Or alternatively, and stop me if you think this is crazy, whether someone you don't know chooses to die or not is none of your goddamned business,
I agree 100%.
and if they are unable to carry it out in a way that causes as little suffering at all, and seek out professional medical assistance then again, providing they are of sound mind, it's none of your goddamned business.
Nope. The second a medical professional is involved, society gets a say in what happens.
Here's a related example. In the US, the rules on involuntary committal to a mental institution were made much stricter, mostly by court case law. The courts had found that a lot of people were being involuntarily committed to metal institutions because their family members wanted power of attorney so they could take their money. In other words, siblings or children were having their relatives committed so they can get money. The courts found this wasn't isolated or rare, but widespread.
Now, extrapolate that mentality to assisted suicide. I'm not saying it should be banned, but it must be very tightly regulated and audited.