Since I'm at work for another 16 minutes, I figured I'd tell y'all that July's gonna be a rough one. I thought June was bad, with all of its ups and downs. So, I'm at work, on the holiday, thinking about the rest of the month.

Let's start with the super-cool... I'm going to a concert tomorrow night. Yay! Jason Mraz is in Colorado Springs, and Ben & I are going to go and have fun. Of course, to do that, I'm trading my 8-6 shift with the 6-4 guy. So boo.

I'm picking up 2 days of extra work next week. And I have jury duty on Tuesday.

The week after that, we're flying to see one of Ben's friends, and then we're going to drive around Virginia, maybe Maryland, maybe Ohio. Who knows? Then I get back, and will work 7 days straight. Ugh.

And that pretty much covers the whole insanity of July. Well, not really, as I haven't explained much of it in any detail. I'm just not in a detail kind of mood.

I'm currently listening to "The Worthing Saga" on my way to & from work -- I'm on an Orson Scott Card kick lately. I've listened to all of the "Ender" quartet, all of the "Bean" quartet, and now starting on "The Worthing Saga".

I was late to my workout last night because of the asshats who can't drive in RAIN of all things, and tonight I can't work out because the rec center closed at 2p today... sigh. And I have to get up at O'Dark Thirty tomorrow. Ugh. But there will be fun to have, I'm sure. :)

Oh, and we were listening to some sort of XM streaming thing that Steve (my 6-4pm cohort) subscribes to, and feeling old today. Stuff that reminded me of sitting on the bus in high school, crowded into those green pleather seats. It's not been that long ago, it's just that it seems like another world away.

For kicking ass these last 2 weeks, I rewarded myself by buying some cross-trainers. Now, for the new goals.

1. Ramp up the elliptical. I'm currently able to go 30 minutes on elevation #4. Yesterday, I went backwards 1 minute out of every 3 (because it works my legs differently, and makes the workout more interesting). I want to get to '7' in 2 weeks for at least half of my workout, as I'm at '4' now.

2. More yoga. I've been doing yoga on Thursday mornings. I added Saturday morning this week. I'd like to be up to 4 days a week of "AM yoga" in 2 weeks. It's good for my back, and although I feel like a dork while doing it, I feel much better when I'm done.

These are do-able. I think I'm doing pretty well on the eating front. We went huge-ass grocery shopping on Thursday and our fridge, freezer, and pantry are full of good stuff. I haven't felt the need to have my afternoon snack for a couple of days. (Not that it's a good or bad thing, necessarily, just that I've not noticed myself with the mid-afternoon munchies.)

Exercise this week: 4 hours, 17 minutes

2-week goals

Breakfast every morning - met
10 minutes on the elliptical (stair thingy) - blown the fuck past. :D

I'm up to 30 minutes on the elliptical. At incline #3, well, #4 today (all 30 minutes). The little lights say that I'm working all of my legs. Glutes, hamstring, calves, and whatever the other ones are.

I'm seeing benefits already, after my first 2 weeks. My pants fit better. I have more energy, and strangely, my hips are 'rolling' again. It's weird. My lower back is the place that my massage therapist has been working on, and it's loosening up slowly. Well, after the idiot got fired, my stress level dropped and we saw a HUGE improvement in that area. Since I've been exercising, my hips and lower back have loosened a little more, and I have a "more feminine" gait. It's like learning to walk again somewhat.

Because I'm not making any foods "off-limits", I don't have cravings. I even had a snack yesterday when I was feeling a bit down... and ate a fuji apple with some peanut butter. I can tell that my tastes are changing. I can't drink more than 1/4 of a soda when I get one (usually with a 'meal deal') and I don't feel like I have to eat all of the fries. I'm eating fewer "numbers" and more real food, though. I like to bring Ben lunch on Fridays, though. And that means Carl's Jr. So I get a chicken sammich, bring him a burger, and he ends up eating most of the fries. And I leave my soda remains. :)

Tomorrow, I'll figure out another 2 week's 2 goals. I'll obviously continue eating breakfast, as it makes me feel more awake and alert, and keeps me from snacking mid-morning.

So a friend of Ben's is doing the "Shangri-La Diet". Basically, you drink sugar-water and it decreases your appitite. I'm slightly worried about this diet because the first google link is a plea to the authors to stop selling the book, and stop promoting drinking fructose.

I'm reading the paper on "What makes food fattening" and am rather upset at the conclusions being drawn in some of the sections.

