sillypixie's Journal: Tall Poppy Syndrome

This whole thing with Kathy Sierra really, really depresses me. Not because she got stalked, every girl geek has stalkers in their careers, it's kind of a right of passage. How funny that the actually illegal part concerns me almost not at all.

What I hate, is that if I ever gain prominence, I'll do so with a big, built-in "kick me here" sign on my back. As I move into an arena where I expect to have a lot of strangers read what I write, I have to accept that they will lack the context of knowing me as a person. I also have to accept that some of those readers will disagree with my views. It's hard to imagine that people could hate me for it -- but then it's almost impossible to imagine anyone hating Kathy Sierra.

I can handle being called stupid, incompetent, poorly spoken, whatever. All of those things are things I can reply to, even learn from. But how could I or any woman reply to hate messages that involve violent rape fantasies? That all I'm good for is being brutalized? It's a simple formula, a known, guaranteed, gonna-work-every-time recipe to cut any woman down to size. It's like a built in tookit for intimidation. This is, of course why people do it. It's easy & effective.

Obviously the only thing to do is to thicken up the ol' skin. If I can be this horrified by a couple of minutes of photoshop work on somebody I've never met, imagine how thick the skin would be if somebody did that to my picture.

Should it occur, I need to come back here and take my own advice: Act like it doesn't matter, give 'em the finger and keep going, and feel horrible and sad and hurt in some private place, if necessary. It comes with the territory. Period. That kind of attack only sounds more personal, because people are making use of very deeply ingrained psychologically damaging taboos & keywords. Easy to rationalize, hard to internalize when it's actually happening.

I'd like to think that sticks & stones won't be able to cut down *this* tall poppy. It isn't that simple though. Hit any person in the right place and they will buckle. There is no obvious answer, no way I can see to protect, or to prevent.

Nothing to do but keep on keepin' on. With just a little bit more armor-plating on the poppy.

It opened my eyes at least

[Shadow Wrought]

While I am male, most of my co-workers are female. And, strong kickbutt females at that. So that kind of prejudicial hatred took me quite off guard because it is so far from the realm of my work expereince. But I applaud your attitude and I whole-heartedly support your efforts;-)

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[sillypixie]

It opened my eyes too. This stuff is very much a case of the broken windows theory, once somebody casts the first stone, it is an invitation for others to join in. So even if you try to fight it publicly, you are feeding the trolls, confirming that it hurts & affects you, and making yourself a focus for even more hate.

It's a lose lose situation. And that really pisses me off :)

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[gort8]

I don't think it has to be a lose lose situation. I understand you being pissed off. But your anger can be a good thing. It can energize you to action. How you are handling it is positive. Make the issues known in a reasonable, and relatively safe way, so that the whackos can't come after you directly. But you have pushed back. You have published your thoughts, and they are good thoughts. Maybe not your thoughts alone, but yours and others can seal a broken window.

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[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

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[sillypixie]

It's easy to kick ass when the offender lives in the same town and everybody knows who he is.

Tougher when he's an AC on the internet... besides, these days, you might get sued for ass-kicking activities. It's a different world.

I did really like the idea that a couple of bloggers put forward -- that if Kathy were to come to their town to speak, those bloggers would play bodyguard, giving her personal security, and a sense that she isn't alone in a strange town that might happen to be the place where this pa

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[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Old-fashioned firepower works too

[Engineer-Poet]

Bodyguards sporting bulges under their sportcoats or even carrying on the hip would send a pretty stark message to any stalker who dared to get within shouting distance.

Chacham

[Captain Splendid]

every girl geek has stalkers in their careers, it's kind of a right of passage

Really? Actual stalkers or just most of the "OMG, yur a g1rl"-type stuff?

What I hate, is that if I ever gain prominence, I'll do so with a big, built-in "kick me here" sign on my back.

The kick me sign comes with the prominence, not the girl geekness.

Should it occur, I need to come back here and take my own advice: Act like it doesn't matter, give 'em the finger and keep going, and feel horrible and sad and hurt in

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[sillypixie]

Depends on your definition of 'actual stalkers'. If your definition requires fear for your life as a result, then no, probably not.

If, however, your definition involves being followed, having your privacy invaded, receiving inappropriately loving/adoring email where they talk about you as if you are their girlfriend or best friend even though you have *nothing* to do with them, hateful email or surveilance-based email indicating that they are watching you when you don't think anybody is watching, receiving

start training krav maga

[tuxette]

n/t

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[sillypixie]

it would definitely have certain advantages over the yoga classes that most of my friends are taking :)

I have an inkling

[Engineer-Poet]

That all I'm good for is being brutalized?

What a waste of perfectly good beer-drinking company that would be, and you can't reduce someone to utter rolling-on-the-floor hysterics if they're afraid you're going to hit them with anything worse than a pun. I just don't get these people.

But I'm likely to have to unmask in the near future, and if so I'm going to be a target too. This may cramp my style, as it has my friend Robert's [blogspot.com].