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Journal bethanie's Journal: Performing My Wifely Duty 50

Journal by bethanie
So yesterday when Hubby called and said he was going to have to be away overnight, I got to launch into Good Wife(TM) mode.

I packed Hubby's bag for him (to save him the time & effort). Made sure to include his slippers and some comfy clothes for lounging around the hotel room, just in case he had time. Packed a "snack bag" with Diet Coke, some yogurt, and home-baked cookies. Gathered all his sundry toiletries (shaver, toothbrush, etc.) and made sure that there was a baggie of ibuprofen in there, just in case he got one of his (fairly frequent) headaches. And of course, I included a couple of NYTimes Crossword puzzles in his bag, as a special treat (probably his only regular leisure activity, aside from watching TV).

I also printed out driving directions for him, because I suspected he wouldn't have time to do this before he left work. (I was right.)

I love being able to take care of him like this, to anticipate his needs and fulfill them... Part of it, of course, is out of love. But I also enjoy the service aspect of it -- I like taking care of him better than he could/would take care of himself. Feeling like I'm being a Good Wife is very gratifying. Another experience that tells me that those wacky feminist zealots just have it wrong somehow.

In other news, we closed on the mortgage yesterday afternoon, much to our relief -- it was the deadline for the rate lock, which had already been extended for several weeks by the mortgage company. We locked at a *very* low rate (not gonna specify, but suffice to say that it will save us *mucho* dinero over current rates. Yay for us!), so the threat of possibly losing the rate was very disturbing. If you think I was pissed about the whole tile fiasco, you have *no* idea of the flavors my wrath comes in! So I didn't have to tap the kegga whoopass, which is good.

Oh, and for all of you who want to know just how clueless I am, the serial cable had fallen out of the back of the modem. Had nothing to do with the security system -- purely coincidence. If I had had *any* idea of what it was supposed to look like and what was supposed to plug in where, I probably would have been able to figure that one out (making sure shit's plugged in *does* fall within my realm of technical expertise). But Hubby's got a rack mounted down there, with a zillion different network cables plugging in and running out... Very intimidating.

So I'm back up and running. Thank goodness for Hubby, who plugged the modem back in. What would I do without him!?
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Performing My Wifely Duty More

Performing My Wifely Duty

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  • I thought this was going to be juicy. Those aren't the wifely duties I was thinking of. ;)
    • Comment removed based on user account deletion
      • Damn. You replied before I got a chance to. I would've told him the same thing. :-)

        Of course, you never know... some of these have gotten pretty juicy. And I've been known to have a fun little romp or two in other people's journals (have fun looking for those!). :-)

        Oh, and as for *those* wifely duties, Dave... some might even say I go above [slashdot.org] and beyond [slashdot.org], depending on what you consider to be dutiful! :-)

        ....Bethanie....
        • Now, Mrs Stepford, I know you're only saying that to try and divert us from the Awful Truth about you being just a brain-washed zombie. :-)

          On a related note, I spotted this comment [slashdot.org] from your link to Em's journal, but it's already archived, so I couldn't comment there. In answer to your question, as the matter has now been resolved (with the exception of the return of my old PC), I've no real problem with you linking to my account of the events in my journal.

          MT.

    • I don't care, I still want to see the video! "Bethanie's Wifely Duties 2: Packing Hubbie's Bag!" Sure to be a hit! ;-)

  • Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • I can't help but think if more women thought it was actually a GOOD thing to be a wife (with those icky gender roles and all!), there would be a lot more happy marriages out there. And a lot more content men. And a lot more content women.
    • you're absolutely right. By the way, for those of you at home who disagree with me:

      Contentedness comes from enjoying what you have rather than lusting for what you don't.

    • It's all a matter of perspective. I take on some of the traditional 'woman' things in the house, cooking, cleaning, laundry, but Husband also does these things when he feels like it. He does the typical man things, too... er, killing icky bugs, peeing standing up... um.. getting dyndns setup for our new domain.

      We were watching one of yesterday's "Simply Quilts" episodes (TiVo kicks ass, have I told y'all that?) last night, and it was about female chefs and quilters who had teamed up to create quilts for a

      • It's all a matter of perspective

        What a terrific reply! I wanna expand on your comments ksh.

        I have a housewife (well, she works parttime), so I work and while she's at home, she takes care of Joey and does the laundry. We alternate cooking (I usually cook the weekends), but I always do the dishes, and usually the lawnwork (sometimes she wants to do it for exercise, so I don't argue). If she's in a good mood and wakes up with me, she'll sometimes pack my lunch.

        Everything she does for me (I try) to t
        • Everything she does for me (I try) to thank her for. Why? Because I don't "expect" it, but appreciate that she does it.

