A laptop where you're not even administrator if you own the device, and where you only can install Applaratschik-approved apps.

Yes, Apple does in fact like taxes.

Work? On an iPad? What does that look like?

An internet faucet and vending machine with a multiple choice and fingerpaint interface... For /work/? How?

Hold people hostage, not harddisks!

Of course, it's IoT, so we shouldn't question the benefits.