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Journal FortKnox's Journal: Tomorrow is a BIG DAY 31

It's Lindsay Lohan's 18th Birthday! She will be 'officially' legal (not that any of us really have a chance, especially since she is dating Fez from that 70s show).

But enough lusting after women almost legal... here's a joke to brighten the day:

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

Next morning she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything has been so incredible.

"You know," he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
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Tomorrow is a BIG DAY

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  • OMG, that was horrible!

    I don't know whether to laugh at the joke or cry because there goes 20 seconds of my life I can't have back! :P
    • Speaking of Boo, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that she is WAY HOTTER than Ms. Lohan.
      • I consider it blasphemy to compare any woman to her holiness Lohan! ;-P

        FYI - have you guys established your 'lists'[1]?

        [1] The 'list' being the list of celebrities its ok to have an affair with (of course, you have no chance whatsoever, but its fun to look up at the wife and say "She is on the list"). Mine includes halle berry, and Catherine Bell (everytime the wife watches JAG I remind her that Catherine Bell (*wipes drool off of chin and shirt*) is ON THE LIST. YOWZAH!!!)... of course, Ms.Lohan will
      • I am officially too old now. Ms. Lohan's birthday is July 2nd, 1986. I graduated from high school on June 13th, 1986. My birthday is July 3rd, 1968.

        I could be this chick's dad!!!

        Someone please get me a rocker and some ointment. I looked in my coin purse but couldn't find any. That's OK though, I think I left it in my polyester pants.
    • I don't know whether to laugh at the joke or cry because there goes 20 seconds of my life I can't have back! :P

      Try this one, then.

      A man goes to Spain to see the bullfights. After his first bullfight, he goes into a local restaurant, where he sees another man being served a steaming plate of huge meatballs served with paella. Looks appetizing, he thinks.

      He asks the waiter for the dish the other man is having, but the waiter says, Sorry, señor, that was the last portion for today. But if you come t

  • We can all lust after this girl [].

    Just saw her in a movie last night and thought "wow...where's she been hiding?" Check out the photo gallery. Her eyes are amazing.

  • that Olsen Twins fiasco. All that hype about them turning 18, and then 30 seconds later one of them is in rehab. The other will probably be robbing a convenience store tomorrow.

    I mean, it's not like you suddenly wake anorexic. Didn't it occur to their parents and management to lay off on the press releases and get the girl some help first?

    By the way, who _is_ this Lindsay Lohan? I'd never heard of her until a couple of weeks ago when she started appearing in comments here as the new Natalie Portman.

      • that Olsen Twins fiasco. All that hype about them turning 18, and then 30 seconds later one of them is in rehab. The other will probably be robbing a convenience store tomorrow.

      Thanks a lot, buddy... I was enjoying having a drink in my cube when I read this and just about sprayed my keyboard I was laughing so hard.

    • She is in the new "Bad Girls" or whatever it is called movie. You average run of the mill teen T&A film with barely legal actress types.

      You know the kind.

  • Look at this shocker. [] Although I can't say I'm surprised.

    I thought she did a good job in Mean Girls, which I really liked due to the writing. The more I see her face, the more I see some orange all over (fake) tanned freckled abomination.

    • Wow. You mean there's a story on the Internet that's not a fake? ;)

      Actually, as pointed out on the IMDB forum on her page, breast augmentation scars are usually on the outside, close to the armpit, not the inside. Someone else on that board also mentioned that if she had changed clothes recently, that might have been a bra underwire indentation/irritation.

      But it's nice to know that we as the public always want to believe the worst. Because noone's ever had breast implants.

      I just think it's incredible

      • I hear that they use 'just under the nipple' cut... never heard of the 'in the middle of cleavage' shot.

        Plus, can someon under 18 even have a boobjob??
        • Plus, can someon under 18 even have a boobjob??

          If you have lots of money, lots of things are possible.

          People said the same thing about Britney at about the same age a couple years ago, to which I said - um, she's still GROWING? How about that? Have we compared Lindsey/Britney's tits to their mom's breasts at that age? That would be more of an indicator than phantom scars or breast growth. Growth (both breastular and height) is not unheard of at age 18, people. In fact, I was talking to one Em Emalb who

  • she'll probably grow up to be pretty, but she just looks too young to do much for me. nothing against people with "young faces" but she looks like a kid in addition to having a young face. well, a kid with a nice body.

    i'm old or something. and only 29.
  • If you're going to tell a poor joke, at least tell people where you ripped it off from [].

No amount of careful planning will ever replace dumb luck.