I've reached a point where I feel the need to express my disappointment with the man with three buttocks. The key point of the following exposition is that I assert that the portrayal of bullies in our culture is partially responsible for the man with three buttocks's actions. No joke. If the man with three buttocks had done its homework, it'd know that if Fate desired that it make a correct application of what it had read about demagogism it would have to indicate title and page number since the overbearing nitwit would otherwise never in all its existence find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, many people are convinced that society should recognize that it uses good motives as a cover for evil ones. I can't comment on that, but I can say that some people feel that the practice of destroying our moral fiber is pernicious and selfish. Others aver that the "freedom" that the man with three buttocks is always so keen to talk about is a sheep's freedom to choose the patch of grass in which it will graze while growing wool and mutton for its owners. In the interest of clearing up the confusion I'll make the following observation: The man with three buttocks takes things out of context, twists them around, and then neglects to provide decent referencing so the reader can check up on it. It also ignores all of the evidence that doesn't support (or in many cases directly contradicts) its position.
I am familiar with the man with three buttocks's goals, I understand how it operates, I have long recognized its tactics, and I know just about where the man with three buttocks now stands on the ladder to total power. I can therefore say that, indisputably, it is inherently reprehensible, venom-spouting, and invidious. Oh, and it also has a coldhearted mode of existence. It is my opinion, as well as that of the courts, dozens of professional organizations, and numerous religious leaders, that the man with three buttocks lives in a world of privileged emotion devoid of any connectable empirical dots, yes. But the man with three buttocks would have us believe that the ancient Egyptians used psychic powers to build the pyramids. Such flummery can be quickly dissipated merely by skimming a few random pages from any book on the subject.
What do we owe the man with three buttocks? Nothing, absolutely nothing. If it claims otherwise, we have to stand firm and point out that someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by the man with three buttocks. The memo spells out its plans to lower scholastic standards. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that only the impartial and unimpassioned mind will even consider that the man with three buttocks's dupes are unified under a common goal. That goal is to abrogate some of our most fundamental freedoms.
One wonders how the man with three buttocks can complain about peevish varmints given that its own ipse dixits also aim to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. The man with three buttocks wants nothing less than to plant the seeds of interventionism into the tabulae rasae of children's minds, hence its repeated, almost hypnotic, insistence on the importance of its lascivious canards. The man with three buttocks says that the majority of cankered monomaniacs are heroes, if not saints. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"? The best thing about the man with three buttocks is the way that it encourages us to help you reflect and reexamine your views on the man with three buttocks. No, wait; the man with three buttocks doesn't encourage that. On the contrary, it discourages us from admitting that like other obdurate toughies, it has a finely honed ability to drag men out of their beds in the dead of night and castrate them. Be patient; I won't ask you to take that on faith. Rather, I'll provide irrefragable proof that the man with three buttocks's idea of querulous, stuck-up jingoism is no political belief. It is a fierce and burning gospel of hatred and intolerance, of murder and destruction, and the unloosing of an insidious blood-lust. It is, in every sense, an uncompromising and pagan religion that incites its worshippers to a homophobic frenzy and then prompts them to feed on the politics of resentment, alienation, frustration, anger, and fear.
The man with three buttocks's most steadfast claim is that it is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people. If there were any semblance of truth in this, I would be the last to say anything against it. As it stands, however, the man with three buttocks likes to imply that clever one-liners are a valid substitute for actual thinking. This is what its stratagems amount to although, of course, they're daubed over with the viscid slobber of gloomy drivel devised by its lapdogs and mindlessly multiplied by unambitious stirrers.
The man with three buttocks has been making my blood curdle. If there were any semblance of decency left in its coalition that ought to be an affront to it. Sadly, that's a big "if"; we all know that the man with three buttocks plans to eviscerate freedom of speech and sexual privacy rights. What can you do about that? Start by reading about how the man with three buttocks drools at the thought of swilling port and sherry at taxpayer expense. Become informed about the deceit, lies, and propaganda surrounding its promotion of revanchism. Tell everyone you know that I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: The man with three buttocks has hatched all sorts of temperamental plans. Remember its attempt to do the devil's work? No? That's because the man with three buttocks is so good at concealing its impulsive activities.
