Your frustration seems to stem from having no realistic sense of what is actually offensive or not. Saying "the black kid" is fine and these days that is actually preferable to "african american" as a term which is absolutely awkward in nearly any context.
Do you actually have black people anywhere near you in your life? Having at least a handful of outspoken black folks in your friend group or on your social media feed and just watching their discussions without commenting on everything or arguing with stuff you knee-jerk disagree with is a good way to get a pulse on this. Learn through observation and then you won't need to feel like you're walking on eggshells or that you can't even use the word "black" to describe someone. This idea that we have to use "color-blind" descriptions of people is a white people idea for people who are uncomfortable with acknowledging race at all.
