten up. It's not like we don't know the Holocaust was a serious event or anything. A little humor never killed anyone. :\
  • I'm sure they care if they get lied to, but the site in question is quite frankly brilliant social experimentation, much like the Invasion from Mars on the radio oh so many years ago. We're growing as a society and need to be tricked in newer more imaginative ways. Do you think Hitler would have succeeded with his blatant propoganda and primitive brain washing techniques if he were doing his run today? No, he wouldn't have. Nowthen, on to the cool stuff and offtopic stuff, that everyone seems to miss. In the presidential debates the man at the anchor desk, I don't remember his name off hand said something I found peculiar. He said and this is paraphrased "Let's see what the people at home on their couches thought about tonight's debate." Like he wasn't talking to us, but to someone else perhaps the government brain washers trying to perfect their techniques to get anything past us . I've also noticed that the candidates agree completely on the issues at hand, the middle east, gay marriage, education, social security, internet legislation, abortion and so forth, and only differ in their implementation of their values. How may I ask are we supposed to choose from two opposing candidates when they do not oppose eachother. We're being led down a one way track, and noone it seems is noticing it. You talk about sick mister Benjamin Shniper, I say this is sick, not your worrisome social experiment that didn't get posted and ruined your precious day. Of course, I could be wrong about this, but I hope I've atleast opened some eyes.

  • by SomeOtherGuy ( 179082 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @10:45AM (#691773) Journal
    Here is a test example.

    Old Way:
    Bob and sally open up a lemonade stand and sell cups of a secret recipe of yellow liquid handed down for generations at 25 cents a pop, with a profit of about 17 cents per cup. Bob and sally save that profit and before long are able to put their savings into a small local store front where they sell lemonade and cookies and turn a small profit. After a while people decide the the unique flavor of lemonade and the unmatched goodness of cookies provided by Bob and Sally can no longer be hidden from the rest of the state -- and a state wide franchise is started....followed soon by Bob & Sally Worldwide. Bob & Sally retire at age 60 with a nice big bank account.

    New Way (Internet Age):
    Bob and Sally want to start a world wide lemonade and cookie distribution network...as soon as they can find some VC to finance the idea that the world will love the yet untested coolness of their yet undetmined product. After a year of struggling to convince the world to purchase their product online (koolaid and oreo's) for a price comparible to that of ones local grocery store...Bob and Sally having recentlly burned through a couple of million of VC, and after having gone public 6 months earlier on the idea that the general public (at least the "plugged in" general public) had never tried the unique combination of KoolAid and Oreo's...Bob and Sally are left with stock proces less than $1 a share, and they are bleeding red...and they wonder what went wrong..

    Hmmm....

  • also seen:

    "I won't lie, I'm going to spend the money on a double mocha latte."

    "please help a dot.com vet's z3 drive again"

    and of course, "will trade stock options for food"
  • Hello, Mr. xtermz.

    I am the head of the Slashdot chapter of 'Punctuators Anonymous'. We can help you with your irresponsible use of such characters as ''', '`', '.', '?', and '!'.

    Drop us a line at too_much_punct@hotNOSPAMmail.com.

    I also may be able to put you in touch with my counterpart at 'SpellAnon'. She'll probably be able to help you fully grasp the concept of capitalization, or at least get you to install a spellchecker.
  • I believe that this discussion raises a deeper, more philosophical question: how does one define the life of a dotcom? We all know there are such things as ghost dotcoms; sites that linger on large servers awaiting purging, their structure in tatters, all but the last few hyperlinks to the outside world broken. Or far more disturbing: An up-to-date site in pristine condition... or so you think. But all too soon you get those familiar shivers down your spine, a surefire sign that the site is maintained by web bots, simply running out its (binding, non-refundable) contract on the server.
    So when do these dotcoms die? Is it when the money runs out? Obviously not; that's what debt is for. Is it when the credit limit is reached? I think this is far more likely. Once this point is reached, the dotcom is gasping its last breaths.
    But even here, there is hope of life yet. It may try selling parts of itself to raise cash; a doomed and futile exercise, for a dying man who sells his arms for food can no longer feed himself. Or worse: a BUYOUT. This, it seems, is the dotcom form of a contract with the devil. The original identity is almost lost, only a shadow remaining, and the dotcom will be ever subservient to its bricks-and-mortar buyer. It will now live forever - but this is a sham life, no life for the once-proud portal. Death would be better for it.

    A moment's silence please, ladies and gentlemen, for the plight of the undead dotcom.

    And now post, and post in all your fullness.
  • by GOD_ALMIGHTY ( 17678 ) <curt.johnson@ g m a i l.com> on Thursday October 19, 2000 @10:55AM (#691777) Homepage
    Customer: I wish to register a complaint about this stock, what I purchased not half hour ago from this very brokerage.

    Broker: Oh yes, the Dot-Com, what's aah, what's wrong with it?

    Customer: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it.

    Broker: No, no, 'e's ah... he's strategizing.

    Customer : Look, matey, I know a dead Dot-Com when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

    Broker : No no, h-he's not dead, he's, he's strategizin'!

    Customer : Strategizin'?

