At a recent Cabinet meeting, the usual circle jerk was at hand.
Kristi Noem: Sire, no one has the excellent leadership of you.(tears in her eyes)..sniff.
Kash Patel: Sire, you are immense. No one is immenser than you. Your immenseness makes the Universe envious!!
Scott Bessent: Gee Sire, I only wish I could be as smart as you, how do you do it?
La Presidenta: I don’t know, just call me “I am”!!!
Rev. Paula White (in for the meeting, gets excited, starts speaking in tongues): Habba labba spooky bee, havenah wannabe soundalike Isaacca Sidneywah Caesarean. *
Tulsi Gabbard (gets off her knees to speak): You make me orgasmic, Sire!!!
Secret Service Agent (in an aside to his boss): I don’t believe this is real.
Boss (whispering): It isn’t!
SSA: How do you know?
Boss: Hehehehehe..come by my office later and I’ll show you.
Later
SSA: Well boss, you were going to show me something?
Boss: Get in the car, we’ll take a little trip.
Unfortunately, Kash Patel runs into them in the hallway and demands to go with them on a real live mission. He’s VERY excited.
They drive to a secret location.
SSA (whispers to his boss): Shouldn’t he have a blindfold on?
Boss: it won’t matter, you’ll see.
They arrive, get out of the car, and go down an elevator 80 stories. They get out and enter a lab.
Chief Scientist: Why Boss, this is a pleasant surprise, do you need replacements?
Boss: No, they are working just as we ordered.
SSA: What a weird place. What’s in those sarcophagi?
CS: Uh..you don’t want to look in one. Many people find it..disturbing.
Boss: Oh go ahead and show him, he’s got a strong stomach.
Kash Patel nearly wets himself with excitement.
CS: Well okay, which should I show him?
Boss: This one has a green light blinking on top.
CS: That means it is ready.
CS opens the nearest sarcophagus. A puff of blue smoke issues forth. And Kristi Noem is standing there in a Wonder Woman costume.
Boss: Wow!! Well done!! I see you have corrected the psycho eyes.
SSA takes a closer look.
SSA: Yeah, I can see the difference, there’s a bit more effervescence in these.
Kash Patel (peering a bit further down): They look so real.
CS: And they feel real too, touch one.
Kash Patel: Wow (squeeze, squeeze).
Kriski Noem floors him with a punch.
Kash gets up breathless.
Kash: That was Wonderful!!
CS: We had to be bit careful with the Pete Hegseths. If anyone says the wrong word around him, his right arm does a Dr. Strangelove salute. Although for your application, this should not be a problem.
Kash: Errrmmm..do they walk and talk?
CS: You betcha. Recall those amazing AI-Pets they have in Japan? Those were only our export models, we didn’t make those nearly as complete as these.
CS (now nearly beside himself with enthusiasm): We have the entire Cabinet!!! That’s why the circle jerks are so lively. We store the spares in our warehouse.
Kash: I just came from a Cabinet Meeting, they looked so real! Doesn’t anyone notice?
CS (now snickering): They were never real people to begin with. We like to think of them as Our Little Chia Pets.
Kash: Hey.wait a minute, have you got one of me too?
CS: Yup!!
Kash: So you could replace me at any time?
CS (breaks out laughing): We already have!
Kash: But I’m here and I’ve never seen another of me running around the White House.
CS: Think Sherlock!!
Kash: You mean!?!
CS: Damn, I hate when they become self-aware. Boss, we’ll need to replace this unit right away, we cannot send him back like this.
Kash: What?? Replace me? But you can’t!! I’m, I’m the h-h-hhead of the FBI. I’m important!
Boss: I’m sorry you have to see this, SSA.
Boss pulls out an evil looking device and zaps Kash turning him into a wax figure with a wick sticking out of his head.
Boss: Well, now he can be a light to the world.
CS: What is that thing!?!
Boss: A Jewish Space Laser. The aliens lent us some. The little fellers made us promise to put them to good use. C’mon, let’s go. We’ll grab another Kash on the way out.
*https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SqEmkwADmY