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Journal nizo's Journal: Gift giving tips for clueless men 36

Journal by nizo

Ahh, nothing like a pre-holiday discussion with the SO to realize what an idiot I am as far as gift giving goes. She has been pestering me for what I want, and was doing so again in the car until I finally screamed out something like, "But I already figured out what to get you on my own, even though I had no idea what you wanted!"

She then proceeded to tell me I was an idiot, because she had apparently been circling things she wanted (including colors and sizes) in the piles of clothing catalogs she gets and reads all the time.

Now I don't know about other guys, but in my feeble gift giving experiences from years past, I know that getting the incorrect item of clothing as a gift for a woman can lead to INSTANT DEATH when the package is opened. Clothing too big (you think I am that fat? she asks) means INSTANT DEATH. Poorly chosen colors or styles? INSTANT DEATH. Innapropriate undergarments also mean INSTANT *PAINFUL* DEATH. Based on my fear of INSTANT DEATH it goes without saying that there was no way in hell I would have ever thought of looking in any clothing catalog for a christmas present for the SO, so I was pretty suprised to hear about how she was "making her wants known".

I just hope she finds my amazon wishlist so she knows what to get me (I printed it and left it right next to the gift I got her, since she seems to always find it no matter where I hide it).

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Gift giving tips for clueless men More

Gift giving tips for clueless men

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  • Let's see...

    ice cream making machine

    ice cream making machine

    ice cream making machine

    Did I say ice cream making machine?

    OK, I'll say it one more time. Ice cream making machine

    Too bad we really don't have the space for one :-(

    • Too bad we really don't have the space for one :-(

      Some things are always worth making room for :-) Besides, maybe you can get rid of another useless thing (i.e. one that doesn't make ice cream) to make room: blender, coffee machine, couch, pets, etc. Either that or do what we do: shuffle things around on the counter like some kind of sliding block puzzle [johnrausch.com] to make counterspace as needed.

      • Besides, maybe you can get rid of another useless thing (i.e. one that doesn't make ice cream)

        True enough. We have a bunch of crap that we don't use, so we may as well pack it up and stash it away to make room for things that will be used all the time :-)

        If I don't get one for Christmas, I can always get one for my birthday, which is ca 2 weeks after Christmas :-)

  • My rules (Score:3, Interesting)

    by dead sun ( 104217 ) <aranach@gm[ ].com ['ail' in gap]> on Monday November 29, 2004 @03:46PM (#10945269) Homepage Journal
    My gift rules are written in stone. I will make a list of items that I would enjoy receiving. If an item is on this list, I will not buy it for myself before the event the list is created for occurs. This gives me freedom to get things I would like without the problem of being yelled at for buying it. People giving me gifts are free to go off the list, but they do so at their own risk if they do so before a month before the event. Within a month I try to avoid shopping for myself on the grounds of 'if I didn't feel the need to get it before, I can wait a month to get it'. If I do, for some reason feel the need to shop in that final month, I drop huge warning questions, like "Dear, I was thinking about going and getting X, since I think I'd like it. What do you think?" Do or don't is acceptable, and don't is acceptable even if it is not a gift I will be getting, just to keep things unpredictable.

    Since I'm so nice as to do this, I make demands of others. If somebody has a list of objects they would like, they are required to give them to me, either via email or in hardcopy. If I do not receive such a list, I will do my very best to come up with an idea of my own which I believe the person will like. Without a list given directly to me, I declare myself completely without blame for misjudging a gift, but I will keep receipts just in case. Lack of a list given directly to me implies that such a list does not exist. Subtle hints, lists not given to me, and other tomfoolery do not count. I am upfront about this, and it should be perfectly clear that if somebody wanted to give me a list, they must do so without playing games.However, the existance of a list does not mean that something on the list will be purchased. Sometimes it happens, but usually I like the list to extrapolate whether the gift idea I come up with is sufficiently in line with what the receiver wants. This is enough to keep me out of trouble for just going off a list and not being creative and heartfelt, while allowing me additional data to ensure I'm not making a blunder. I've never that I can remember guessed poorly with this system.