Like this:

In Berkeley, California, for example, a large container of Coke costs about $2.00/1000 kcal; a McDonald's double cheeseburger, about $2.20/1000 kcal; an apple, at least $6.00/1000 kcal (in February 2004).

Here, let's take two calorically dense things and pair them with something that *isn't* calorically dense. How about comparing a coke to orange juice? or to V8? And comparing a McD's burger with a steak or piece of chicken? Something at least equivalent. No, let's compare a hamburger with a piece of fruit. They're eaten in the same context, right?

I'm not a scientist, but I hate seeing bad science. Bad comparisons. That's like saying that an 18-wheeler gets bad mileage compared to my bug. Well, duh, one is used for transporting thousands of pounds of equipment and goods, and one is used for transporting my ass to and from work. Not the same thing. They're both vehicles, but they're used for thoroughly different things.

Ugh.

Probably not.

I've been driving the elephant...er, Element to and from work lately because, well, last Friday I was backing out of the driveway, and trying not to hit my sister-in-law's car on my right. I happened to hit the trash can (as Friday is trash day) with my driver's side mirror. It broke off.

I still feel a little stupid.

But anyway, we taped it back into place, ran our errands, brought Ben lunch, and I told him about it. He told me to call the guy he knew. The guy runs a great little shade-tree body-shop (and is the guy who broke his foot during our deathmarch). They replaced my mirror (painted to match so well, I couldn't tell it was the new one), but cracked the glass when they were putting it into the new housing.

Today, they're replacing the glass, and all will be right in the world.

Tomorrow, I will be able to drive my lil' bug to work again, and put my ipod into its lovely dock. Yay, 45mpg fuel consumption!

Stolen from Le Marteau:

Go through your iTunes, winamp, etc., sort all songs alphabetically and then pick your favorite song for each letter.

[numbers & other] 100 Years - Five for Fighting
A - Another Postcard - Barenaked Ladies
B - Baby, It's Cold Outside - Dean Martin
C - Carry on Dancing - Savage Garden
D - Dark and Lonely Man - Jump, Little Children
E - Elf's Lament - Barenaked Ladies (with Michael Buble)
F - Fill Her Up - Sting
G - Grace - U2
H - Heavy Cloud No Rain - Sting
I - I'll Fly Away - Alison Krauss & Gillian Welch
J - Jehova Made This Whole Joint For You - New Radicals
K - Kitty - Presidents of the United States of America
L - Let Love Be Your Energy - Robbie Williams
M - Maybe I - Five for Fighting
N - Normal Like You - Everclear
O - One Week (iTunes Originals Version) - Barenaked Ladies
P - Pardon Me - Incubus
Q - Quiet - Jump, Little Children
R - Red Indian Girl - B*Witched
S - Stand on Your Own Head - They Might be Giants
T - The House is A Rockin' - The Brian Setzer Orchestra
U - Ugly Girl - Fleming & John
V - Vertigo - U2
W - Wordplay - Jason Mraz
X - X&Y - Coldplay
Y - You're the Boss - The Brian Setzer Orchestra (with Gwen Stefani)
Z - Zoot Suit Riot - Cherry Poppin' Daddies

A nice little bit of fun on this Monday. :)

I keep thinking something must be wrong with me because I've passed by the double-chocolate muffins every day this week without even thinking about them. They just don't sound good. I'd much rather have my peanut-butter toast and a yogurt. Those at least don't make me feel lethargic by lunch time.

If I count the 4 hours walking around at the Estes Park Wool Festival yesterday, I got 7 hours and 50 minutes of exercise in this week. If I don't count that, it's still 3 hours, 50 minutes. 2.5 hours of this was the hike that I took on Thursday.

My massage on Friday was awesome. Suzanne says I should be the poster-child for what stress at work can do to someone. She was able to work under the first layer of muscles on my back for the first time since I've been going. She said "THIS muscle, which I tried to show you when you first started, but couldn't get to... " more than once, and recommended that I stretch my problem area (my lower back) after ~5 minutes on the treadmill or stair machine (stretching "warm", as it were).

I haven't given up "junk food"; I had a #1 with a lemonade from Chick-Fil-A for dinner on Wednesday, and on Friday, I had a chicken sandwich combo from Carl's Jr. But I didn't eat all the fries from either one, and I didn't drink all of the lemonade or soda.