    Broker : Y-yeah, Strategizin.'
    Remarkable stock, the Dot-Com, isn't it, eh? Beautiful website!

    Customer : The website don't enter into it. It's stone dead!

    Broker : Nononono, no, no! 'E's
    strategizin!

    Customer : All right then,
    if he's strategizing, I'll wake him
    up!

    (shouting at the cage)

    'Ello, Dotty! Mister Dot-Comie! I've got a lovely fresh IPO for you if you wake up, Mr. Dot-Com...

    Broker : There, he moved!

    Customer : No, he didn't, that was you sending out a press release!

    Broker : I never!!

    Customer : Yes, you did!

    Broker : I never, never....

    Customer : 'ELLO DOTTAAAAAAAY! DOTT-EE! DOT-COM! WAKE UP!

    TESTIIIING! TESTIIIING! THIS IS YOUR ANNUAL REPORT!

    DOT-EEEEEEE!

    Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

    Broker: No, no.... No, he's reorganizing.

    Customer : REORGANIZING?

    Broker : Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Dot-Coms stun easily, major.

    Customer : Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That Dot-Com is
    definitely deceased, and when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that
    its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long
    martket expansion.

    Broker : Well, he's... he's, ah... probably developin' a patent portfolio.

    Customer : DEVELOPIN' a PATENT PORTFOLIO? What kind of talk is that? Look, why did he fall
    flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

    Broker : The Dot-Com prefers kippin' new marketin strategies! Remarkable stock, isn't it, guv, eh? Lovely website!

    Customer : (coldly) Look, I took the liberty of examining that stock when I got
    it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on the market in
    the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

    Broker : Well, of course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that stock down, it
    would have nuzzled up to those markets, bent 'em apart with its little B2B sales force, and VOOM!

    Customer : "VOOM?"

    Customer : Look matey, this stock wouldn't "voom" if you put four thousand venture capitalists through it! It's bleedin' demised!

    Broker : It's not! I-It's patenting!

    Customer : It's not patenetin,' it's passed on! This company is no more! It has ceased
    to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late stock! It's a stiff!
    Bereft of life, it rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed him up with venture capital he would be
    pushing up the daisies! Its business processes are of interest only to historians!
    It's hopped the twig! It's shuffled off this mortal coil! It's run down the curtain
    and joined the choir invisible! This.... is an F*CKED-COMPANY!

    Broker : Well, I'd better replace it, then.
  • Maybe someone should send an email to the dweebs at editors@satirewire.com or site@satirewire.com to tell them how chmod 644 works ...

  • between a .com VC and a pigeon?

    The pigeon can still leave a deposit on a BMW.

    [this joke is 100% recycled humor from the '87 crash]
  • and how many readers will get that?

    well I thought it was quite funny.

  • You haven't lived until you've seen my page about my roommate's deadly fish tank. We keep adding fish - they keep dying. Come read the news archive!

    The Fish Counter Archive [udel.edu]

  • Um, you mean Tears For Fears right?

    That's probably why I forgot. Even the name of the band sucked. But thanks for the info (I probably could have found it if I looked in the jacket on the CD anyway).
  • Hello, Mr. technos.

    I am the head of the Slashdot chapter of 'Paranoid E-mail People Anonymous'. We can help you with your irresponsible use of such interjections as "crosswinds.spam.net," and "hotNOSPAMmail."

    In the event that we need to contact you further, may we reach you at technos@crosswinds.net [mailto] or too_much_punct@hotmail.com [mailto]? After all, if you're going to sound all pompous, you might as well have the good graces to post your real e-mail address(es) for people like Mr. xtermz to use!

    I also may be able to put you in touch with my counterpart at 'alt.recovery.e-mail.paranoia.' She'll probably be able to help you fully grasp the fact that very few people want to e-mail you. If they do want to e-mail you, it's best not to make them jump through hoops to avoid spam.

    I hope you have found this helpful.
  • I used to make fun of all the failing dot-coms, until a couple of months ago my girlfriend told me about her boss at a start-up where she worked as an intern. This guy, the start-up's CEO and founder, committed suicide after the company went bankrupt. He had degrees from Berkeley and Harvard. And while I think it is totally insance, it had a very sobering effect on me...
  • So what. I bitched myself down to 125. Only 75 more to go before I reach equilibrium.

  • Rejected: the story about Artisan Entertainment creating a fake web site that claims mass murders are being committed in a public park in maryland, attempting to create massive public histeria.



    So do you believe everything that people say on the web? It's really not all that impressive unless you whole world is the web.


    We want our story moderation priveleges now!



    That's all well and good for yourself but please remember that not everyone likes the concept of moderation applied to what content is seen on slashdot. If that happens expect to see some trash about natalie portman make the front page.
  • results in the starving children that this 'parody' neglects to consider. While the website is obviously not directly the cause, sitting around laughing your ass off instead of making a difference through political action -- be it as simple as a phone call or email to your representative -- IS somewhat to blame. Then again, you probobly don't even care, but you sure would if you were so hungry you wouldn't have the energy to chew if someone brought you food.
  • that's one of the funnier things i've read in a while... especially that bit about the chinfish hitting the light... i dont know why, but, i laughed my ass off =)

    nice.