    An unwritten rule that I cite upon occasion is that I refuse to buy somebody clothing unless the item is specifically on the list I receive, with all relevent information. Clothing is far too personal a thing for me to guess at, and though my taste is generally quite good, there's that something awkward about giving clothing as a gift. The exception is if I'm out shopping for some reason and see something I think would look really good on Bri. This, however, becomes the gift for no reason, and at worst can be taken back with no remorse if it doesn't work out quite right. This, of course, doesn't happen that often, mostly because I generally don't wander through the women's clothing area on my own.

    • This gives me freedom to get things I would like without the problem of being yelled at for buying it.

      My favorite gift gone wrong story....

      The Orb had a new CD coming out, Peel Sessions to be precise, and I was hyped to get it. I had to special order it from the guy at Co-op records just off campus. He was a fan too, so we did that High Fidelity thing and talked too much about music stuff.

      As it turns out, my recent girlfriend (now wife) knew this guy from high school, and unbeknownst to me, she set up a

      • That's particularly (bad|funny) because of all the sneaking involved. The worst I've managed to do is buy something about two months out and get the nastiest look. One of the "I was going to buy you that, you punk." looks.

        It's really hard sometimes to not get new release stuff when it falls within a month of Christmas or my birthday. In a few rare instances, I've actually put, "Do not buy me X." on the list, knowing that it'd be released two weeks before Christmas and that I'd be a sucker and buy it. That s

  • clothes are out for the very excellent reasons you listed above. Electronics are tricky because regardless of superior specs you still run the risk of buying the wrong color. I guess precious gems would be OK except that they cost so much and you definitely don't want to buy them too small. Cash or gift cards aren't very personal. I've been married for 8 years and I still have no idea what to get, then it's her birthday less than a month later.

    Meanwhile I know exactly what I want :)

    I eagerly went to this J

    • Not to leave you bereft of all hope, I offer my piddly suggestions:

      - Listen to her throughout the year and write down things she says she wants. Note that she may never say, "I want that!" like us men types, she will say stuff like, "Wow I really like the way X artist sings" or "The weatherlady on channel 3 wears the coolest necklace every Friday". I had a backup CD gift in case I couldn't get the other thing I know she wanted :-)
      - Keep track of things she looks at in stores for possible later purchase. No

      • This is sage advice.

        I'd also point out... be careful what you drool over while she's around. Think about the gifts your female S.O. has given you... Most of those can be traced back to an incident where you said something positive about something you saw (on a commercial or in a store). I had to correct myself at the Apple store, as my wife said (in response to something I said), "I didn't know you wanted an Apple". To wit I said, "I only want an Apple when my PC has fully up-to-date hardware. Even th

    • RAM, women definitely want more RAM. It's incredibly useful. It only comes in limited numbers of colors, but it doesn't matter since you don't see it. There's a variety of capacities to fit a budget. RAM is definitely where it's at.

      I'm fortunate that Bri is pretty geeky, so it is a matter of specs as long as the aesthetics aren't such that you want to gouge your own eyes out looking at it. No RAM for Christmas though, as her box already has 1 GB.

      My personal recommendation if not taking the geek angle, somet

      • Why not 2GB? If her box doesn't support 2GB, time for a new Motherboard/CPU combo ... with MORE RAM!

        Back to reality, I actually get my wife 'techie' gifts, partly because she isn't techie, and would never buy these things for herself. That's not to say that I get her RAM, but last year I got her a 5.25MPx digital camera (oh, and a RAM card [ SD ] ).

        This year, I think I'll get her a MP3/CD desk radio - although, I'm also looking at the XM and Serius sets. On the other hand, I also happen to know that sh

        • Well, partially because it was an embellishment on an older Penny-Arcade strip. While I could move her box up to 2 GB, it just isn't worth it, and I could get a heck of a lot more useful of a gift for her for the cost of 2 1GB dimms (only 2 slots due to mini-atx form).

          Tech toys are fun to get, and I'll likely end up getting one for her this Christmas. They're things she generally won't get unless she needs them. Of course, I'm running out of tech gifts to get her, as she's pretty well decked out. On the oth

          • Ah, if you are not close to these folk (don't see them frequently), then a gift given to them is more of a reflection of yourself, than what they want.

