99% of all Google Authenticator use is via the app on the fucking phone.

The Radeon HD 4890 launched early 2009, not in 2011 as you claim.
Further, if an OS that comes later doesn't support older hardware, I'm going to blame the OS, not the hardware or its drivers. That's what everyone did during the XP->Vista transition, right?

There's a difference between speech and the consequences of it, idiot.
There's no having it both ways here. Someone who swats someone is free to do so, and is free to do so until they die. They have an inalienable right to that speech. They do not have a free pass when someone is shot, when the cops decide to send him a bill for all the wasted time, when someone else couldn't get help because the cops were at the swatting victim's house, etc.

Knock on the door like a normal human being?

"Trust but verify" is a joke. If you feel the need to verify, then you don't trust.

Getting a shiny new car for your first car is typically a symptom of being a spoiled brat.
(And yes, if the parents can afford a shiny new car to give their kid as their first car, they're likely very well off and thus the kid is likely a spoiled brat.)
Spoiled brats don't have to deal with consequences. Spoiled brats will drive like assholes. A shiny new car enforces this mentality, and it encourages driving with friends and doing stupid shit.

Have you ever even met a teenager?

They got greedy, and the spineless, scrupleless generation of "parents" caved.

Billy gets an F in 6th grade English and still gets a new XBOX with the latest Call of Duty.
Tammy gets knocked up at 14 and still gets a new iPhone with the latest apps.
Chris is caught using drugs behind the school and still gets a new car that the parents can't really afford.

The difference is teens are much more shithead-like than 20-somethings (not that I haven't noticed the increasing prevalence of 20-something shitheads), and teens are often not held responsible (legally or financially) for their actions (further enabling shithead behavior).

Hell, in Southern California we have kids who murder other kids and off themselves because the brand new BMW, large allowance, college tuition, and rent weren't enough.

Not letting your shithead teens on the fucking road in the first place?

window.onbeforeunload = function(){while(1);}

Throw that on a page, close the tab, and lol.

Browsers happily execute what the page commands it to before considering what you the user commanded it to do. There are poorly-documented restrictions on things you can do during beforeunload or unload, all varying across browsers. I don't think you can alert(), you can return 'Some Shit' but it always displays a stock message ("Do you want to leave this page?"), IE will block window.open calls, etc. There's still plenty of room for you to fuck the user's experience over, however.

Eventually the browser's long-running script timer will grant you, the pitiful user, the option to fucking do what you want.

They can revoke it all they want, but they can't get devices to accept the revocation without an update mechanism. If an update mechanism is in place for any particular device, it can be used by the end user just as it can be by MS, once any obscurity is peeled away. Of course, any such update mechanism isn't going to function for shit if you've replaced Windows 10 with Linux unless you've a got a full, independent stack backed into the EFI capable of going over the internets, fetching a revocation list, and updating itself without any user interaction.

Slashdot is bloated shit. It's nowhere near as bloated and shitty as many other major sites, but it's bloated fucking shit.
The fact that it tracks every fucking pixel you click on or drag across, or phones home when you try to close a tab is fucking absurd. The fact that browsers ALLOW this behavior is utter horseshit.

Go ahead, watch the bottom of the page when you close a Slashdot tab. When Slashdot is slow (and it often is) you'll see the "Working" indicator with the shitty little spinny wheel before your browser actually complies and closes the tab.

I speak for myself and I love seeing idiots like you and dave420 call out APK only to get totally destroyed.

Nice try, dipshit. Facebook users are not a protected class.