    -- Dr. Eldarion --
  • You should join ICANN. No, wait, all they do is elections and voting. heh.
  • > Accepted: a poor takeoff on www.fuckedcompany.com.

    News flash: Nerds like to laugh, too.

    Not all news reports have to detail bad and horrible things that are happening in the world, you know.

    Lighten up. I think it's good that Slashdot isn't totally a doom-and-gloom site. You want that, go flip open a newspaper sometime.
  • Any sufficiently obscured technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  • by BilldaCat ( 19181 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @09:53AM (#691792) Homepage
    First they came for the Boos,
    but I did not speak out,
    because I did not shop there.

    Then they came for the free-www-providers,
    but I did not speak out,
    because I had a cable modem.

    Then they came for the petstores,
    but I did not speak out,
    because I did not own a pet.

    Then they came for the movie sites,
    but I did not speak out,
    because I was busy boycotting Hollywood.

    Then they came for VA Linux and Slashdot,
    and there was no one left to speak for me.
  • I've seen those shoes (but I might just be drunk at this moment), the brand was something like Royal Elastics or something. Anyway.

    --

  • The new sales pitch used by e-trade [etrade.com].

    As a dot-com sponsor, you become a partner in bringing renewed hope to a dot-com whose future is now in doubt. The special relationship you can develop with your dot-com is something you'll cherish forever.

  • If a dot-com is suffering, it is either because they couldn't plan themselves out of a paper bag, have poor service, a horrible web site or are simply way ahead of their time.

    There were those that charged up big debts so that they can get "growth" and become Wall Street or Venture Capitalist darlings. Since the end if 1999, investors have started to avoid these and saw many of them for the pyramid schemes that they are. Hollywood Video pulled the plug on Reel.com because the e-tailer was stupid with their coupons and couldn't compete, they were a money looser compared to the high-profit video rental chain. All the video sellers were selling at or below operating & unit cost to get market share and sales volumes.

    In short, companies suffer during shake-outs. Hopefully the better ones survive.
  • Uh, why not just have a user-customized threshold of -1 for stories for the whiners in question?
  • I can see it now: "Please contact ICI now if you are interested in one of the following careers: Paralegal TV/VCR Repair E-commerce startup
  • I whored my self to 26 kharma points in a week!

  • why is the parent mod'd up? not that my comment is helping, but really people... if you don't mod it up, then it stays at the bottom where it belongs (like my posts) and posts with real content get brought to the front.

    B1ood

  • Strange, I thought the mass-murder site was pretty funny.
  • For only 30 dollars a month, You'll receive hand written letters by thankful CEO's who are able to eat regular meals as a direct result of your sponsorship.

    You'll also receive photos of the happy CEOs and VPs in their imported cars which have been saved from repossession by your generous donations.


  • by Anonymous Coward
    You're an idiot.

    I know that this probably wasn't meant to be taken seriously, but this cannot be let go.

    • It was Suzanne Sommers that was in "She's the Sheriff." NOT Sally Struthers.
    • Carol O'Connor was in "All in the Family." So, for that matter, was Sally Struthers. Neither was in "She's the Sheriff."
    • Hal Linden was in "Barney Miller." Hell, Hal Linden was Barney Miller! So I don't know what you were smoking on that one, but pass the pipe, boy-o.
    Is it just me or are Slashdot readers getting dumber every day?
  • I agree.. this fake web page is something I would have definitely wanted to read about. It is plain fraud for financial gain, no different from the stock market manipulators that posted fake stock stories. Since we have no place to post meta related comments, I will post here. Feel free to mod down as you feel necessary.
    -
  • Old method: Invest all money in small store, use revenues and starting customers to advertise for new customers and buy more stores.

    New method: Cash out of IPO early, take $13 million in stock to run for US Senate and turn it into cash. Six months after you left, stock is worth less than a million, but you've still got $12 million. Hi, Maria! (I'm just joshing her, glad she clued in to diversification)

  • I am proudly posting with my +1 bonus to show you that you also are misled by your singular source of information.

    The athiest.org site gives the ridiculous example of Roman Emperor's heads engraved on coins as being real evidence that the Emperors existed, the coins being empirical fact of that. It is a completely facetious argument. Of course Jesus wasn't on a coin. Now repeat after me. DUHHHHHH!

    There are many Roman historians, completely independent of Judaic or Christian influence that wrote about Jesus. Jesus lived and there is ample evidence, outside of the Bible, to show this.

    I found this link on Google. There are many others. Don't be fooled by this idiot. http://www.westar kch urchofchrist.org/library/extrabiblical.htm [westarkchu...christ.org]

    And if this is a troll, well then IHBT. But I don't care. Your source is biased, and your information is incorrect.

    I watch the sea.
    I saw it on TV.

