Well that's my impression too now that I'm on the market again, but the place I'm living in probably isn't too different culturally than Kansas, and that, I think, is the #1 source of my dating problems.

Do you have any plans to move out of Kansas? I'm already working on planning my exodus from this place.

That's just cartilage

No, it's not, it's a bone called the Hyoid bone. It's a unique bone in that it it isn't rigidly connected to other bones: from the article: "Unlike other bones, the hyoid is only distantly articulated to other bones by muscles or ligaments." It does start out as mostly cartilage, but turns into bone with adulthood. But you're right, it isn't prominent in all men, and can be trimmed surgically.

I agree about the other factors though: hand size, voice, and shoulder breadth.

Neither hand size nor shoulder width are terribly apparent in pictures though. I guess it's like buying a used car that looks good in the picture, but when you get up close to look at it, it has a shitty paint job.

Unfortunately, this is true for everyone, not just trannies. Most people try to find photos of themselves that look best, and avoid posting photos that don't look so great. Back before I got married and was meeting women from online for dating, this happened to me a few times: a woman looked good in a single photo she posted, and then in person she was not attractive at all.

I have some experience in Aikido; I attended a dojo about 12 years ago for a while, got up to yellow-belt. That dojo definitely didn't have any hippies; that's funny. I might have to check this out again now that I'm back on the market.

My only worry is that any dojo here (Aikido or otherwise) would be heavily dominated by (ex-)military types. My prior dojo was run by a couple of them. I'm not a big fan of anything military these days (which really doesn't help me, living in an area where it's a big part of the economy).

It's not one single feature, it's a bunch of them. Men usually have more pronounced Adam's Apples with bony ridges, women do not (men with a lot of neck fat won't show it as much though, and not all men have a really pronounced one). Men have bigger hands and feet. Men have a squarer jaw line and a heavier brow (which evolved for taking punches to the face). Men have wider shoulders and a bigger torso, while women have wider hips and narrow shoulders. Obviously, none of these factors are 100% for either sex; some men have smaller feet, etc.

Yes, many trannies have rather feminine bodies for men, but they usually still have too many male features to totally pass as female, even if they're on hormones or have breast implants (or have gotten their Adam's Apple surgically modified). Usually, one look at their face alone is enough to tell; something just looks "wrong", because our brains are hard-wired to look for certain features in men and women's faces.

The basics you list at the beginning aren't much of a problem for me. I'm not debt-ridden and poor; I am an engineer after all, not a minimum-wage worker. I drive a nice Volvo. I frequently get confused for someone 15 years younger; I'm tall, fit, and I think I dress well enough (nothing fancy, but not baggy crap or anything) and am pretty meticulous about my grooming.

Some women do seem very interested, but I'm just not interested in them as they look like the NASCAR fans hoping to score someone who can give them a set-up.

Once you are interacting, STFU and listen. You can initiate conversations, and steer them, and you should, but you need to be a good listener more than anything else.

Honestly, I am pretty good with conversation when I meet an intelligent woman, and I am very good at listening, and always have been. My problem is getting to this "once you are interacting" point; this has *always* been my problem: actually meeting women I have some kind of interest in, and then getting to that "interacting" point (i.e., a date). My problem has always been a lack of opportunities to meet worthwhile women, probably largely stemming from my career field and also my lack of interest in things like bar-hopping and church-going. (I actually do go to bars once in a while, but nothing ever comes of it; I'm not a drinker (besides a glass of pinot noir maybe), so I just don't really mesh with anyone in the crowd at all.)

Honestly, if I could move to Manhattan, I'd probably do really well there, between the surplus of available women there, and also my cultural tastes (I enjoy things like Baroque music, and don't care at all for things like NASCAR and 4-wheeling). There's probably a good number of attractive women there with similar tastes. whereas where I am now I don't think there's any, despite this being a metro area of 2M population. Unfortunately my career and other factors make moving to Manhattan impossible for me.

I do appreciate the advice (though it's probably a good dissertation for anyone with this STEM background, not just me), and you're the second person in this thread who suggested martial arts.

The US's economy is strongly linked to Europe's. If Europe's economy goes down the tubes, so does ours.

Wrong, wrong, wrong! This may have worked in the past

Well, to be fair, I went to college in the mid-90s and graduated in 1997, so that's where my mind is. I haven't really been on a campus much after that. It was kinda bad back then too, but I'll also admit that, at the time, I didn't make that much of an attempt to get out and meet non-engineering majors after I moved out of the dorms.

The moment you step out of the STEM cultural ghetto into any part of campus where women are to be found, your every dating attempt will be interpreted as rape and you will constantly be pestered to 'check your privilege', whatever that means.

You sure you aren't completely overblowing this? I don't really know, as I said I haven't set foot on a campus for quite a while, but it sounds hysterical to me. I'm sure there's a few man-haters, but that's true anywhere.

