Balmer Vows to Kill Google

An anonymous reader writes "Probably due to the Microsoft suit against Google over human resources, some very heated exchanges have turned up in some court documents. Microsoft CEO Steve Balmer has apparently vowed to kill Internet search leader Google, according to documents filed in the increasingly bitter battle between the rivals." From the article: "At some point in the conversation, Mr. Ballmer said: 'Just tell me it's not Google,'' Lucovosky said in his statement. Lucovosky replied that he was joining Google. 'At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office,' Lucovosky recounted, adding that Ballmer then launched into a tirade about Google CEO Eric Schmidt. 'I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google.' Schmidt previously worked for Sun Microsystems and was the CEO of Novell."

Is anger an emergent property of Satan?

[Anonymous Coward]

Discuss.

And First Post.

In the words of the immortal Elmer Fudd...

[jciber]

Kill the rabbit, kill the rabbit...

It is nice to know.

[jellomizer]

That the CEO of Microsoft is a calm and collective guy. With good management come good software. I am glad that 90% of the worlds computers are running software by responsible and rational managers.

Typographical Obscensity

[minginqunt]

It comes as something of a surprise that Steve Ballmer doesn't know how to spell the word "fuck".

Or maybe "f***ing" is the poster's way of representing Ballmer's dribbling, shouting, flobbing, ranting, malsonorous splange of words laughingly called his voice.

Nice man.

Next headline

[Anonymous Coward]

Steve Ballmer To Star With Eric Schmidt On Broadway
A truly epic love story gone bad.

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan?

[/ASCII]

The picture of Ballmer in the article makes him look like a serial killer. He's just creepy.

Former CEO of Novell

[ErikPeterson]

I dont know if I would threaten anyone who was Deeply involved with the Evil that is (or can i safely say was(please?)) Novell.... Ex Novell Admin 3,4,5 and 6.... Recovering daily through OSS therapy....

Bury?

[Chemisor]

I see that he has remembered the "We will bury you" line without having remembered the fate of the utterer which he is likely to emulate in some near future.

/. readers begin to softly chant ..

[b3x]

two men enter, one man leaves
two men enter, one man leaves
TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES!

Re:Are you allowed to post that

[Anonymous Coward]

listen, jerk, this clearly unstable guy has armies of "developers, developers, developers!" standing by ready to crush anything he doesn't like. intead of attempting to help prop up this man's onviously twisted tyranny infomred by his unhinged world view, you should be using your lofty powers as a slashdotter to bring him down.

we have hundreds of thousands of socially mal-adjusted virgins at our fingertips i say we pool respources and attack microsft this weekend unless they have a whole bunch of females stockpiled at the microsft campus nothing can stop us!
 

Steve Ballmer has Issues

[Altima(BoB)]

Steve Ballmer can kill anyone he wants! Steve Ballmer throws chairs ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. This guy is so crazy and awesome that he flips out ALL the time. I heard that Steve Ballmer was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon Ballmer killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw Steve Ballmer totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re:Is anger an emergent property of Satan?

[Anonymous Coward]

The picture of Ballmer in the article makes him look like a serial killer. He's just creepy.

It just looks a little odd [smh.com.au] because someone edited out the lightbulbs [spookshows.com]he was holding in each hand.

Quote taken completely out of context...

[Rahga]

The scene was more like this:

Balmer: 'I'm going to f***ing bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to f***ing kill Google.'

BillG: YEAH!
Balmer: Then I'm going to take this frikkin chair, smash his face with it, and lick the blood off the ring.

BillG: Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Watcha gonna dooooo....

Balmer: BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REALLY PUMPED UP ABOUT!?!?!

BillG: Oooooh Yeah!

Balmer: I just saved a boatload of money by switching to Geico.

(Running on excercise machine)
BillG: You can dooo it!!!

the price of vengeance

[moviepig.com]

Assuming that the chair-throwing and the mindset it implies are true... whose stock do you buy or sell?

Google?... Microsoft?... (OfficeMax?)

Re:It is nice to know.

[BlueLightning]

the CEO of Microsoft is a calm and collective guy

I know he works for the Borg and all, but I think you meant "collected".

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano

[dabigpaybackski]

I kind of half imagine him like Scarface at the end of the Pacino movie.

"Say hello to muh lil' chair!"

Re:It is nice to know.

[Rogerborg]

Collective works as well. I'm minded of a Cerebus the Aardvark quote.

• Jaka: If you could be as rich as you wanted, how much money would you want?
• Cerebus: All of it.
• Jaka: No, I mean, imagine that you could have all the money in the world. How much of it would you want?
• Cerebus: All of it.