I haven't given up caffeine, either. I have cut way back on my sodas, drinking water instead, but I still like my coffee every couple of days. I figure my 4 oz of coffee every couple of days won't kill me. ;)

I'm making a change in the way I eat, the way I see food, and how often I exercise. This is not a "diet", this is a life.

I am absolutely stunned that Slashdot's editors would give credibility to a completely false story, pushed by a paid industry PR professional. As Rugrat said,

The "article" is not an article, but a press release written by an employee of a public affairs company.

"Tom Harris is mechanical engineer and Ottawa Director of High Park Group, a public affairs and public policy company."

For a website that spends so much time and energy combating FUD from Microsoft, and the MPAA and RIAA, it is baffling that FUD that was paid for and is pushed by the oil industry would make the front page here.

Come on, Slashdot. You can do better.

So I woke up this morning thinking about how two people on a blind date would be able to recognize each other, because, you see, a blind date is susceptible to the man-in-the-middle attack.

Obviously my brain is thinking about p2p applications and trust (for literally no reason at all, as I don't use any), but that was just plain silly.

Why can't I get my brain to think in these patterns when I want it to? I'm thinking about fiber right now, as I have 2 lbs of fleece to play with.

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of being out of shape.

So I'm making changes. Not going on a diet. Because "going on a diet" implies that I want to make a short-term change resulting in weight loss. I don't really want that. I want to be fit. I want to be healthy.

So I'm changing things a little at a time. Trying to introduce new "habits" and break the old ones. Trying to look at food as sustenance, not as love, or as a replacement for something.

I figure if I take it slowly and set little goals for myself along the way, it'll be easier to acheive. For the next 2 weeks, my Major goal will be to eat breakfast every day, and my Minor goal will be to get up to 10 minutes on the frickin' stair machine at the rec center. Once I manage these 2 goals, I'll make 2 more. But not until then, and the goals I set will be reasonable and attainable.

I've been reading some of the more sensible theories of weight loss/changing your metabolism/etc., and I'm going with this plan:

1. keep a food journal
2. eat breakfast
3. cut out processed foods, replace with whole grains and veggies.
4. stop snacking between meals
5. exercise

Please notice that weigh-ins are not on my list. Nor are meal replacements, diet sodas, etc. I'm not going for 100%, either. And I'm not going to beat myself up over "slipping" (ie, skipping breakfast one morning, skipping exercise (for a day or two), eating a dessert every now and then). It will just be another entry in the food journal.

My progress will be documented with how I feel, how much energy I have during the day, and the things I can do that I wasn't able to do before because I was too tired, too worn out.

I've already started this, btw. I started riding my bike again after my knee finally healed (yes, with a new helmet). I started in earnest on Thursday, when I took my bike out for 30 minutes. I continued on Friday, when I took the bike out for a different 30 minutes, and Saturday, when I went to the Rec Center, worked out 4 minutes on the stair stepper (I shouldn't have tried to pace the skinny woman), and 16 on the treadmill (at 2.5 mph), and 20 minutes stretching and swimming in the pool (followed by helping my neighbor with her yard work -- shoveling mulch into a wheelbarrow -- for ~45 minutes-1h).

I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be fit. My sister-in-law is skinny. But she "wore herself out" half-ass pulling weeds for an hour and a half. [Sitting down, displacing dirt with her fingers, pulling the weed from the soil, moving 3'.] I want to have energy, I want to be strong enough to shovel mulch, to garden, to weed the yard, to live my life without worrying that I won't have the energy to make it back up the hill from the hike, or to cycle back down the trail to the car.

I think that's a much better goal than "I want to fit in size X jeans" or "I want to be X pounds". And it's a goal that doesn't have an 'end', per se. I know I have body image issues, and this goal seems like something I can wrap my head around without being too obsessive about the way I look, or the way I *think* I look.

Oh My.

And this 'season finale' is why I love Doctor Who.

Although I wish this goofy-lookin' doctor would've stuck around longer.

But the cuter Doctor kicks ass.

MMmmm... geeky goodness.

For the last year or so, I've been happily using Debian, with a mixture of sources so I was stable, but current, just like nearly everyone who uses Debian.

Then I tried to upgrade or something insane like that, using aptitude, and the whole thing went tits up on me. No amount of cussing, kicking things, or actual tinkering with the software could save my machine.