  • If Sally had a failing .com, she'd find it very difficult to execute her exit strategy as her company crashed and burned around her. That is - it would be a real bitch for her to get out unless the place had a sliding barn door! She makes Pater look like an Olympic Marathoner. Ooops!
  • Hows this for an off-topic post (your sig says you support that type of thing, so here):

    I have found that many heavy metal bands have covered what had at one time been a popular song. For instance, the most recognizable song that even most non-metal lamers have heard rendered in a semi-metallic state is Marylin Manson's cover of the song "Sweet Dreams". I'm no Manson fan myself, but that just fucking rocks. I mean, seriously, didn't anyone else think the first time they heard the Eurythmics play that song that it was fucked up that it sounded so poppy and happy and had such heavy lyrical ideas? (That whole, some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused thing kind of makes ya think don't it?)

    Well, recently I had a song stuck in my head and I wasn't even sure why. You remember that really crappy song (by an even crappier band that I long ago forgot the name of) called shout? You know, shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without. So, anyways, I pick up the latest Disturbed album (very cool if you're into metal by the way) last weekend. I got into them because I heard they played Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme song (Yeah, I know, so fucking sue me, I watch wrestling) and I had a buddy that saw them live and said they fucking rocked the house and nobody knew who the hell they were. Well, I finally get a chance to listen to it last night and there's this song called Shout2000 on there. I didn't think much of it until it started. I'm thinking, yeah, this is pretty cool, clashing guitars chugging along and all. Then the dude starts singing. Sure enough, you guessed it, shout, shout, let it all out, these are the things I can do without. How fucked up is that. It had been circling in my mind for the past few weeks (and I probably haven't heard it, other than that crappy TV commercial in about five years or more), and I'd even considered trying to get the guitar part worked out just for kicks, and there it is, big as life. Needless to say I was impressed.

    Then there are even lesser known cover tunes that just seem slightly out of place. Like Exodus covering Low Rider. It actually sounds good, but come on! Exodus, heavy metal, gnarly singing (if you can call it that) playing Low Rider? Or there's their cover of the song Bitch. They've done a lot of oddball covers.

    Then there's Flotsam and Jetsam covering Elton John's Saturday Night's Alright For Fighting, which sounds fricken awesome with their downtuned guitars jugging out the riffs. Only thing odd in that one is the piano slides in the middle of it over the top of the guitars. Don't know how that got in there.

    Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone else thought this was interesting. Heavy metal bands covering the bands that for the most part they make fun of and pick on non-stop. Seems pretty funny to me. Next thing you know Metallica (if they can still be called a metal band, very questionable at this point) will be covering that song that Kurt sang as beat your fucking meat boy, beat your fucking meat boy, beat that fucking meat boy. It certainly wouldn't cause me to lose any more respect for them. God knows the stupid sons-a-bitches have done everything in their power up to this point to lose any of their 'old' fans and promote the idealism of the big business record companies whom they used to hate. You know, "Kill 'em All" was supposed to be a slap in the face of the record executives because they wouldn't let them call it "Fuck 'em All", and the cover pic was supposed to reinforce that message. Now they are no better than the fuckers that they claimed they hated. What pieces of shit!

    Anyway, I just wanted to get that off my chest. I realize that I will probably lose some Karma over this one, but what the fuck? It's not like Slashdot is about anything important anyways. It's mostly just a chance to have Taco stroke his ego in a public display of masturbatory stylings that allow him to keep stuffing the cash into his wallet. But, I'll leave that little rant for another time.

    Thanks for supporting off-topic posting.
  • Yeah, our politicians need a little Shock Treatment to keep our live connections wired...

    With apologies to Richard O'Brien
  • Seriously, the "bearded road-apple" look seems to be the "in" thing for IT staff. Norelco should raid cubicles everywhere.
  • Can't blame their marketing department for trying to resurect the idea.
    Sure you can. As a matter of fact, I do it all the time.

    If I have to watch yet another commercial with Matrix-like effects of endless lines of stuff appearing from nowhere at fast speeds into a huge white nothingness, I'll have to kick someone in his or her wacky parts.

    And that also goes for every singer... no, make that every sound engineer who thinks that, since lots of people liked Cher's "Believe" song, therefore every female artist ought to have her voice modulated by a computer in mid-phrase.

    Sorry about the rant. Please, carry on. Nothing to see here.
  • your realize it wasn't worth it...

    Yeah, true enough. But, by gum, it was a fun run. And we could have made it work if only...

  • great parody. where's cartman, though?
  • And as of 17:10 CST,

    Forbidden
    You don't have permission to access /features/savedotcoms/sally.shtml on this server.

    Yup, fixed it good.

  • Forbidden You don't have permission to access /features/savedotcoms/sally.shtml on this server.

    Yes, I am eager to put money in a company with well configured servers as yours...

    Hire a good sysadm, then we will talk.

    --ricardo

  • slashdotting doesn't have much to do with a 403 forbidden error. someone deliberately locked down the directory. i've sent two emails over the last several hours, no response, no access.

    "I will gladly pay you today, sir, and eat up

  • She's still trying to help the "less fortunate"?!? Hasn't she finished her community service yet? Man...that must have been one hard-assed judge.
  • save the dot coms....from sally struthers. She ran out of food and started eatign all the poor guys running the start-up's! run dot'com 'ers !!!! run!!!!

    "sex on tv is bad, you might fall off..."
  • What do you mean by this???

