From the front page of the Austin edition of The Onion, so you know it's quality news:

November 7, 2006 | Issue 42•45

PLANO, TX--With the recent trend of wholesome snack foods reaching "truly ridiculous proportions," Frito-Lay announced Monday that it would, against its better judgment, roll out a new line of healthy fruit-and-vegetable-based chips next February.
Frito Lay R

From The Times:

October 24, 2006
Op-Ed Contributor
Out of Our Gourds
By JAMES E. McWILLIAMS

San Marcos, Tex.

And I was beginning to think I'd never accomplish anything again. The month is only half over, and I'm totally kicking ass.

The following is a clip from a long, but interesting article on what Howard Dean is doing with the Democratic party.

Pirates of the Mediterranean

By ROBERT HARRIS
Published: September 30, 2006

IN the autumn of 68 B.C. the world's only military superpower was dealt a profound psychological blow by a daring terrorist attack on its very heart. Rome's port at Ostia was set on fire, the consular war fleet destroyed, and two prominent senators, together with their bodyguards and staff, kidnapped.

or something. From the Business 2.0 article 10 people who don't matter:

Rob Malda
Slashdot.org

1955

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local Liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.

Is this internet on? If you people don't post some sort of crap, I'll be forced to do actual work-like things, or at least to bore you with some sort of stupid WoW war stories.

My dear mother sent this bit of emailed wisdom to me today:

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?"

"Oh no," I replied. "I'm not doing drugs, either."

In our last episode of As the Dave Bitches, our protagonist had a meeting with his boss in which she complained that he made her feel that he wasn't doing a good enough job, but couldn't come up with any examples of poor performance. The homework for both was to go back through all of the support email from the past couple of months to come up with examples. Dave dutifully re-read all of it...

... but it's become weak and obedient. Back in my day, we answered Em's polls in any damned way we wanted. We didn't meekly accept his little A,B,C bullshit! We blazed new trails in answers. You kids these days disgust me. We walked uphill through the snow both ways to give him exactly the answers he never wanted. Bah!