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Comment Re:Honesty is always the best policy (Score 1) 2

by Veronika (#32560994) Attached to: Guilt

I used to believe honesty is always the best policy but no more. I am really ambivalent about honesty. Am I really honest because I don't want the other person to get hurt or because I want to make myself feel better? I think telling the truth to make yourself feel better is the worst kind hypocrisy.

To me, it's probably a mixture of both: I can't deal with the confrontation and I think I should take care of my own guilty garbage, spare them the drama. I don't know anymore. I do not wish the lie to last forever, just until I decide to come clean (wishful thinking!).

Do you know how does lying feel? My limbs went weak, my stomach was sick, I was terrified. I felt as if guilt grab my arms from behind, my neck and back turned stiff. But I couldn't show any of it. I was composed and painted the picture I wanted them to see. As I waved goodbye, I knew it would be a long time before I see them again but they waved back as if they would see me soon.

I don't know how people do it. I didn't expect it to be so bad..
User Journal

Journal Journal: Guilt 2

Journal by Veronika

It's been a tough year, mixed with hardship as well as joy. I am not confused anymore because I have made up my mind what to do. But to make it work, I have to lie.Guilt is a funny thing. They are the people I care about but they are also the people I protect myself from. I try not to think about it so much because the guilt will eat me up and break me. I don't to break. I am so close. Lying requires so much work. But what needs to be done has to be done. It has to work. It just has to.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Moving 1

Journal by Veronika
I am moving backwards by not moving forward. I am moving backwards when everyone else is moving forward. I want to move too but where can I go? Where do I want to go? Everybody asks me to join them but I am still walking along the street, trying to pick my favourite store. Do I have a favourite store? Or am I just too afraid to walk in? To be left behind is one of the worst feelings in the world. Change is the scariest thing in the world.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Picturing life?

Journal by lyoz

Version 1 of a day in life!!

- 7:00 - WAKE UP!!!
Kiss and makeup,
7:00-8:00 - stretch, exercise, shower, eggs and tea.
Few moments of sitting still.. on the couch, watching her move.
8:05-8:30 - Pack lunch, skim the news.
.... or skip the news, to keep in good mood!
9:00 - 12.30 - Work and some more...
12.30-13.30 - Lunch and, if possible
kiss and makeup, chat and sh
User Journal

Journal Journal: If I were a boy.... 1

Journal by Veronika

If I were a boy, I would have stronger shoulders.

If I were a boy, I would not notice my neck.

If I were a boy, I would have kinder shoes.

If I were a boy, I would not have a cellphone.

If I were a boy, I would know how to clean up.

If I were a boy, I would be more careful with calculation.

If I were a boy, I would take a shortcut.

If I were a boy, I would know how to paint.

If only "If I were a boy," sounds less intangible.
User Journal

Journal Journal: My Day 1

Journal by Veronika
Today I nearly made an irreversible mistake. It's a mistake of the size I-would-regret-for-the-rest-of-my-life. But I think (actually firmly believe) that my last minute prayer to Goddess of Mercy saved me. I was looking for a distraction, a quick fix, to a problem that I refuse to acknowledge. I wanted to pretend that it never existed, buried it somewhere so that I didn't have to deal with it. If I pretended hard enough, I wish it would eventually go away. Of course, it doesn't. I wonder why it
User Journal

Journal Journal: Worldly pursuits? 1

Journal by lyoz

What must we seek? Beauty, Happiness, Knowledge, or Justice.

A relative increase in any of these virtues will lead to slight betterment in the world, this I do not doubt.

But beauty and happiness are subjective, and individual pursuits--to each their own.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Worldly pursuits? 1

Journal by lyoz

What must we seek? Beauty, Happiness, Knowledge, or Justice.

A relative increase in any of these virtues will lead to slight betterment in the world, this I do not doubt.

But beauty and happiness are subjective, and individual pursuits--to each their own.
User Journal

Journal Journal: She

Journal by lyoz

There is a girl in my discussion group, and she is sitting across me. Can't avoid looking at her, because she is right there. Because she is pretty.

But she moves her eyes around. She never really looks at the face of the person who is speaking. She glances up and down, right and left, looking in the general direction of the sound. But never really directly at the person.
User Journal

Journal Journal: How not to die

Journal by lyoz
Drown in human shit.

" in 1326, an ill-fated laborer by the name of Richard the Raker fell into a cesspool and literally drowned in human shit."

Source. Johnson, Steven. "The Ghost Map". pp 9. New York 2006 (Penguin)

Feed Science Daily: Unleashed Computer Power (sciencedaily.com)

From feed by sdfeed
Supercomputing-like performance could be available for countless scientific applications through an approach that exploits the power of reconfigurable computing using field-programmable gate array. In a recent demonstration researchers tripled the speed of a popular biomolecular simulation package using standard programming languages on a system offered by SRC Computers.
Supercomputing

Submission + - Students build supercomputers from bits, pieces

Submitted by
spudnic
spudnic writes: "The LSU Center for Computation and Technology and Chief Scientist Thomas Sterling developed the free summer boot camp as a pilot program to expand statewide as early as next year. "They literally assembled these themselves and loaded the software," said Sterling, pointing to the computer monitors and the stacks of computing nodes on top each other. "They built these from bits and pieces, so it's really hands-on experience." "I can't live in an ivory tower and assume we'll be delivered a steady stream of students," said Sterling, who is best known for creating the Beowulf supercomputing cluster — a group of usually identical computers working together — while at NASA."

Feed Science Daily: Computer Scientists Shed Light On Internet Scams (sciencedaily.com)

From feed by sdfeed
Computer scientists have found striking differences between the infrastructure used to distribute spam and the infrastructure used to host the online scams advertised in these unwanted email messages. This discovery should aid in the fight to reduce spam volume and shut down illegal online businesses and malware sites. 94 percent of spam-advertised online scams are hosted on individual Web servers.

Feed Science Daily: Satellite Tracking Will Help Answer Questions About Penguin Travels (sciencedaily.com)

From feed by sdfeed
Scientists plan to attach satellite tracking devices to the backs of six penguins then trace their movements using satellites and the Internet. The idea is to plug a critical gap in the knowledge of the Magellanics' annual life cycle, their movements on the journey from their winter feeding grounds back to their breeding colonies along the southern Argentina coast and the Islas Malvinas, or Falkland Islands.

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