    Please email me and let me know.
  • i will feel so good knowing that my donation has allowed some dot com the opportunity to increase it's burn rate, even if it's just by 10 dollars a month...
  • They sent me an email when I complained and said they had locked it down due to being slashdotted, so the entire site wouldn't drop. Then they said it was fixed, so they unlocked it.

    Does it work now? It worked for me.

  • by Nicolas MONNET ( 4727 ) <<nicoaltiva> <at> <gmail.com>> on Thursday October 19, 2000 @09:25AM (#691821) Journal

    IT's always amazed me how many of those startups could never succeed in any way to begin with. Think .. selling overpriced silvery running shoes on the web. Think .... group buying ... let's group and get huge rebate on a VCR the 20 of us, when your average supermarket is buying millions at a time and will certainly never get such a huge rebate ... Think ... let's make a portal, it will only be the 58454th on the market.


    --

  • An Everquest game item has exactly the same existance in 'reality' as a software license. People buy them for the same reason people are willing to put money down for the game itself.

    Both represent a certain amount of special knowledge and consumed resources that the seller is willing to invest, and that the buyer is not. The seller passes the value of that knowledge and resources to the buyer, and the buyer pays for it.

    And if you don't understand why people buy them, that's OK. I certainly wouldn't myself. But there are people out there who buy all sorts of weird shit. Spice Girls CDs. Those annoying two-wheel scooters. They are willing to pay because they get enjoyment out of these things.

    And what's so "REAL" about money anyway? If you think about it, money is an illusion too - it's a totally artificial construct of our economic system that we use to represent value in the abstract. Most of the time we trade in money these days, we don't pass anything physical. We swipe a card, and a couple of bits get flipped in one electronic bank account, and a corresponding number are flipped in another.

    Do you think that's air you're breathing?

    Charles Miller
    --
  • Initially, the reason for this was obviously the gimmick value, (which would hopefully turn into convenience value) of buying over the 'net. Everyone assumed that people prefer to do their shopping over the net, in the comfort of their own home.

    But no, it turns out people want to go *out* shopping (esp. women, haha), where they can fondle with the items, examine them properly and spend an afternoon bimbling round the shops. Beats search engines.

  • Bah, it's just common sense; clothes can't be bought on the net. You have to try them out. Except maybe for socks and briefs. And then women would still want to touch them before buying. But fuck, I would never buy shoes without trying them out.

    I bought groceries on the net and got them delivered yesterday, and it actually is convenient. Especially all those milk bottles and coke and beer and Perrier that are quite heavy, I'm glad the delivery boy had to walk the three stairs for me ... eh eh. What irked me though is that they [houra.fr] went a bit hard on the packaging. I had to put 3 kilos of cardboard boxes and plastic fillers in the dump ... not exactly environmental friendly ...


    --

  • Hello Sir, Madam, Transexual, or Male Lesbian, I am Vincent Starre, and I wish to inform you of the tragedy of un-skizzled Vinnies.

    It is a sad fact that in today's world of high-powered computers, 16 year old millionaires, and pr0n, that so many of our youth today have slipped through the cracks of society. That with all our technologies and advances in science, we still are faced with the growing problem, of those who lack $killz. I am of course refering to the sad case, of the Vinnies.
    Vinnies across the world are constantly faced with the torment of being unaccepted in the world, because of their lack of $killz. They are not always born without $killz but often due to financial difficulties or a troubled childhood, Vinnies everywhere are often forced to live without $killz, making do with what they can find, usually in the form of unsatisfactory pr0n or low-res FPS Games.
    The truth is, the Vinnie is an Endangered species. Darwin's laws of natural selection, whether you believe in them or not, hold true in society: Without $killz, the more l337 will survive, and the $kizzless bastards will die.
    If you've read this far, you're probably wondering: "What can I do to help?" and for a long time, I, like many Vinnies, was at the same point, wondering what I, or anyone for that matter, could do to help. But now that time has changed and there is a new hope for $kizzless Vinnies everywhere. That hope is the Save the Vinnie fund, set up by me, Vincent Starre just over a year ago to help the cronically un-l337 Vinnies that have been the shame of society for so many years before. By making just a small donation of Knowledges, Cash Funds, or Hardware, you can touch the life of a Vinnie in need, and help put that one Vinnie back on the right path, to gain the dream that all Vinnies have, of someday getting m4d $killz.

    Thank You,
    Vincent Starre, Founder of the Save The Vinnie Fund
  • "Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!"

    Come on Sally, it's a business. Just because a bunch of jokers are losing their shirts because they don't know how to handle this new market doesn't mean we need to give them special breaks. Competition means you'll have winners and losers, that's the breaks.

    Steven
  • Shameless plug: The Lameness List [demon.co.uk] : UK dotcoms, run by marketing types, designed and built in Photoshop, with Flash galore, "optimised for IE", and all the other 'features' you love to hate...

  • Having a startup is fine and dandy, but it seems that many startups have a "I am a internet startup and it should catch on like wildfire" attitude. Without good marketing and a way to get customers to stay, then they will fail. I use several different stores from the internet to media play for my DVD needs, because of better pricing or gaining points. Media Play has my paperback novel business due to the FREE program to get a free novell after buying 10 of them. Waldenbooks had a free scifi club back in the late 80/early 90's, but then they started to charge for it.

