Yep. Like everyone else didn't see that one coming.

So we're playing it by ear; taking some time and space apart to grow and see where life leads.

Yep, I almost made it an entire year without going to the hospital after last years recurring theme of getting stuck in there.

Last Thursday (12/7) I had some tortilla chips with dinner. After going to bed feeling a bit sick to my stomach, at 1:30am I woke up nauseated and ended throwing up. For the next 5 hours. That's right I puked constantly for 4 hours, decided to check myself into the ER and vomited for an hour more until the IV started to work.

Ya I have my freak outs and then get over it and relax once I get it out of my system, like my last post. Freak out, reality sets in, then I relax. I hope that time will help me calm down on this one too.

One path I definitely want so more than the other. But I know that either I take I'll end up happy in the end. One's just a hell of a lot more bumpy at first.

Ok, I need to get this out so that my mind can stop spinning out worst case scenarios.

Namely I feel very insecure in my relationship with my boyfriend right now and that leads to me worrying about things.

Well, it took me a while to write about this. And thanks to everyone's comments in my last JE and for the supportive e-mails, sorry I haven't replied to any of them.

Well.

My (ex?)boyfriend is sleeping over at his dad's place.

I'm flying out to New Mexico tomorrow morning for the weekend to hang out with my sister and get some space for us both to think about things.

We're going to talk more when I get back on Monday.

This fucking sucks.

My boyfriend got home started asking me about my day. I told him a bit, we sat down and I told him about my counseling appointment and how I didn't want to take her advice. She suggested that I take a break of putting energy into the relationship and to let my boyfriend know that. IT seemed too much like an ultimatum that I didn't want to tell him. But I did because he asked and I won't lie. Then he went on saying that he's so tired by noon just thinking about ho

Ok, not a good way to go to sleep arguing with your boyfriend. Evidently he got upset when I remembered a bit of something that happened last year that a friend reminded me when she visited last weekend. That she had commented on when we were camping last year, how my boyfriend's best friend had brought up the size of condom my boyfriend uses and that I thought I was funny that someones best friend would be concerned with how large one's dick is. Then my boyfriend got all upset that I was

Dear Senator/Representative.

There is a concern that is on my mind that seems to have been overlooked by the Senate/Congress. (As it seems like the current administration are just errand boys fulfilling the interest of Big Oil.) And that concern is of reducing Greenhouse gas emissions. It is a problem that is affecting the American people gravely as shown by the numerous natural disasters form last year. And I desperately hope that this year the Gulf Coast will be spared from further

Hmm, stuff

Well, things are going pretty well. I was really impressed that last night I was able to have good discussion about a touchy topic with my boyfriend and it didn't escalate into an argument. Communication is tough, especially avoiding criticism, contempt, defensiveness or stonewalling (called the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse by John Gottman in his books). I find it hard too trying to keep calm and trying to actively use the communications skills that I'm trying to master.