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Journal bethanie's Journal: Hot Zombie Love 51

Journal by bethanie
I was doing my usual headline scanning, with half a mind to find something for my journal, and here it was -- headline and all! (Please feel free to take a moment and scan the short editorial before continuing.)

What I don't understand is her critical tone of these "retro" women who "desert the fast track for a pleasant life of sitting around Starbucks gabbing with their girlfriends, baby strollers beside them, logging time at the gym to firm up for the he-man C.E.O. at home."

That's an awfully classist view of what stay-at-home moms do, BTW. Most women I know are clipping coupons, scouring the consignment sales, and cleaning their own houses in an effort to compensate for the economic sacrifices they've made in order to stay home. It's hardly as glamorous a picture as she paints here.

How much easier it seems, some days, to drop the kiddies by daycare on the way to the office where you leisurely sip your coffee while scanning your e-mails and then engage in a day of intellectually stimulating meetings and adult conversations, free from the trivial interruptions of changing dirty diapers, swapping loads of laundry, and digging up Dollbaby's hat and boots so she can "go out in the rain." Or jetting off to a pow-wow with a cohort of decision makers, staying in private hotel rooms, and eating meals that have been prepared FOR you, ALL paid for by your expense account. Of course, I've been there, done that. It's never so clean and easy as it would appear to the outsider.

Why must it be an all-or-nothing scenario with the radical/liberal/neo-fascist/anarcho-syndicalist feminists/Feminazis/"wacky zealots" (does that cover the bases?!)? Can't they see that pleasing a man can be really empowering? Part of what the feminist movement was about was giving us the option to make alternative choices. MUST those choice always be self-centered and self-serving in order to comply with the you-CAN-have-it-all Superwoman image that we were raised to expect for ourselves? Am I betraying my mother's generation by turning my back on the money-hungry, status-starved "fast track" where family is sacrificed for the hollow victories of success in a "career"?

You want to talk about "empowerment"? What kind of power are we talking about, exactly? Is it the power to influence other people and the decisions they make? How much more powerful can you get than a wife and mother?! She's making the VAST majority of spending decisions for the family and deeply influences her husband's decisions on most every issue you can think of, let alone the influence she may have over people on a personal level. And as for the mother aspect -- a mother who is connected with her children has the opportunity to fundamentally *create* the opinions and attitudes of her offspring. It's a completely unique role within the entire scope of human experience, embued with the deepest power and most solemn responsibility.

What's so BAD about focusing on satisfying someone ELSE'S needs and wants in an effort to bring joy and pleasure to BOTH of you (and any other little ones that may be scampering around)? It's not about mindless devotion to the domestic arts and meekly complying to some phallocentric concept of what our role should be. It's a WOMAN'S choice to prioritize taking care of her husband and family, and doing so in the best way she can. It's a win-win situation for everyone involved. You make your family happy and fulfill your own desire to serve a useful purpose in the world.

I *know* I'm not alone in this thinking. It's just that the women who agree with me are too busy taking care of what's important to argue with the strident, castrating harridans that have remained committed to the obsolete cause that is "feminism."
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  • and if you dont mind me saying, your views on this sound pretty similar to my wife's, unless i'm misunderstanding of course.
    • Know what? My husband loved that I wrote this -- and on Father's Day, too! Said I should send it in to my alumnae magazine. (I went to one of those castrating feminazi women's colleges, if you can believe it!) Thought it would be a hoot. I did the next best thing -- I emailed it to Maureen Dowd.

      What do you think you might be misunderstanding? Let's dialogue! :-)

      ....Bethanie....
      • well, its mainly that i've been awake for roughly a day now so some of my input receptor/translators have crossed a bit, so i'll make a brief list of points that i think you were either saying or attempting to evoke (and keep in mind that a tired mind is discerning these and is possibly incorrect or miswording things)

        1) it's no more "retro" go to starbucks in any capacity than it is to drive a car that just happens to have tires made of rubber "just like they did back in the '50s!".

        2) being a stay at home
        • In spite of your sleep deprivation, you have done an admirable job!! VERY well-stated!

          I think that she used the "retro" label to trivialize stay-at-home mothers, and to sketch a picture of a leisurely life that is foreign to the vast majority of us, but must certainly be the idyllic image held by many a frustrated "working" mother of what her life might be like if she could "afford" to stay at home.

          I really appreciate your perspective on this as a man, because you also see that there is power in the rol
          • good response to my response. I do have some opinions on part of it, though, and it's directly related to marriage as a concept.

            In a society where so many marriages fail to live up to the "death do us part" portion of the vows, I believe that too many people spend so much time worrying "what if my marriage falls apart" and thus feel a strong need to have the ready ability of being able to support themself without notice. This undermines the entire concept of marriage.

            Marriage, to me, is not just a commi
            • Marriage, to me, is not just a commitment to each other, but in a broader sense (and for lack of better terms) an alliance formed to create a family. Not just in the terms of husband and wife, but children involved. And i find it to be simply wrong to get involved in a child-creating relationship that you are not prepared to weather it out to the death.

