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New Idea: Ask Uncle Em More

New Idea: Ask Uncle Em

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  • Ever since you took me to hunting camp last summer and showed me "what big people do," my wee-wee itches constantly and it burns when I pee. Why does this happen?

    -Ab
  • The neighbor from two doors down brings their dog up to my house for it to shit, right next to the front walk. When I talked to them the wife was all like, "Oh we clean it up ASAP, it's our young son who doesn't do his duty, I'll clean it up right now!" And it seems whenever I'm out she makes it a point to run over with a scooper... yet there remains poop out there a heck of a lot. It seems they like to stock pile it and then clean up several prizes all at once, rather than (as our immediate next door ne
    • Compromise with luvsbway. Either get her to take a dump on their lawn, or use the shovel and launch her back at your neighbors.
    • Up at main campus PSU, our neighbors (a frat that no longer exists) used to try and train their dogs to shit on our lawn. After a few meetings and a few shouting matches, we just started shooting the dog with pellet guns (plastic bb's) and paint balls. The dog eventually became so scared to come towards our lawn that it bit it's owner.

      For all the animal lovers, this is a frat that no longer exists because they would give a new pledge class a kitten to raise, then when they were initiated, the class would
      • That's um, pretty screwed up.

        Killing kittens and feeding a dog anti-freeze, geez.

        That umm, makes me pretty sick to my stomache.
        • You and me both. The dog was a black lab puppy. About 8 months old. We were so happy to see those guys go. They had done over $3000 damage to our house from throwing crap at our wood siding and breaking windows. The new neighbors are MUCH better (Kappa Alpha Order). They are a pretty good bunch of guys. Every house has their asshole (even ours), but as a whole, I can't say anything bad about them.

          -Ab
    • Dear Getting Shit on in PA,

      First off,

      Sorry for your unfortunate dog doo situation. I'd recommend discussing this matter at length with luvsbway, to see what she recommends.

      See, this will make it look like you are actually listening to what she has to say. Ladies like that.

      What I would do, since you are new, is take a walk around the neighborhood and see how the other neighbors yards look. If they are clean, then chances are you are the new kid on the block and not to be trusted. If this is the case,
  • I have a 1986 Honda Accord, experiencing some stutters while it drives, and just a generally rough engine. The current thought is that it has a very leaky head gasket. We're using it as a second car, but it's due for registration, and, as a result, an emmissions check this month. I don't think it will pass the emissions check. There is a good chance that my brother will be giving us a 199? Geo Prizm, so I don't know if we will need it in the future.

    Should I try to get the head gasket repaired, and get it
    • Dear Mr MyCarsucks,

      Thanks for the question.

      I am sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation. Head gaskets are a flimsy little piece of rubber that are very important. So important, in fact, that you can buy them for around $2.00 at your local auto store.

      However, it takes a lot of work to get to the heads themselves.

      What is your tool situation like? Do you have a place to put the engine after you yank it out of the car?

      I would not go to the DMV if I were you. It's a giant pain in the ass, and do
      • Dear Uncle Em,

        Thanks for the quick response. I do have a place to put the engine, but the tool situation is pretty grim. I have two sets of sockets, and I'm not afraid of working on cars at all (many would call me foolhardy), but I've heard that replacing a head gasket is a long and complicated thing even for people who have extensive experience with the whole operation. Also, I have no engine lift or anything, though one of my neighbors might have one...

        I like the idea of selling it for scrap and then b
        • Re:Engine lift.

          This isn't an absolute must have, assuming you can take most of the bolt on stuff off the block itself.

          Back when Em was a wee lad, Em's father lifted a 350 block out of an engine case and walked it across the garage. Not sure if this was an amazing feat of strength or just my very young self being impressed.

          I personally have done this twice. I was a good bit younger, and the engines in question were old.

          It can be done, and for surprisingly, not a lot of money.

          What's your time frame?
          • Em's father lifted a 350 block out of an engine case and walked it across the garage

            I imagine a 2 liter block would weigh a lot less, so this seems doable.

            What's your time frame?

            Well, it's due for registration in march, so before the end of march, I guess.
            • That is totally doable.

              How adventurous are you feeling?

              If very, then go for it. Might save some money and pass that emissions test.