            This is where the general rule of gift giving comes to play. Give the gift that you yourself would like to receive...

            This is especially true in the $10 to $50 (distant relative) range. Age appropriate can also come into play, but most of the time this works out very well. For instance, I like to give desktop toys from 'Think Geek' or 'Stupid.com (vintage

            • The real problem comes in that these are not technical people in the least. They're the had a Pentium 133 Packard Bell running Windows 95 in 2002 until I helped them out sort of people. I think one of the five in that family apart from Bri knows how to change the desktop wallpaper. The gifts that I'd even consider being toys for myself are in general not the sorts of things they seem to want.

              I know them from the visits that I do when Bri and I go home for holidays, and a couple summer breaks over the colleg

              • This has made me realize how odd the gifts my mother in law has bought me the last few years have been. I feel bad, but the things she gets are just not me, I wish she'd ask my wife for help. She always gets me good stuff. I'm not talking money value either, just not my type of stuff. Of course if roles were reversed and I had to buy things for her without my wife's help I'd fare much much worse.
                • Hehe, that's why I always make sure to route a list around to the people I swap gifts with. It isn't that I'm saying to get something off the list or I won't like it, just that here's stuff along the lines of what I would like. I try to run the range of prices from cheap $5 things to stuff that's a tad more expensive, just so people don't feel lost.

                  I'd feel bad if somebody got me something nice that I'd never use, only because I didn't make a list and they had no guidance. Luckily I started the list trend b

              • How about donating to a charity in their name, maybe even a charity they care about? It sure beats buying them a $20 peice of crap that sits in a drawer until they toss it or give it to goodwill. As for kids maybe a savings bond or gift certificate (particularly to an independent bookstore in their area? :-) )?
                • It's a possibility. Actually the church they attend and were fairly active in burnt down not too long ago, so a donation towards helping rebuild that might not be a bad gift, at least for the parents.

                  I'd normally consider a book or a gift certificate to a bookstore, but Bri's siblings don't read much. The older of her two brothers, a sophmore in college, doesn't read non-fiction as far as I know. He doesn't read fiction apart from Harry Potter, which he has all of, and Dragonlance books, which I refuse to b

                  • Hey don't knock any book that gets a kid to read, no matter how lame :-) Granted there are probably way better books out there, but reading is reading... It is really sad that kids don't read these days :-| One of my favorite books (Brooks was good) was Wizard of Earthsea by LeGuin, but maybe amazon could come up with some better matches based on what the kid already does like to read.
                    Some GBA games you might look for:
                    Ultimate Brain Games
                    Bookworm
                    (they are supposed to be fun and semi-educational). Check www.
                    • I try not to knock what people read, but when they refuse to read anything else because "It's not Dragonlance", well it's barely a step above not reading. Brooks' Shannara is classic adventure, races, and easy to get into, but he won't even turn the cover on it. He won't even read 10 pages of it and he's a sophmore in college! I just don't get it. I was thinking about getting it for him anyway, and maybe the fact that it's his will make him think he might as well give it a try. Gah.

                      I'm not sure about educat

                    • We'll see, I still have nearly a month

                      Thats what everyone says, and before you know it, it is Christmas eve :-) Nearly done with my shopping, whoohooo!

                    • It was said half in jest, for the very reason you cite. :)

                      I have about 1/4 of the presents I'll be getting, will have 3/4 by the end of the week most likely, and have hard limits set for when present decisions must be made so I have enough time to get them shipped to me if I must.

                      It's all good.

    • Oh no worries, it's not just men who can't pick out gifts. Most years I just give up after one trip to the mall and don't buy anyone anything.

      The best thing I did once was give my dad a rock I found in the garden (he's *really* into collecting rocks and fossils- has over 10,000, it's rediculous). I put it in a nice box and typed up a label that said "Chlamydius Trachomatis". He decided that, based on the name, it was a fossil, and spent about 4 hours looking it up in his fossil guide and trying to find ou

  • "Can we go to the Apple Store so that I can swoon over the iPod mini? In blue."
    • For most men that is borderline too subtle (unless you are going out en-mass to go gift shopping when you say it). Luckily the first thing I ask myself after everyting the SO says is, "Can this be turned into a gift for her?" even if the conversation is her complaining about me not putting my cup in the dishwasher and is taking place six months before any gift-giving occasion.

