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The Gimp

Journal Em Emalb's Journal: Fuck a damned toilet 21

Journal by Em Emalb

(Prolific use of swearing, if you don't like it, don't read.)

And fuck a damned company that slaps houses together.

You shouldn't have to pay $180,000.00 for a house that contains shoddy parts and workmanship. How the fuck do these asshats sleep at night? Seriously, so far we've found some serious shoddy fucking shit. I swear if I ever come in contact with the corner cutting, cost saving bitch-assed monkey felchers who decided it was a good idea to do this shit to the average home owner, I'll kick them so hard in the nuts they'll taste their own spunk.

Motherfucking contractors, I'd like to break their fucking elbows.

So the toilet in the master bathroom has the dreaded flapper doesn't close after flush problem. No biggie, right? Just go get a new one.

Well, I pop the tank off, and it appears the good people who used to live here were fans of the chemical cleaner tablets that you drop in the tank. Not good. Figure I gotta get all new guts, since those damned things destroy toilets. Ah, fuck it, it's just as cheap to get a new tank.

Off to teh Depot. Ah, cool, Kohler has some cool new toilet styles, where the tank is engineered a little more smoothly.

"Works with all Standard US toilet manufacturers."

Sweet, I'll take one of those.

Get it home. Hmmm, it appears the tank opening is too large for this toilet. I better go back and get another one. Who makes this fucking tank, anyway? Hmm, I dunno, doesn't say.

I return the toilet, and it's off to the tank races again. This time, I measured the width of the hole (2") and I have teh Depot dude open the box on an American Standard toilet to verify it's correct. Hmm, these bolt holes seem a little close together. I tell the guy "Hey, guy, these bolt holes don't seem far enough apart. I'm pretty sure the holes on the previous tank were 6.5" apart. "Oh no sir, all toilets are drilled at the same width." Me: "....ok, if you say so."

I get the toilet tank home, and sure as shit, the holes aren't drilled far enoug apart.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. Around this point I'm starting to get just a wee bit pissed off. I'm a pretty affable guy, but I used to have a rage issue. Well, Mr. Rage is coming back. To make matters worse, in the process of trying to lever the tank onto the bowl, it slips and my hand flies off at light speed. It smashes into the TP tissue holder, which I recently installed. My ring finger knuckle turned an awesome shade of purple, and wouldn't bend. I thought I broke it til I woke up this morning and could move it. My wedding ring barely fit over it, but my hand feels naked without it. Anyway, now I'm bleeding from a small cut on the knuckle, it's bruised and hurting like hell, and I'm fucking angry. Like the next person to be rude to me in some manner might end up dead angry. I try to calm down, but then I remember what Mr. Teh Depot man said. That sets me off again. So I grab the old tank and start taking the guts out. The rage has settled into a silent simmer. The wife leaves the room. Smart move on her part, no telling what I might say I'd later regret. Anyway, inside the toilet, under 12 years worth of grime is the stamp I've been looking for: American Standard, made in Guatemala. WTF? AMERICAN STANDARD. GUATE-FUCKING-MALA. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT I'M GONNA AMERICAN STANDARD YOUR ASS.

Anyway, by now I'm starting to realize this is a losing proposition. I'm like, fuck it, this whole motherfucking toilet is coming out, and I'm taking a sledge hammer to it before I throw it away.

So, I grab my wrenches and some pliers and start Operation: TP For my Bunghole and try to unbolt the bowl from the floor. I'd read up a bit on this stuff, and realized if I manage to get both bolts off, I'd be in the top .02% of the DIYers who get this far. The left side bolt goes like a dream, easy on, easy off. The right side of the bowl, both the nut and the bolt just spin. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

So, after 4 hours, 2 trips to teh Depot, I end up bolting the same shitty not working worth a fuck toilet tank back on. Jiggle the goddamned handle, babe.

Fuck a damned toilet.

This week(end, maybe?) I'm getting midieval on this mother fucker. New toilet, new seals, new every fucking thing. I did get the toilet seat replaced though, so I got that going for me, which is nice.

Oh, and I worked 20 hours of overtime last week, so that'll be a nice little chunk of extra cashesh.

We are in the process of refinancing, too, which is just added stress. If you read in the newspaper about some former Marine up in some tall building sniping people, remember me kindly, please.

