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Journal ellem's Journal: I am not now, nor have I ever been a Rock Star 26

Journal by ellem

Some days I look in the mirror at 0530 and think, "Who is this guy putting hair gel on his head?" [Apparently all wrong BTW]

I hate my shoes. They're dumb. And square. They don't look like Sambas at all. I only like my Novelty Ties like Vampire Peanuts and Fondue Flying Pooh. Who the fuck is that tired ass bastard in the mirror?

I remember me being really cool. Shredding my ass off as CBGBs, swinging a guitar around my neck and screaming "DAVE'S FUCKING LARGE!" Driving my car too fast on an empty road. Eating beer and rice. Mostly beer. Sitting in front of my Amiga 500 and writing for 8 days straight with breaks to run scales while new words formed in my head.

What happened to that guy? Yeah he was fucking broke and replacing the girl he lost over and over - sometimes 2 at a time - that he finally married! - but he was pretty cool. Playing Dek Hockey in shorts in January. Shaving his head with a bic and roller blading around Lake Ronkonkoma drunk as Hell in the rain. Where's the guy who wrote 900 words off a phrase? Skip strings and play so fast it sounded like a drone. Knew who all the guys on the Rangers were and the goalie's GAA. Wasn't so fucking jumpy all the time? Walking on eggshell landmines trying not offend or feel anything new ever?

So OK. I wasn't a rock star. I'm not one now. Who the fuck am I?

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I am not now, nor have I ever been a Rock Star More

I am not now, nor have I ever been a Rock Star

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  • hmm yeah (Score:3)

    by blinder ( 153117 ) * <{blinder.dave} {at} {gmail.com}> on Thursday October 27, 2005 @03:59PM (#13891708) Homepage Journal
    tell me about it.

    what happened to the blinder that lived from hardcore show to hardcore show, who ditched weeks of school to tour with his band, to play to 20 angry men at a vfw hall in the middle of nowhere and love it? what happened to the kid who spent time hanging out in recording studios instead of working?

    yeah... that blinder is long dead. i had to kill him. he was killing me. he nearly got me thrown out of my house, flunked out of school and doomed to a life of really nothing.

    i miss him, but don't want him back. oh, he's still there a bit... he fuels my desire to record and write music now. he makes sure i'm never really satisified with my day job so i don't get complacent.

    so yeah... it just is.

    never played cb's though. went to a few dozen shows there... never played. but i didn't go to shows like where you played. i only went to hardcore shows (agnostic front, sick of it all, gorilla biscuits, youth of today, turning point... etc.)

  • Good question.
  • Do NOT look in the mirror before 1000. Ever.

    I think that just about sums it up.

    • Do NOT look in the mirror before 1000. Ever.

      I do, but it's all fogged up at the time. (Some days, that's certainly an improvement...)

      The thing I never quite understood was the idea of shaving in the morning: the one time of the day that I would be least conscious of my actions, and I'm putting a sharp blade next to (or on) my jugular....
  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • About the only thing that still remains is my (long) hair, but I'm a software engineer, so a pony tail isn't that uncommon. I haven't hardly touched my guitar in over a year, and I've turned down offers to play in a band again. Maybe I will in the future, maybe not.

    The only time I picked up a guitar in the last year was just after the single "Reborn" hit iTunes. I bought it, burned it, and learned it. And now they're collecting dust again. I'll probbaly pick them up after seeing Stryper in a few weeks, th

  • I was k00l. Supa-cool. And I had all the right experiences. I've got a catalog of 'em; MEkkas 100 best nights. The great shows. The DJs. The Raves. THe House Parties where its tons of people you don't know but everyone knows you and thinks you're all that (chicks included). Going to clubs and having people come up to you to tell you how awesome you are.

    And I got out on top.

    Its never gonna be that good again. I mean, it might, but I've DONE it. I've accomplished that. And I've moved on.

    I consider
  • you're my rockstar.

    *swoon*

    Ok, wtf? Hokieseas, get your ass in here and fire the idiot who wrote this post.

    NOW.
  • While I was never one of the cool kids, I did hang out with some interesting people...most of whom are either not so "interesting" any more or I've lost touch with them. But I've definitely been on the "who am I and what am I doing here" kick the last month or so.

    Nothing to do with turning 40, I swear!

  • I wasn't cool as a kid, but I was content in my quirkiness & angst -- I fit in with the other misfit smart kids, in a nonconformist kinda way. My 20s were fairly moderate -- got married at 23, and have been waiting 10 years to grow into my mindset.

    Now I'm 33 years old, and I've NEVER been so cool in my fucking life. I'm the Daisy Scout Leader with pink streaks in her hair who wears a toe ring and horrifies the other music class mommies by talking about how much I enjoy violating Georgia state sodomy l
    • yeah... now I feel great.

      How strict are those laws?
      • It's the Deep South. They're pretty strict.

        Unless they aren't. A very little research turns up that Georgia has, sadly, loosened up restrictions on behaviors of consenting adults. Damn.

        Still -- it's fun to shock the thumpers, who don't really know what's illegal -- but know what SHOULD be!! :-)

        ....Bethanie....
        • Georgia has, sadly, loosened up restrictions on behaviors of consenting adults.

          Come to the UK. The government still very much likes poking their noses into what consenting adults do in their own homes...

      • I hear they're a real pain in the ass if you get caught violating them...

        Yeah, yeah, my jokes weren't any better when I was 10 years younger either.
    • Now I'm confused. I thought you've been married for 7 years. Are you using the number pad keys where the 3 is right below the 6? :^)

      Keep shocking the Georgians, though- they could use it. ;^)
      • Ha!! You know, you're COMPLETELY right!!

        We've been married since 1998 -- but we got together in 1996 when I was still 23. I guess I was counting from when I met Hubby -- when we first met and started "doing" versus when we said, "I do." :-)

        Part of the reason I'm so cool is because folks around here are so easily shocked. In a bigger pond, I'd be an itty bitty fish, indeed, and I don't mind acknowledging it.

        ....Bethanie....

  • Oww (Score:2)

    by ncc74656 ( 45571 ) *
    Shaving his head with a bic

    I kept nicking my face the one time I tried using one of those. I threw the POS away and bought the Mach 3 that's been in my travel bag ever since.

    (The Bic was a freebie in one of those boxes o' stuff you get with your books at the start of the year. I'd say it's proof that sometimes, you get what you pay for. :-P )

  • Never been one and though I may have dreamed it, I had a voice like Abe Lincoln. (Word is he loved singing but his voice sucked so he had to keep his mouth shut, much to his chagrin.)

    But I was well known at one time. In a weird way...dig:

    Went to high school in Philly, but we had folks from all over the Delaware Valley (South Jersey, Main Line, Northeast, Delco, etc.) Since it was an all boys school, we would rotate to find chicks and we would party in different places at different times, rarely long enou

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