              This is the argument that those who say 'marriage is just a piece of paper' fail to understand. If it's 'just a piece of paper', why are you so vehemently
              • exactly. ironically, the people who see it as just a piece of paper are the same people who usually aren't ready for a real marriage either...
              • This is the argument that those who say 'marriage is just a piece of paper' fail to understand. If it's 'just a piece of paper', why are you so vehemently against it?

                One problem I see is the legal recognition of marrages by the state has gotten mixed up with the religious, commitment, and responsiblity aspects.

                It is quite possible to have an "on-paper" marrage that is less serious than many people's casual relationships. It is also quite possible for an unmarried (in the eyes of the state) couple who are
            • Yet another element I hadn't even *thought* of!!

              You're right -- it definitely takes a leap of faith to commit yourself to another person and risk your livelihood based on that trust. When my aunt got divorced (a good decision for her, but she never should've married the guy in the first place), all of the credit cards & *everything* were in his name. She had no way to live.

              What I gleaned from her experience is that I have made sure my name is on everything that is the both of ours (for better or wor
              • I can certainly grant the need to be able to support oneself in an emergency such as death or total irrational necessity (on either side). But it's important to not let it become more important than the situation at hand as well. One thing I have frequently found to be a problem not only with people but in general is a strong eye forward but not looking where they are currently walking. Forward planning is good but I think a lot of people put too much emphasis on the future to properly handle the present
          • One thing I see left out of most of the debate on two-career vs. one career families is stay at home fathers.

            For many couples it may work out better to have Mom be the breadwinner and dad stay home and take care of the house and kids. This may be because Mom earns more, has a career that is harder to leave for a few years, or just derives more satisfaction from her role in the work world than Dad does.

            Unfortunately since society judges men in large part by their role in the work world it can be very hard
        • sleep deprived editors note that may be way off base...i haven't done the actual math of it)

          Others have. There are several variables in the equation (cost of healthcare, childcare, etc, etc) but it is very, very common for the second job to not be a positive financial benefit.
          • I thought i had read that somewhere but I didn't actually know if i had read it somewhere or someone had used it in the same sense as i had as a hypothetical. Thanks ^_^
            • I know I've seen at least two measurements. I assume there have been more. The more interesting of the two I have seen was done by Dateline or 20/20 or some similar show. Had an accountant sit down with a family of four (or five?) and add up the totals. Turns out the mother's job was costing the family a few hundred dollars per month. Not a great deal of money, but the woman was getting paid at least $30k per year, and running herself ragged to do it. She nearly had a breakdown on camera when she learned th
              • They couldn't have paid me enough to miss out on all the moments I've shared with my baby. There's simply *no* monetary value that outweighs it. I don't need a paycheck to see how valuable is the work I do -- I see it in my daughter's security, intelligence, and imagination every day. No better benefit than that!!

                ....Bethanie....
              • yeah...its astounding how much such indoctrination stands against the face of reason. I don't think I see the point in paying to work for someone, but working for many is an addiction. This doesn't just go for the wives, either.

                The most frightening thing about this is that the more wives work (especially those who are paying to do so), the fewer husbands with a family to support will be able to find the employment to do so.
                • The most frightening thing about this is that the more wives work (especially those who are paying to do so), the fewer husbands with a family to support will be able to find the employment to do so.

                  This leaves out the possiblity of having more husbands stay at home. Sadly this option generally finds even less support than stay-at-home wives.

                  I like having women in the workplace, especially when it is close to a 50/50 ratio (well only as long as there aren't many "that's not funny!" feminists in the mix).
      • Which of those castrating feminazi women's colleges did you attend? The first school I went to had just gone, about 4 years earlier from a castrating feminazi women's college to a castrating feminazi coed college.

        A 4:1 female:male ratio is great until you factor in the number of lesbians.
        • Well, let's make a little game of it. I share an alma mater with the following people:
          • Margaret Mitchell '22 (as god as my witness!)
          • Julia Child '34
          • Madeline L'Engle '41 (anyone know her?)
          • Betty Friedan '42
          • Nancy Reagan '43 (dropped out to get married)
          • Barbara Bush '47 (ditto)
          • Gloria Steinem '56
          • Molly Ivins '66

          Given that info, it should be *very* easy to figure out which of the Seven Sisters I attended. Oops. Did I give away another clue? *tee hee* Silly me. I'm just not *that* bright!

          As for the lesbian

  • Here's my philosophy, for what its worth, and you could probably drive a fork-lift through some of the holes in its logic, but here goes.

    Groups like the feminists (and please, I'm not lumping everyone who call themselves a feminist with the Gloria-whats-her-face or the neo-radical-militant-lesbian crowd) spend too much time trying to "identify" themselves through their group that the whole purpose of said group is totally lost.

    So busy trying to out-clever each other with their intellectually bankrupt argu
    • Groups like the feminists (and please, I'm not lumping everyone who call themselves a feminist with the Gloria-whats-her-face or the neo-radical-militant-lesbian crowd) spend too much time trying to "identify" themselves through their group that the whole purpose of said group is totally lost.