Re:monkeyboy needs thorazine

[Hope Thelps]

At least he's passionate about his job. That's more than you can say about a lot of executives. What's wrong with wanting to crush the competition? That's what capitalism's all about.

True. I believe a whole chapter of The Wealth of Nations was devoted to the importance of chair throwing.

As corporations are often treated as People...

[hattig]

Does this count as a death threat?

In addition he did say he would bury the person at Google.

I think that just maybe the police should get involved. Death threats should be taken seriously, and doubly so by people that are obviously not on an even keel.

I think society needs protecting from potential killers like Ballmer.

(yes, this isn't meant in a totally serious way!)

Da da da da dum Inspector Google da da da dum dum

[nurhussein]

Imagine, if you will, Dr. Claw, banging on his desk, alarming his cat:

I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME GOOGLE! NEXT TIME!!!

Re:Are you allowed to post that

[Anonymous Coward]

In that case, can someone update wikipedia info, this is by no means complete but it's a start:

Whilst on the surface, Ballmer may appear to be a dancing, chair-throwing psycopath with a tiny dysfunctional penis, the truth is far more sinister.

Steve was seeded from genetic material harvested from Adolf Hitler and other prominent homosexual nazis by a coalition of alien bureaucrats for the purpose of advancing their totalitarian agenda on Earth. The Ballmer body serves as host to an alien symbiot called Bill and a famous picture, widely distributed on the internet shows the ballmer body holding open his entrance ready to receive the glory of his master.

Patent Infringement

[RavenChild]

I think Balmer is violating Nintendo's Insanity Patent.

In the year 2010

[nastro]

Overheard in the Google boardroom --

Balmer: I've done far worse than kill you, Google. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive.
Google: BAAAAALLLLLMER!!!!!!

Re:Steve Jobs was right

[Anonymous Coward]

Sure Jobs will get equally angry under the right circumstances but the OP was trying to say Microsoft doesn't have a class - even when making a way for his anger/emotion flow - Ballmer chose to throw a chair.

Jobs would have uttered something equally quotable in a similar situation as the "Microsoft has - No class." !! Now that's called "classy" outburst of emotions - not the cheap throw the chair type.

Re:Are you allowed to post that

[Anonymous Coward]

You modded this guy up because he saw Spiderman?

Re:Steve Ballmer has Issues

[Anonymous Coward]

I would have thought he would have flipped out more from a kid opening ubuntu than windows

Re:Typographical Obscensity

[Anonymous Coward]

Throwing chairs and tantrums is abusive behavior. You seem to tolerate this kind of behavior as "human". I think, it's not yet quite human.

In my experience, these types of people are quite common and often rather successful. I've never had a boss that didn't curse me out or throw furniture at me.

Re:Are you allowed to post that

[Anonymous Coward]

We aren't all hicks, not all of us can sleep with family.

Re:In the year 2010

[Anonymous Coward]

Balmer: I've done far worse than kill you, Google. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive. Buried alive.

Google: BAAAAALLLLLMER!!!!!!

Except Ballmer is very obviously no genetically engineered superman. They would have fixed the hair, at least.

Re:Steve Jobs was right

[Jesus_666]

The new iTantrum chair, made from highly damage resilient clear plastic and stainless steel. Because Mac users have too much style to throw ordinary furniture.

Re:Steve Ballmer Soprano

[BWJones]

How did it turn out?

Pretty well.

Did the boss immediately sign up for anger managment classes?

No. He tried to yell at me for walking out on him, to which I simply turned around and said "Daryl, fsck you".

Did you get a raise for being so mature?

No, I left and started my own company. Turned around, sold it, bought a house and went back to school.

Did the boss apologize and promise never to do it again?

No. Daryl was/is an asshole and is irredeemable. And since this is a response to an anonymous coward, if this is you Daryl, you still have it, don't you?

Did you suddenly become more sexually attractive to your coworkers?

Excuse me? Where did this come from? Maybe it is you Daryl, as that is just the sort of thing that you would say.

Did you get ignored?

Quite the contrary. I left and took half the company with me.

Did your career stop advancing at that job?

Yeah. I ate their lunch.

Did you get branded a scapegoat?

Hardly.

Did you get reassigned to something nasty?

If making more money is nasty, then sure.

Did you get fired?

See above.

Look, the point is that life is too short to allow yourself to be abused. By anyone. Although, people set their own priorities and if making the lease payment on your Mercedes is more important to you than standing up for yourself or others, then that is your choice. Just don't expect me to want to work with you.

Re:Why exactly does Ballmer care?

[Jugalator]

You hear about Ballmer flippin out, throwing chairs because he lost someone to Google, but what does he care? How OLD is he?

Physical age or intellectual age? ;-)