  • The rules (Score:2, Funny)

    by tomhudson ( 43916 )
    Here are the rules:
    1. Whatever gift you get will be wrong.
    2. In the exceptional case where you get something she actually wants, rule #1 still applies
    3. This is actually the way women want it to work.

    Other observations: The guy will dump the girl before Christmas (to save $$$$); the girl will dump the guy after Christmas (to get the swag and before New Years (lots of newly-dumped guys available who will freely spend to bolster their confidence).

    Last rule: Even if you know all the rules, you still are obliged

    • Troll? In a journal? Someone has no brains; we'll get them back in M2.
    • you sound a bit cynical in the gift giving department Mr. Hudson. A select few females may play it that way but I believe that many more women are straight forward about what we want.

      let see, I got my new car stereo for my birthday ( stil to be installed cause the dipwad at the store sold us the wrong connection cable thingy ), so what to get me for christmas ? a massage !! can never have too many of those . either a by professional masseuse or personal and private one by hubby - win win situation.

      • I'll write slowly so that there's no mistaking it (just joking:-)

        I t w a s a j o k e !

        You know, humour? Poking fun at o ur foibles, weaknesses, etc. Making fun of the weaknesses of both sexes equally.

        However, on a more serious note (yes, there is a serious side) relationships are hell on earth for a lot of people around the holidays, for the exact reasons I pointed out (and yes, they fit that pattern - people dumping each other either just before gift-giving time or just after gift-getting time), and th

        • knew it was a joke Mr. Hudson, still cynical none the less.

          I haven't quite found the memory that keeps me from calling you tomhudson... so I will call you Mr. Hudson - respectfully when it is called for and mr. hudson when it is not. :)

          our family has never over done the gifts and have drawn names for years. It is all about reconnecting with the people who are your Family, whether it is a blood connection or not. oh, and good food !

          • still cynical none the less.

            We had a debate about that at the office last week, it was rather amusing. I pointed out that a cynic can always be happy when he or she is wrong, which makes being wrong more palatable, and easier to admit ...

            But if I was *really* a cynic (as opposed to thinking that we can all make a difference in the world, at least to those around us), I would not bother to even get up in the morning.

            As for the name thing, maybe 'tom' is initials for something else - T. O. M. Hudson? Or m

  • I'm relatively sure of what I'm getting my wife, but just in case, I'm going to thumb through that pile of mags next to the bed. ... I'd hate to think I'm missing something so obvious as circled pictures in magazines that are not even open to the appropriate pages!

    Thanks for the tip.

  • ...I have an inerrant method: my sister-in-law.

    This is not to say I actually ask her. It's much simpler than that. My sister-in-law and my wife happen to like very similar things, so I just observe what my SIL buys (and almost as important, where she buys or shops for it), and get something like it for BoE. Invariably works. (Same goes the other way 'round.)

    Sometimes it backfires a little, because SIL is a shopping maniac (far more so than most women -- I kid you not). So many times she goes on one of h

  • When I want someone to buy me something that i want, I just try to get them to search for my wishlist on ThinkGeek. I might buy them a gift from ThinkGeek or I might send them links to things on ThinkGeek that they would like.

    ---

    On a related note, a very good friend of mine bought me a movie for Christmas last year. She forgot it at her sister's house (in another state) and so she told me what it was so that I wouldn't buy it myself.
    After an odd sequence of events (including me moving to the same town as
    • If you really want to help people out, just send them an email with a direct link to your wishlist with a subject, "In case you needed ideas" or something else tactful. There's enough stress in the season without having to play games with everybody you're getting a gift for like searching for their wishlist somewhere because of subtle hints. Don't do it with the attitude of their gifts in the past have sucked and they will be happy for it. Be helpful, ask for their lists. It works and then people are happy.
  • For big holidays; jewellery. CAN'T MISS. Sure its expensive; but YOU CAN'T MISS!!!

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