Be that guy who helps the women at work with their computers.

I'm an embedded software engineer with an electrical engineering background, not a Windows IT worker. I really don't know any more about dealing with Windows PCs than the next guy. This is kinda like expecting a neurologist (or a podiatrist for that matter) to be able to help a single mother with her kid's ailment. Or expecting a jet engine mechanic to help a woman with her Chevy that isn't running right.

Perhaps try a 'better' or different dating site?
I recommend http://www.okcupid.com/ [okcupid.com] plenty of women there who like engineers.

Um, yeah, that's the one I'm on. (I did briefly try Match.com, but I quickly concluded that it's a total scam and most of the women's profiles are fake. I get emails from Match.com every single day telling me I've gotten so many emails from women, when all I did was hastily put up a profile and never followed up when it became apparent they just wanted me to subscribe for $$$.)

The problem I currently have is the area I'm in, which is a rather conservative east-coast metro area with a large military presence. All the women here seem to love: country music, big dogs, Jesus, horses, "muddin'", and guns. My theory is that all the educated women from this area moved out when they went to college, and never came back.

My current plan is to move to a better metro area as soon as feasible given what's going on in my life. I'll spare you the story of how I came here; it was never intended to be a long-term move.

I'll keep in mind your idea about martial arts; that's a pretty good idea. I did that years ago when I had a girlfriend and did have some really cute girl hit on me; too bad I wasn't available.

Well if you cut out ME oil, you're going to have to get oil from Russia. Europe gets most of its oil from the ME.

Not true, as I said in my comment. Most malls still have a game store (GameStop), and other stores remain. The mall nearest me has an arcade, and even a music/video store (I have no idea how they stay in business, but they do have a large shop). There's even a small celtic shop with all kinds of weird stuff. There's also a Radio Shack, but it closed in the last few weeks, unsurprisingly.

In a nutshell, things haven't changed much in 25 years. I'd say the biggest difference is that no one smokes inside malls anymore, unlike in 1990. The other changes are that book stores are less common, and now there's frequently Apple Stores in malls.

Yeah, probably.... :-(

Honestly, when I think about it, and considering the 50+% divorce rate and the huge number of children raised in broken homes and by single parents, it seems like our society's model for creating and building relationships is utterly broken.

I am not saying we should do that but we could stomp out ISIS if we wanted.

No, we can't. There is no way in hell western voters would stand for genocide. Even if it were really necessary. We just don't have the stomach for that. Voters now get upset any time there's civilian casualties, and demand surgically precise military operations.

a far far better approach would be to END our efforts in the middle east and implement real effective boarder security; where by persons DO NOT illegally enter the country successfully.

Two problems: we need the oil the ME provides (since we're not developing EVs fast enough and we won't build SkyTran), and securing borders isn't that easy. The US shares a ridiculously long border with Mexico, over a thousand miles long. And most of our population is against militarizing that border. There's also the Canadian border which is even longer and totally unguarded, though it's not that easy to sneak into Canada from outside North America. Europe has similar problems; it just isn't that easy to keep people out. The eastern borders aren't exactly well-guarded, and it isn't that hard to come over on a boat.

Finally, why do people who want better border security seem to almost never know how to spell "border"?

Mind you this would put us on the same moral and ethical plane as Gaddafi, Saddam, al-Assad, and their ilk but its certainly "do-able" I think we are better than that,

We (rightfully) got upset about the way our soldiers acted in Abu Ghraib, and many of us are still upset about what happened in Gitmo, because we're fundamentally opposed to torture. That's small peas compared to bombing population centers with MOABs. There's no way you're going to get American citizens to agree to this kind of thing.

As far as I can tell from my armchair, the best strategy is containment and assistance of ISIS's foes. We should definitely take a very hard line against anyone who goes there and then changes their mind and wants to come home, and supporting the Kurds seems like a very reasonable and inexpensive thing to do. ISIS seems to be causing a lot of unity among everyone else in the region, so this may be a blessing in disguise; maybe we could turn Iran back into an ally.

This article describes it well.

They want to lure the western powers into a giant war in Syria because their religion tells them that this will lead to the End Times.

No, I'm not being *that* picky, I just don't want to date someone who's 250lbs and who's idea of fun is watching NASCAR.

Divorced with kids isn't a deal-breaker, but I did try to date one woman like that not long ago and it fell apart quickly; she just didn't have any time to meet. It's workable with a woman with teenage kids maybe, but if the kid(s) are under 10, forget it. She'll never have any time to put into the relationship, and will never be able to get away with you alone.

I shudder to think who my mom would have arranged me with too. Either a bunch of women who wouldn't have been interested in me at all, or some homely and utterly boring religious women probably.