    Startups need to learn from the larger stores on what it takes to make and keep customers. I know several older people that swear by Sears, which currently seems to hire sales people with lack of brains sometimes (like Best buy, Compusa).

    Just keep Sally away from my Cheesy Poofs!!
  • Absolutely... when the Lameness list [demon.co.uk] got a mention on The Register [theregister.co.uk] I got a load of new recommendations, almost all from embittered sysadmins and back-end hackers.

    The fact is that much of our back-slapping and pride in having built the internet is - well, not delusional exactly, but let's face facts, we are NOT the ones making big money from the Web. In my company the PR and marketing people, and the strategic-level suits, are the ones making real money. Oh, of course, we're well paid by the standards of the 'normal' economy; but let's not kid ourselves that this is anything but the suits tossing us whatever relatively minor rewards it takes to keep us at the twelve-hour days.

  • Yeah, you're probably right. I've only been playing instruments since I was about seven, and now have in my experience:

    1. Violin
    2. Viola
    3. Cello
    4. Guitar
    5. Upright and electric bass
    6. Saxophone
    7. Piano
    8. Harmonica
    9. Trumpet
    10. Drums

    And I've basically absorbed every bit of music I can stomache. Needless to say, the bullshit that's on the radio very rarely impresses me. So if I don't like Tears For Fears, yeah, your probably right, I don't know much about music or anything else. Thanks for clearing that up for me. Now I feel that my life is complete.
  • Having worked at 3 .coms that have fail so far (I think it is said that 1 in 10 works so I have a bit more of investor's money to burn through), it might be interesting to see how many others have worked at ones that have failed. Groupings could be:

    > one
    > two
    > three - five
    > more than five
    > I'm in hiding from investors

    BTW, technically all 3 could have been a success. It's been the business model that brought them down.
  • Then they came for Sally Struthers, but no one spoke up, because no one cared.

    And there was much rejoicing.
  • YUO = FAGOT
    I have proudly posted this with my +1 bonus as an example of how willing I am to prove to you that you are stupid.

    Because there is no proof that Jesus ever existed [atheists.org], it is imperative that you stop putting your religious adgenda out for the world to see.

    Thank you, and I will most certainly appreciate this to be moderated to both Offtopic and Troll. Overrated does not apply because this sure as fuck won't be moderated up.

    You, sir, make the baby "Jesus" cry.
  • the one career out of the list that stuck out in my head was "Gun repair". Sally Struthers advertising for GUN REPAIR careers? What about the childeren?
  • by BluedemonX ( 198949 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @10:35AM (#691836)
    there were a lot of *us* working 80 hour weeks and to unreasonable deadlines with relatively poorer salaries in the vain expectation that the stock options would eventually pay off. After all, we all knew, or knew someone who knew, someone who cashed in big on stock options and retired with millions in his or her early 20s.

    While we yuk and guffaw at the suits watching their paper castles crash to the floor, remember that for each of these there was a back room where techs worked underpaid 12 hour days to support these 8 hour day clowns who were most certainly NOT underpaid.

    I never benefited from the dot com boom. Am I bitter? Slightly. Do I celebrate the demise? Not really. Yeah, it's hubris, but a lot of people got crushed. Especially investors who bought high on margin.
  • dot-com's will be viewed as a marketing snow job by history - just another attempt at yet another way for your fellow (wo)man to dig more money out of your pocket.

    Welcome to the real world, dot-com'ers - hope you, and others, have learned something.

  • They just emailed me to say they think they fixed it. Apparently, we /.ed them ....

    Oh well ...

  • well, perhaps you want to look at suing Jon for his usage of peoples' commentaries- if your writers are ranting on slashdot during work hours, I suppose you could consider their posts your intellectual property.

    I post all my comments in ROT-26, which is a proprietary encryption method that my firm has developed. any attempt to decode it without paying the associated fees will result in you being sued!


  • Get Sally to coax her old co-star Rob Reiner to the bay area and then grind him into dot-com food. The state of California has had more than enough of him.
  • Anybody who works 80 hours a week is simply a moron. Plain and simple. No amount of money is worth sacraficing your personal life over. Your better off just finding a good job that pays well, that might not have the huge stock options. Your only young once and years down the road when your in your mid 30's balding, with no family and no experiences to look back on from your early 20's, your realize it wasn't worth it...

    Don't be fooled by anybody who tells you otherwise...
  • You do realize this was *satire*, don't you?

    Of course you do.

    I've just been trolled.
  • by MikeFM ( 12491 )
    www.nastyfatchiks.com

    knew she'd be back after SouthPark. Spare me the pain. Next thing you know Bill Gates will buy some small 3rd world country and force it's inhabitants to use Windows and come work for Microsoft. spooky!
  • I'm waiting for the expanded Sally Struther parody, where Archie bunker champions segregating site content, Meathead leads the leftist open source movement, and Edith pretends she doesn't know what's going on but meanwhile runs the whole thing cooking with Cisco in the kitchen.

