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Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: The Twins on Fireworks Safety 26

Journal by SolemnDragon

This entry is DaytonCIM's Fault.

Good: Well, we're going to take a break from Sand Camp- which, by the way, we'll be leaving soon- and talk to you about fireworks.

Evil: Kids, Fireworks are important. Not only are they beautiful, but we've always felt that firewarks are, well,

Good: Fireworks are like cathedrals. They are a physical object designed to convey an entirely spritual or psychological experience.

Evil: (glares at Good.)*i* was going to say that they were like flame wars... they aren't any fun until something blows up!!!

Good: (undaunted) The National COuncil on Fireworks Safety has a few recommendations, which we're going to discuss.

For example: Always read and follow label directions.

Wicked: (reading label) "Thank you for you choose lucky fire work from us. Not to be eat, do not point to body. (she points to evil, still holding the firework in her other hand.)

Evil:Have an adult present. (looks around) Damn. I'll go grab somebody. (she leaves. Sound of someone being forcibly abducted from the sidewalk outside)

Good: Well, i guess we'll just go on with the lesson... "Buy from reliable sellers!" (looks at wicked) Wicked, where did you buy that firecracker?

(Wicked shrugs.)

Wicked: Crazy Achmed's Guns & Combustibles, Ltd.

Good: Well, there we are, then. He might be dumb enough to eat plutonium, but he's NEVER sold us shoddy explosives.

(she examines the list again.)

"Use outdoors only."

Wicked: What about the 'In' Door?

Good: It says, "Use Outdoors only."

Wicked: That's going to cause some confusion.

Good: Hey, it's the National Council on Fireworks Safety talking.

(Wicked shrugs. She puts down the firework and gets a hammer from the workbench. Good puts down the list, picks up some nails, and they go to work boarding up the "In" door.

Good picks up her list again.

Good: "Always have water handy (a garden hose and a bucket). "

Wicked: We can do better than that.

(sounds of kicking and swearing are heard at the "In" door. Several boards shatter, but then a thoroughly disgruntled Evil stalks in the "Out" door, carrying a tied up revolutionary war re-enactor.

Evil stares at the boards over the "In" door.

Good: (holding up the list by way of explanation.) It says, "Never use In Doors."

(Evil walks over, examines the list, raises her eyebrows and nods. The revolutionary looks around unhappily.)

Good: "Never experiment with or make your own fireworks."

Evil: Never. (shakes her head.) Not when it's so handy to have someone else do the work- and the trial runs. We ALWAYS hire the best. (turning to Wicked) Did Crazy Achmed come through with the goods?

(Wicked holds up the firework, and points to an invoice on the table for several crates more.)

Good: "Light only one firework at a time." /p>

Evil: If the fireworks you buy are big enough, one at a time is ALL you need...

Wicked: Who's got the zippo?

Good: I think YOU do.

(Wicked sets down the firework carefully on the table and frisks her pockets and boots. She pauses for a moment, thinks carefully, and pulls the zippo out of her sleeve.)

Good: "Never re-light a "dud" firework (wait 15 to 20 minutes and then soak it in a bucket of water). "

Evil: Too true. Can't tell you how many times i've turned my back on a dud only to have it go off...

Wicked: Fifty-seven.

(Evil glares at her.)

Good: "Never give fireworks to small children."

Evil: Absolutely true. They might eat them and choke.

Wicked: Or drop them and they'd go out.

Evil: Or they might aim them in the wrong direction.

Wicked: If they aren't old enough to own a zippo, a pocketknife, or a sabre, DON'T give them anything that's ON FIRE.

Evil: That's right. No one under three.

Good: "If necessary, store fireworks in a cool, dry place." Are ours safe?

Wicked: I put them in the fireworks shed. It's climate controlled.

Good: "Dispose of fireworks properly by SOAKING them in water and then disposing of them in your trashcan." This only works if you make completely sure they're soaked, and even so, i would advocate putting them someplace other than the household rubbish bin inside.