              Besides, you didn't really want to get your brother something anyway. ;)
              • I'm going to have to assess my free time, and make sure that it's something I can get done in a few weeks. I'll have to swing the idea by my wife too - she gets afraid of big projects because she thinks they'll never end (they always have up to this point, though, so I'm not sure why she's afraid).
                • Well,

                  You gotta figure it's gonna take about two full days (meaning about 16-20 hours of actual wrenching, figuring out what goes where, keeping track of where you put stuff, etc.) and I wouldn't go into it unless you feel comfortable NOT having a car to drive for a few weeks.

                  If you are anything like me, you'll rearrange some time and try and get it done.

                  The good thing is what you are trying isn't new at all, and there are tons of websites available if you get stuck.

                  Like /., for example.

                  Have fun.
        • Don't listen to uncle Em, he's full of crap. You should take out a huge life insurance plan on yourself. A couple million should do it. Make sure it has a double pay out clause for accidental death and dismemberment. Find a skeleton about your height and remove his teeth. Have your teeth surgically removed and placed in the skeleton's jawbone. Fill the car with TNT and gasoline, slash the front passenger tire and push it off a cliff. According to every movie I've seen it will explode about 2 seconds

  • WTF?

    KWR
    Pgh

  • What's the sound of one hand clapping?

  • Every so often I get disconnected from the net and can't even ping my Linksys router. At the same time I can STILL use Windows Remote Desktop Connection to view other computers and I can still watch videos from other hard drives on the LAN. WTF is going on? I've been turning the router off, then on again to fix the problem.
    • Dr If this pings a respondin, don't come a knockin':

      Thanks for your question.

      I would like to answer your question, but to do so I will need more information. When you say disconnected from the net, do you mean all work stations or just the one you are on?

      This connection, I am assuming it is DSL?

      Or is this just between the workstations on your home lan?

      Signed,

      Uncle Em
      • Its DSL, its at home on a LAN my roomate set up. Its usually in the middle of the night or early morning that this happens. The computers (win2k and xp) can see each other and share files. The remote desktop software is for the headless media server (several huge hard drives), and that software works too. Yet browsing to 192.168.1.1 gets no response. Pinging 192.168.1.1 times out.

        About one third as often, Earthlink farks up and the modem spends a minute or five connecting. I know because I can browse
  • My lab partner insists that I am cursing the thermocouples. Physical violence isn't effective against his delusions. Please help. Instructions in actually executing curses is appreciated.

    ~SW
    • Ah!! that was spectacular! Points for you! Good Job!

      ps. with a hex translator, of course.

    • Dear Can't Boil water, much less cause a thermal reaction,

      have you tried being nice to the thermocouples?

      Also, as an FYI, I have found that emotional violence scars much better and lasts longer than physical violence.

      Perhaps you should use your womanly charms to woo said lab partner into making the curses execute themselves magically.

      HTH,

      Uncle Em

      PS. I have no idea wtf I am talking about. Hopefully this was obvious from the get-go.

      Woo!
  • Who *really* killed Kennedy? The Discovery Channel thinks it was LJB. I'm inclined to think it was space aliens from planet X. It has Planet X written all over it.
    • Dear Conspiracy Nut,

      I have long pondered this question, and here is what I have come up with as my ultimate answer to this question.

      It was Surhan Surhan, in the Observatory, with a high powered rifle.

      It can't be a Planet-Xian plot, simply because it's too simple.

      No space quarks, no flibble-flabbles, and most importantly, JFK did NOT have high amounts of fiber in his stomach during the autopsy.

      Sorry to bust your bubble.

      Signed,

      Uncle Em.
      • Dear Uncle Em,

        I should have figured you were among the inner circle and not to be trusted. Are you sure it wasn't *you* who did this horrible crime against humanity?
  • We have two teenagers and three cats in the house.

    SHE insists that they all must stay.

    I have my doubts since all five of them seem to have some sort of drain bamage. Especially the teenagers. I suspect it's the phones welded to their ears but I can't prove it.

    Signed,

    Living With Smacktards
  • What...is your quest?

    What...is your favorite color?

    What...is the average flight velocity of a laden African swallow?
    • My quest? My quest is to make people laugh and cry at my funeral.

      My favorite color is deep blue

      The average flight velocity of a laden African swallow is 33 and 1/3 mph.

      Are you sure you didn't mean European?
  • did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played girl bunny?
  • Ok, Uncle Em.

    WHo do I vote for on March 2?

    Bonus Question:

    Is J.J. Redick Krzyzewski & Vitale's love child?
  • Is it worng to date more than one woman at once? I mean neither of them are my girlfriend. Were just dating right?

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