    1. Where Your Vote Should Go [mikegallay.com]
  • Just because you have some really cool technology doesn't make you a good business. Just because people have "made a killing" on companies like Yahoo doesn't mean that every business out there that ends in a ".com" is worth investing in. Many companies that have already gone IPO aren't worth investing in and the market is in for a big correction. These companies have NO assests, NO property, and most importantly, NO INCOME. None of the things that ought to be present in a conventional investment are there. I suppose that if you are a ".com" you are exempt from reality?

    After all, e-commerce is still about just that - commerce. Webster's Dictionary defines commerce as "the exchange or buying and selling of commodities on a large scale involving transportation from place to place." This is the most basic definition of doing business.

    The problem is that most of the people doing the investing don't understand the technology, they don't understand the business plan, and they are greedy. They have heard that "internet stocks" are "hot right now" and following the usual herd mentality (which allowed Microsoft to become popular in the first place), and off they go with their hard earned dollars. Now that they are in danger of loosing their precious money, they are pouting and begging. They should have known it was a gamble and that the odds are about the same as Las Vegas. Best advice from my grandfather, "Never bet more than you can afford to loose." Guess the ".com" wanna-be's didn't have a grandfather?

    What most of them don't realize is that, Darwinism applies to businesses far more than it does in the "natural" world. If a company can out compete its rivals, it grows and becomes more diverse. These companies are not up to muster and the shake out is the natural order of things. However, those businesses who do survive will be useful viable enterprises.

  • I was walking down the street just the other day when Dot Com came up to me and said... "Big Issue Sir?"
  • In a world where people will pay REAL money for an Everquest or UO game item, what is VALUE anymore?
  • Be careful...If you do not follow the slashdot partyline you will be moderated as a troll, not because you are a troll, simply because you have stated an unpopular opinion.
  • by b1t r0t ( 216468 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @09:35AM (#691849)
    Every morning I drive by drkoop.com and think about how they could use just a few pennies out of your pocket. They have nothing but a heartless, uncaring highway passing them by while their stock price is left out in the cold, without even the simplest of convienences, like fresh running espresso. Abandoned by investors, they are reduced to begging for venture capital at the highway intersections of US 183, holding up heart-wrenching singns with slogans such as "WILL PORTAL FOR T1 FEED" and "HOMEPAGELESS, PLEASE GIVE, GOD BLESS". Is this some third world country? No, this is happening RIGHT HERE, in AMERICA. A mere three dollars a share can get them back on the road to recovery. Won't you please see it in your hearts to give to those in need?
  • by Mike1024 ( 184871 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @09:35AM (#691850)
    Hi,

    I feel I should give something back to the Internet community, so I have reached a decision: I will lend my internet and economical expertise to any dot-com startup who cares to ask, and all I ask in return is one small thing: control of the .xxx TLD, and legislation that all porn sites must use the .xxx domain. I will provide .xxx domains for only $15 per year, as long as providers create an account (username Mike1024 password Pass-1234) for me^H$Hmy inspectors to... uh... uh... check that the site is appropriate for the TLD.

    Think about it...

    Michael

    ...another comment from Michael Tandy.

  • Jeez. If we only had more people with your entrepreneurial drive IBM would be the only computer manufacturers in the world.

    Nah but seriously WTF. All these people got money for stupid bussiness ventures that would never work and VCs would have though the person insane if they had asked for the money for the idea in a brick and mortar setting but somehow cause it was on the internet people were fine with it. I guess it was all greed and the fear to miss out on the next big thing.
  • >News flash: Nerds like to laugh, too.

    Totally. So wake me up when something actually FUNNY gets posted.


    --
  • by Anonymous Coward
    Shoot them now. Put them out of their misery.

    Start with Amazon
  • And then they came for the Holocaust quotes, and there was none left to speak, because they'd all been made cliche by squandering them on irrelevent topics grossly out of proportion to the horror and insight of the original.
  • After my dot-com employer options went to ten times market price(!), I realized the shit I put up with was worse than contributing to a charity.

    Where is the OpenSource Charity Job Board. I'd be plenty happy to earn 20-25% less and not feel like I'm working at a f---edcompany but rather doing something to make the world a nicer place. OSDN/Charity Now!

    Please give generously.

  • I personally get pissed when I submit a hardcore geekish type of story, with some good commentary, and it gets rejected to post something GREAT instead, like another damn sony robotic dog, or a repost of a story from months ago.

    Who really gives a rats ass about some of these things? Are we trying, as a group, to cater to a larger audience? What the hell is the point of being news for "nerds" but instead covering stupid fluffy bits?

    If I see another post about transmeta anything, I'm going to gag. LinusGroupies get old; he's just a guy, he works for a company, he contributes to various interesting things. you could drink beer with him just like anyone else. stop drooling over anything that has the remote hint of his name on it.

    I'd have to say they're probably the same people who have multi-gigs of anna kournikova pictures, and think that whole grits thing is funny. blah.

    Slashdot was so much better when it was in rob's dorm room.
  • Humm. I worked for a .com then moved to another. Mostly because of the toys and bandwidth. The whole thing was bound to shake out sooner or later. In the early days I saw investors lining up outside the door, then at the beginning of the year it started to dry up and then it became a desert. The company missed a payroll shortly after I left. Just recently they pulled in an investor for chump change and he took over most of the control of the company. So whats the point, a perspective from an insider...