          You know, I think people forget how important a few kind words are. A kiss and a hug and a thank you. An acknowledgement that your spouse could be a real shit, and that you're just tickled purple that they're so wonderful.

          Helps balance out the crap that we [can't help but] dish out on a regular basis, ya know?

          ....Bethanie....

          • You know, I think people forget how important a few kind words are. A kiss and a hug and a thank you. An acknowledgement that your spouse could be a real shit, and that you're just tickled purple that they're so wonderful.

            Helps balance out the crap that we [can't help but] dish out on a regular basis, ya know?

            (Sigh.) I hit the Preview button with an I-am-Ozzie-Osbourne post, trying to get you to stop this undermining of dysfunctional families. It wasn't funny except for the first second or two. :-/

        • It's less who's in what role, and more about enjoying the role you're in at the time. At least, that's how it works in our house. When I'm sick, Husband babies me, and when he's had a hard day at work, I give him a nice foot massage. There's nothing wrong with me taking out the garbage, or him cooking. It's all in the attitude that you take when you do things that are traditionally wifely/husbandly duties.

          • Yes, exactly!!

            When I was growing up, I used to watch my mom doing all of these things and think all kinds of negative things about it -- that she was oppressed, that she was little better than a servant, that she must not be as smart as my dad... I swore that I would *never* subjugate myself like that. I was going to be liberated! I wasn't going to be relegated to cooking and cleaning -- I was going to be respected in my own right!

            Well, then it came time to decide what to do with my life, and after casti

            • heehee. We both work; I'm the large breadwinner, oddly enough. But we share in the household responsibilities, too. Even if I have to nag a bit, sometimes. [More like politely suggest, as in, "What are you making me for dinner, dear?"] ;)

  • Women like you don't exist anymore! They died out years ago and now can only be seen in stuffed versions in musea, standing next to the Dodo.

    The women of today are all cold, heartless bitches that are worth no more than the dirt they stand on.

    Now, you have finally given us proof that you are not a woman.

    • Wow, I thought I was the only person this cynical.
      Actually, my wife's a star. The biggest trick is learning how to mesh personalities.
      When it's good, it's great.
      When it's bad, well, I was wrong.
      JtS, I have such high hopes for you, because when you fall again, and you will, you will look back and laugh.
      That is, if you have enough time for /. then.
      • Actually, my wife's a star.

        When you try to touch her you wail in agony and pain due to the flaming heat. Yup, that's what I thought, evil bitches they all are.

        I have such high hopes for you

        I have been know to be a disappointment to anyone who ever had hopes in me. Stop hoping... In dutch we have this nice saying: "Hoop doet zotten in vreugde leven", which means freely translated "Hope lets the fools live in happyness". So stop hoping: hoping is for fools.

        • So stop hoping: hoping is for fools.

          Sounds like you need to read some Kierkegaard. Either/Or would be good.
          As for women, well, we have a saying here in America: "It's the bitchez that'll getch'yaz." (The last being a literalization of slang for 'get you(s)').
          Yes, women are evil. No doubt. Every husband who's read this JE has been thinking, "Gee, I wonder what bethanie wants?" as her husband did, I'm sure.
          Besides, while we can make a seedless grape, we can't make a shitless dog or a bitchless f
          • "Gee, I wonder what bethanie wants?"

            What do I want (that I haven't got)? (paraphrasing apologies to Sinead O'Connor, who I'm *sure* feels the same way as I do...) Let's see...

            I want to be able to stay home with my child(ren) to raise them. Check.

            I want to live a comfortable life, with pretty much any material possession I desire, including a custom-built home in a beautiful, private, rural location. Check.

            I want love and appreciation and affection and approval. Check. Check. Check. Check.

            What els
            • Relax. I was just pointing out a typical reflexive male response.
              Which, of course, triggered the female, "Why would you ever question me response?"
              According to the Mrs., I'm quite good at eliciting responses. Some not as favorable as others. (Big shock there.)
              Usually, after my wife does something very nice for me (above and beyond the normal great stuff everyday), I realize it might just be because she loves me.
              Now that's nice.
          • I think all women should put before the wall and shot. Heck, that is the only human thing to do. The other option would be gutting them alive, but people consider that cruel.
    • Women like you don't exist anymore! They died out years ago and now can only be seen in stuffed versions in musea, standing next to the Dodo.

      yes they do, i married one.
  • If more wives (and husbands) were thoughtful like you, we wouldn't have the divorce rate that we do. Everyone these days is so concerned with NOT doing anything they don't have to that they don't take pleasure in the things they CAN do that they don't have to. It also makes the other half more likely to want to reciprocate should the chance arise...
    • we wouldn't have the divorce rate that we do

      Sorry, pet peeve. The "Divorce rate" you speak of is a misleading statistic. When they say "the divorce rate is 67%" it means that during the year there were 67% more divorces than marriages. Well, there is a lot less marriages lately (think baby boomers and stuff), so the statistic is scewed. The real statistic you want is "how many marriages lead in divorce?" You'll be surprised at the result (and I can't find it on google, but last I heard it was like
  • So, posting journals about putting slippers in bags and stuff to rile up the feminist movement on slashdot?

