Personally, I prefer a 1:1:1 solution of glyphosate, Biferthin, and Zeta Cypermethrin for my evening drinking. I find that adding a little tequila adds some additional flare as it can be kind of euphoric and the alcohol stems the convulsions somewhat.

Because these idiots at Monsanto (bought by Bayer Agriculture in 2018) are profiting immensely from it. It isn't just the herbicide. Monsanto is really big into genetically modified plants. It isn't that the genetic modification is dangerous, it's why they are doing it. They make these plants resistant to the various chemicals they're spraying on them, so that they can douse the plants with glyphosate or whatever else. Then this stuff jumps trophic levels and gets more concentrated as it crawls up the food chain.

This is Monsanto, the kind guys that brought us DDT, Agent Orange, bovine growth hormone, PCBs, and other lovely ecological scourges. We've known for years that this garbage causes everything from lymphoma to multiple myeloma to kidney disease, but... PROFIT! Now, maybe RFK Jr. should get on that instead of trying to screw over everybody on vaccines.

The Saga of Komkast: The Curse of the Unbreaking Contract
In the ancient days, when streaming was young and modems still whispered in tongues of static, there lived a clan of mortals who sought the holy flame of Internet.

I. The Great Tempting
In the year of the Dreaded Bundle, came a rider from the north — a messenger of Komkast, clad in forged khakis and cursed polo.
He spake thus:

The clan rejoiced. A horn was blown. A router was installed.

They knew not the doom that had entered their hall.

II. The Trial of the Infinite Hold
One moon's cycle later, the village's Netflix froze mid-episode. The youngling wept, for Cocomelon did not return.

Eirik, son of Orm, brave but foolish, did lift the rune-stone (remote) and call upon the gods of Support.

He was cast into a realm of waiting — a place of flute-music and false assurances.

Eirik aged seven winters on that call. When at last he spoke to a priest of Komkast, the answers were vague, like mist over a fjord.

III. The Ghost Fees and the Billing Beasts
A new beast emerged — Fakturan, eater of gold. It crept into the village ledger by night, birthing charges none could explain:

The Jarl petitioned Komkast for justice. The Jarl was told it was “company policy.” The Jarl wept.

IV. The Chains That Cannot Be Broken
And lo — when the clan tried to flee, they found themselves bound by the Fiberless Contract, written in the blood of those who came before.

The gods did not answer their prayers. Odin turned off his phone.

V. The Prophecy of Starlink
But in the distance, through snow and smoke, came whispers

The clan looked upward. Hope glimmered like a blinking router light.

They wait still, beneath lag and loathing, for that day when the heavens bring freedom.

And so ends the Saga of Komkast. Let it be carved in rune and remembered in meme, that future generations may choose wisely... or at least ask about cancellation fees first.

I always Micro$oft was racist! /s

What about the Mauve Screen of Death? That's for when the computer is bricked and/or trying to take over the planet.

**Local English Teacher Continues to Inspire Students Despite Unprecedented Grammatical Creativity**

BROWNSVILLE, TX—In a stunning display of linguistic innovation, local high school English teacher Mrs. Linda Thompson has once again captivated her students with her unique approach to the English language, which some describe as "boldly avant-garde" and others as "completely incomprehensible."

Mrs. Thompson, who has been teaching at Brownsville High School for over a decade, is renowned for her fearless disregard for conventional spelling and grammar rules. Her classroom, Room 204, is a sanctuary where traditional punctuation takes a backseat to what she calls "expressive freedom."

"Why use a period when you can use a semicolon; or better yet, a comma, or maybe even a dash or just leave an orphan parenthesis—it's all about the rhythm of the sentence," Mrs. Thompson explained in a recent interview, her eyes gleaming with the passion of a true pioneer. "Capitalization is merely a form of patriarchal oppression. And spelling? Well, that's just a suggestion, really."

Students in her class are often treated to a dazzling array of linguistic surprises. Essays returned with comments like "Grate job!" and "Your doing amazing!" are common, leaving students both confused and amused. Her infamous red pen marks are less about correction and more about adding her own creative flair to student work.

"At first, I was really confused," said sophomore Emily Rodriguez. "But then I realized that Mrs. Thompson is teaching us to think outside the box. Like, way outside. Like, in a different galaxy."

Despite—or perhaps because of—her unconventional methods, Mrs. Thompson has become a beloved figure at the school. Her students consistently score below average on standardized tests, a fact she proudly attributes to her "revolutionary" teaching style.

"Language is fluid, like a river," Mrs. Thompson mused, gesturing vaguely at a poster of Shakespeare that reads, "To be or not to be, that is the qustion?" "And sometimes, you just have to let it flow wherever it wants."

While some parents have expressed concern over their children's newfound penchant for creative spelling, Principal Mark Jenkins remains supportive. "Mrs. Thompson is an asset to our school," he stated. "She teaches our students that there are no limits to what they can achieve—or how they can spell it."

As the school year progresses, Mrs. Thompson continues to inspire her students to embrace the chaos of language. Her next lesson plan reportedly involves a deep dive into the world of emojis as a legitimate form of punctuation, a move that is sure to cement her legacy as a true visionary in the field of education.

Actually, I think the likes of Stacy Abrams produce even more methane. Particularly after visiting a salad bar and eating a lot of cabbage, beans, and bleu cheese dressing.

I know it depends on perspective, but if Amazon did it, would that mean the tube system woiuld both suck and blow?

Gen-Z doesn't vibe with semicolons, but they ain't all about that Punctuation life either. Them people do vibe code like their lit on fire! They lowkey mix up "your" and "you're" or "it" and "it's." And tbh, we randomly capitalize Words for the aesthetic, y'know? Wtf is this, German? On Fleek, freak!

Has she ever used anything derived from the discovery of fire? Did her ancestors use fire to cook food or survive a harsh winter? Hell, she's partly responsible because one of her ancestors actually exhaled some CO2.

I can tell you the one for healthcare.gov off the top of my head: The Obamacare customer support hotline: 1-800-F1U-CKYO.

I have to do it. Take the Money and Run.

That might explain some of the real flaming, steaming turds out there like Star Trek: Discovery.

Personally, I prefer to drive my MRAP around the countryside. Guzzles gas, but it's a really smooth ride as I run over cars, structures, and small to medium animals.

"Criminal hackers can connect to your air fryer and torch your kitchen. Is your air fryer at risk? Also, news on the leaked sex videos from the security cam that some douchebag connected to the Internet with the default passwords. And dozens of Hollywood celebrities are reeling after their naughty photos were hijacked from their iCloud accounts for which they set their PIN to the last four of their phone number in what is being called 'The Fappening 3'. Your world and more at 10."

Let's make everything XBox so I can get obscure hexadecimal error messages when software crashes on startup for no apparent reason. That would surely improve the XBox for Windows gaming experience! At least it's still better than some crap like the Ubisoft Connect launcher or whatever Blizzard is using, but that isn't a high bar to overcome.