    The real problem with .com's is the same everywhere. You start out with a great idea and the marketing folk come in and pervert it. They exploit it, investors come running in for the 200% return, then bail. They are doing this all over town. So they really only need one to strike it rich. They really don't give a shit about the product or idea. It means nothing to them. They don't have the hours and lines of code invested. The product (a good idea or bad) doesn't have their personalities built into the system.

    So to the real point, the .com's are a great idea. The problem: Not every idea should be a .com but, marketing sells these ideas to VP's who are told they have to have a e-commerce or .com solution or they sell these ideas to investors who start up a .com. They bring in the geeks, we build it and......it goes belly up. So who's fault is it? Personally, I believe its the marketing and the foolish investors.

    The ether-world is for the free flow of information. Information wants to be free. It is not for the e-commerce bullshit. It doesn't have the constituent base to support it. The mom and pops of the world supporting all the e-commerce business out there? Come on, get real. Who is on line all the time? The geeks. We sit at work in our pods (if we're lucky get a telecomute gig) and code and surf and code and game and code and surf and sniff passwords. We are the ones that support the ether-world not the mom and pops. But ironically that is who all the e-commerce (the bulk any rate) is targeting.

    A lot of .com's should never have been built, but I thank the investors, because of their greed it gave a lot of geeks a great opportunity to play with some cool toys. Really we should all thank them for the opportunity they provided, they supported our education and gave us a chance to get a lot of experience that would have taken years and years.
    (the last statement is somewhat sarcastic..) Its all just a matter of a little Darwinism. So fuck it. The ones that are going to die let them. If the product is truly good and they just had shitty management the product and idea will live on in open soure. If it was a shitty idea then let the 'mother fucker burn'. Gotta match?
  • Never care.
    NEVER care.
    That is critical. Make sure you dont forget it.
  • My intention wasn't to impress. My intention was to make clear that music is one thing that I do know quite a bit about. While I'm not about to claim I'm perfect, when someone attacks one of the things that truly is important to me, I will point out how wrong they are. Although I'm sure no one here believes it. God forbid someone on slashdot be taken at the word, especially not when someone willing to give a real email address is trying to prove something to an AC. God knows, the AC has to be right.
  • Or will they screw up and send me a dot-com exec instead? Bankrupt Bobby? Just as long as I'm not brought to dot-comland starving, and stumble upon Sally's food shack.

  • Rejected: the story about Artisan Entertainment creating a fake web site that claims mass murders are being committed in a public park in maryland, attempting to create massive public histeria.
    The same kind thing was done with The Blair Witch Progect last year. And it was much more subtle. At the time, there was quite a number of people who thought the film was a documentary. To this day, you could probably still find people who STILL think it was.

    Of course, the whole thing generated a marketing storm that shoked the existing industry and lit the box office on fire. Can't blame their marketing department for trying to resurect the idea. Even if its an old one.

  • way to go! it's disturbing how funny posts are usually followed by bickering and out-of-place posts... keep the funny coming...
  • Well, I do support off-topic posting, but apparently the mods don't.

    I totally agree with you on the metal-covering pop thing. Gamma Ray, a german metal band, had a cover of It's A Sin (Pet Shop Boys) on their last album, and it ruled. Helloween put out an entire album (called Metal Jukebox) of metalicized pop songs, but unfortunately only Lay All Your Love On Me and All My Loving were any good.

  • Abandoned by investors, they are reduced to begging for venture capital at the highway intersections of US 183, holding up heart-wrenching singns with slogans such as "WILL PORTAL FOR T1 FEED" and "HOMEPAGELESS, PLEASE GIVE, GOD BLESS".
    On the plus side, if they manage to hold out long enough for micropayments to take off, they'll already be prepared to launch a new startup. iHomeless.com. It'll revolutionalize the entire "homeless" industry with ePanhandling.

    If done correctly, the entire IPO might be tax deductable.

  • We want our story moderation priveleges now!
    Then click here [kuro5hin.org]
  • Just imagine how pissed Bill's going to be when his accountant tells him his charitable donation to Corel isn't tax deductible.
  • by RhetoricalQuestion ( 213393 ) on Thursday October 19, 2000 @09:42AM (#691871) Homepage

    RhetoricalQuestion.com is one of these dot-coms in need of your help.

    Our e-comm concept of having people pay us to intentionally not answer their questions has not paid off.

    Our writers, in frustration, no longer spend their days ranting on the site, but go off and rant FOR FREE on slashdot.

    Only you can make a difference.

    If you'd prefer to donate to us directly, please email your VISA or Mastercard number to who@rhetoricalquestion.com

  • This one sucked. It wasn't funny, it didn't have anything useful to say, and it just didn't deserve to be a story on slashdot like yours did.

    I mean, for goodness sake(this is off-topic, sue me) but creating false information news sites as "action news six" is a sick, sad thing to do. Or does anyone care if they are lied to anymore?

    -Ben

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. -- Winston Churchill

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