    Bethanie, I do believe you just trolled.

    Congratulations, here's a big box of well, nothing.

    Btw, to get all these boys riled up, one of these days you are going to have to post a mundane journal subject and go to town on them.

    hehe. Maybe you'll get some hits on you troll, but I doubt it.

    btw, I'm just joking folks. You should know by now I preface all serious comments with statements like I'm bein
    • Oh yeah. /.'s a hotbed of feminist opinion, tell you what!

      This was actually part of what I had written on Monday, but when my internet went down I couldn't post it. Really wanted to share the part about wifely duties, though, so *peckpeckclickpeckclickclickpeck* a little editing, and here it is!

      Serious or not, Em. You're funny.

      ....Bethanie....
  • The whole argument is- and i agree that it's a civil rights issue and not an 'abolish all gender' issue- that women should be allowed not to do those things, and that men should be encouraged to do them if they so choose.

    For example, i could never live with a person who didn't do some housework. Not all, just some. Sharing is good. On the other hand, i'm willing to take care of the car. And i'm willing to take care of the computer, even though i'm only moderately aware myself (shuddering as i think of the

    • *sigh* Here goes my token accommodational response. (Besides, we already had these discussions in SomeWoman's journal a few weeks ago).

      I didn't say anything about how all women should be housewives and stay-at-home mothers. As a matter of fact, if you're not cut out for it, I'd prefer that you not try it at all. (But one note -- before I had a baby, I didn't know how to tell if they were hungry or cold or bored or whatever, either. Being around one all the time, you get to know their quirks and foibles, a
      • That was five entries EACH, by the way- you're still welcome to be your wicked selves in my journal as long as you don't object when i hurl you overboard towards the end...

        I really wasn't trying start arguments, it was my 'token' feminist rant... the real one is four hours long and involves property rights... i save it for people who've earned it, so it doesn't get hauled out much any more. I wasn't suggesting that your role was not appropriate for what you want or that you shouldn't be doing it. If it ma

        • Yes, I know. Five times each (if not more! I haven't gone back and counted...). You were more than tolerant. :-) That's why I mentioned it, eventually.

          Yes, being a momma did not come instinctually. I did some reading on the subject... a LOT of reading, actually (The Baby Book [amazon.com] by Dr. Sears is the best resource I found, BTW). And when she was actually born, we went through a few hits and misses. It took me a while to understand her cues for when she was hungry, for example. And working out the eating/sleepi

  • I love being able to take care of him like this, to anticipate his needs and fulfill them... Part of it, of course, is out of love. But I also enjoy the service aspect of it -- I like taking care of him better than he could/would take care of himself. Feeling like I'm being a Good Wife is very gratifying. Another experience that tells me that those wacky feminist zealots just have it wrong somehow.

    Hi. Anyway, butting right in...

    I don't think people can proliferate moral/philosophical doctrines of persis

    • Hi. Butt in all you like. That's why comments are enabled, after all.

      Can't say as how I understand much of what you're talking about, though. For one thing, I don't know code, so that's lost on me. And you also have a rather abstract style that I've never done well as grasping. My realm is firmly within the concrete. For better or worse.

      I kinda get what you're saying, though, and it seems like we're in agreement. So that's good. :-)

      ....Bethanie....

      • Can't say as how I understand much of what you're talking about, though. For one thing, I don't know code, so that's lost on me. And you also have a rather abstract style that I've never done well as grasping.

        Hi again. :-) Ok. Fair enough. The thing is that I wanted to assert an opinion and to put a tight small border around the opinion. Looking back up at it--yeah--it wound up pretty weirded out. The long and the short of it is that when the "feminazis" went over the top in about 1991, they overste

        • Oh! OK. *That's* what you were talking about.

          I wouldn't know about how over the top feminism went in 1991 -- I was just out of high school back then -- but I do remember feeling an incredible pressure to live up to this legacy: have a career and fit having children in somewhere around it, live independently, not take any man or relationship into consideration when making my decisions...

          I struggled with it directly when I decided to graduate a year early and follow my then-boyfriend out to grad school on
          • Interesting:

            I can see that there are various political causes and groups that push an agenda of "entitlement" and therefore eliminate themselves from the group of people who need to do any kind of favors for anyone else (because they, themselves, have been done no favors, don't you see?) and that's just plain wrong.

            "Altruism is a sign of capitulation, proof that you are under his/their/its boot; you are an Uncle Tom when you decide of your own will to do something nice for the oppressor(s)." I would

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