      Well, if they were interested in equality, as they claim, they'd be called "equalists", but of course they're not.

      Dowd is an idiot, and Nigella is both smarter and cuter...
      • preach on, sister kitten!
      • Dowd is an idiot, and Nigella is both smarter and cuter...

        I can't believe Dowd was dissing Nigella. Nigella's message is that it is fun and satisfying to cook for yourself and your family, that it doesn't necessarly have to involve a huge amount of time, and that it can be incredibly powerful and sexy to do so.

        If anything the feminists should be holding up Nigella and even Martha (pre-insider trading) as examples. Both have very sucessful careers and are extremly powerful women.

        Now if you excuse me I ha
  • Wow! This author is hot AND brainey! She does not mention guns enough, but otherwise she is dead on target!

    Bombs: 0
    Bullets: 0
    Babes: 10

    I rate this one cool.
  • Stay at home moms are sexier.
    Gotta go pinch my wife's ass.
    • Gotta go pinch my wife's ass.

      Methinks the ass might have other ideas.

      What? Oh, you mean pinch you wife?! You had me worried for a minute... :-)
      • Methinks the ass might have other ideas.

        I pinch myself all the time.
        Seriously, though, I gotta watch it. Went in the kitchen and wound up having to help with the cooking and cleaning. But I AM the dish man, so I can't complain.
        Oh well, Happy Father's Day.
  • Do you think Mo Dowd is still pissed that Michael Douglas dumped her AND his wife for Catherinze Zeta-Jones?
    And this is a nice Father's Day present for Michael.
    How sweet is that?
  • How did I ever miss friending you?
    At first I though WTF is my wife doing posting on /.

    Great Job
  • BTW, I need to inform y'all (who weren't already aware of it) that there is a fairly hot discussion [slashdot.org] happening over in Some Woman's [slashdot.org] journal regarding the use of the term "feminazi." I would love to hear what y'all have to say about that.

    And you may also note that I changed the term "Feminazi" in my JE to "radical feminist." Serves the same purpose, without the name-calling connotation. I'm really trying to do what I can to invite a dissenting opinion, if someone can come in and argue effectively how the fe
  • Hot on the heels of your JE, here's this article from the AP:

    http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=5 4 2&e=8&u=/ap/census_families [yahoo.com]

    More Moms Staying at Home With Their Kids

    WASHINGTON - Nearly 10.6 million children were being raised by full-time stay-at-home moms last year, up 13 percent in a little less than a decade.

    Experts credit the economic boom, the cultural influence of America's growing Hispanic population and the entry into parenthood of a generation of latchkey kids.

  • Hello new friend! You speak of things which are not well received among many people in western society. Since the 1960's, there has been a serious decline in family values and a diminishing of the role of mothers. I am gladdened to see that there are those in the world who still understand how vitally important each member of the family is, and especially how crucial a mother is to her children. My wife has to work for a while as I am finishing school. Our two children are noticeably different without

    • Well, you asked, so I'll answer, but not as fully as I might otherwise. I don't want to get into a flamewar over religion -- it's not my bag.

      That said, I'd have to say that the link did not coincide with my views on the family. First of all, I don't believe in "God" as an "eternal father." I also don't believe in the Bible. I don't believe that every man and every woman is ordained to create a family, by the command of said God. I don't believe that we all will be called to judgment for our "sins."

      I can
      • Well, you asked, so I'll answer, but not as fully as I might otherwise. I don't want to get into a flamewar over religion -- it's not my bag.

        You won't get flamed from me. Your religion (or lack thereof) is your own business. It's just that what you said in the JE was so similair to the message in the link that I had to ask. Even without any religious pretext, the concept of familial duties is fundamental to the human family, IMO.

        That said, I'd have to say that the link did not coincide with my views o

        • Well, one thing that both myself and bethanie (and apparently you) agree upon is that the basic unit in society is not the individual but rather the family. That is the fundamental difference between the views of most (especially strident castrating harridans) people these days and us.
        • I just feel the need to reply, because this post seems far too reasonable for slashdot.

          I appreciate it when people don't feel the need to create an "us vs. them" dichotomy. So, in short, thanks. :)
          • It's hard to play "us vs. them" when you refuse to identify with a specific "us." Makes it a lot easier to recognize the common ground, that's for sure!

            ....Bethanie....
          • I just feel the need to reply, because this post seems far too reasonable for slashdot.

            Perhaps too reasonable for the unwashed masses that frequent the front page discussions, but perfectly rational for JE's. ;-)

            I appreciate it when people don't feel the need to create an "us vs. them" dichotomy. So, in short, thanks. :)

            You are welcome. Civil society demands certain methods of communication and I am one who appreciates such civil dialogue.


  • You're wrong about the gun & nukes thing, and I'll chop if I have to :), but otherwise I could not agree more. The same can be said in reverse, about men. So "go go bethanie!!" I say!

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