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User Journal

Journal Journal: Fear 1

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to choose anymore. I can't cut my ties with the past. I can't move forward. Fear leaves me nothing but uncertainty and denial. I know what I have to do, always have. But a large part of me always lives in the past and refuses to budge. I try to get her to join me, just leave it behind, it is no good for anyone now. I need all my strength. Please come to me. Please.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Fear

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to choose anymore. I can't cut my ties with the past. I can't move forward. Fear leaves me nothing but uncertainty and denial. I know what I have to do, always have. But a large part of me always lives in the past and refuses to budge. I try to get her to join me, just leave it behind, it is no good for anyone now. I need all my strength. Please come to me. Please.

User Journal

Journal Journal: A letter

Remember the bridge in Newport? I think we both agreed it's like a highway to heaven, a gate to paradise. It's so worthwhile, the waiting for your realisation, the awakening of you, I know it and know it so much now. On halfway, there were tears flooding my pillow, music played a thousand times. Then I knew Loving also makes you strong.

The Courts

FCC Wants Net Neutrality Suits Stopped 108

adeelarshad82 writes "The FCC moved to dismiss the net neutrality challenges filed by MetroPCS and Verizon, claiming they were 'filed prematurely.' Verizon and MetroPCS have both sued the FCC, arguing that the commission did not have the authority to hand down its December net neutrality rules. The FCC maintains that it does indeed have the right to regulate broadband, thanks to provisions in the Communications Act."

Comment Re:Honesty is always the best policy (Score 1) 2

I used to believe honesty is always the best policy but no more. I am really ambivalent about honesty. Am I really honest because I don't want the other person to get hurt or because I want to make myself feel better? I think telling the truth to make yourself feel better is the worst kind hypocrisy.

To me, it's probably a mixture of both: I can't deal with the confrontation and I think I should take care of my own guilty garbage, spare them the drama. I don't know anymore. I do not wish the lie to last forever, just until I decide to come clean (wishful thinking!).

Do you know how does lying feel? My limbs went weak, my stomach was sick, I was terrified. I felt as if guilt grab my arms from behind, my neck and back turned stiff. But I couldn't show any of it. I was composed and painted the picture I wanted them to see. As I waved goodbye, I knew it would be a long time before I see them again but they waved back as if they would see me soon.

I don't know how people do it. I didn't expect it to be so bad..

User Journal

Journal Journal: Guilt 2

It's been a tough year, mixed with hardship as well as joy. I am not confused anymore because I have made up my mind what to do. But to make it work, I have to lie.Guilt is a funny thing. They are the people I care about but they are also the people I protect myself from. I try not to think about it so much because the guilt will eat me up and break me. I don't to break. I am so close. Lying requires so much work. But what needs to be done has to be done. It has to work. It just has to.

User Journal

Journal Journal: Moving 1

I am moving backwards by not moving forward. I am moving backwards when everyone else is moving forward. I want to move too but where can I go? Where do I want to go? Everybody asks me to join them but I am still walking along the street, trying to pick my favourite store. Do I have a favourite store? Or am I just too afraid to walk in? To be left behind is one of the worst feelings in the world. Change is the scariest thing in the world.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Picturing life?


Version 1 of a day in life!!

- 7:00 - WAKE UP!!!
Kiss and makeup,
7:00-8:00 - stretch, exercise, shower, eggs and tea.
Few moments of sitting still.. on the couch, watching her move.
8:05-8:30 - Pack lunch, skim the news.
.... or skip the news, to keep in good mood!
9:00 - 12.30 - Work and some more...
12.30-13.30 - Lunch and, if possible
kiss and makeup, chat and sh
User Journal

Journal Journal: If I were a boy.... 1

If I were a boy, I would have stronger shoulders.

If I were a boy, I would not notice my neck.

If I were a boy, I would have kinder shoes.

If I were a boy, I would not have a cellphone.

If I were a boy, I would know how to clean up.

If I were a boy, I would be more careful with calculation.

If I were a boy, I would take a shortcut.

If I were a boy, I would know how to paint.

If only "If I were a boy," sounds less intangible.

User Journal

Journal Journal: My Day 1

Today I nearly made an irreversible mistake. It's a mistake of the size I-would-regret-for-the-rest-of-my-life. But I think (actually firmly believe) that my last minute prayer to Goddess of Mercy saved me. I was looking for a distraction, a quick fix, to a problem that I refuse to acknowledge. I wanted to pretend that it never existed, buried it somewhere so that I didn't have to deal with it. If I pretended hard enough, I wish it would eventually go away. Of course, it doesn't. I wonder why it
User Journal

Journal Journal: Worldly pursuits? 1


What must we seek? Beauty, Happiness, Knowledge, or Justice.

A relative increase in any of these virtues will lead to slight betterment in the world, this I do not doubt.

But beauty and happiness are subjective, and individual pursuits--to each their own.
User Journal

Journal Journal: Worldly pursuits? 1


What must we seek? Beauty, Happiness, Knowledge, or Justice.

A relative increase in any of these virtues will lead to slight betterment in the world, this I do not doubt.

But beauty and happiness are subjective, and individual pursuits--to each their own.

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