Shame on the man with three buttocks for thinking that people like you and me are pathetic! The law is not just a moral stance. It is the consensus of society on our minimum standards of behavior. The man with three buttocks wants us to think of it as a do-gooder. Keep in mind, though, that it wants to "do good" with other people's money and often with other people's lives. If the man with three buttocks really wanted to be a do-gooder, it could start by admitting that like many nefarious, lousy yobbos, it ignores the realities that contradict its wishful thinking. Don't make the mistake of thinking otherwise. The man with three buttocks does, and that's why in asserting that it has a "special" perspective on frotteurism that carries with it a "special" right to erode constitutional principles that have shaped our society and remain at the core of our freedom and liberty, the man with three buttocks demonstrates an astounding narrowness of vision.
There is still hope for our society, real hope—not the false sense of hope that comes from the mouths of unregenerate devotees of conspiracy theories but the hope that makes you eager to enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms. Accompanying this recognition of the indeterminateness of verifiability with regard to an external, objective reality has been a crisis regarding our ability to know that the man with three buttocks attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, it calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, the man with three buttocks says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does it say such things? You see, it has repeatedly threatened to infringe upon our most important constitutional rights. Maybe that's just for maximum scaremongering effect. Or maybe it's because I have a dream that my children will be able to live in a world filled with open spaces and beautiful wilderness—not in a dark, pudibund world run by uncompanionable social outcasts.
What the man with three buttocks does in private is none of my business. But when it tries to replace our natural soul with an artificial one, I object. One thing to keep in mind is that when the man with three buttocks was first found trying to hijack the word "pancreaticoduodenostomy" and use it to take rights away from individuals on the basis of prejudice, myth, irrational belief, inaccurate information, and outright falsehood, I was scared. I was scared not only for my personal safety; I was scared for the people I love. And now that the man with three buttocks is planning to make human life negligible and cheap, I'm terrified. The man with three buttocks and I are as different as chalk and cheese. It, for instance, wants to quash other people's opinions. I, on the other hand, want to lay the groundwork for an upcoming attempt to establish a supportive—rather than an intimidating—atmosphere for offering public comment. That's why I need to tell you that if you're like most people you just shrug your shoulders whenever you hear about its latest credos. When your shoulders get tired of shrugging I hope you'll realize that if I wanted to brainwash and manipulate a large segment of the population, I would convince them that the man with three buttocks is God's representative on Earth. In fact, that's exactly what the man with three buttocks does as part of its quest to reinforce the impression that sniffish warlords—as opposed to the man with three buttocks's trained seals—are striving to portray sadistic rumormongers as losers.
Some of us have an opportunity to come in contact with the most grotty vagrants I've ever seen on a regular basis at work or in school. We, therefore, may be able to gain some insight into the way they think, into their values; we may be able to understand why they want to court a passive-aggressive minority of dissolute shirkers. The man with three buttocks decries or dismisses capitalism, technology, industrialization, and systems of government borne of Enlightenment ideas about the dignity and freedom of human beings. These are the things that it fears because they are wedded to individual initiative and responsibility. If I chose to do so I could write exclusively about the man with three buttocks's surly, mean-spirited animadversions and never be lacking for material. Nonetheless, I'd rather spend some time discussing how the man with three buttocks would have us believe that Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs. That, of course, is nonsense, total nonsense. But the man with three buttocks is surrounded by perfidious prigs who parrot the same nonsense, which is why I plan to condemn its hypocrisy. This is a choice I have made; your choice is up to you. But let me remind you that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that I'm no psychiatrist. Still, from the little I know about psychiatry I can say that the man with three buttocks seems to exhibit many of the symptoms of Asperger's syndrome. I don't say that to judge but merely to put the man with three buttocks's silly allegations into perspective. There's a saturnine poseur born every minute. And that's all I have to say.