I thought about asking for some advice in the Debian forums, or on one of the lists, until I ran out of fingers in my entire family tree to count the times someone said some variant of, "Shut up, noob! Your stoopid and not leet leik I am! Go back to Winblows! Ha! HA! HA!!!1"

Yeah. Guess I'm not venturing into those waters, so I figured I'd just have to grab my network install CD and start over (luckily, I set up /home on its own partition a long time ago, so if I fuck something up really bad, I don't lose all my porn very important data.

The day I planned to reinstall Debian, I read that Dapper Drake had been released, and everyone loved it so much, they totally wanted to marry it. A friend of mine, who is wise in the ways of science and the air speed velocity of unladen swallows has also been singing the praises of Ubuntu for a long, long time, so I grabbed a Live CD to see what all the fuss was about.

Holy shit. What an awesome bit of work it is! It's the first Linux distro to find every single bit of hardware on my old Sony Vaio desktop machine, including all the USB ports. It looked great, too, and was the most "Mac-like" Linux I've ever used.

I realize that a lot of you are mocking me right now, but listen for a second: I'm not interested in hacking on my kernel to make sure something is detected during boot, or modifying all sorts of settings in a text editor just so I can make the damn thing find my camera . . . and don't get me started about CUPS. I love technology, and I love and fully believe in "free" as in speech, and I'm grateful for free as in beer. But also really into "works," as in just does. And on my machine here, Dapper Drake just works, and it's awesome. This is the Linux distro that I can take to my parents, and to my friends who are drowning in a sea of FUD, and convince them that they don't really have to be part of the Borg if they don't want to.

And ultimately, I believe that has to be our goal if we're going to convince people to give Linux a real, serious try as an alternative to Windows. We need to be able to tell them, with confidence, "Put this CD in your machine, and give it a try. I think you'll like it, because it just works."

IC is no longer employed by the company i work for.

Is it wrong to be happy about this? I don't think so. He made my workdays into their own individual hells.

Work is the stress I write about most, but it's not the whole picture.

I'm teaching my brother how to drive. We have 2 cars, both manual transmission. The call of "CLUTCH!" is 2nd only to "brakebrakeBRAKE BRAKE BRAAAAKE!" He leaves on Thursday, and he still scares the crap out of me. But he's getting better.

Ben's sister is with us for the summer. She's gotta find a job, because we can't cover her bills like her mom's been doing. She keeps asking me about job-hunting. I suggested that she start with a temp agency, because they'll get SOMETHING lined up that needs a warm body.

My household has "doubled". If only to thursday. Then it will still be 50% above normal. No running through the house with just a towel on to find clothes in the dryer. No laying about with Ben.

My grandfather's having coronary bypass surgery today. Sometime. Mom & her sisters are there.

Work has sucked, and will probably continue to suck. Because the idiot making work suck isn't going away anytime soon, it seems. But it's more or less bearable as long as the other chaos in my life is at a 'dull roar'.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Why is this the word of the day? Because I didn't get enough sleep last night. I went to bed around 10:45 with the best of intentions. At 11, not only was I not in the least bit sleepy, but I was staring at the wall. I tried counting backwards from 10, I tried watching TV, I tried the 'relax your toes, deep breath' shit. I tried, I swear. I just couldn't sleep.

I think I finally went to "sleep" at 1:30 AM, maybe sometime closer to 2am. I woke up at 4, and watched the clock change numbers for a half-hour. I decided to change my alarm to 6:20 AM since I took a shower the night before. I turned the clock face-down so I couldn't watch it again. I woke up at 6:15.

Fuck.

I know intellectually that I'm depressed. I know that my brain chemistry's all out of whack this weekend. It doesn't help me any to know this, though. It doesn't get me more sleep, or allow me to not go to work. I may try to pop out of work early today because of this -- maybe my ability to function won't be too impaired, as I'm coherent if not happy.

I really just want to stay home, but I know that I wouldn't get any more sleep if I did so. And home is where the stress is. My brother's here to learn to drive, but it freaks me out too much to let him drive right now. He's ALMOST hit several cars. Only a judicious amount of me and Ben yelling "brakeBrakeBRAKEBRAKE!" has stopped him. Ben's sister is staying with us for the summer, and arrived Friday night.

Fuck.

I feel like an outsider in my own home, like I have to explain my actions to everyone who doesn't belong here. Oh, yeah, and I fucking hate my coworker who I have to see 8 hours today. Well, more like 6.5 hours. But he makes things annoyingly complex for me because of his half-assed-ness, and his stupidity. And the 1.5 hour lunches he takes.

Time to get dressed, put on the half-assed happy face, and go to work.