Journal dubiousdave's Journal: more maternal wisdom 3
A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local Liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
She said, "Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you ?" "Negative, Ma'am," The Sergeant Major said, "Just serious by nature." "The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action."
The Sergeant Major's short reply was, "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, You should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself."
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, "1955."
She said, "Well, There you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously! I mean, No sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times.
Afterwards, and panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955!"
The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2130 now."
a lesson for you
My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.
When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door.
I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car........
Yikes (Score:2)
You know, I think I'd be pretty angry at my future in-laws if they pulled a stunt like that. Good intentions and all, but that's just plain cruel.
On a different note, have you got your ACLFest tickets yet? Lineup announcement should be any day now!
Re:Yikes (Score:2)
I haven't decided on ACL Fest. I was supposed to go last year, but something came up. It turned out to be just as well, though. I would not have enjoyed standing around in 107 degree heat for 3 days. It's on the river, so I guess you could jump in every once in a while to cool off...
Re:Yikes (Score:2)
Last year's ACL Fest was one of the best multi-day concerts I've been to (in part due to the fact that they happened to invite almost every band that I really enjoy). I skipped Sunday, the 107 degree day, and still felt completely satisfied (and thoroughly beaten down). The dust was the worst part, actually - I was blowing dirt out of my nose for a week.
I managed to get one of the $30 three-day passes for this year, so I'm set for another weekend of self abuse and sunburn.