Evil: That's oke. We always use the neighbours' anyway.

Good: Never throw or point fireworks at other people.

Evil: There is NO such thing as an unloaded gun, and no such thing as an unlit firework. (she sighs happily) At least, not in my ideal world...

Good: "Never carry fireworks in your pocket. "

Evil: Does it say anything about anyone else's pocket?

Good: (checking the document) Nope. We're clear. "Never shoot fireworks in metal or glass containers." DON'T SHOOT THEM FROM YOUR CAR.

Evil: Or your tank.

wicked: Or your giant glass milk bottle.

Good: Maybe they mean tin cans and glass bottles, too? Well, better safe than sorry.

Evil: Speak for yourself.

Good: "The shooter should always wear eye protection and never have any part of the body over the firework."

(The twins all put on their safety goggles.)

in unison: Check!

Good: "Stay away from illegal explosives."

Evil: Good point. What's legal can be plenty fun, and since we know crazy achmed won't sell to you, we strongly recommend sticking with legal suppliers. (to wocked) How are his radiation burns?

Wicked: They're getting better. This week he ate a blasting cap.

(Evil shrugs.)

Good: Remember, if you're going to go see fireworks, stay away from the area where they're being set off, and don't touch anything that comes your way and is on fire. (to the other two) So... who wants to run the fire hose? (She remembers the revolutionary soldier, who is attempting to struggle with the duct tape.) Um... Evil... Could you bring the adult? Wicked, you get to run the hose.

Wicked: Woohoooo!! I am a fire department of ooooonnne!!!! (She begins making siren sounds. Good folds up her list and puts it in her pocket. Evil picks up her soldier, who struggles slightly. They all leave through the "out" door, heading for the shed.)

Stay tuned, i may have to update this later. There are more safety rules to be explained...

This discussion was created by SolemnDragon (593956) for no Foes, but now has been archived. No new comments can be posted.

The Twins on Fireworks Safety More

The Twins on Fireworks Safety

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  • Good: Well, i guess we'll just go on with the lesson... "Buy from reliable sellers!" (looks at wicked) Wicked, where did you buy that firecracker?

    There is a place not to far from here called "Crazy Steve's Fireworks".

    Maybe it's just me, but I'd like to buy my explosives from "Stable, sane and detail oriented Steve's Fireworks".

    • I don't know where "Crazy Steve's Fireworks" is, but we have an Indian Reservation nearby...

      Funny thing, with the anti-fireworks laws around here you can get busted for posession as soon as you leave the place. You have to light them off right there for them to be used. Right near the cops.

      I'm waiting for the "Unsafe and Insane" brand to come out. None of that "Safe And Sane" crap.
  • A copy of Hustler? Some adult videos?
  • "Homemade fireworks are deadly. Never attempt to make your own devices and do not purchase or use any kits that are advertised for making fireworks. Mixing and loading chemical powders is very dangerous and can kill or seriously injure you. Leave the making of fireworks to the experts."

    I can vouch for this. I accidentally exploded a chem lab or three getting my BS in Chemistry. :-)

    • I, too, had some difficulty once, while trying, empirically, to establish the proper ratio of powdered sugar to powdered potassium perchlorate. See, I'd mixed up a mayonnaise jar full of a known ratio, and would scoop some of that, and add a bit more perchlorate or sugar, torch it, and see how fast it burned. Alas, the perchlorate was by no means pure (it was smashed-up, ground-in-a-blender SolidOx welding pellets, which is perchlorate mixed with fibreglass as a binding agent), and some small fragment of
      • In HS, we went on a science club field trip, and stayed in a hotel. We'd prepared for the trip by me printing the page from the Jolly Roger Cookbook on how to make Thermite, and my friend procuring said ingredients. We only made a gram of it. We wrapped it in some paper and set 4 of those glass hotel room ashtrays on top of each other on the table. We lit it and watched it burn through the ashtrays and the table. Fortunately, it burned itself out before it hit the carpet. :-)

  • Fire! Fire! I love fire! Gimme the matches! I wanna blow something up!

