nor one like Gentoo where I have to wait a week for everything to compile
If you're waiting a week for Gentoo to build, either (1) you're doing it wrong or (2) you need more modern hardware. It doesn't even need to be bleeding-edge; the Core 2 Quad Q6600 I bought in 2008 and still use at work (!) could do a complete rebuild (including things like Chromium, LibreOffice, and KDE) in maybe 36-48 hours. You almost never need to rebuild everything at the same time, however, so the typical emerge whatever takes far less time than that.