Clearly it isn't sufficient to just defend yourself if you want peace.
In a multi-lateral situation you need to form a community that represents a plurality if not a majority of military power system-wide that agrees to act responsibly and be open enough that other nations can be pretty sure they aren't just appearing to act responsibly.
Once you have that you shun the worst offenders among those not in the community to deprive but not destroy them, offering them paths back into favor if they start behaving like adults. Some (like North Korea) will take a while to get over their tantrum and realize sitting at the kids table isn't as much fun as it used to be, others will start reforming themselves earlier.
Then once this all appears to be more or less working or at least maybe possible to get working, you get people angry that they don't have an in-ground pool and that they get called assholes for refusing to frost wedding cakes for gay people to elect an erratic know-nothing to direct one of the leading voices in the community to ignore the fact that one of the kids just wiped snot on the silverware. Wait no, skip that step, it must be a typo, nobody would want that.
Anyway, as much as I detest the business culture MS stands for, I think they are right... responsible nations need to establish what acceptable behavior is, and then start to apply some peer pressure.