Money, its a crime.
Share it fairly but dont take a slice of my pie.
Money, so they say,
Is the root of all evil today.
But if you ask for a raise its no surprise that they're
Giving none away.
Alan's boss isn't a millionaire. Yet. But he will be.
Alan is the most intelligent person I know personally in meatspace. Although that's not saying much here in Springfield, where Homer Simpson would be thought a genius, Alan's got an IQ of 160, twenty points higher than mine. He's a whiz at math, and a master at playing chess.
Alan lives about a block from me, and I was at his house drinking with him Friday night. We'd gone down to the whorehouse the previous Friday, and wound up doing no more than drinking beer and talking with the whores that night. We decided to skip the whores this time, as we didn't want to spend Saturday broke.
The whores understand men and know how to get our money whether we want sex or not.
Charlie, who hates the whores thanks to them swindling Ralph, thinks she's a good chess player. I have no idea, because I really suck at chess.
"Charlie thinks she's good at chess," he snickered derisively. "Tell her I want a high stakes chess match with her. If she wins I'll give her a thousand dollars cash money. If I win she has to crawl around on all fours and bark like a dog for half an hour."
Alan doesn't have a lot of respect for women. "I'm not a mischauvinist, though", he said.
"What's a mischauvinist?"
"Somebody who doesn't like women."
"I never heard that term," I said. "I always heard it as "Mysogynist."
"Damn," he said, "you're right! You're the only guy I know who would even know what a mysogynist was! It's refreshing having a conversation with somebody who isn't a complete moron."
Born in a well off family, he has an MBA and with the help of his intelligence and his family's influence, made a fortune in real estate. Alan was a multimillionaire with a huge house and a greedy wife.
He finally realized that no amount of money can buy happiness and stopped chasing it. He divorced his wife and dropped out, and stopped racing rats. He's no longer rich; in fact, he's decidedly poverty stricken. All he owns of value is a bank account with a few thousand bucks in it, and a run down, squalid one bedroom house that probably isn't worth much more than his bank account. He's supposed to be doing construction, but says "I don't do much work. I spend most of the day riding around with my boss in his truck."
Teaching his boss how to make money. His boss is now Chatham's largest home builder. His competetitors can't get loans and are having a hard time selling houses.
I asked him if dropping out was worth it. "So, you're happy?"
"No," he admitted. "But I'm a hell of a lot less miserable than I was when I had all that money. You wouldn't believe the headaches that money gave me."
I asked him again about how his boss was going to get rich when everybody else is going broke.
"It's not hard to make money when the economy's good. But it's REAL easy to make money when the economy's bad", he said.
"I don't get it", I replied. he explained it.
"The key is to sell a better product at a lower price. My boss isn't in it for the money, he loves building houses, and builds the very best houses he can. Meanwhile the other builders are in it for the money. They take as big a profit as they can, and cut corners and skimp on quality to get a bigger return.
"In good times you can do that. You can build shitty houses and people will pay way too much money for them. But then the bad times come, and you can't live on less. You get addicted to the money. The crack whores are better off than the millionaires, I can tell you - I was a millionaire. Somebody who loves money and can't get it is worse off than a crack addict that can't get crack."
Alan knows the whores better than I do. The crack whores, and the whores who whore out their lives and souls rather than their bodies. The newspapers are starting to talk about millionaires committing suicide with headlines like Cross Dressing Millionare Wife Killer Commits Suicide, Why financiers commit suicide, Irish multi-millionaire businessman Patrick Rocca laid to rest after committing suicide, WHO Warns Economic-Motivated Suicide Will Increase in 2009. The crack whores are murdered more often than they commit suicide.
The builders who did so well during good times laughed at Alan and his boss. They're not laughing now - they're going bankrupt. They can't get loans and can't sell houses.
"Your boss will have a virtual monopoly pretty soon", I said.
"That's right," he replied. "When that happens he'll be able to charge any damned thing he wants. Want another beer?"