What kind of small, hateful person says "women, children, and other civilians" instead of "people" or "civilians"?
How fucked do you have to be to value the life of one person more than another because of their sex or adulthood?

The cert is as secure as the cryptography and implementation.
The trust is up to you, not some web of "authorities".

If you can't establish trust in a secure manner, then you cannot trust them.
Welcome to actual security.

We should. We won't.

A system built around certificate authorities is broken by design. Self-signed certs are much more secure than anything stamped by a CA.
And can we start using client certs, please? I should be able to walk into my bank and hand them a unique cert that they attach to my account and use for verification. Additionally, I should be able to request a unique cert on their end that they use only for my account so I can do my own verification.
Since this is all self-signed shit, it can be easily automated.

For revocation, all either party has to do is stop using/trusting the cert. No one can regenerate the bank's unique cert that I trust because there is no authority with that power. No one can regenerate mine. If the bank wants to issue a new cert, I have to go in and get the new cert and trust it. You can dumb down your trust if you want - the bank could mail you the cert, mail you a letter saying it's going to be changed, post the thumbprint of the cert on their site, to their support phone line, whatever. If I want to issue a new cert, I have to get them to trust me in a similar fashion.

Doing it this way is more work, but you have ACTUAL trust, negotiated equally by both parties. You can choose convenience over security if you want, but you're not subject to some government/CA MITMing everything on a whim.

PCIe-connected flash drives have been around in the PC space for years, and M.2 slots (which for high-end storage devices are nothing but connectors tied to X lanes of gen Y PCIe) have been increasing in popularity significantly over the past year.

Pretty much.

M.2 slots and SSDs are now fairly common place in laptops.

For desktops, direct PCIe flash drives have been around for years. PCIe adapters also exist if you want to use an M.2 drive now and your motherboard doesn't have an M.2 slot. Newer desktop boards ship with SATA Express ports, and drives should show up this summer offering the speed benefits of M.2 (running off PCIe lanes) as well as the benefits of NVMe, along with the possibility of being thrown into RAID (depending on your controller, of course). Many newer boards also feature a M.2 slot if you hate cables or are very space constrained.

I'm referring to the privacy and security risks to the user, not the people in public places.

"IoT" devices like these have their own embedded radios and are full IP hosts, have far less user-facing control than webcams, mics, cell phones, are designed to be always-on, are designed around remote operation, and are under the ultimate control of the world's largest datamining corporation.

Google Glass and everything Nest are useless fucking trash. Even if they somehow becomes useful in the future, they'll never be worth the invasion of privacy and security risks.
Take your "IoT" and show up back up your own fucking asses.

The whole fucking point of this feature is to "lock" the phone but not really lock it until the gyros determine the phone has been set down.
Letting the phone time or hitting the power button will "soft lock" the phone. You won't need a pin/face/password to wake it up until the gyros determine the phone has been set down.

99% of all Google Authenticator use is via the app on the fucking phone.

The Radeon HD 4890 launched early 2009, not in 2011 as you claim.
Further, if an OS that comes later doesn't support older hardware, I'm going to blame the OS, not the hardware or its drivers. That's what everyone did during the XP->Vista transition, right?

There's a difference between speech and the consequences of it, idiot.
There's no having it both ways here. Someone who swats someone is free to do so, and is free to do so until they die. They have an inalienable right to that speech. They do not have a free pass when someone is shot, when the cops decide to send him a bill for all the wasted time, when someone else couldn't get help because the cops were at the swatting victim's house, etc.

Knock on the door like a normal human being?

"Trust but verify" is a joke. If you feel the need to verify, then you don't trust.

Getting a shiny new car for your first car is typically a symptom of being a spoiled brat.
(And yes, if the parents can afford a shiny new car to give their kid as their first car, they're likely very well off and thus the kid is likely a spoiled brat.)
Spoiled brats don't have to deal with consequences. Spoiled brats will drive like assholes. A shiny new car enforces this mentality, and it encourages driving with friends and doing stupid shit.

Have you ever even met a teenager?