  • nothing like the feeling of pepsi shooting from one's nose after reading a Dragon post.

    Oh and Leno's people called he'd like you to write full time for him and design his wardrobe from now on... you know 'cause he sucks and you're funny. ;)

  • *stumbles home in early morning hours from her several-day trip to NYC, checks her Best Friend's journal, sees entry from several days ago*

    And BestFriend, if you're reading this, for gods' sake introduce yourself one of these days. People are gonna think i made you up or something.

    *realizes she cannot avoid replying THIS time, spends too long trying to create an account while she can barely read the screen and forgets to close the parentheses*

    hi. I exist.

    I need to get up in a couple hours to stak

    • Hello there. Welcome to the madhouse. Cookie?

      I'm the weird one, just so you know.

      • I like cookies. Do all madhouses carry them? Something I might need to look into . . .

        Weird people are the best ones. People are starting to appreciate them more, but I still try to claim that I'm one of their BEST fans. (I'm an "Appreciative Collector of 'Interesting' People." S., how is that for a title for me? as long as you think I live up to it . . .)

        Thanks for the greeting. :) I'll probably maintain general lurking status, and jump in every now and again when prodded sufficiently.

        • As someone who's helped carry the bodies... i mean... specimens?... i would have to say that this is an absolutely allowable title. However, in order to be 'weird' on slashdot... you would have to be normal. *grin* And you are arguably one of the best fans, because you're arguably one of the best anything, period. That's my best friend, and quite frankly, she's the best. *nod*
          • "As someone who's helped carry the bodies"

            I'm assuming that's a referance to "A friend helps you move, a real friend helps you move bodies"?

            Of course, it's better to just create the bodies in a place you don't have to move them... These kind of quotes never mention that aspect of things...

            And now, a quote that seems appropriate for me right now:
            My mind has wandered, from the straight and narrow
            My mind has wandered, from the flock, you see
            My mind has wandered, the man just said so
            My mind has wande

            • Of course, it's better to just create the bodies in a place you don't have to move them... These kind of quotes never mention that aspect of things...

              Yup. But my justification, as indicated in my post, is that I don't like to have to carry around all of the necessary tools and ingredients for soups. :)
          • *gleeful, goofy grin* awwwww . . . thanks. Yes, carrying those "specimens" was certainly one of those times the Dragon's superhuman strength came in handy.

            (Before she got sick I there was no need to STOP her from such displays; and not that she can't do it now, we just remind her that it costs spoons, which can be used for better things, especially when it has become more efficient to persuade a strong healthy individual to unquestioningly assist us, using just one smile . . . yes, I was taught by the

    • Hello Dolphin. Welcome to the zoo! ;-)

      Zirnike isn't the only weird one here. In fact, weird is almost a pre-requisite.

      I am the bad influence evidently - I have been banned by the powers that be, so I am not allowed to post anymore. (Okay, the ban obviously isn't terribly complete, but the slashdot editors are... well... the slashdot editors. Accuracy isn't their strong suit.)
    • Ok, so Zirnike is the "Weird one". Arb is the "Bad influence"... sounds like we're staring a sitcom, or worse, a BOYBAND!!! I guess that would make me the irresistably cute one? ;-)

      Nice to meet your online persona. :-)

  • "Always have water handy (a garden hose and a bucket). "

    Don't think I ever even thought of this as a kid.

    "Never experiment with or make your own fireworks."

    Well, I was never stupid enough to try to make my own fireworks but I sure did experiment a lot.

    Ever break the stick off of a bottle rocket?
    It flies around like crazy, and is particularly exciting if it is the kind that explodes at the end.

    The really stupid thing that I did was tie a sparkler to a bottle rocket. Darn lucky I didn't start a wi

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