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Fuck a damned toilet More

Fuck a damned toilet

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  • Kept all the tanks, replaced the entire guts with a fresh kit.
    Trick was, I had to get a hack saw and cut ~1 inch off the top of the fill tube, as it had clearly been drinking milk in its yute, or my cheepo tank had not--unsure which.
    How greatly doth it suck, within a collision of shakespearean English and bad software analogies to be entrapp'd.
    • Trick was, I had to get a hack saw and cut ~1 inch off the top of the fill tube, as it had clearly been drinking milk in its yute, or my cheepo tank had not--unsure which.

      All spill tubes are like that. I needed to replace the spill tube on my less than a fucking year old toilet because whoever installed had the spill tube height on extra tiny and once it got cold and the rod for the float shrunk (olde style ball float) the float never got up high enough to turn off. E-Z P-Z fix, though. And the new spil
      • For once, the new-fangled upgrade is worth it.
        Another think that really bites about these modern McHouses is the lighting fixtures. I lay no claim to taste, but these things have the appeal of a beat-up Hyundai.
        • For once, the new-fangled upgrade is worth it.

          I'm sure; ALTHOUGH I did have a new-fangled float go out after 3 years... WTF?!?!?! So I'm not going to upgrade until I'm forced to. Besides; this makes the toilet REALLY lo-flo. And unless we start having problems where we need more of bernoulli's 'special sauce' (aka water) I'll just leave it.

          Thankfully, much of the lighting downstairs is recessed cans. However the dining room "chandelier" fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. U
  • Whaaaaaa? I paid like $19 for the Flushmaster set of all new flushing system at Lowe's.
  • sounds like you were...bowled over? your weekend was...down the toilet? you had a...crappy time?

    aha. AHAH! HAHAHAHA! hrm.

    Anyway, that sounds extremely frustrating and sucks ass (no pun intended of course). you must be glad that day is over!

  • FYI (Score:2)

    by mekkab ( 133181 )
    I'm offended by your swearing.

    AS for the bolt that just spins;
    1) have you tried pulling up in the bolt while unscrewing?
    2) titanium bit to drill that fucker out?

    • The bolt is really loose. I clamped some vice grips on the bolt and the nut and even then it just turns. I'm not a pansy, so I torqued the shit out of it as I tried to loosen it. I also don't know what's beneath it, (I'm assuming wet fucking flooring) but it seems rather weak, so drilling it is probably a no-go.

      I'll hack saw the bitch and go from there. I'm not looking forward to seeing how weak the floor is.

      I guess I'll wait til after the refi to see what needs doin.

      Sawing the bolt is gonna be a bit
      • Angle grinder, if there is room otherwise, might be an alterative to the hacksawing, since you are going to cut the bolt off.

        As for plumbing supplies in general, some of the standards do change, I've had to contend with joining old 16 mm and 19 mm pipes to new ones which are 15 mm, 18 mm or 22 mm.... and shower faucets that used to have 165 mm between the cold and hot pipes which now has been standardized to 153 mm (or maybe it's the other way around); though no dubious excitement with toilets yet.

        • I might be able to get an angle grinder in there, now that I think about it.

          Here's hoping.

          Thanks for the idea.
  • we need a lot more of that to fix shit that's going on these days

    ooh rah!
  • "American Standard, made in Guatemala. WTF? AMERICAN STANDARD. GUATE-FUCKING-MALA. MOTHER FUCKING SHIT I'M GONNA AMERICAN STANDARD YOUR ASS."

    That's one of the best /. journals I've ever read. The above lines had me laughing out loud. Sorry to hear about your bad weekend, but you did cheer ME up with your description of it.
  • Dude, you are so whipped. Evidence:

    My wedding ring barely fit over it, but my hand feels naked without it.

    There is no home plumbing problem that can't be solved with a bigger hammer.
  • after studying arnis for a little over a year, i can share with you multiple methods for the permanent destruction of elbows and other joints, should you require them. if that doesn't do the trick, we can move on to knees.

    joking aside, martial arts has done wonders for my rage issues. after seeing incredible skill in unlikely human specimens, i've also learned that you never know what someone else knows.

    and on a note somewhat related to your JE, you and i are alike in many ways, but it doesn't always co

  • eheh (Score:2)

    by kesuki ( 321456 )
    I'm a pretty affable guy, but I used to have a rage issue.

    You're not the only person, heh... I've gotten a lot better especially recently. Anger is a powerful emotion, and can be used to power a lot of creativity.

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